- The difference of about two years
- The difference in age from two to four years
- The difference between the ages of five to seven years
- The difference between the children in the 8-10 years and more
Birth of first child in most families by themselves, and no plans - when the work, and then work. Circle of Life draws - education, work, housing. But no, no, yes jokingly asked friends - they say, when there will be a second? And even worse - relatives will settle. For a time, young parents just laugh off, not really thinking about this question.
But when the couple decided that the second child - to be, there is a very pressing question - what should be the ideal age difference between the children? And it's a very reasonable question, for two children - a responsible approach and it must be serious. And since no two families and the universal advice about the difference in their ages, too, can not be. So you have to decide for yourself, and we just tell you what to expect in a particular case.
The difference of about two years
These mothers, who gave birth to the second crumbs shortly after the first, cause others rather ambiguous emotions. Someone looks with admiration and even envy - they say, "fast shoot" someone - with bewilderment and pity - they say, to take on the burdens, she will bite elbows.
But as they say, the dog barks, but the caravan moves - more and more families are taking the decision on the second crumbs before zaduyut one single candle on a birthday cake to her first child. So what can we expect families who have children the difference between no more than two years?
One of the biggest advantages - you really "shoot" quickly - in a short time you will pass the stage of infancy, not one, but two babies. And after a short time become a happy young mother of two more or less independent children. So, you are able to devote a little more time for yourself, spouse's career, in the end, while your peers are surrounded by diapers and bottles intended their second child.
Pregnancy - quite a lot of stress for both the body and the mind for a woman, though, of course, and positive in most cases. Therefore, if the second pregnancy occurs soon after the first, the woman will not come to the horror of the stains in the chest on a nightgown, standing lavatory, toxicity, sluggishness and other things - too fresh memories and a woman perceives everything that happens to her for granted.
Bathing a baby or preparing his first solid foods, you religiously believe that these knowledge and skills stay with you for a lifetime. But this is only half true - very soon of the baby care skills will be lost. And if the difference between children is big enough, you will have a lot to learn anew, as if for the first time.
Child psychologists believe - and parents, by the way, confirms - with little difference between the children of the family are unlikely to be faced with a serious problem. As sibling rivalry. At first, the eldest child will perceive youngest just as a living doll, no more - until the crumb is slightly older. And then the elder will remember that once there was a time when he was the only favorite of parents. Although, of course, is no reason to deprive the attention and love of the older!
In addition, not to mention the financial side of the issue. Practice shows that the parents of same age is much easier - and is wheelchair and bed, and numerous clothes, footwear, toys, pacifiers and bottles that have not lost their presentable appearance is not out of fashion and were not distributed to friends and acquaintances. Believe me, it is only at first glance it may seem a trifle. In fact, saving a huge amount that you can spend more efficiently.
At a time when free societies and clubs have sunk into oblivion together with the Palace of Pioneers, and teachers - enthusiasts "pull-up" lagging children at the behest of the heart and volunteer, were only in the memory of the older generation, their children's education has become a separate, very, very a heavy expenditure.
And parents of children with same age, this article is significantly lower, which is not surprising. Firstly, many clubs make a substantial discount brother and sister, and secondly, a tutor can engage with both babies at once. After all, the program will not differ very much, and the same circles and sections will be of interest to both. In the same case, if the difference is large, it does not exactly work. Also, your kids will be able to perfectly entertain each other - total the game will be in the order of things. But this fact also makes life easier for the parents to release their length a little bit of free time.
However, there are no medals on only one side - there's always another. For example, the physical condition of the mother. Pregnancy - a difficult assignment, which the body gives up all its internal resources. And it is quite natural that after giving birth to him at a specific time for a full recovery - the normalization of hormonal levels, resupply vitamins, minerals and other things. Doctors recommend planning your second pregnancy at least two years after the date of the first delivery.
The psychological state of women also require special attention. A young child requires maximum attention, care - in short, total commitment. Plus sleepless nights, days full of trouble - all this sooner or later, is able to tire anyone. Fortunately, nature is very clever, and my mother included some inner reserve, which allows you to perfectly cope with everything. And if the second child will be immediately after the first, the busy period is increased. Therefore, without the help of friends and relatives a woman will have hard times.
But with the help of this may be the most serious problems. No, of course, my grandmother always come to the rescue. But young happy dad can not respond. Very often we women forget that men in this period also have hard times and they are very tired, including psychologically. And if we, the fairer sex, grits his teeth and go forward, men for the most part "folded" legs and fall into despair. Especially as the intimate life in this period often leaves much to be desired ... And that you even think about sex do not want, and male sex, Bring, but with the same regularity!
So there is a fairly high risk that in addition to the existing two kids and you get the third overage child who is naughty and roll hysteria. And what is most offensive, it will be absolutely sure of their correctness! And it all depends on the woman only by her. If it is true troubled hubby and express what she thinks - scandals in the family can not be avoided. So it makes more sense to try to smooth out the rough edges and give her husband realize that you still love him and cherish your relationship. But it also will require you a lot of mental strength, which are already on the wane. But it would be a desire, and almost nothing is impossible.
The difference in age from two to four years
The most common difference in age kids - 2-4 years old. Moreover - it is such a difference so many parents feel great. But is it really? Let's deal together.
One of the most important positive aspects can be considered as the physical condition of the woman. In two years, the female body has time to fully recover after pregnancy and childbirth, so during the second pregnancy, the risk of any problems is minimal. Especially if during the first births to women were perineal tears or, even more, the baby was born by Caesarean section.
In addition, she will have time to relax a bit, because a sleepless night is over, and breastfeeding, chances are you already have stopped. In a word, concern, typical of mothers breast-malyshastika left behind and the woman has time to relax them before the second baby will all begin again.
