- You're not ready! - And you did not give me flowers! - You do not deserve them! - You do not love me!
And away we go! Common situation? Your claims against each other like a zipper, issued at the opponent. And here you are, mortally offended, sit in different corners of the apartment and did not talk to each other. Get it? You do not want to argue with someone you love? Then, just for you, our practical guide on how to avoid quarrels with the guy!
Causes quarrels and Solutions
The quarrel with her beloved man is fundamentally different from the argument with a friend or colleague. This armed conflict, complicated by heavy artillery of your feelings for each other. That quarrel with her boyfriend hurt us the most, because the role of the offender here is one of the closest and most favorite people in the world. What are the most common causes of these conflicts? And how to avoid conflict with the guy for these reasons?
Different understanding of the meaning of words. Explained with an example: to you the word "good" is helpful, friendly, helpful, etc., and for your guy - a weak and going on about the other. So when you tell him that he is kind, he is offended at you because he believes that you called him weak. In order to avoid such quarrels always very clearly explain to you the value of certain concepts. Do not forget that we all grew up in different environments.
Misunderstanding due to various inaccuracies. An example of such quarrels may be conflicts due to the fact that someone heard something. Or when you do not say it, but had it in mind (this is especially annoying our men). The drug is one thing in the morning to wash the ears to hear well, and everything is always to talk in detail and clearly. And you never know what you can think out!
The manner of communication. For example, you speak loudly through life. And your young man grew up in a family where all is quiet talk, and voice is a sign of increasing anger and aggression. So every time, when you do something ask, starts a quarrel because he perceives as the claim. Try to observe what features your partner you are such sharpened reaction and what your traits - his. You can even conduct an experiment: talking with different volume and tone, and keep track of what emotions arise when you and your boyfriend.
Different needs. You and your men are different desires (probably you know that without us). For example, the need for sex. As a rule, men need more sex than women, although sometimes it is the other way around (unless you have with your boyfriend the same need for lovemaking - we congratulate you!). The same situation with the intensity of communication, but in this case need to be together, usually higher in women. And that women are more offended by a man; for it is that he wants to be with her for twenty-four hours a day, meaning that he does not love her. But this is not true! He just needs less communication. Out of this situation one - consider the needs and desires of each other, take them. And do not they see any signs of secret and secret messages like "He does not love me," "he is using me," etc.
Different values. This is perhaps the most difficult for the pair option. We lovers must have the same outlook on life, and if they look in different directions, with the departure of the passion they have the need to have a different way of life. For example, you have a very important success and material well-being and for your guy - not. And you constantly deal on this basis. Unfortunately, the outlook is virtually impossible to change, so if you find a dramatic difference in your values with a guy, then you should think about the future in your relationship. And if the differences are minor, it could even be a plus - you will successfully complement each other.
Different ideas about your life. This is not necessarily different values - just different vision of what should be a man and a woman, and how they should spend time together. For example, your boyfriend thinks that a woman should be soft and pliable, and you think that you have to be strong and independent. Not surprisingly, if you're constantly swear, because he expects you to conduct a completely opposite! If this is your case, then you need to discuss differences and reach a compromise. In particular, to him alone you soft, and others - a strong and independent. The same goes for the pastime: the time you spend as he wants, and the other part - how you want. And it will be really great if you can find a bunch of options to suit you both.
Jealousy. Located at the top of the hit parade quarrels. We need to understand what is the basis jealous - jealous to low self-esteem or in the open behavior of someone jealous. In the first case, to continue the relationship jealous necessary to understand themselves, and in the second - to agree on some rules and a framework in which to be comfortable for both of you.
Unfulfilled promises. Agree, it is very disappointing when your guy does not do what he promised! And the same experience it. Out here is one: not to promise that you're not going to perform (and both sides) and try to do what you have promised, at least 99% of the cases.
Contempt for the other important things. For example, you philologist, and your guy thinks of the humanities unnecessary idlers. And you will become a shame, because you think you do not appreciate. In order that such situations do not arise, be treated carefully to the views and interests of your boyfriend, no matter how silly they may seem to you. After all, it is your loved one, and it is important to all that concerns him!
General tips for preventing conflict
So it became clear to you how to avoid falling out with a guy in some specific cases. However, your relationship is still far from ideal, and you want some more or less general recommendations applicable in all cases. Here they are, the very subtle and effective techniques to help you make the quarrels and conflicts long since forgotten milestone in your relationship.
