Getting rid of the guilt: do not hesitate to apologize
Getting rid of guilt: the art to forgive yourself
Tames remorse: step by step guide
With a sense of guilt in our lives, each faces. Someone experiencing that hurt a loved one, someone is dissatisfied with the quality of the report is run and thinks that summarized working team. The more experience, the more suffering people. Often it ends diseases, nervous breakdowns. We are not talking about ordinary remorse, but the deeper feelings, usually rooted in childhood. How to recover from mental illness? How to get rid of guilt? How to learn to live without looking back at the past?
First, let's define what constitutes guilt. This negative emotions associated with your actions or inaction on any occasion. It is the voice of your conscience, which reproaches for a specific act or what you left behind when it was necessary to intervene.
As you know, every normal person well known to these experiences, and there is nothing wrong to feel dissatisfaction with himself. Of course, the voice of conscience - that's fine. It means that your moral principles control your behavior and do not allow you to walk over conventional moral norms.
However, very often of remorse is not just interfere with life, but also lead to disastrous consequences such diseases. Man commits an offense, experiencing guilt and setting yourself up for what is sure to be punished. Expected wages it seems so real that it is sick, quits his job, quarrels with relatives because time was unable to forgive myself for making a mistake.
Note that we are talking about the fact that forgiveness is necessary from itself. Often an outsider who has suffered from your actions, has long ceased to keep evil at the offender, while you feel remorse and can not accept the fait accompli. The relationship that it is possible to establish, very spoiled. And only then it was necessary to get rid of guilt and forgive yourself.
The origin of guilt and its impact on man
According to psychologists, the majority of human fears and complexes originate in early childhood. Young children do not tend to guilt, because their minds for a long time is immature. If we are not born with a habit to feel remorse, how do we have a sense of it? And there is a problem of guilt? She comes from a family in which we grow up.
Every parent tries to instill a sense of conscience to their child long before he learns to walk. "Why did you break my grandmother's cup, and now she is upset and would cry," "Due to the fact that you broke my dad's fishing rod, he will have to work hard to buy a new one", "You're so shouting that I had a headache," - familiar phrase, is not it? That they have heard in childhood and often sound out now address his own son or daughter. If the main part of the dialogue with the child comes down to recriminations and punishments, baby unwittingly begins to feel the source of all ills parents.
But why adults to instill a sense of guilt for their children? Everything is very simple. A child who is tormented by remorse, much easier to manage. Even the parents of children not accused specifically, but out of habit. They grew up with the constant guilt of their father and mother were brought up as well, so a habit to instill a sense of their own insignificance is transmitted from generation to generation. Now, when the determination of guilt and its origin is disclosed, learn to live in a new way, not tormented by remorse.
Many may ask, why get rid of the guilt, if it teaches us our conscience? After listening to his inner judge - is good. And to suffer for the wrong behavior - this is also true. Much worse, if one person offends another and normally feels itself thus. Such people are called immoral and unscrupulous. What to do? Converted them to easily get rid of the pain?
No and no again! In answer to the question of how to deal with feelings of guilt, you must very clearly distinguish the line between what you can do, and the fact that it is impossible. Renunciation of public attitudes, values and guidelines - is a direct path to self-destruction. But graft and leave parents feeling that you constantly someone something must also not recommended.
Psychologists say that a sense of guilt could result from a bad mood to quite specific life troubles. Do you think that you are a worthless and unworthy of happiness a person? Life can hear your message and respond to it adequately, addressing you in trouble in the form of machines, doused with dirty water, hamovity saleswoman, a huge queue at the supermarket cashier. That's because the fate of harmony and balance controls. And if in your soul scratching cats, do not expect that life will not have problems. Everything that is going on inside you, and will surround the outside.
Now, when it became clear why it is so important to take your own shortcomings without pangs of self-flagellation, and should understand with how to get rid of the guilt. Let's learn how to do so to remain sensitive spiritual person does not become a terry selfish, but stop to feel always and everywhere "extreme."
