If we accept that men really are from Mars and women - are from Venus, it could help explain one of the most common beliefs: the friendship between man and woman is impossible. This is always to blame the sexual tension that almost inevitably arises between any healthy heterosexual men and women. Agree, a lot of it is reasonable and rationally thinking people is a sense of anxiety and jealousy, it is a husband or wife to buy a friend of the opposite sex. I do not believe that all this will end a friendship. Correctly?
That's right, but not always. Psychologists believe - a belief that men and women can not be friends, came to us from the era when a woman spends all his time at home, while the men worked. They met in a rare men free time, and this time was given to romantic relationships. Now men and women work together, play sports, relax, take a great interest in art, and so on. This cultural shift has led to the fact that men and women there are many points of intersection of interests and occupations, and their desire to communicate with one another for the exchange of views today, it is quite natural. If men and women co-exist in today's world there and at work and at rest, they must learn how to communicate and understand each other. Maybe someone in this hard to believe, but from the point of view of some psychologists, men and women can become quite successful friends.
Do not we have been brought up - and not for us to change?
On the other hand, society has long been earmarked as a prototype of a novel relationship between man and woman
. This is the most natural type of relationship, because the separation of the sexes is explained by the necessity of procreation, and the relationship to continue to allow the life cycle
. Each of us has a specific idea about the rules of behavior in romantic relationships (flirt - relationship - marriage - to bear children), and that same-sex friendships are accustomed to people for a long time - the boys are friends with boys, girls - girls
. But once loomed into view friendship between man and woman, we fall into confusion and can not decide what to make of such a relationship
. Most people are so wary friendship and even hostile
. Our society is still not fully prepared to to accept the friendship of people of different sex as a relationship without sexual overtones
. This is especially true for older people, a world which evolved at a time when men and women were still closed to each other and became close friends only marriage
So, the whole point of our stereotypes, which evolved over the centuries. His contribution to the confusion and make more books and movies. Television from them is also not lagging behind. Almost every time we see the pages or screens friendship, men and women, it invariably ends with a fiery romance. Readers and viewers are difficult to overcome such influence of artistic images, and it is not surprising that in life they expect that men and women are always on the way to a romantic relationship.
So what in fact - can be friends with each other man and woman, or is it impossible? Try to ask this question in any company - is likely to start hot discussion, which will last several hours. Let us, and we'll try to sort out this issue.
Defining relationships: friends or lovers?
If we talk about friendship - it is the attitude of people towards each other when they are interested in spending time together, they trust each other and can rely on each other. Love is the same - it is something more. This desire for a joint life, physical attractiveness, boundless confidence ... But it is sometimes difficult to draw the line between romantic, sexual and friendly feelings. In reality, sexual desire may suddenly step in and take precedence over friendship. Just a friendly hug can instantly buy love subtext, as between a man and woman suddenly run through the spark. Nature is stronger arguments of our mind, and between man and woman there is always the sexual tension, which ignore not always obtained.
Do not forget about the platonic love. Not always, but it is a fairly common condition in which one of the pair of friends feels love, but his feeling is not mutual. Sometimes a friendship between a man and a woman durable in this situation? Most likely - no, since most relationships begins with friendship, which eventually turns into love. This is quite logical development of relations. Generally, a good, strong friendship is born on the basis of common interests, positions and views on life. But - a strong friendship is the foundation for a deeper relationship; this is what becomes a stumbling block.
Step to Love
So, until we came to the conclusion - the friendship between the sexes exists, but you can not ignore the sexual tension between boyfriend and girlfriend. While physical attraction exists, and there is a danger that friends can go to an unplanned and unwanted "drift." Different situations - for example, drinking alcohol, or mount a second and try to comfort him - could eventually lead to the fact that the two would be in bed. Intimate experience gained by them can be episodic, but he will, most likely, by the end of their friendship. If the two still do not want to lose the friendship, they decide to overcome the situation and will continue to be friends; but their friendship will never be imbued with the same spirit of partnership as before.
Heterosexual friendship - through the eyes of psychologists
The question of the existence of true friendship between man and woman becomes more topical. It is difficult to determine and decide whether between a man and a woman any other close relationship, but sex? One thing is clear - the modern conditions of the amendments made in the quality of relations between the sexes, but the old traditions still have a strong influence on people. Our society is structured by heterosexual norms, which leads us to a certain type of relationship. What place in the heterosexual community structure can take the friendship of people of different sexes?
Scientists, psychologists decided to conduct a large-scale research to find answers to these questions. And what conclusions they had made based on numerous interviews:
Conclusion №1. The older you get, the less friendly
Friendship between boys and girls there, as a rule, in the school years. Quite often, such a friendship occur during students. But when it's time serious romantic relationships and marriage, the establishment or maintenance of different sexes friendship becomes cumbersome. Even with a strong, reliable marriage is likely that the husband or wife does not like it if the other spouse will maintain cordial relations with a person of the opposite sex, especially if it is very attractive in appearance. If you spend a lot of time with your friend, your husband will not feel delighted that his "territory" and its status as the owner of the site infringes a stranger. You yourself have to think that if you pull another spending more time than my husband and I - I think that you have to start flashing warning light!
