"I sleep with my husband's best friend! "- How often have you heard this phrase from the familiar girls? Surely rare and it is not surprising, because not every woman will dare to say it out loud for fear of bad publicity, condemnation, or something else. But such situations are, and what to do - absolutely incomprehensible. Try to understand?
Who is the husband of her best friend? This question may surprise you, but in this case it is a matter for the woman who is the husband of her best friend, how important in her life, and there may be plenty of options. My husband's best friend - the figure is special, having as a friend, a hero, "the bad guy" and a lot of someone else. All these features are able to cling to the girl's delicate strings of the soul, and you forget that in front of you - the husband of her best friend.
Surely you are better than others aware of its advantages and why your girlfriend was married to this man. Some of his qualities can be very, very attractive, for example, you have always dreamed of caring and courteous man, and the husband of your friend - just like that. Or are you friends "three", and not only is she your best friend, but he did.
In general, it often happens that her husband's best friend - it is, on the one hand, an open and secure the book and on the other - a new and exciting experience. How will it be? What will bring to life? In addition, the intrigue of the situation pleasant tickle your nerves, adding a degree of passion in your relationship.
The relationship established between you, a friend and her husband, can be described very simply - a love triangle. But it is not a simple triangle, and complicated by the fact that you're still friends with the wife of your lover. Such difficult threefold relationship can last for years or even decades. This is due to the influence of such widespread conscious installations, as "all men are polygamous" and "female friendship does not happen." This situation fits perfectly into such a framework.
Some psychologists believe that the basis for the formation of such a system is the figure of a man with his character, characteristics and desires. Quite often it happens that a love affair with a friend's wife come two types of men: the so-called "alpha males" with the mistress and wife - are not people, and the proof of status and downtrodden, diffident "muzhchinki" that in the arms of his mistress find peace and comfort. Both cases are fraught with hidden enmity and tense relations between the "triangle faces."
Of course, the above sketches - it is only a rough parody of the diversity found in the reality of the time. Each person is different, and because of this incorrect and impossible generic advice like "throw it", "scratched the face of a friend," or "keep family and be patient."
But what about the ladies?
We have so much time and attention we give to men, it might even seem unfair. In the end, in a love triangle, "the husband-wife relationship" as many as two faces - a woman, to the same girlfriend. This fact can not be ignored, in fact it makes the love triangle closed and completed.
My wife and your girlfriend for the most part does not know about your affair and her husband. It may be naive, but maybe you're very good at hiding your relationship. Some wives even rejoice that their husband and a friend found a common language, as is full reverse situation. Rather, the fact that you're sleeping with her husband, does not even come into her head, because it would be a complete collapse of everything that is important and valuable. Therefore, before making any important and fateful decisions, try to keep this secret, because you really do not need to once again condemn the suffering girlfriend.
Although there are times when the love triangle is formed from the original Swedish family - it usually happens when the participants are satisfied with the situation, and none of them are prone to possessiveness. To some it may even seem interesting sexual experiments, introducing a fresh approach to the intimate life.
While the story remains a mystery, your girlfriend is not in contact with the situation - unlike you. First, you probably experienced something like euphoria, characteristic of love: suddenly grown up behind the wings, the constant desire to see her lover, butterflies in the stomach. However, almost immediately (and sometimes this happens in parallel) you will begin to experience feelings of guilt, depression, irritation, and a host of other unpleasant emotions.
After all, you do not just meet with a married man, but getting into the family of his girlfriend. Oh, and if you are married, it's just a guard! You can try to ignore the emotion overwhelms you and try to soberly assess the situation. And that's what can happen:
You are not married and have not yet decided on their expectations of future life partner. And here in front of you - ready version already selected and polished your girlfriend. As a rule, the source of such behavior - in a deep resentment and distrust of men who could be learned as a child from her mother, grandmother, or a woman important to you. A key feature of this situation is that you enter into a "safe" attitude: on the one hand you have a man, on the other hand - you and he does not "really", respectively, and ruptures and betrayals will not. But, unfortunately, at the same time you are depriving yourself of choice and simply live someone else's life, spending time with another man.
