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Causes of the crisis of middle age
How does a midlife crisis?
Common mistakes "crisis" men
How to help your man?
Have you noticed that lately has become your husband is somehow strange: irritated over trifles, falls into depression and despondency, ponders the philosophical questions: "What I have achieved? Why would I do live in this world? ". Not that before anything like this has happened, but before this condition was not like an obsession. We learned it in this description? We sympathize, because you are faced with the crisis of middle-aged men.
Causes of the crisis of middle age
What is a crisis at all? This turning point, through which the process of growth and development of our body and personality. The feeling of being there, of course, non-transferable, as it is happening now dying of something "passed" and there is some useful tumor. Simply put, the habitual patterns of behavior and perception of the world are crumbling, and that there are new from scratch.
However, if we talk about the crisis of middle age in men, here we are talking about quite specific reasons. Age from thirty to forty years - is, frankly, the line, signaling the passage of half life. It is natural that the person has an inner need to summarize and compare the formed twenty years, ideas about life with reality. And it is here that it covers the sadness.
A man examines his life's journey, looking down on its failures and achievements and realize that in the relative external welfare of his personality is far from ideal. On the one hand, he could have time to do much more than any useful things, to achieve the best results - how much time and effort is wasted! At the same time, comes the understanding that all "secular", outside and inside? Inside there is a reassessment of values. It becomes unclear where to go, and there are doubts in this direction already: Do I have a good job? Worthy Is the wife? Have I brought up the children?
All of this is complicated by the inclusion in public life. If twenty years man could behave as it pleases the soul, in forty is no longer working. Men always have to justify the expectations of the society and demonstrate own achievements. It should create a really important material or spiritual product, otherwise there is a question about its necessity - it may be wise to call in his place someone younger and energetic?
The crisis of middle-aged men are also due to the presence of aging and decay of the body. They are becoming more noticeable minor bodily "failure." Changes appearance: wrinkles more noticeable, as well as a variety of body fat. But the most difficult time for the experience - a reduction in sexual activity. Many men even begin treatment of this very natural process, exhausting yourself and your body. Thus, based on the mid-life crisis is a lot of reasons that make this phenomenon is particularly severe and unpleasant for a man.
How does a midlife crisis?
This event in a man's life simply can not go unnoticed for you. You, of course, before encountered some problems, but the usual and familiar to your husband again turned into a completely different person ?! Let's try to describe the picture of the state as a whole.
Changes in behavior
The man begins to do what had never done before. If he were peculiar shyness and isolation, it suddenly becomes merry and "soul of the company." Or vice versa: the active and purposeful man turns into a sloth, which does not expel from the couch.
Work becomes a burden
Typically, this is due to the fact that in his youth every man had a dream: to become a pilot, driver, or the president of a lifeguard. He compares it to reality and understand what has become a very ordinary office clerk. If before this work brought him joy and satisfaction, but now he sees it as something that distracts him from the "true purpose". This explains the massive layoffs and downshifting men thirty to forty years.
In view of the above the mood of your men also undergo unpleasant metamorphosis
He becomes tearful, angry and irritable. A state of chronic depression is now his constant companion. There may be laziness and apathy, manifested in the reluctance to do anything. Oh yeah, can not forget the sudden mood swings: Once you become accustomed to his new status as one fine morning, he jumps out of bed in high-manic state and tends to manifest itself in an incredible way, for example, to build a country house. Unfortunately, it lacks a fuse for a few days, and then he, as if nothing had happened, lies on his couch.
Deterioration of physical well-being, which is due to both the natural physiological changes and psychological unsettled.
The husband starts to complain to his wife to constant headaches, aching joints, cramps in the heart and shortness of breath. With this treatment it usually is not necessary, although in some cases this takes the form of constant walking on doctors. He might even get excited about Eastern medicine and "magic potions" - if only not to lose the "male" force.
If you know ahead of her husband as a self-confident and fearless defender, here you are surprised to find out that your husband is afraid of aging and death. Sometimes it even takes a very advanced forms, when a man goes to a raw food diet or stop flying planes for fear aviakrusheniya.
Midlife crisis from her husband threatened his wife claims and constant nagging, and the most insignificant occasions. It turns out that you are disgusting cook, are not able to keep the house clean, do not have time, bad talking with the children, and the woman is not very attractive. Of course, I like to hit him with a frying pan for saying, but it would be wrong.
It is logical to be interested in how this condition lasts. Unfortunately, a common and truthful answer to this question is no. Someone in six months time to live a midlife crisis and come out of it renewed, and someone slips in an unsuccessful attempt to cope with it and remains at this stage of development.
Common mistakes "crisis" men
None of us had never learned science at the University called "life." A pity, because it could save a lot of common mistakes men experience midlife crisis. Ideally, such a period it becomes a springboard for new ventures and take-offs. Even if nothing in the global life of your men do not change, the very understanding of the correctness of the way and making the necessary changes (eg, avoiding harmful habits) are also useful in tumors of mid-life crisis. In general, the re-evaluation carried out - it is an inevitable stage in the life of each of us, and the result it has to be positive.