Later, with age, the number of pairs of opposite-sex friendships continue to decline. It is not surprising, since we have already talked to you about it - the majority of older people has increased in an era when communication with the opposite sex outside of marriage was taboo. Therefore, elderly people rarely form new friendships with the opposite sex. The research results show that only about two per cent of older women have friendships with men.
Conclusion №2. It is not always understood sex
In fact, the sexual tension is not always "on the agenda" when it comes to the different sexes friendship. The reason for this can be sexual orientation, lack of physical attraction or part of one or both in other romantic relationships. Eventually, even friends, who feel some attraction to each other, fully aware that those qualities that are attractive in each other, not necessarily attractive to the lover. Or even the situation: two so value their friendship, as a rule, long and strong, they are afraid to lose it and do not want to think about any romance. In any case, after some time, this friend becomes difficult to imagine yourself in some other capacity.
Conclusion №3. What are the benefits of male friendship is recovered
There are clear distinctions between the friendship of men and women friendships. Women spend most of the group activities with his girlfriend in the discussion of their thoughts and feelings, while men tend to focus on the group communication. Men come together to play football and cheer for your favorite team, go hiking or discuss stock prices. Female friendship largely involves a relationship based on trust. It's no secret that women tend to open their close friends heart and soul. They love to give advice and discuss some events, while the friendship between men is based on the cases. Men prefer to do something than to talk about it.
Almost never the men do not share with your friends personal thoughts, feelings and experiences. Most of all a man would not want to pass in the circle or wimp wimp, but after all, it needs understanding and compassion. This may explain why the friendship between a man and a woman brings satisfaction to the man even more than women. Studies have shown that the quality of understanding between the men and their female friends estimate is much higher than the quality of understanding with another male. According to them, with a friend they can talk about these things that will never be able to talk with a friend. That emotional support female friend a man appreciates most.
Conclusion №4. What are looking for in different sexes female friendship
Quite often, a woman friendship with another woman can be too tedious. Probably, there are few such women who do not have to spend hours listening to the cries of a friend with a broken heart. And how many women had to feel even a best friend secretly jealous of her good fortune, or the sly gloating, when something goes wrong? Woman to Woman can never be fully trusted. What can be said about the man. The man would not gossip about her friend, and her husband did not discourage. Friendship between a man and a woman does not have the emotional pressure on a woman, it is easier to be friends with a man, and even more fun.
Solving any questions or concerns, she appreciates the opportunity to gain a male point of view on the issue. Some women also note that they like to feel surrounded by the care and protection that come from other men. This suggests that they view such a friend as a surrogate older brother.
Conclusion №5. Heterosexual friendship compensates for the deficiency of emotional unity
Opposite-sex friendships can give a person what he loses in his family. For example, you can talk with one another about what is simply impossible to talk with a spouse or partner. A variety of "forbidden" topics often relate to our questionable behavior or some wrong actions, our innermost feelings or concerns. Friendship - a kind of escape from the emotional misunderstanding in the family. And if you feel the need to communicate with one another becomes excessive, it should be a signal that you have something sorely lacking in the relationship with my boyfriend, so you try to look for it elsewhere. In this case, we should start to fight for something to fill a gap in the marital relationship. The firm belief of psychologists - another must be sought primarily in the wife!
Conclusion №6. Heterosexual friendship is gaining momentum
In today's world, men and women have more equal rights, opportunities and interests, which may contribute to the increasing popularity of different sexes friendship. We raise a new generation of children, believing that boys can play with dolls and girls can practice kickboxing. Men and women are also becoming more androgynous as their social roles have become more similar. Men are often more likely to have female characteristics, and women more than ever ready to apply to a traditional male characteristics. In such a situation arises in opposite-sex friendships are twice as likely than in earlier times. Thus, friendship, women and men increasingly have nothing to do with romantic relationships: work and common interests are a key factor here.
The truth is somewhere in the middle?
Thus, the researchers believe that men and women may well be friends. But do we believe them? One of the dating sites conducted a survey of more than a thousand visitors on "Sometimes a friendship between a man and a woman." The results were quite revealing. Judge for yourself:
- Question: Do you think that men and women can be platonic friends?
- Answer: Yes - 83% No - 11% not sure - 6%
- Q: Who better to support a platonic relationship?
- Answers: men - 13% women - 67% not sure - 20%
- Question: Have you, as a platonic friendship passed in a romantic or sexual relationships?
- Answer: Yes - 62% No - 36% not sure - 2%
- Q: Who is more inclined to misinterpret the intimacy of friendship as sexual desire?
- Answers: men - 64% women - 25% not sure - 11%
- Q: Is it possible to fall in love with a man who comes into your life as a friend?
- Answer: Yes - 94% No - 4% not sure - 2%
The findings, as they say, do it yourself. Perhaps the question "Is there a friendship between a man and a woman? "Sounds in our time as well as it once sounded the question" Is there life on Mars? "And the answer is the same - exactly what we do not know!
And what about this do you think?