Of all the tests that can wait for marriage, the most painful experience of infidelity is becoming one of the spouses. Many would argue that even the death of a loved one would be easier to move, because the fact of treason opened mercilessly hurt not only the comprehensive sense of loss, but also the knowledge that you and your feelings of betrayal. And yet, more than half of all couples become victims of infidelity, and it means that one of the spouses in the majority of marriages in some point is going to suffer from the betrayal.
Of course, a partner infidelity can destroy relationships; but there are ways to take responsibility for trying to make the marriage stronger than he was before the commission partner error. And if men tend to be uncompromising when ulichat wife of adultery, then we women often have somehow reconciled with the idea that the wife brought somewhere to the left. Family after all, children, and the husband swears literally on his knees, the devil has beguiled him, and more - no, no! How to survive the betrayal of her husband, if you do decide to forgive an erring spouse, and how to return to a normal family life after his spree?
If a man has changed ...
I must say that infidelity infidelity strife. If the husband is seriously in love with another (and what you think, and this also happens!), But if you still have a child already born, - here it is unlikely that it can be done. Well, if you just could not resist, the temptation opportunity to try something new? And indeed, the concept of infidelity varies greatly from person to person, especially among us women. For a change - if the husband jumped in someone else's bed, and for another - even if only on the Internet with someone conversation leads. You know the expression "to the post jealous?" Not only because men are able, we too often at roadside poles rivals see!
But today we'll talk about those cases where the fact of change is included in the entry of the spouse sexual intercourse on the side. This adultery is really capable of destroying the relationship, because if you know that your partner was in a strange bed, it makes you feel unattractive and flawed, causes painful sense of betrayal, completely undermines your confidence and makes her husband feel heavy emotions.
How to take steps to preserve relations
Some marriages do not withstand such a test and break up, because anger and resentment stagnation woman's eyes, and it seems the situation is much darker than it really is. Restore relationship after such fraud is not easy, but it could be done if both sides are willing to make a truce and make a sincere effort to save the marriage. Over time, showing dedication and patience, you will be able to be even happier than it was before her husband's infidelity. The main thing - do not rush to conclusions, try to understand the situation and go step by step to healing your relationship.
Take time out
Your first reaction when the news about the change will certainly be a shock, and the second - a violent resentment, anger, a desire to clarify the relationship. Let you now melee - would you bare hands destroy all the enemies! But strong emotions are never good assistants, if needed to understand the problem and to take an important decision. So the best thing you can do now - is to spend some time alone with myself.
Spend a day away from the wife, the two - as you will need to collect my thoughts and decide how you best proceed. To some this is enough for a few hours, someone - a few days or weeks. You can agree with her husband that he did not touch you at the time and was not looking for an opportunity to explain until you're ready for it. Agree, it would be unwise to take a decision, guided only by emotions, especially when they are heated.
Decide whether you want to keep the relationship
Yes, you must decide whether you are ready to continue to live in a marriage with her husband, if he completely give up all their intrigues. After all, you will be harder to go through what happened, what your husband. Think, if you can find the strength to forgive him cheating if he is not only to end the relationship with your opponent, but also take steps to ensure that this never happens again. Simple - it means that you will never blame her husband for adultery, even if it is because of something to quarrel.
In a conversation with the husband you will need to make sure that both of you want to save your marriage. If someone has one of the spouses does not want it, then save the family will not succeed. You can discuss the "pros" and "against" the possibility of divorce or to save the marriage. Think about how important that is important for both of you - be it children, future financial plans, the total housing or something else that would bind you.
Search for "arbitrator"
Talk to someone from your friends, family members, the person to whom you both trust. You need a view from the side; but it should be the interlocutor, who will not advance to keep someone's side. In his presence, talk to your partner, giving him the opportunity to calmly answer all your questions. You may be hard to hear why your husband deceived you, but you deserve to be honest, he'll answer.
The presence of a proxy can help you communicate more effectively with her husband, without excessive negativity that can hurt you both. If you do not want to devote to your problems someone from the family, you can consult a specialist in the problems of family and marriage. It will help you make the right steps towards the restoration of your marriage. You may need some advice as a pair, and individual.
"Open the abscess"
During the conversation with the husband you need to find the cause of treason. It is not always guilty of treason only the guilty partner. It sometimes happens that a man may feel that he lacks the wife of attention, respect and understanding. The reasons may be different; but the main reason a lot has changed - when a man is looking on the side of what he does not Doda wife. If you find the cause, you will have a chance to save your marriage. By the way, in the search for the causes of contention a consultant you can be very useful! It not only helps to understand the psychological puzzles of your conflict, but also propose an optimal solution, how to work on the problems.
Be sensible, and during the "debriefing" Think about the feelings of her husband. Understand that this is not bad to you. Those who are deceived, feelings of anger, resentment and bitterness; and the one who cheated now covered by a very strong sense of guilt and shame. Do not discount these emotions; do not force it, do not grieve without shame and not showered reproaches. Also, take responsibility for your part of the blame for what happened and sincerely apologize to her husband.
You must not speak about all his past delinquent ("that's what you always ... you forever ..."). Do not talk about the past, not to think about the future - talking only about what happened to you just now, in the current specific situation. Concentrate on what you can do now is to heal and improve your relationship. Yes, recover from infidelity can be difficult, but if you choose to keep the family together, something about it will have to work every day.
