Trust the people or not - the question is very, very controversial. Each of us has his own point of view on it: someone thinks that this can not be done in any case, because it deceived, and who, on the contrary, believes everyone. The truth is likely somewhere in the middle, and maybe even from the side. Let's try to find her?
What is trust?
In general, the confidence - this is a positive characteristic of human relationships. Its essence lies in the fact that we are sure that the person to whom we trust, decent and benevolent. With greater or lesser certainty we can predict his behavior, and this forecast seems very, very positive. But it is all rather abstract words. In the life of the trust embodied in the fact that we can rely on to whom we trust. If we need help, protection and support, you have the confidence that we will get them. Chance of betrayal, resentment or even any bad act in a relationship of trust tends to zero.
Trust - the thing is very fragile. To build it, you need lots of bricks, and to break enough of movements, after which you say to yourself: "Well, everything! Now I certainly do not trust people! ". Sometimes these offenses are so serious that to regain the trust back is not possible. And this is very sad, because the relationship deprived him may not be complete. Without trust possible true love, friendship and happiness - they are based on the ability to open up to another person and become this vulnerable.
How to restore the confidence in your life?
Very often, people for whom the topical issue of trust, already have negative experience of intimacy: they hurt, throwing, deceived and betrayed. Agree, after this do not want to trust anyone at all! However, it also happens that you like and did not deceive anyone, but trust anyone does not want. But to create trust around you again maybe - just only want it! Well, to be honest, do a couple of steps in this direction. To learn how to trust a person concrete and people in general will be the following tips:
Answer yourself the question of why you do not trust people. Perhaps this is some traumatic situation or setting, assimilated from childhood. The first step to solving the problem - it is always awareness. Therefore, you try to understand what's stopping you.
What do you fear most? After all, not the terrible betrayal and deceit, and their consequences, or what is behind this. For example, your husband has changed. It's just a fact. But for you, it means that he no longer loves you, wants to be together with you, therefore, have to divorce. And fearing that the new man will change you, you really are afraid of him and dislike parting with him. Clarify your fears and look them in the eye - so they will be less impressive.
Identify those people whom you do not trust. Be as clear in its conclusions. Many women have the installation "all men - bastards, so they should not be trusted." But it is fundamentally wrong, since rowing one size fits all, and in fact all people are different (including man). This is a common mechanism for learning about the world, but very often it prevents us from being happy. It is necessary to change the settings such specific - instead of "I do not trust men to" let it be "I do not trust her ex."
Think about who you would be the easiest way to trust. Surely in this circle would be someone from your friends and loved ones. If you have already established a relationship of trust with them - well, then you already have a positive experience. If not - go ahead! In order to change something, you must do something.
Think that can strengthen your confidence in the family. It can be any agreement, for example, do not tell anyone about your secrets. This may be a positive effect on your relationship of trust, such as a sense of intimacy and unity with such a person. Capture at the positive feelings associated with the trust to another.
Do everything slowly. Do not immediately begin to trust everyone. Please tell us a proven friend of some secret. Then start to let her boyfriend a couple of times a month for night fishing with friends. Then try to make any order, without asking prepaid forward. Be alert to the results carefully. Unfortunately, you can cheat, and that's a fact. The most important is the ability to distribute the likelihood of this deception on all people.
Try to surround yourself with something positive. Read good stories about good people. Watch movies with a happy ending. Less communicate with evil, aggressive and suspicious people, because we often infects disbelief from them. When you re-learn to trust other people, you can try to teach them to do the same. Take charity - it is always a positive effect on your psychological state, and also a good illustration of the fact that the world is full of good people.
Actively use the positive attitudes and thinking. Try to think about things and events in a positive way, for example, "the world is just and benevolent" or "this person will behave decently." Repeat these installation several times a day, and a month later they have much influence effect.
Come up with your own "security". You can cheat, but you do not have to expose themselves under attack and then severely affected by this! Forming a business agreement with a person, try to mark it all possible problem areas of your transaction. By asking her friend for help, think of 2-3 fallback, so that you if something can solve your problem. But in a relationship with a man does not forget about their own identity and independence, even if something goes wrong, you will always be herself at home. In the end, what do you say yourself has never let you down!
