Can money to spoil the relationship? Of course, they can. Moreover, many families are broken up only because the spouses were different views on the financial side of life. Someone's wife was a spendthrift. Someone got lazy husband. Some spouses insist on a separate budget, and their other half feels offended. Such an attitude toward money it seems unacceptable. How is it - two purses in the house? That means he does not trust me? Then what kind of love are we talking about? What follows is a scandal, loud slamming the door, and another stamp in your passport. This testifies to the fact that they are no longer husband and wife. Sad? But the conflict begins with money.
Although the roots of the problem go away is not the beginning of married life, when it is planned joint budget and in early childhood
. It was there that lays the attitude to money have still little man
. For example, the boy's father gave his wife a lifetime salary to the penny
. This means that the future is almost guaranteed boy copy his model behavior
. Why is that? Because he grew up with this
. This distribution of roles seems to him the most natural
. So he brings parental relationships in the family
. Now imagine that the boy's father always hide money from home? Will the man, when he grew up, to give all the money to his wife? Well, if yes
. But most of these children are copies of their fathers and torturing their greed and selfishness of the next generation
. And their children - following
. However, we will not knowingly slander strangers
. Let's understand, what models of financial relations are in different families and what their advantages and disadvantages
Here, everyone spends money on himself. And if both parents maintain that attitude to money and the budget in particular, there is nothing in it is not terrible. Quite the contrary. Women do not need to ask once more money on cosmetics and report, where she spent the extra hundred. And the man can easily borrow money to a friend without much advance stories on "that he happened and why the man needed such a sum."
If separate budget - is the idea of one spouse (usually the one who makes more money)? The second man in these respects will feel uncomfortable. What to do? Many women in response to the request to divide the wallets start to do stupid things. Namely - to shout and swear. Or impose their views partner:
- My father always gave all salary mother, therefore, you should!
Do you feel? The key word in that phrase "should." It was with her and begin the most serious conflicts. As a man, who is still only feebly waved from his wife, he starts desperately to prove that it is something just does not have anything. And the man is right.
The decision on the joint or separate budget is entirely voluntary. No articles in the Constitution, which would dictate how people's attitudes toward money should be married. The only thing that might ask the wife in this situation, it's a compromise. You can not force a person to live by their rules. You can come up with new ones that would suit both parties. For example, the spouse would receive a certain amount of spending, and the remaining amount has remained her husband. And everyone is happy.
Here, each partner contributes to the overall budget of a certain amount, and the rest spend at its discretion. Such an attitude to money is very convenient for those spouses who earn roughly the same. But if someone gets smaller, the budget will be mixed to seem unfair. After partner can spend a lot more. And it is good, if a spouse gives the second half of the gifts. And if not? If all the money is spent only to pay for personal needs? Then start scandals and attempts to increase the amount that the partner puts in the general budget.
Similar problems may arise in the event of dismissal of one of the spouses. We're not talking about a family in which two support each other in joy and sorrow. We want to tell you about marriage in which there is emotional intimacy partners. In that family, albeit unconsciously, based on the calculation. Here, any change in the situation may lead to divorce. For example, a woman married to a man for money, but he suddenly went bankrupt. Will she live with him? Hardly. The budget has decreased? Lost and affection.
The joint budget
The most popular model of monetary relations in a family where each spouse puts all the money into the general fund. It seems to be true of any difficulties should arise. But there are some pitfalls. The largest of the stones called nest egg. It is believed that the habit of hiding the money exists mainly in men. Although we think that women just hide their money better, and that does not come across.
In any case, the partner who found the stash of a loved one feels cheated as a minimum. He puts something in cash every penny. Further develop ideas at the speed of a hurricane. Why did he have extra money? What he was going to fly without my knowledge? And if you would have bought, where the works? If I do not say, then obviously not for the purchase of the family. All clear. He appeared mistress. Here it is - the notorious female logic. In men, by the way, the development of thinking, too unpredictable, but they often hide their feelings and suspicions. But time has shown that stash wife was for him to buy a new spinning.
The second pitfall in the joint budget - a lack of money. This phenomenon is encountered almost everyone. But not everyone is experiencing the same lack of money. Some wives are beginning to cut its second half, because he can not provide it. Favorite trump card these women is a comparison: "But it Lyuska Kohl presented the Jeep, and you give me boots can not buy! "And then the husband will feel? At least dislikes Kohl (what is it expensive cars bought during the crisis). And his wife, too, will not be treated better. Therefore, dear women, if you are jealous of Luce, do it silently. And that will not have any Jeep or even boots.
If the home player
But what are we ganged up on women? Men also bring a lot of problems and financial losses. For example, what if your husband plays the slot machines? About Alcoholics grandmother told us, about the Gulen heard, but the players have always been a separate group, about which little was known. And even fewer people could deal with them.
At first glance it seems that the players do not appreciate the money, so easy and carefree, they despise large bills. However, it is not so. Such people, on the contrary, are in love with the bill, as if to a beautiful girl. They are so eager to get rich, they spend the last penny. And while the family suffers. After Dad's night festivities for children no money to buy milk, and the wife goes to work on foot, as the tram for free do not carry. Nothing good, right? Here and nothing can advise as players officially listed as a category of dependent people. Now they are on the same rung with alcoholics and drug addicts. But his wife something that does not help!
In the 21st century to deal with the players became a little easier. In order that the husband did not come down to the vending machines full salary, you just need to pick up his salary cards. Then you yourself will monitor all income and expenses. Just try not to keep in the house a lot of cash. The husband may be broken at the sight of colored pieces of paper and then go play.
My husband did not want to work
Is it not better things in women whose husbands are categorically not want to work. At the same excuses are different. The result is one. Wife pulls on his entire family, and the husband gets a more convenient couch. However, now moved loafers for a computer, but actually it does not change. Well, if a man unpretentious and does not require good clothes and calories (yes, it happens!). But it happens that the husband begins to demand absolute equality with other family members. Gave the child an orange? So and he put vitamins. And why is it on the plate at the son of one piece of meat anymore? It is still small, so do not eat it. And about what money bought these products, does not think a slacker. In any case, the financial situation of the family is always a little bit worse than in the house where both partners work.
How to overcome this situation and to drive her husband to work? One solution to the problem - create a home artificial financial crisis. Tell me what you cut wages, stop buying products in the same volume, and lament that there is no money. If the husband has a conscience, then soon he will and work. Does not help? Put the question bluntly: "or a sofa, or me."
We have not forgotten about your favorite disease of modern women and men - shopogolizm. Let's see what says violent attitude towards money spenders. These people, unlike the players very easy to relate to banknotes. For them it is a means of achieving the desired goal. And nothing, except that the new goals every day, and only one purse. What to do if you feel a boundless thirst for shopping? Leave the money at home. If you start to take as much money as you need to purchase products, guaranteed to spend less.
Also, try to make a shopping list in advance. Does not help? Her husband go to the store, so you definitely will be able to resist the temptation to buy something extra. But before you treat shopogolizm, determine the nature of its appearance. It happens that the irrepressible thirst for new things comes at a time when a woman in love. Or vice versa. She tries to pick a beautiful dress to spoil the mood. Such shopogolizm intermittent and not dangerous.
Finally I want to note: whatever problems happened to you, the main thing - it is not money, but normal human relationships. If the husband lost his job, keep it instead of blame. A friend took the money and does not give? And what is more important to you? One hundred rubles, or friendship? Know how to distinguish real problems from those that we create himself. Do not measure our lives with money, and to measure heart!