The formula of family happiness is perhaps one of the most difficult life formulas. Happy marriage - is something to aspire to most of us. And the fact that many did not manage to create. Divorce, divorce, divorce ... Unhappy wife, deprived of attention of one of the parents of the children, loneliness, firmly settled in the house. All of this can be seen at every turn. But marriages are created with the hope of a long and happy life together! Why someone it turns out, and someone - no? What are the secrets of happiness and whether they exist at all?
Exist. And now we will try to find out what is the secret.
What determines family happiness?
What is the main secret of family happiness? If you look at the happy couple relationship more closely, we can see in them something in common. First, the spouses in such pairs do not exist without each other. In these families, there is no separate "I", and there are indissolubly linked "we." Secondly, in a happy marriage, husband and wife talk to each other a lot. They discuss joint plans, problems, relationships with friends and family, the complexity of professional activities, and more. Third, in the strong confidence of the families there, allowing partners the most honest with each other. They even tell each other about what someone else say embarrassing. And know how to forgive their partners, without criticizing their actions, and gently advising. And finally, in happy families are not ted past, remembering only the good.
Why did it happen that a person has become a real half of another, it is difficult to pinpoint. However, there are several conditions under which the probability of successful marriage is greatly increased. These include:
Love and respect
I must admit that not all marriages are based on love strong. Surface feeling of love can quickly evaporate, leaving behind a void. Therefore, if we decided to start a family, have to learn to transform falling in love with love. And try to respect your mate. It so happens that the family truly and deeply loves only one of the spouses. Another simply allows himself to love. Here respect for the partner in life is especially important. On the basis of immense affection can develop a loving partner that can eventually turn into love;
The ability to take another person as it is for
All we have and advantages and disadvantages. This - the integrity of human nature, its individuality and, in fact, attractive. Trying to alter your soul mate - a thankless task. And meaningless because the advantages and disadvantages - a relative term. Each person decides what suits him in another, and what is not. The opinion of others should not be a major issue in this and can not be a reason for the persistent attempts to change a life partner;
Trust and openness
In happy families, spouses are not afraid to admit it to each other in the most intimate. Convinced that they understand, they openly show their feelings. This allows you to exclude from the relationship of suspicion and no doubt that in a difficult situation and support the partner will not betray;
Joint business may be to buy furniture, a car, housing, registration of apartments, cleaning, cooking dinner ... The main thing that the spouses enjoy it and were unanimous in their decisions. In addition, it is important that they share responsibility for the consequences of any action. And if you have any trouble, not pointing fingers at each other and tried to deal with them together;
Lack of competition
In happy families, the husband and wife do not compete either in the home or in professional matters. They sincerely rejoice in the achievements of their halves, and not trying to find out who are talented or lucky;
Ability to constructively resolve conflicts
No quarrels no cost, no one, even the happy family. However, a strong marriage conflicts have boundaries. Partners do not allow themselves to humiliate and insult each other, and even more so do not throw all that will fall under the arm. Each one intuitively feels when you need to stop. And if all the insults were blurted out in the heat of an argument, the couple are able to forgive them;
The mutual sense of humor
Especially the way it is in the looming conflict. When two people have the ability to translate all a joke and laugh together over the situation, the relationship can be considered healthy and strong marriage. If not, it's time to sound the alarm: cohabitation cracked;
The desire to make your sweetheart something nice
This includes affectionate nicknames and gifts, and a desire to help, and a gentle touch, and a meeting with the work, and more. Maybe someone handling "Zainka", "cat", "honey" may seem sentimental. However, without them, family life takes some officialdom that does not allow spouses to really get close. Cute sayings coupled with unexpected surprises like saying, "You - my very dear person! I always remember about you and I want to bring joy ";
The ability to build relationships with parents
"It is right to build" in the family is happy to discuss all the news, the crisis moments and some great events, primarily among themselves. It is no secret that many of us, even when a slight friction with her husband fled to complain mom. The outcome of such complaints usually still growing hostility of parents to her husband and the husband to him. It could lead to the disintegration of the family, even if the wife initially did not want this. Therefore, it is not necessary to involve parents in their family affairs. Let them be just very close friends, and supervisors and managers.
