A man can be a bone of contention between friends - this is known to every girl from childhood. We pledge to each other in eternal friendship and devotion, but it can collapse overnight, when there is love on the horizon. A special dramatic different situations in which she stole from her husband's best friend. From what is happening and how to live with it?
Life - is a complicated and long. You go to school, you finish it, going to college, studying for five years, then running - and with it, get friends and fall in love with men. Some friends stay with you for a long time and become close, and for one of the men you get married, you have children are born, and a new family. Such a scenario in one form or another is present in the life of each of us. However, it happens that the elements of the picture - the husband and any your friend - too much closer to each other. This can happen for several reasons:
between spouses is no love and understanding, and they're looking to the side;
dissatisfaction with marital sex;
the existence of something with a friend, which is very nice, and my husband is not his wife;
the lack of personal space in one or both spouses;
and many other reasons.
There are no absolute facts, such as "to take away her husband, necessarily need a rift within the family" or "women need only entice a man with a finger" - all individual situations. And if any of them do something similar? Yes, and it's the emotions of all three parties. Let's try to get into the position of each of the participants in such a difficult life drama.
There is a saying: "As the wolf feed, it is still looking into the forest." It is very often used in the discussion of male characteristics, especially such as the tendency to modify and polygamy. Of course, men tend to impregnate as many females - is genetic and evolutionary program. However, any more or less civilized man unable to control his sexual instinct - otherwise it would have already been in prison for the rape of a woman wearing sexy. Accordingly, this phenomenon is important, but does not define the behavior of any man.
This is also the manifestation of interest in sex with another woman. He often appears in cases where the husband had few sexual partners to the wife (and maybe she even only one), and it becomes interesting - and suddenly all the other women in a different way? The saddest thing - a frustration that occurs in men in the majority of cases: sex with a friend's wife is practically no different from sex with his wife, and the family is shattered.
Sometimes the reason for leaving her husband to her friend is to have a special understanding between them. My wife constantly nags, complains condemns interests and does not give one bit of personal space - what is a man like that? Agree, this situation is observed in many families, and it is not surprising that the husbands of these women want to leave.
Rarely, but it happens that a husband falls in love with another woman. And, to the chagrin of both, it is a friend of his wife. Usually, in this situation, their torment deep doubts about the correctness of their actions, but they can not resist the power of love. And perhaps there is no need - after all so seriously when people fall in love, it is something so mean. For example, they are made for each other and must work together to live the rest of his life. A husband and wife husband girlfriend someday also be able to find their real and more suitable to them halves.
And behold a man goes to a friend of his wife. You can hate it, but we must not forget that it is not very easy at this point, he abruptly changed his life, destroy the family (and if he left the family with children, that he still had the financial and moral obligations to them) - it causes negative emotions like himself and his environment. From it can turn friends, colleagues and relatives. Therefore, if you are in the role of an abandoned wife - do not try to further poison his life. She's put everything in its place.
The most important thing - it is possible to try to keep the integrity and respect on both sides. The husband should not throw mud at his ex-wife, and it - try to puncture the tires on his new car, or to tell the children about what a scoundrel he is. Of course, the wife will be angry (and has every right to!), But in any situation should stay a good person. In the end, you have where to spend their time and energy to better use.
This role always causes the greatest number of negativity from the environment: a girlfriend called "razluchnitsa" and strongly criticized. However it is necessary to understand - it is terrible features as it is painted? In the end, you were friends a long time with this woman: communicate, advise and support each other. So, maybe it's still not the devil incarnate? As we have mentioned above, the reasons for leaving the men of the family can be very different. But why a woman takes her husband with a friend? Yes, actually, for the same reasons - love, understanding, common interests. But added to them purely specific, women's motives.
Everything is clear in a situation where a friend of his wife alone. She wants love, family, and she even aware of all the features of the behavior of your husband in a family life (you do a lot of things to tell her about this?). She has time to take action - whether it is prepared to put up with the shortcomings of the husband of his girlfriend? What are its advantages it attract? In these circumstances, it becomes like a spy, because she is also aware that annoying beloved girlfriend, and that he likes.
Agree, it is very difficult to maintain a good attitude to such a person. It rarely happens that a friend suddenly becomes a traitor - it is in those cases where it is, of course, very fond of "cheat wife", but the value of the creation of his family outweighed. But most often it is in principle liable to dastardly deeds.
Sometimes, the reason why the woman took her husband from her best friend, becomes banal envy. From the above situation, it is distinguished by the fact that the husband in this case has no value. The main thing - is to spoil the life of his "friend" and deprive it of something important. Only then did she cease to feel miserable and flawed. This friend and described to the incident was to show their worst qualities: permanently "pin up" trying to hurt and humiliate. The sad thing is that after the departure of her husband's family all become unhappy: and he and his wife deceived, and even "razluchnitsa", which generally have a problem with self-esteem and the ability to be happy.
It's a shame when her husband gone from a desire to "shake things up". Yes, there is a category of needs! Some girls are too artistic and like to arrange drama in life. They are bored, when all is well and calm - they behave like vampires, feeding on the energy of human suffering.
