Mendelssohn's march died away, and the couple happily go home. Well, if it is - a separate apartment. Then this article could have been avoided. But not everyone is so lucky with living area. Some brides have to establish in-law lives in a studio apartment. And many of them have survived even in this unequal fight.
Joking aside, and my mother loved her husband - is a serious matter. Especially if she is firmly convinced that you are not worthy of a little finger and her precious son. And where these come from? Reasonable question. However, the answer is no less reasonable: from the hospital. Moreover, the law does not born but become. At the very moment when a young girl gives birth to a long-awaited son and understands that this lump - the most precious thing she has in the world.
Do you think that at that moment became a mother a woman in labor? Maybe. But she also became her mother in law. And let you, the future daughter in law, has not yet been born into this world, she already hates you. For what? For that you will withdraw one moment her son. Intimidated? That's right. Now, let's learn to get along with her mother in law.
Features in-law lives depend on several criteria:
- Do you live with her in an apartment;
- Your financial situation and education;
- The presence of children;
- The ability to stand up for her husband's family.
In enemy territory
It is the most difficult option of all possible, because you, a young wife, have to adapt to someone else's apartment, way of life. If you're used to getting up at 10 in the morning and have breakfast with hot sandwiches, and my mother from 6am husband cooks in the kitchen milk porridge, disagreements are inevitable.
Let's say you made the same feat, got up at 6 am in a dream, and trudged to the kitchen to cook porridge. No, the first coffee to wake up, and then porridge. Suppose you it is even possible, and the eyes ever dissatisfied-law ceases to Repin's painting. "A young woman in the kitchen."
So what that sleepy? But hot porridge on the stove smokes and coffee still in Turku. Well, let what I look like without makeup pale. Look at yourself in the mirror. Oh, you still sugar porridge little ?? A sugar bowl on that? And anyway, there are a lot of sweet harmful. Especially you. There, at the door barely pass.
Of course, all the dialogues of his young wife were mentally. Mother in law, however, also did not stint on the tacit disapproval. And the main thing is that everyone's thoughts were in black and white on their faces.
And we have depicted the life of the bride for the first month of life-in-law. When each of them still has a good face on a bad game. The young wife desperately wants to please. Svekrov desperately struggling with the approaching hatred and trying to hide it. And then start the Cold War. Weapon each woman becomes a young husband and son one another.
Son in-law: Your Tanya back soup in a bowl was emptied and washed not with him. The stench was the whole apartment. Barely aired all. Draught was such that I probably just. (Demonstrative sneezing).
The young mother's husband: Be well, my mother. Well, I'll tell her that she was attentive.
Wife to her husband: Sashulya, sun, again your mother nagging me. Today, I poured out the soup into the bowl, so my mother rushed to the bathroom and began demonstratively wash from a bucket. Really it was impossible to wait until the water in the tank will be typed? Then there was all the windows opened. Climax her or what?
And such dialogue is endless. Then they develop into open conflict. What to advise in this situation? Psychologists recommend to the negotiating table. But it is advised to only those professionals who did not live with her mother in law. Veteran say, "Run while the family is intact! "
Hooray! We live separately!
Well? They escape from enemy captivity? Viet own nest, and remember-in-law like a bad dream? Sooner rejoice. Mom is sure to be a husband to visit you. And let the negative portion will be significantly less than if you lived with her under the same roof, it will be obligatory.
The statute of every young wife's blood progenitor written, "to lick the apartment before the arrival of her mother in law." Very wise advice. Since each feather found on the carpet threatens to turn into many hours of lecture-slut wives.
You cleaned the apartment so that you can eat off the floor and out of the toilet to drink tea? That's not all. Now drag her husband to the bathroom, forced shaving, and in the meantime smoothes weekend pants. What's the point of this? Show how well you take care of her son. And God forbid his socks would be a microscopic hole! Any potential first-in-law will begin to sew these socks, and then will be accepted for the rest of the wardrobe
I hope that you all things are stacked neatly? A thread in a box in different colors? As it is not love to sew ?? In any self-respecting hostess there a thread for each pair of her husband's socks. You will not be so? Do not worry, mother in law is required to give you a whole box of thread after a two-hour sewing socks.
In-law became a grandmother
Oh my God! This is my son! My krovinochka! Look how beautiful it is. That storm will be for all girls!
At this moment you do not think about her mother in law. All thoughts are busy with their newborn son the beloved. You are so happy that we are ready to forgive all their grievances. Mom, because she did not buy the prom dress that you have requested. Father, who will not let go to the most important party in your life. Husband, because he does not look at you the same loving eyes as before. In-law of eternal humiliation.
But with the recent pardon you clearly premature. As soon you have to listen about the dangers of diapers for boys, about how to swaddle the child, how many hours a day for a walk with the baby.