Snake called "envy" got into your heart and soul. Do you think it unfair that your friend lives better than you, life. And if you can not take away from her prestigious job and happy children, we can try to "ohmurit" husband. And this is again the desire to live someone else's life, but in another way, and it is often accompanied by considerable risk to become a pale copy of his own girlfriend.
You can move a desire for self-affirmation. Perhaps this is a consequence of past offenses (for example, you've been offended at her friend for something or the whole masculine) and the desire to achieve at least some male attention (if you do not develop a relationship with an unmarried man). But here there is a question about your self-esteem - is why the only way to increase it are ambiguous such actions?
You are bored own life, and you're looking for thrills. Perhaps the matter is bored with his own marriage or hateful work, but the fact remains - you need a shake-up. But you tried to get it in other ways? In the end, you can try to get a threesome absolutely honest - just to talk about it with her own husband or your girlfriend.
You are inclined to masochism, and manipulated, and being in this situation, try to seize power over the rest of the love triangle. Or maybe you just can not imagine any other way of life. In any case, you need to tidy up the deeper layers of self, otherwise you will not see the true harmony with themselves and with life.
It is no accident say the man - the head, and the woman - neck. And if the triangle begins to form around the men, the women, without its existence impossible. The situations are different, but most of them end up to us women. So, try to calmly think about what is happening to you. Well, we can help you with this!
Reasons for adultery
In order to represent the direction in which to move forward and how to resolve the situation, it is necessary to understand the roots and causes of what is happening. Of course, the reason for his betrayal of a spouse can be mass. As a rule, such as loud voiced reason new love - say, in front of her by force no one can resist. This can happen in a situation where the marriage was built on some rational reason or benefit, but it happens and simultaneously falling in love with two people. Fortunately, it's pretty rare.
Often, however, the reasons for infidelity are quite deeply in the relationship of the spouses, it is no accident that it is believed that a strong union no one can destroy. Emotional isolation, lack of warmth and support for, permanent quarrels and conflicts - is an incomplete list of everything that can destroy even the strongest love affair. Another important factor is the degree of satisfaction with the intimate life of the couple: if sex is lost brightness and have a need for new experiences and thrills, then adultery here will be very useful. And the fact that you - a friend of the wife of her lover, only spicing up happening, is not it?
Revenge - another motive for treason. On your side it may be the desire to hurt her friend's arrogance, selfishness, callousness or some unpleasant things. Her husband, too, could save some resentment at his wife over the years of living together. And there is no place more than a sexual relationship between a husband and his wife's best friend! But do not forget: revenge - that's what a negative impact not only on whom revenge, but also to those who are taking revenge. She takes your energy and kindness, leaving a void return. That is why, before you do anything out of revenge, it is necessary to think about it.
Some people change, based on the desire to imitate someone. This is especially true of men: in pursuit of manly they are often "carried out" on the idea that a man should both sleep with several women, and those who do not do that - fools and nurses. I wonder why for this purpose is selected friend's wife? It is possible that it is the easiest and most affordable option for "ohmureniya" which does not require a lot of time and effort.
Often you can find in the literature division into male and female causes of infidelity. To answer the question about the causes of infidelity, you must clearly understand a woman differs from the man. The most important distinction between the sexes is that women are more emotional, pointed at the process, not the result, but also attach importance to dialogue, relations and everything connected with it.
In this regard, psychologists distinguish different types of men and women have a tendency to change, particularly in men is the most common kind of "Casanova": wanting to please all women, it changes, and admires their appeal. His courage he shows the intimate victories at the front. At the same time he has hidden the need for love, but can not find, and has no one woman standing emotional connection.
Women are prone to adultery, are different: they are "treacherous temptress", which seeks to obtain universal adoration and a crowd of fans and "a lover of adventure," and "defenseless nature", which responds to every thrown at her male gaze, and " dissatisfied "that can not find anything satisfying. By the way, there is a perception that in extramarital sexual relations tend to frigid or, conversely, too sexy women, but it's true - we women are very different, but the likelihood of infidelity spouse is present in the life of almost every one of us.