Getting rid of the guilt: do not hesitate to apologize
You insulted a certain person, and after a while realized that it made a temper, unable to keep the anger in time? It is clear that now you do not know where to hide from the painful regrets. But as a rule, a person who experiences his own mistake, rarely thinking constructively. "Oh, why did I do or say ?! Oh, how disgusting to me now in my soul! "- All phrases that lead nowhere. Why is that? Quite simply, because what has happened is not correct - return to the past is impossible. A look into the eyes of the present - fear because of any wrongdoing necessarily comes payback. And if you have children it is a slap on the soft spot, standing "in the corner", deprivation sweet or walk, then we, the adult is much harder.
We have no one to spank, and do not help. But the loss of a close friend, dissatisfied with the authorities, a quarrel with his family - all this can significantly spoil the life. But even these circumstances can hardly compare with the agony of self-flagellation, experienced by an adult, brought up in normal conditions. So how do you avoid the negative consequences of their own mistakes or mitigate them? First of all, you need to take an unpleasant fact as a certain part of the present, to determine the way to turn it into the past so that the future is not particularly affected.
For example, you forgot to congratulate someone from relatives birthday. How to proceed? Simply call and sincerely ask for forgiveness, and even better - to call for a visit with a gift. Let your words a little too late, and people are offended, for their lack of attention to the person, but the honest admission of guilt will be your healing balm for his wounded pride. So do not tear, berating herself for flaws memory and think of a way out of the situation. Man will be able to overcome the feeling of guilt only when satisfied that it no one gets angry. Remember, as a kid? He had only to ask for forgiveness and instantly felt better.
Therefore, if you want to find deliverance from the moral burden, do not hesitate to apologize. At first, the man whom you have offended. Just do not do it spontaneously and deliberately. Try to rectify the situation, as described above. Smashed favorite vase-in-law? Before you go to confession, buy her a new one. Give your favorite sweets, try to appease someone who you think is angry at you. Believe me, forgiveness of others brings great relief.
But in this situation we are talking about what is really the cause of all steel or shortcomings of your own memory or banal awkwardness. Therefore, to change the situation is quite simple - it should only take very simple steps. How to get rid of feelings of guilt, even if you are not sure that this is your wrong actions provoked an unpleasant incident?
Getting rid of guilt: the art to forgive yourself
To start analyze their actions. Why do you do with it? Maybe this is the source provoke harsh words for which you reproach yourself now? Or this situation simply could not turn into another? Understand that every action concerning. And our perception of the problem varies depending on what angle you look at it. Even the killing was justified during the Second World War. And you can not calm down because of some little things!
However, that simple remorse can not win. To be the most important step - you need to ask for forgiveness from herself. This will make it much more difficult, as a small child within you who often feel guilty, will strongly resist getting rid of remorse. Try to objectively assess the situation if it does not blame you, as an outsider. Can you justify someone else's actions? Of course. We have always been more tolerant of strangers shortcomings and could not come to terms with her. Remember a similar case that happened to your family and friends. You do not become worse than to treat them after their offense? That and the surrounding gladly forgive you your mistake.
To learn how to get rid of the guilt, you can use some of the techniques developed specifically for such cases. It's kind of self-therapy, allowing to solve all the major problems of a person suffering from the pangs of conscience. Exercise it is quite simple, but very effective, if used correctly. Thus, the struggle with guilt in five stages.
Step One. It is necessary to say out loud, "I forgive myself for ..." and list all the troubles that worry you at the moment. If you say it honestly and sincerely, you instantly feel the pleasant relaxation of muscles. In the morning, still in bed, mentally recall the fate of their own grievances or specific people and forgive yourself and for those feelings. Repeat all this is before the mirror. Once the facial muscles relaxed, it means that the result is achieved. Follow the progress of your own thoughts, and forgive yourself for those that cause internal stress.
Step Two. It lies in the so-called trial of the pen. Take a blank sheet of paper, a pencil and write a short essay that enjoin his guilt. Outline words their emotions, feelings, experiences. Let this be a kind of monologue: you have to write in the present tense and the first person. The idea is to pick up from the depths of memory all the old resentments and anxieties, to make them "come alive." Now imagine that you got into a time machine and have a chance to fix it. Rewrite the story on the new, correct, you think way. And let his final is sure to be happy!