Your mother-in with a vengeance will begin to take care of the young, unhappy complaining unreasonableness young hostesses and hands that have newly made mothers grow .... However, no matter where they are growing.
How to fight it? To understand this, imagine that your son grew up.
Change roles. You - in-law
Presented? Reserving a little more imagination. There he fell in love and disappears for days at some girls. He came last. And do not even eat. And you all day to bake pies with cabbage. His favorite. And the soup is warming up. Why not eat? Light fed. What this light ?? It turns out that her pies taste better than his mother?
Stop. You feel a wave of resentment and jealousy that runs through your blood? You may not know the girl's son, and not love it. For pies. With cabbage. That your son ate instead of your own. Yes, and with him brought pies! It has shaped mockery! That this soplyachka imagines himself? It is, I think, that I do not know how to cook? Or my family is starving? ... .For I brought? No thanks. Flour I do not eat at night. Moreover, it is unclear who cooked.
Now imagine that the Light settles to live in your house and start the oven most notorious cakes in your kitchen?
How does it feel? I want to kill someone? If - yes, congratulations. You have joined the ranks in-law. And let your son is still sleeping in the cradle. You do not want to share with anyone.
Wisdom, patience and kindness
Now that you have visited in the second as his in-law, will learn to get along with her. It's about time. It does not matter what your marriage for many years. And enmity in-law as much, if not more. Better late than never.
So, we develop a strategy for relations.
Why thank you? Do not rush to argue and argue that this grymza you have nothing to give thanks. What about your husband? It's just-in-law gave birth to him, nourished and grown. And if it does not, maybe he would not have been so wonderful. But you have it the best. Right?
If you're after years of open hostility to become a throw-in-law on the neck with the words of gratitude, at least you will not understand, but as a maximum - cause ambulance.
This is best done on the birthday of her husband. Do not hesitate to say it in person? Tell me on the phone. Call-in-law, and give thanks that she gave birth to and raised a son. It would be out of place.
- The second point - we recommend
I know you do not like to listen to the eternal teachings in-law. And represents an expression of your face after you read the next item of the plan. But take my word. It works.
Of course, you bake pies with cabbage to 13 years, and you do not need advice. I have no doubt that you knead the dough with your eyes closed. But there is something that you do not know, but is able to do in-law? Think of your favorite salad husband, who for some reason you can not. Maybe it has some secret? And the one to ask about it? Guess?
If you do not bring praise new hairstyle in-law (indeed, overheated peroxide hair hardly a haircut), praising her son.
Remember how you possessed young mothers in the sandbox who admired your little boy? Would you like to talk to them again and again, is not it? And all just because they have expressed your point loud.
Later you will learn how to praise charlotte-in-law, her ability to select the wallpaper and wash off any stains from clothing. And then (oh, miracle) you wait for praise from her mother in law.
No, no, degree of frogs is not go, and the world did not collapse. Everything will remain the same as it was. Simply mum husband starts a little better for you to treat.
- Paragraph four - Giving gifts
Yes, everything is so trite. However, the simpler the method, the better it works. It is important not to give what you do not need (each of us has a penalty shelf in the closet where to send unwanted gifts, which are then safely peredarivat). After all, if a rose-cut is terrible not like you why it should come from the delight in-law?
Give from the heart. Like the husband's mother violets? Find the rare variety and presented as a gift. It is not necessary to wait for some dates. Give a reason. Moreover, more than a thoughtful is gift, the more effect you can achieve by using it.
Another point: give yourself. No need to send parcels with my husband. I understand that the person-in-law - this is the last thing you want to see. However, I stress once again: give yourself. Suppose we launched pleasant associates with you rather than with your favorite little boy.
- Paragraph five - when strategies do not work
Unfortunately, this happens in every second family. A young wife and mother-in floor grates, presents and gifts and to meet the bus to "second mother" did not carry heavy bags, and perhaps that does not kiss on the lips. And still not nice.
Remember as a joke?
Comes the son to his mother with three girls.
- Mom, I'm getting married. Guess which one is my fiancee.
- And there's that. The extreme left.
- Exactly! How did you guess?
- I just did not like it.
And in life. So if you have tried all the options, and in-law is still trying to persuade her son to divorce, change tactics. For starters become independent of the mother's husband. This applies to housing and monetary relations. Very often parents financially support their children. And it's not bad. However, in your case, the money will have to give.
And then set up the red flags. Yes, you get up at 10am. And not like breakfast cereal and sandwiches. And his son will give no dancing, as she wanted her grandmother, and karate to learn to hit back. And ... .. I think you will find something to add to this long list.
After all, why do you need to rebuild their lives for the sake of a whim, right?