I-statements. That soft voice give the "I-statements" do not read except that lazy. However, it is not necessary to treat with contempt to this fact, because it really works! Agree, "I hurt" sounds softer than "You hurt me." Try to talk about themselves and their feelings and not blame the interlocutor, and your conversations will be constructive.
Pause. The famous TV commercial law: when the situation is heating up at all, you need to "take a break and eat a Twix." In other words, take a break in communication, wait out the most turbulent emotions and calmly continue discussing the problem.
Write letters to each other. Sometimes it is difficult to pronounce some words. In writing a number of advantages: it is less emotion and more content (the men so easily), plus the lack of tightness and other personal barriers.
A lot of talk. This prevents the accumulation of stimulation and allows us to better understand each other, because we are not mind readers and we can not read minds.
Agree with each other: look for common ground, compromise, and better - to cooperate and get mutual benefit and joy of solving difficult situations.
And the most important general principle, without which the peace between the two lovers will never happen - this respect. Respect your partner and listen to it, and you may find that it does not always grinds nonsense, and sometimes says very sensible and interesting things. And then your relationships will come real spring!
We advise to check: What to say to the guy?
A friend - it sounds good!
If a friend was suddenly ...
Remember as a child it was easy to make friends? You come up to you like a boy or a girl and say, "Let's be friends! "And all of you - friends. And now? Weight complexities in the form of inflated expectations, social norms, and some obscure conditions. And more often rolls loneliness. How to make friends and not be alone in this mad, mad world?
A friend - it sounds good!
I'm sure each of you have friends, and someone even their lot. But have you ever what it means to you the concept of "friend"? This value can be different. And it varies not only from person to person, and from situation to situation and over time.
As a child, to find new friends was easy - it was enough to play in the mud pies together. Then you slowly begin to realize that the game is the game, but the one who builds the first mud pies with you, and then secretly destroys them - not a very good one. But what it should be is not clear, and it is not so important. Already as a teenager one - she is the one with whom to have similar interests and a lot of time together. We have experienced first mistakes and quarrels, and youth slowly emerge own ideas about friendship.
The older we get, the more important are the moral and spiritual qualities of friends. This is due to the fact that the adult experiencing many different life situations, including difficult and especially appreciates this strong friendship. Less important are looks and musical tastes, but sympathy and condolences to the fore.
Generally, for an adult in a "friend" gets several roles. A friend - is:
one who supports you;
someone who shares your values, outlook and attitude;
someone with whom you have fun;
someone with whom you have common interests;
the one who listens to you and understands;
someone who respects you;
one who helps you in difficult situations and not only.
If your life there are people who collected all this - congratulations, because you - a happy man! However, this is fairly rare. In most cases, the support we have some people, and we have fun with others. And sometimes it happens that friendship did not catch on. What should I do? How to find real friends, or at least one of the other?
You have decided to make friends. No, not like a cat or a dog, you just want to change or expand the social circle. But for these new people to communicate, they need to meet to start. And then the question arises: where to find friends? Habitat potential multi buddies all depends on what the new people you want to meet.
Let us remember childhood! As we have mentioned above, the very strong binding force for us was the game. Why not use this technique now? Many cities are such gaming party - usually, they are organized shop selling board games, clubs and bars. Participate in this event - and entertained, and talk to the glory!
Clubs and bars
Most often, of course, in such places guys acquainted with the girls. But why not look there make friends? In any case, it will be fun and enjoyable. Nightlife characterized by the fact that every conversation is easy to start a joke or a funny comment to the nice person you. But you may have difficulties with the transfer of such "fun" friendship in a more serious direction (though not the fact!)
Communities of interest
One of the most promising options in the sense that you are dealing with people with whom you have much in common. For example, if you are a young mother, you can enroll in some courses at a family center and connect it with other young moms that can grow into a joint celebrations with children, shopping and much more. After all, you have a huge common interest and an occasion for dialogue - children!
But children world is large enough - you can combine your favorite TV series, culinary experiments, Reading - these things are very, very much. Look for these communities via the Internet (for example, in forums or social networks) - and communicate with like-minded people there.
Well, quite impossible in this era of technology has not mentioned this option to meet people! The Internet has everything, including people. But the people and unfortunately and fortunately - very different. You can find a lot of friends who share your outlook on life, your interests and love for carrots in Korean, but you can run into with the students, scam or just crazy. So be careful when communicating online, and follow basic safety rules.