Step Three. Imagine that you - the only spectators in the theater. On the scene unfolding picture of your past, where there are unpleasant circumstances for which you can not forgive yourself. Only now your role played by the actor. Think about what conclusions should be done for the future. Now stand in the place of those affected by your words or actions in this imaginary play. Try to visit in its "skin". You think it's too difficult test? Then - intermission. But be sure to go back to watching and as you can see the end of the story, will become much easier.
Step Four. This method is the most complex. Stay focused and look at the sky. Imagine a person who is close to you and suddenly - a miracle! - It is you. Now ask forgiveness from this phantom. The figure was transformed into a teenage girl, so reminding you in the very young. Apologize and her. And now you see yourself as a small child. Play with him and whisper: "I'm sorry! "If you are well adhered to the algorithm, the front of your mind's eye, the child will begin to decrease and become quite crumbs. Carefully place it in your heart. So you will find agreement with each other and stand on the way of getting rid of guilt.
Step five. Write a letter to all those you have wronged. Mention own experiences and the reasons that led you to do so. Again, ask for forgiveness from itself and those to whom to blame. Do not be afraid, do not need to send letters. Now write the answers from people who addressed your letter. Forgive yourself on their behalf. That's all. Getting rid of the pangs of conscience surely come, but sometimes these exercises must be repeated several times in order to finally overcome the guilt.
Tames remorse: step by step guide
Step One: Learning to share the feelings of guilt and responsibility. It is important to understand that these two sensations are different in nature, as in the first case we are talking about the destructive anguish, while the second - on the constructive interpretation of its own erroneous conduct or action. If you're used to looking at problems and troubles solely through his own guilt, while they themselves think it is the only possible cause.
"Here again, a quarrel with her husband, all because of the fact that time was unable to hold back! "" The child does not listen. Of course, because I was constantly busy and the time to bring him up! "" My friend was offended, oh, we had still to agree to her suggestion! "- Such phrases, which are clearly seen in the false assessment of events, probably familiar to most of us.
Instead of the usual regrets, much more useful would be understanding and reinterpretation of a situation and understanding of what the future should behave differently. The problem of guilt - that is to say, look at the past, clinging to events that can not be changed, a subconscious reluctance to part with them, and so on. This is very similar to the behavior of a child who regretted the broken vase, but because of their age do not understand fully the factors that have led to wrongdoing.
And just the same responsibility and implies a correct assessment of errors committed, the lessons learned and the reluctance to repeat the situation in the future. It differs from the guilt that no matter how acute was the problem, it is necessary to seek a way out of it, that is, to switch to more important things.
Step Two: Do not become a victim of an unattainable ideal. If lifelong you have not managed to deny myself the eternal desire for perfectionism, it's time to do it. Take for granted the fact that neither you nor the people around you are not without drawbacks. You can not always keep cool, infinitely impossible to observe cleanliness in the house every day running around with a vacuum cleaner and a rag, unimaginably difficult each time to surprise her husband in bed. But how to overcome perfectionism when he laid in your childhood?
"You're an excellent student! "- Says mother twelve year old girl, and that already seems impossible to get an estimate below the" five ". Familiar? So, it's time to lower the bar a few expectations. For example, you get a complex and very time-consuming task of leadership. What will a perfectionist? That's right, stay overnight at the office in the morning, sleepy, in a blouse and a stale somehow doctored makeup, put on the table the head of hard-won result. And what will make an ordinary person? Simply ask for help from colleagues or superiors reasoned report on the actual timing of work assigned to them. So, do not hesitate to grasp the outstretched hand, or else run the risk of slipping into an abyss and fall victim to the infamous perfectionism.
Step Three: learn to give. Yes, in this life, the ability to say a firm "no" is a must. But some people suffer from what they unbearably difficult to pronounce a simple word. Do not want to be a hostage to its own concessions and branded spineless? Then do not be afraid to refuse, for example, if the output that you were planning to devote himself suddenly find themselves under threat because of the possible arrival of friends.
They said that they wanted to, so to speak, to brighten up your loneliness? Before you automatically say, "Yes, of course! "Think about how useful this visit you. You will be able to enjoy the company of friends and not to harm its own plans? Then welcome to invite guests. You understand that your original idea would have to sacrifice? No?