Contents:
Why we fight
How to argue with her husband
As the scandal to put up with her husband
Perhaps no family in the world, in which at least from time to time do not occur quarrel. This phenomenon is unpleasant, but inevitable. Someone argument with her husband translate into an oppressive silence, someone they turn into a grandiose scandals battered dishes. And they may occur due to sheer nonsense - dirty plates thrown anywhere towels, toothpaste spattered mirror, not rendered rubbish ... Sometimes there are conflicts because of past grievances or often unjustified jealousy. Often the cause of regular quarrels with her husband become the monotony of family life, work and everyday stress and fatigue. One way or another, but we diligently swear often then regretting it. Why is this happening? And whether it is possible to change this state of affairs?
Why we fight
When we dream of creating a family with a certain person, usually we believe that will be able to keep the romance in a relationship almost to the very old age. This is what we think so. But life makes its corrections. Time passes, and the romance of the family life somewhere evaporate. In its place comes an endless succession of exhausting nerves everyday problems. And here comes the moment when the couple can quarrel because every trifle. And swear, so that seems to come out of the situation can only be a divorce.
Frequent quarrels with her husband oppress, drive in a depression, not allowed to sleep at night, happily relax and work in peace. In fact, the main cause of discord with regular pious is the inability to compromise and give in to each other. We are angry, plants with a twist, begin to cry, proving his innocence. After calming and often can not even remember, after what all has begun. And lament, wondering why we can not prevail over the short-term emotions.
Often the roots of such uncontrollable aggression rooted in the past, man. When his parents' constant showdown with shouts and noise was the norm in my family people will behave the same way. He does not know how differently! No one taught ... Sometimes increased aggressiveness husband or wife is due to low self-esteem and a desire to assert itself at the expense of their mate. And sometimes violent outbursts on any occasion cause fatigue, illness, stress.
We get angry when a spouse prevents perform his plan, when he watches TV instead of help around the house when throwing anywhere socks and shirts ... we vent to the resentment it caused to someone else. Simply tear away angry because he got a hot hand, and he calls us the same. Sad. Because examples of the collapse of the family after his wife has arranged some trifling quarrel with her husband, Mass. Vaughn rolled her neighbor scandal because of the fact that the faithful forgot to buy bread, and he took and went to another. Permanently.
What to do? Can you deal with wanton aggression and often survive the outbreak of rage, not pouring it out on a loved one? You can, if you call for help and learn patience if necessary, to sort things out so that one spouse is not slammed the door and left.
How to argue with her husband
I must say that the reason to annoy each other at any husband and wife is still missing. Otherwise it can not be. It's close, dependent of one another are people who just can not always do just for the sake of his own half. Whatever evolved being, but even when the couple lived together for more than a decade, they still remain different people. What is currently wants her husband, does not necessarily have to wife. And vice versa. This is normal and indicates that to avoid conflicts in family life is impossible. Well, almost impossible. Though occasionally, but they will occur.
How to behave, to a minor quarrel with her husband did not turn into a protracted war?
It would be desirable potsapatsya spouse, if there is a foreign - relatives, friends, relatives - to begin to prove his innocence in front of them should not be. Someone is sure to take the conflict either direction. It only podolёt fuel to the fire and increase aggression. Therefore, it would be better to pull yourself together and set aside showdown to a more appropriate occasion. And before you know, and will quietly endure the cause of conflict, looking at it from a different angle;
If no quarrels with her husband can not do, do not humiliate him during the scandal and not to offend. After all, we do not want it to ever go? A male ego is very vulnerable! If we start to demonstrate that in nothing put her Blessed, he starts to look for the one that will appreciate it. And find! And then wash off. Because there are singing praises and are underestimated;
To avoid quarrels with her husband for nothing, you should try to time to negotiate with him all the awkward questions and not be afraid to lay out what we have at heart. He husband, half, hence should be aware of the status of his wife! But before embarking on a frank discussion, it is helpful to first think about what and how best to say. And only then decide on sincere conversation;
Before you accuse her husband something, you judge soberly - and whether or not he is guilty? Perhaps it is quite possible to move safely through and forget? And we simply have wound themselves and now are eager to throw at him furious ... We ought to wait a couple of hours. It is likely that after we understand - the reason for the quarrel is simply no;
If the initiator of scandals usually a spouse, try to understand what was happening to him. Talk heart to heart with him and ask, what's so worried about expensive. It may well be that he is just what is waiting. We do not find the courage to talk to - find, open up to anyone. And get that first someone has opened the soul, and then one day it was gone. And we will remain flapping ears.