Find a way to get closer
Think along with her husband, that you could do together to restore the old intimacy. It may be some important work (done, for example, their own repair apartments, together having thought before that the design and selection of materials), a common hobby, journey together. More often alone. Arrange a second honeymoon!
If you pay a consultant on issues of marriage and family, then he should give you individual exercises to work on restoring communication between you; Remember to work on these exercises. This will give an opportunity to develop new skills to close those gaps in your relationship that arose prior to her husband's infidelity. These skills include the ability to communicate, to listen and hear each other and treat each other with respect.
Work out for yourself some new habits and traditions. It is important to understand that you should not try to go back to the old relationship, you have had to disorder; you need to build their relations on a new basis, creating a pattern of behavior that will allow you to see your marriage in a new and positive light. Tune in to what you will work on the construction of new relations, even if not all at once will develop successfully. And even if the offense will still pop up from time to time. You and your husband have promised each other to make it a priority to restore your marriage, and not to abandon it - even when it would be extremely difficult for you.
Learn to forgive
Forgiveness - a necessary condition in order to enable you to return to your relationship and keep the family together. Only a truly simple, you will be able to move forward in your relationship. You must do this not because you're being persuaded, and not because of you that is waiting for your spouse is guilty. You must forgive him when, you'll be ready for it.
Probably, it will be difficult. But this is necessary. You could even say that it is vital for the future of your family. Imagine what will be in your family situation, if you do not reset the stone with his soul. The husband will feel your constant offense, and again begins to weigh chat with you. At the stage of reconciliation forgiveness does not mean that you have to forget everything quickly and immediately begin to trust completely to her husband as if nothing had happened. No of course! Now pardon will mean that you accept the situation and are ready to move on - next to her husband.
You already knew that the work on the relationship you have a long and rather complicated. Many couples decide to maintain after the betrayal of the family, eventually broke up just because the trust was hopelessly lost. And these women can understand. Scalded milk, and water will blow! How to be calm, if any output husband out of the house, call on his mobile phone, the desire of her husband put on a new shirt or sprinkle scented water - all this makes the poor wife and nervous to see some kind of trick.
Yes, and my husband does not help, because his wife worried for any reason, even when he had in mind and there is nothing. Therefore, both of you need to understand that they must show patience, dedication and a willingness to meet each other, to overcome the lack of confidence and save your marriage. It's better if you just agree that any time your spouse will avoid any secrecy and will not keep secrets from you.
He must be sensitive to the fact that you can always call him and ask where he is. It is important that he himself tells you if somehow lingers somewhere, even briefly. Maybe he should even give you a chance to look at his e-mail inbox or mobile phone. Just do not overdo it, do not arrange his daily interrogations and searches, otherwise it will not stand and will run away from you. But if all this will be done within reason, then eventually you will calm down, and this will help to restore the lost confidence.
How to return happiness
You are now hard to believe that, but you can be happy, even after some time! This will largely depend on you. Error husband should not take away from your ability to enjoy life. You have every right to a better life, and you can create it for themselves. You can decide that you will be happy with your spouse again. Or you may decide that it's impossible. But is it worth jeopardizing their future well-being?
If your husband - a good man, and the love between you still persists, then you should not give a chance to his shortsightedness ruin your life and make you suffer. Well, so they work, our men - sometimes they are so naive that they can entice these Telkov any flirt. But! If women in intimate relationships leading role played by the unity of souls, it is more important for men are bodily desires. And not always on the side of its connection means that your favorite You really betrayed.
If a man loves you, he surely and he is not happy, that will make you suffer. And do everything possible to make amends. Often naughty husbands become even more attentive and thoughtful than they were before they decided to change. But only on one condition: you shall in no case do not have to constantly play the role of the unfortunate victim. If you are at all times his pained view to remind him of how he is guilty before you, it will eventually begin to call him just an annoyance. And if you blackmail him - they say you have to do something and so something, because you're cheated on me and always blame me! - That it, and certainly not long enough.
But there is another point. Upon learning of her husband's infidelity, you are sure to look over different eyes. What position is usually held by women in marriage? We give all of myself to the service of her husband and children. If the spouse uncomfortable, we will make sure that nothing was not worried. If the kids want something - we we divide the cake, but do everything they need. But for ourselves, we do not have time to do anything. What is there a hobby, what sort of pleasure or self-care: after a full day - jogging home, climb into an old robe, and come home to please!
We are sure that this is what all women should do, and that is how you can make a man happy. And just received a harsh lesson, suddenly realize: yes, something rival looks better! She and prichesochka and pens, and garderobchik - all right! And indeed she lathered horse does not like. And we? Is the way we were when we fell in love with her husband in? No of course! So is it any wonder that he was not interested in such a wife?
You should never sacrifice their desires and interests! The best type of partner - one who satisfies his desire to help others because it can best be someone who knows how to help yourself first. If you love to swim - get the opportunity to go to the pool. If you love to read - find time for it every day. Do what allows you to be happy. Believe me, my husband does not get upset if you do not cook dinner of four courses. But he is very overjoyed, if he sees rested and contented wife, who happily meet him after a day of separation. And home to a wife, he would always go with pleasure, without turning either left or right!
We strongly recommend to read: How to get revenge on her husband for treason