Asked about the ethics of betrayal is very difficult to answer: on the one hand, it is certainly bad and wrong, but on the other - because life is a very complicated thing, and where it will lead us to the path, it is difficult to predict. Therefore we advise to refrain from judging others, and to the self-flagellation of. Of course, it is very difficult to stay calm in a situation where you call "favorite" is not someone, and her husband's best friend. However, in order to deal with all the complex emotions raging inside of you, you must answer the question, what do you want from this situation? This will be the first step to solving it.
7 Tips changing
Anyway, something happened, what happened, and you sleep with her husband's best friend. It is possible that you now do not want to decide anything, but only want to enjoy the event. But there is one hitch - if a friend know about what is happening, it is likely you "kill". This, of course, an exaggeration, but your friendship, communication with her husband and tranquility come to an end. How to behave, that did not happen?
Make friends with your conscience, and along with your lover with a conscience. It can be especially hard to start torturing you in those moments when your half will demonstrate their affection for you. As a rule, it is manifested in the appearance of interference you have feelings of guilt, shame, disgust and a desire to tell all immediately. But it does not need! At least, as long as you're with a lover decide to live together happily ever after - in all other cases it is just shifting problems on its head. You do not want to force your partner to suffer just like that?
Allow yourself to be multifaceted. Each of us is a person, and this is the person always includes various sub-personalities: a successful employee, crazy girlfriend, the keeper of the family hearth, sexy tigress and many others. In each situation, we turn to the world some of its facets - it does not mean that you is the very brink. Just at this time, you want to stay relaxed and artful slag, and the other - to brush your hair for children and husband to cook breakfast. And this is not always talking about hypocrisy - you just might be different and take pleasure from all his roles.
You should always be the perfect alibi. But it is not so easy to come up with, as it seems at first glance. For example, in your case it will not pass the word "was with a friend," because if your husband to call her, and you'll be with her husband, more time will be sufficient for the emergence of suspicions. Spend some time creating your ideal alibi and demand from your lover the same - and they will serve you well.
Train your memory. As you probably already realized, you need a clear head and works well, from which at any time you can retrieve all what you anyone ever told. This is necessary in order not to get lost in his own testimony. If you like abilities well, does not have, then please create a special notebook in which to write ... No, no, not the history of your sexual adventures, and where you were, what they were doing and who spoke. This will help you to easily make up stories for your husband. Tell that to her lover - perhaps he, too, such a useful "tool".
Unblemished reputation. The opinion of others about you should be flawless in all aspects, so you can not afford what they are doing some other woman. The more you look like an angel in the eyes of friends and acquaintances, the less likely that you will stick a label izmenschitsa. No slippery jokes, ambiguous hints or send photos - you are pure and blameless, and this should know. Constantly monitor yourself - it's very difficult, but it gives you a serious guarantee for your peace of mind.
Do not tell anyone about your connection. It is possible that you have extraneous friend you trust everything, but your lover - a friend, but still keep the fact that her husband is sleeping friend with you, in secret. First, do not tempt others and do not transfer their responsibility. Secondly, your connection may cause even more conviction than any other - why do you need it? And, thirdly, do not make yourself an extra opportunity to get. Let such high secrecy gives your relationship even more passion!
Do not show my husband and friends in public places in your city. But the journey - is always welcome! By the way, it can greatly romanticized your relationship, because you can meet in the most beautiful corners: a look at the drawbridges in St. Petersburg, take a walk on the Arbat in Moscow, a ride on a gondola in Venice and even come to climb the Eiffel Tower. Under these conditions, you will always remember about your novel as something magical.
Perhaps reading these rules, you are horrified - how hard to live in the world, observing it all! Well, what do you think? Sex with her husband's best friend - not your oven pancakes! It takes a lot of effort to control the situation and not let the secret be revealed. Or maybe you do and achieve? Then you will be interested in the following section.
Paradoxically, there is an option, in which all parties will be satisfied with the current situation - a variant of the three union. It can work if the main cause of your connection with her husband's best friend was a sexual interest.