Again, not to mention the skill and care of the newborn baby - they have not been lost and you're not confused, when the time comes first bathing crumbs and will know why your pipsqueak crying at night. And most importantly, you have already managed to fill their own bumps and is unlikely to make mistakes in the care of a second child.
The children with the age difference, too, can still play together, as their interests will not be radically different. But at the same time her mother frees up time for each child separately - for example, while the elder child will paint or watch cartoons, you can bathe and / or feed the crumbs, and when pipsqueak will sleep, you will have the opportunity to spend time alone with the eldest child .
The negative side at such an age difference in children are not so many, but they exist. Firstly, it is the moral condition of the woman. She just got a chance to relax a bit and devote little attention to himself, and then again from the beginning - diapers, feedings, sleepless nights. Of course, much depends on the individual woman - someone takes these concerns with genuine joy. But psychologists say that in most cases the woman is not easy to dive back into the care of infants.
Second, the very serious problem of child gets jealous. It is on those occasions when the difference between the older and younger child of two to four years, account for the vast majority of all cases of childhood jealousy. And very often it is practically non-controlling jealousy and uncontrollable. Parents will have to exert a lot of effort and tact to smooth the rough edges. Otherwise the life of the family very quickly turn into hell - will accrue to the younger from the older, older parents, father and mother will scold each other. And it will continue for a very long time, until the children grow up.
By the way, between these brothers and sisters of a highly developed sense of competition, and it often last a lifetime. And we are not talking about a healthy competition, which only benefit - one child will by all available means "to put a spoke in the wheel" to the second, the parents were convinced that he is the best. And if a child is shifting to a brother or sister of the blame for the broken cup or damaged carpet, then at a later age in the course can go much more "dirty" methods. Although, of course, is the most extreme case it happens infrequently, such a possibility must be remembered always.
In addition, not the most favorable way such a difference in age between the children and the impact on the career of women. Maternity leave is underwhelming, no employer. What to say about maternity leave, immediately follows the previous one? And inevitably lose qualified female - to one degree or another. Although, of course, if the woman's family and children is much more significant than the career of this nuance, they do not even think.
All the more so if you wish, you can restore any qualifications and even increase its - the good, modern information technologies provide the opportunity. For example, turning on the computer, go to the thematic forum and not in the usual contact. In fairness it should be noted that many women use a long-running double maternity leave as an opportunity for self-development - improving existing skills, learn foreign languages, and at times dramatically alter the scope of activity - are telecommuting or open their own business. In short, it all depends on your desire.
The difference between the ages of five to seven years
Some families prefer to wait a little bit and give birth to a second child only when a senior gets older - 5-7 years. Child psychologists in one voice say that the difference is not very desirable. But the same can not be so bad? Let's look for the positive.
The most significant advantage of the difference in age between the kids is the fact that the older the child is no longer calls for a huge amount of attention from parents. He can play with toys, watch TV. Moreover - the child is fully able to understand why sometimes you can not make noise, able to help you even in elementary things - bring a clean diaper, apply baby pacifier, play with him. It would seem a trifle, but it is often very easy life of the future mother.
It is also much less likely that parents face children's jealousy, because the eldest child is already aware that a small child gets a lot more attention, not because he loved more, and because it requires more care. Although, of course, deprive the eldest child care is unacceptable, or hostility to the youngest will occur at a subconscious level. On the part of all might look well, and parents will be unaware that in the soul of the older baby turmoil. And such is the latent jealousy for the psychological condition of the child a serious threat. So is it worth it to prevent?
Strictly speaking, the negative side is only one, but very important - preparing for school and first grade. This period is very important for every child, and parents should give him a lot of attention - training centers for school, speech therapists, educational classes, first class. And all this time, parents need to be with child. And all it takes enormous amounts of time.
Which, if the youngest child is born, it will be very, very small. Of course, responsible conscientious mom will try to get it all - and the older child to give the necessary amount of attention, and, of course, take care of the youngest properly. But just imagine what forces it will cost you!
The difference between the children in the 8-10 years and more
If the second child of the so-called "late", the situation is radically different from all previous ones:
If the children are very big difference, neither of which jealousy and speech can not be - the eldest child is already well aware that the appearance of a baby in no way affect the relationship with parents. Although, of course, this does not mean that you have to fully provide the child himself - at least minimal attention of parents is necessary and older.
In addition, the adult child - a full assistant, who can go to the store, and fry eggs, and children's clothes to wash. But parents need to remember that there is a very fine line - the eldest son or daughter in any case can not be turned into a nanny for the youngest! Help help, but do not overdo it - after all, you are the youngest child to give birth to yourself, is not it? Do not deprive your child of the older child.
Another very positive thing - the authority of the older brother or sister. Simply put, in most cases, if the age difference between the children of a large, older brother or sister is not only for the younger role models, but also unquestionable authority, an idol, if you want. And if the parents' opinion the youngest child may ignore the opinion of the older brother or sister is always taken into account. To some extent they replace the younger parents. That, however, can not but rejoice, because we are all, alas, are mortal, no matter how sad it was to admit it. And if something happens with your youngest will always be the protection and support in life, and the senior - relatives and friends of man.
It is impossible not to mention the baby's daddy. Typically, an adult male has a responsible attitude to the birth of his heir or successor - can be assured that you expect comprehensive support from the husband. Even the youngest child will get a lot more of his father's attention than at the time the eldest.
The negative side to this difference between children are not so many, but they exist, and almost all of them related to the age of the parents. As you know, in two years, pregnancy and pregnancy in 30-35 years - two big differences. The woman should be alert to the possibility that the pregnancy will proceed much harder than the first time - a gynecologist will be your best friend.