Unfortunately, it is not always. Oh, how many mistakes men do in an attempt to survive the crisis! The most typical of them - this is deliberate protrusion own youthfulness. It looks certainly funny when wise haired man suddenly begins emphasized youth dress makes a tattoo, inserted into the ear ring and all the free time spent in the clubs with younger guys. And sorrow are not the attempt to preserve youth, and their artificiality.
Approximately the same trend makes a man look for love "on the side". For men the desire to prove to himself and to the society that he is still full of love forces added frustration his wife, who, oddly enough, is the same for many years together. If a midlife crisis coincides with the family, then there will be trouble, I mean divorce. Wife is unclear, why is it suddenly began to find fault with the once loving husband. And the children of his father's sudden despotism perceived solely in arms, which is fraught with cooling parent-child relationship.
Many men characteristic changing pattern of behavior. Even if he had not found a group of young kids are the same age, in communion with whom dominated demonstrative "typical male" conversations reduced to attempts to simulate the macho image: Football, female breast, cars, etc. ... Of course, this does not lead to personal growth, and to growth of the beer belly and urge for alcohol.
Speaking of alcohol. There are cases when the man in the crisis of middle age often begin to "lay the collar." First drink is used as a means of combating depression, helps to cheer up and cheer. Gradually, its quantity in the life of men is growing, and within a few years, he turns into an alcoholic, finally losing health, property, career, family and friends. Naturally, this treatment process in the advanced stage become practically impossible.
Some men are very close to the implementation of the "old" dream, though the last effort. Unfortunately, they often do so without any logical thinking, which leads to an unfortunate mistake. For example, a man in a state of excitement get a tattoo like a young boy on the beach, and subsequently found it funny or even unpleasant meaning. Or starts to "suffer" skydiving and other extreme sports, despite contraindications on health. All of these things are different from the normal interests of his obsession: the desire to engage in this matter does not come from the soul, but only out of a desire to put a tick in the list of personal achievements. Naturally, such movements end result is far from joyful.
How to help your man?
What to do to his wife if her husband's midlife crisis? Oddly enough, but on your behavior in this situation a lot of that depends. Of course, you can not take a man and survive this difficult period. But you can choose a course of action that will help him get out of it with honor and a correct understanding of what is happening.
It is not necessary to focus on the man that he is now a crisis
Rather, it is without you well aware of what is happening. And understanding this fact can be quite painful for him - he thought that it touches a similar problem.
Do not press down on his emotions and feelings
Now your man is in a very vulnerable state, and quarrel with you do not add him strength. On the contrary, the stress in his life is so strong that he had a desire to get rid of its source - guess what this could lead? The various ill-advised and ill-considered actions, such as a break with you.
Listen to your man
He must feel that you are ready to support and take it, no matter what he had done. It is understood that he will not be the same - do not be offended at him for it. You can hint to him that there is a possibility of recourse to the experts, but do not insist on it. Men are fundamentally different from us: they are used to on their own to overcome their own difficulties and talking with another person about their problems for them - a sign of weakness. It is better to show him how much he is dear to you and you do not want to lose him. The feeling of self-worth can work wonders with the opposite sex.
Emphasize own appeal
The man in this period begins to doubt whether the right choice he made as a young man, and if he will see next to a sexless creature in a robe full of holes, it does not add to your score. Start going to the gym and call it with you after a while. If you look great, he will be proud of it and try to fit you.
His life is filled with joy
Who is on your shoulders lie heavy burden on the organization of leisure in your couple. Diversify your life with numerous trips to the cinema, theater and restaurants. Book a sauna for the two of you, or for a large company with your friends - you will see, it will be very happy. Organize a trip to some distant and interesting country - it will help your husband to realize that life is still full of joy and new experiences, and never too late to get them.
Sex for men - an indicator of its solvency
Do not hesitate to express the admiration of the man on his success in bed. But do not suspend. Think of how you can diversify your sex life: lace underwear, new poses, sexual experiments - all of this will show your husband that you are the best and that it is not necessary to change you to a young "instance".
Be feminine wisdom
It is expressed in patience, the ability to forgive and to wait. It is possible that your man will do things that cause you pain. But this is primarily due to his mental methane, not with a desire to hurt you. Yeah, maybe, he doubts. But admit it: Have you never doubted the correctness of his choice? Even if you know about adultery, it may be wise to find the strength to forgive her husband, because you something now able to understand the value of your relationship. But tantrums and rash acts leave it, at least for a while.
Because of the serious condition of the man often can not cover their eyes all the wide range of opportunities offered to them. In this difficult period, it is important to find and keep the love for his work. If your husband left his job and can not find itself - help him to throw up options and discuss them with him, but do not force it. What seems perfect to you, he may not like. So be calm and reasonable - Now this is what is required of you to a greater extent.
Mid-life crisis - a difficult time not only for your men, but also for you. Nobody said it would be easy. But any difficulties can be overcome if between people who love each other and mutual respect is maintained. It is possible that you will at some point seems that they disappeared. Remember that this is temporary. But the darkest hour before the dawn always comes.
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