In this situation, the husband also has no intrinsic value - it is only a pawn in the game "a great dramatic actress." Unfortunately, this type of women are very attractive to men: they usually are beautiful, bright, feminine - in general, a very, very attractive. After the destruction of the family, husband and wife are miserable, and girlfriend- "actress" begins to look for a new victim.
But, as we have said, a friend is not always guided by the negative impulses. Sometimes it happens that the man she falls in love with his friend and decides in favor of love, not friendship. This does not mean that she does not care about his wife - a relationship with a man are important (such at her hierarchy of values in life).
If you are in the role of podrugi- "razluchnitsy", you can sympathize: it is on you now fly all the bumps and beat the evil glances of mutual friends. This difficult period is necessary to somehow survive, if you want to keep the relationship with your girlfriend's ex-husband. The most important thing - to find resources that will help you do it.
This should be something pleasant; for example, every night you can cuddle with your loved ones, sit in front of the TV and watch a movie that will bring pleasure to you both. Or it could be something your personal, such as meditation or repetition of life-affirming attitudes. In any case, learn to ignore the negative impact and strengthen the self-esteem of others.
The wife is considered to be the most affected, and the weakest link in the scheme "a friend took her husband from the family", because it deceived the two closest person. However, whether it is an absolute and immutable fact? No! Oddly enough, but some of his wife later glad that a friend took them husband. Why is this happening?
This man was not her second half
Family climate is cold and storms: the constant nagging, quarreling, lack of common interests and values of love and respect - sometimes it is due to the fact that people simply do not fit together. After a divorce, a woman meets a new man, and - oh, miracle! - In a relationship with him reigns harmony and mutual understanding. In such cases, "deceived wife" is even thankful for the fact that all of it happened.
Getting rid of the pain
Not everyone believes in the theory of the halves, but everyone knows that family life is very difficult and hard. Some people for years without talking to each other in a friendly manner, making themselves suffer, but do not dare to break this vicious circle - yet the divorce in our culture is very condemned. And when in their relationship interferes with the third "no harm", they are very grateful to him, because now have someone to blame for what is happening with the responsibility of them.
Removing the "pink" glasses
Sometimes we are very naive and fend for themselves those people who would not be worth it at bay, and implicitly trust them, not noticing the negative signals. In this case, the husband of the family care can be similar to detonate a bomb. First wife is shocked and can not understand how this could happen. But then, subject to the availability of mature position in life, she realizes that her eyes were opened to the people who were there. And it's great that they go out of her life, because such unreliable people do not need anyone.
Unfortunately, this is not always: often very difficult to find the pluses in this situation, especially when you're hurt and offended. It so happens that my husband and I have had a great relationship, but with a friend - a strong friendship. And suddenly, the two closest people betray you. What to do in such a situation?
Firstly, it is necessary to go through the pain. Yes, at first it will be very bad, and at this time support people close to you will be very useful. Do not hesitate to ask about it, because your family understand everything. If for some reason you can not get the support (for example, you are in another city, far away from their parents and friends), refer to the Internet. In any women's forum, you will be able to learn empathy and a dozen sadistic ways to inflict pain traitors.
But try to keep the idea of revenge, if you visit. Revenge is destroying us from within and does not bring satisfaction - only emptiness (except in rare cases). Although no one forbids you to break all photos from scoundrels or destroy a couple of their favorite things left you. Sometimes it is necessary to throw out the anger and negative energy - only manage to stop in time.
Secondly, when the pain starts to subside, it might include the ability to self-awareness. And here the main thing - is to resist the guilt for what happened. Many women start to blame themselves: "I was a bad wife", "I have not washed his socks," "I have not played with it in paintball," etc. ... The analysis of his mistakes in the future there is nothing wrong - bad, when you start to blame yourself for what happened and trying to shoulder all the responsibility on their fragile shoulders. But divorce is almost always to blame for two people! Therefore, if you can not give up the guilt - stop and wait for a little introspection. It is possible that very soon you will be able to soberly assess their actions and to use this knowledge in order to avoid similar mistakes in the future.
Third, fill the void left after retiring from your life ex-husband and friend. This is the most difficult for many women who were unmarried. Previously, half of your life is spent on the care of her husband, a quarter - a dream and a quarter - to communicate with his girlfriend. But now it's time for a change! Find a new job (or even get a job if you were a housewife - the benefit of now there are plenty of opportunities, for example, work through the Internet).
Join a dance class - it will help you raise self-esteem (which certainly suffered after the event). Think of your old dreams and friends, finally they take a while, and you will realize that the divorce life has just begun!
Relations between people can be arbitrarily complicated, and it is no wonder that in such a jungle there are disagreements, misunderstandings, betrayal and even betrayal. We can not condemn either party, because all happens in life. In addition, everyone has their own truth, with which he lives. We can only hope that the life of all in places, and all the participants of these dramatic events will be satisfied and happy.
We recommend that read: I sleep with my husband's best friend