When the hot-tempered husband and finds fault with trifles, watch him and find out what most irritates the faithful. If this is something specific, we try to remove it. If the husband still annoying, it may be better to have it at the time, somewhere left. Let a rest from family and her stay in the parents. It happens that the spouses is useful to spend some time apart.
And in general, to quarrels with her husband as little as possible to poison his existence, it is desirable to initially equip the family life and communication with his half in such a way that any unfortunate mistake of each other could safely endure. To do this, you can make a tradition of some joint sports activities: jogging, swimming, playing tennis or badminton, bowling, basketball, volleyball ... It is extremely brings. And it is very useful for both, also.
In general, to be or not to be part of strife, largely depends on the woman. We appreciate yourself and do not allow her husband to raise his voice with or without cause. But he was not trying to trample. Often the wife of praise, but praise for the cause. We will try to be his friend, while demonstrating that the dignity of the faithful are estimated, as it should be. And the disadvantages are accepted graciously. We encourage his efforts to develop, by excluding from circulation mocking tone.
We advise, please help, claiming that her husband will turn out better than we do. Let us affectionate, caring, helpful. And do not allow ourselves to be rude, even if he is rude. After all, the man almost vulnerable of us. When they were something offends, they become aggressive. The method of self-defense in the male sex was. In short, become more patient. After all, we do not want it to be gone one day?
Husband's support, will help him to solve any problem, try to understand what the soul. And if there was a quarrel, after learning to tolerate it.
As the scandal to put up with her husband
How to put up with her husband after the next scandal? Before attempting to establish a relationship, you need to wait a while to cool itself and give him to calm down. We need to understand what happened, and then to just come to the spouse with a white flag. Otherwise, again, begin accusations and instead of the world to start up a new battle. Do not be afraid to take the initiative for a truce in their hands. Even if we are not to blame for the brawl, it is necessary to go to the spouse and to offer peace to discuss the conflict situation. And if we are wrong, the more should be the first to make a move to surrender.
If the husband does not go to meet us and does not want to engage in dialogue, we will not put pressure on him. Apparently, he had not yet cooled. Too long sulking? Well, do not insist on talking. Write him a letter, and told him in all his thoughts on the scandal. This is a good method to put up. And we will be able to submit a coherent thought, and my husband will be able to look into them and think well. Well, if he still spoke last, to relieve the tension that occurs usually at the beginning of the conversation, we use not only words, but also gentle touch, gentle stroking, light kisses.
Koli is the beech in any not losing ground, and remains silent day after day, have rasstaralis and cook him some surprise. Just do not meet with your favorite work half-naked or in sexy lingerie. Men do not really like it when his wife try to win with the help of sex. This is somewhat insulting because it alludes to the fact that the animal instinct in the stronger sex predominates over everything else. And, anyway, vulgar. Say, here's my body in exchange for a good attitude. Therefore, even if the husband lost his head, crimson desire, after sex, he again feels irritation. And the faithful will have to re-woo and reassure.
A good surprise will be an elegant dinner. You can cook it at home, but you can invite the wife to a nice restaurant. And there already, under the gentle music softly tell him "I love you so much! ". It is hardly a husband in such an atmosphere is not thawed. Shall we dance together, see each other's eyes, Let 's take hands and keep quiet. After dinner, go home and deliver fierce affection. And forget about what happened a few days ago. After all, in spite of everything, we are still there. So, love is still alive. We must protect it, not destroy systematically, cursing because of dirty dishes and a full bin.
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