This option is completely safe from the psychological point of view. Being invited to a party, you already know the owners and are not afraid to be alone at this celebration of life. If you want to meet someone, you can easily ask friends to introduce you to the general. Communication is accompanied by music and cocktails, which makes it easy, fun and enjoyable, but also has its continuation in the future.
It would seem, it is not the most optimal place to make friends. But it is not so! For example, if you go to courses in English language, you and other members of the group share a common goal - good to know a foreign language. And you can help each other in this - in particular, to meet the pre-course for a cup of coffee and talk only in English. Spending time in this way, you will know each other better, and, most likely, some of your new friends will be interesting and pleasant to talk to. So do not be lazy and want to spend time with benefit!
This can be a gym or embankment on which you jog - it does not matter. You with other such persons combines physical activity and common interest - to be healthy and lose weight. In addition, with more fun to play sports - such as cycling and discuss the latest trends.
If a friend was suddenly ...
Find friends - not the most difficult. It is much more difficult to maintain with them a long and warm relationship and save your strong friendship. And with that many people have some difficulties. We often imposes other excessive demands, which themselves can hardly keep up.
We are angry with friends who bring us, although they are sometimes the same sin. We condemn, though they require other unconditional acceptance and empathy. Unfortunately, such a double standard is not uncommon these days. And the worst part is just those who are trying to live in them - such people are increasingly alone on the side of life. How to avoid it, and strengthen relationships with new friends? What qualities do we need to develop confidence, communicating with friends?
Reach out to other people and the interests of their lives. Few people need a conceited Beech, who do not care at all. Remember that Dale Carnegie said: "Man - this is a creature who more than anything loved to talk about himself." So inquire your buddies about how they live, what they have going on and what they are interested in. Ask about the importance for them at every meeting. Talk about them and their lives, and then it will be a signal that you are committed and valuable.
Be tolerant to communicate with friends; each of us has its disadvantages: somebody chews loudly, someone misuses words-parasites, while others become reckless after the third cocktail. With most of the shortcomings can be put up, because they really are not that important for your friendship. Therefore, please separate these things from the truly important obstacles and to close their eyes, otherwise you risk losing a lot of people standing, and be alone.
Friends largely need to just to have someone call at two in the morning and say, "I'm bad. Come! "And a real friend to come, bring a bottle of Martini, and cause that all was well. This is no exaggeration! Be mentally prepared for such actions, because they are deposited in the memory: "I remember how I was saved by Ira then seriously, although she does not have time! "Even if you miss something, helping friends, it will pay off handsomely in the form of mutual trust and a sense of a strong rear.
Willingness to compromise
Friendship - is at least two, and even more people who have decided to be friends. And these people can have different opinions on certain issues. For example, your girlfriend thinks that the best birthday - it's a party at the club, and you are disgusted by the loud music and the smell of cigarettes. But you go because it is your friend, and it was her birthday. And she, in turn, comes to you in a sushi bar, making the company you hated her eating raw fish. During the long friendly relations of compromise becomes so much that they no longer have to read and go to meet his friend for a reason.
But compromising, we can not forget about honesty in a relationship. The relationship of these friends is always a place for it. This does not mean the complete absence of a lie - does not necessarily speak to her friend that her husband is a fool. But the fact that you are not very comfortable with the fact that you are constantly spending time way, say worth it. Generally, friends talking about their feelings and emotions, even if scared and uncomfortable. Then, they are friends to share with them the most important and cherished.
It is very important in friendship. After all, who but a true friend will support initiatives in the most insane! If your girlfriend decided to go to the Sorbonne, or to become a member of the race "Formula 1", support it. In most of these situations, honesty is not needed (unless you are absolutely sure that it is completely and totally destroys his life). And if she did not work - the reassurance to the mother. That this is a real support. Only friends and closest people due to their support to help us find a way out of the most difficult situations.
You probably say, "Six Tips on how to make friends, some of portraying himself, and the last - be yourself? Brad! "But it's not because you do not have to be someone else. This kills the sincerity in the relationship, and almost always felt. Be yourself, develop their interests and dignity and to allow yourself to have disadvantages. Just sometimes try to direct their behavior in the right direction so that your friends were with you well.
All of these items can be combined into one - treat others as you want them to treat you. And rightly so, because each of us gets what he deserves. Friendship - a garden that requires constant care, effort and resources. If you do not spend time in it and dress it - it is overgrown with weeds and ceases to be a garden. So take the time and effort in trying to find and save his friends, and this will be your most reliable investment!
We recommend that read: Compliment a friend from a friend