Well, perhaps, and all the major secrets of marital happiness. Of course, every family has its own happy little secrets and rituals that help to maintain and strengthen relations between spouses. But no rituals will save us from trouble, if we begin to re-educate your soul mate, become something to hide from it constantly, will not trust each other and find common ground for dialogue. The family where each spouse lives by itself, can not be considered complete. It's just a cohabitation of two people who are yet comfortable with each other. Their future is uncertain, well-being doubtful. Whether it is necessary to create such marriages?
Each of us dreams of happiness. And we are often in a hurry to get married, believing that it is in marriage and find it. And then laments because her husband was not the same as like a normal family is not received, the house does not cease scandals or hanging grim dead silence. Why are we such a life? Not have been better to wait, the next who will be safe and warm?
Let's see, in which case the marriage is going to be successful and are we ready for family life.
Terms of successful marriage
So, we meet with a rather nice young man and already as if ready to run with it to the registrar. Stop. Family life - not a walk on the boulevard, and not a pleasant cruise in the Mediterranean. This painstaking daily work, and almost constant work on yourself. Simplify your life with the help of marriage is not capable of such work ladies usually fails. But to complicate - easily.
So, before you put on a wedding dress, we think, and do we need this young man and we do not deceive myself and him. Get along two different people in the same area is not easy. After all, they grew up in different conditions and different raised. This means that spouses have to undergo a period of lapping that involves patience, forbearance, forgiveness. Without them, the marriage turned into a hell where even the harmless habit husband or wife can cause a huge scandal.
If we feel a strong attraction to the young man, we will surely be able to take it pretty fast lifestyle. Well, when this desire is not present, both have tight. Attempts to change the spouse, get him to live in his or repel a man, or break. In the first case, it will be increasingly away from home, in the second turn into a weak-willed alcoholic, or henpecked. Do we want from his half?
It would seem that adults already have some wisdom, and can be relatively flexible, adapting to each other. But this theory. In practice, we usually just require its Believing that he abandoned his habits niggles yazvim grumbling. He snarls, we plant, we begin to remember the past, we get back a flurry of indignation ... Scandal, stress, tears. And blame - abandoned by her husband on the edge of the bath towel ...
However, the reason is not in it. Just a girl married, poorly understand why she did this family. And all present conflicts with her husband is an external reflection of its internal dissatisfaction and immaturity. And now the marriage depresses both.
To avoid this, before you meet with a young man under the same roof, you need to determine for themselves a few things.
What we are looking at it sleeping? We would like to kiss a man, breathe the smell, cuddle up to her cheek?
Can we make sacrifices for the sake of this young man? Are you ready to sacrifice because his own desires, without demanding anything in return?
We can forgive any transgressions and offenses, even when a man does not ask for forgiveness?
If a girl to all these questions answered in the affirmative, it means that everything is in order. She guessed the secret of happiness in the family and is ready for its creation. Of course, to ensure that the marriage was really good, it is necessary that a man wanted for him. No More aims? You should not force things. Otherwise, it will try to already being married, dogulyat that not dogulyal before the wedding. We will be patient and diplomatic. After all, we are willing to sacrifice for the sake of his own desires!
The main enemy of a happy family life - selfishness. This makes it the couple ever to bring together some demands and claims, to impose conditions, restrict the actions of its halves, and so on. Our selfishness does not allow selflessly, expecting nothing in return, to love another person. And, therefore, does not allow us to be free and happy.
If we can not cope with their own self-interest, why create a family? First you need to learn to control themselves and their feelings, develop patience and the ability of selfless forgiveness. And then find a decent young man, and boldly walk with him the wedding entourage, toward happiness.