Anger - is one of the most important emotion, and it is perceived as something negative, something that harms and destroys your life. Each of us at least once in their lives experienced the shame and guilt for what time did not keep his anger in front of someone, or respected person. Sometimes it even happened cause rupture of relations. Therefore the search for solutions to get rid of anger, is relevant for almost every person.
To contain his anger is not so easy. Like any other strong emotion, it occurs spontaneously and responds poorly to conscious control. We must not forget that the containment of anger is not always reasonable and helpful, so it does not allow to express their feelings and to remove barriers to the achievement of objectives. In addition, regular containment anger leads to pathological activation of the autonomic nervous system, which can be the cause of some diseases. Therefore anger does not need to fight, it is better to learn how to use and control.
What is anger?
In order to get rid of anger, you need to know what kind of feeling.
Anger - a negative emotion, directed against the injustices experienced by and accompanied by a desire to resolve it. Feeling anger, you may feel like you have "blood boil", "burning" face and tense muscles. Sometimes it looks like a volcano or a hurricane. Do you feel the physical force that causes you to attack the offender. As you have so much energy that sometimes it seems that you will explode if you do not hit anyone. It is from this energy you are feeling bold and courageous.
Hence the emergence of the basic sense of anger - increased physical strength to deal with obstacles and dangers. Throughout its existence, humanity has repeatedly faced with a variety of threats, and thanks largely to the anger he was able to overcome them. But with the development of civilization, the whole society has created institutions to ensure the safety of human life, so the need for anger gradually decreases.
Modern man is still prone to anger and rage, but their manifestation in terms of law and morality is almost always condemned (except for the protection of themselves and their families). So some people now feel anger more of a hindrance than a positive element behavior, and hard puzzle over the question of how to get rid of anger forever.
However, from the point of view of psychology, and the complete exclusion of the suppression of anger it is unreasonable, because the anger - it's part of human nature. A person must be able to use it for their own benefit. Maybe we rarely find ourselves in a situation of this physical threat (although sometimes still happens, and do not want to lose it in anger!). But more and more often we are confronted with the need to protect themselves from psychological pressure. In these situations, the ability to use a moderate and controlled anger will be very hands on and help you defend your rights.
After all, if someone has on you a moral or psychological pressure, he had to give a firm and resolute rebuff, and the basis of this resistance can be mild anger. Your anger will be useful not only to you but also to the person who, in violation of social norms, exposes you or anyone else in danger.
This does not mean that it is necessary to repulse every person and in every situation. Having hostility and aggression rule your life, you may encounter with the suffering. However, their absence does not mean a happy life - on the contrary. It is therefore very important to learn to control his anger.
The causes of anger
There may be plenty, and to understand how to get rid of irritability and anger, it is necessary to understand their causes. Psychologists describe the four main groups of causes of anger:
- Restriction of freedom - physical or psychological. An example of physical restraint may be a cry baby and angry when his mother holds his pen and gives them to chat. In older people it is most often a question of psychological lack of freedom - for example, some rules, restrictions or conditional.
- The presence of obstacles in achieving the goal. When you are doing something, and suddenly between you and the target obstacle arises, the first thing you get angry, and then try to overcome it. For example, if you bring the documents to the official, who is sitting and drinking tea, you will feel the anger and try to deliver the documents to him, no matter what.
- Psychological causes. It can be thought of error, insults, injustices, insults. A person can be angry at other people, if he considers them the reason for his mishaps, as well as the circumstances or inanimate objects. For example, a person with a serious illness, angry at fate that he named "reward."
- Very uncomfortable - severe cold, hunger, pain, dirt, in general, any discomfort. For example, if you spent the whole day hungry, it is not surprising when you suddenly become angry on the evening of households.
The four main reasons, in essence, are reduced to one - infringement of our Ya Various obstacles hinder us to achieve the goals and meet the needs that in fact there is one and the same. Herein lies the key to control their anger.
Practical tips for anger management
As a rule, experiencing anger, we do something one of the following: try to pull myself together and gain control of the situation, in any way attack the object and the cause of anger or make any irrational action.
Most often you will find yourself in situations where you can not show your anger, which is why you will be beneficial psychological recommendations for self-regulation. This is especially true if you are uncontrolled outbursts of anger - how to get rid of them?
- Most importantly - understand that you are angry. If you think that a man is to blame for your misfortunes, try to soberly assess - he did all that he could, that this situation is not it? In most cases, the honest answer is - yes. And if not - ask them about it. He may not want, and that is his right, then you can either wait or do not try to be with this person of General Affairs.
- Angry at a fact - it's funny, because objectively it does not exist. The mechanism is simple: instead of yourself you address his anger to someone or something else. Try not to get angry, but think about it - what you can do to rectify the situation and to achieve the desired goal? Take a look at the problem from different angles, and, most likely, the decision will be.
- Sometimes we get angry at something or someone, they seem to us to some not so. For example, we believe a foolish man, and a vase - funny, and it angers us. The most common reason for anger rests in the fact that we neither himself nor others can not afford to be so - stupid or ridiculous. Accordingly, the key to anger management here will be full awareness of what makes you angry and mental resolution object of wrath to be the way it is.
- Focus on solving the problem rather than on the search for the guilty. Describe the problem for himself on all sides, make a detailed action plan and periodically check what progress in its implementation. Try to focus on the mind and logic, rather than feelings of anger and frustration.
- If you want to express anger source or object of anger is to express it exactly and to the point. Do not drag the past and the stories of other people. Remember that you criticize a man for his specific act. Only then your aggression is a chance to stay useful and constructive and not to provoke anger.
- Use humor. Even Sigmund Freud said that humor - is socially acceptable channelizers aggression. Simply put, experiencing anger, try to make a joke - even if it is poisonous, and sarcastically - and you'll see how your anger decreases.
- Learn to relax. You need to learn to control your breathing - it should be deep and slow. To enhance relaxation using visualization - a pleasant and relaxing images - and wordings ("my face is relaxed, my hands are relaxed, my body relaxed, my legs are relaxed." Focus on internal sensations - like casts sight inside your body.
- "Erases" the wrath to muscles. Make sure you - what muscles you tense up when you are angry. If you feel the muscle clips, try to "dissolve" them, as it were microscopically pulling these muscles. So you are free from tension and release the clamped energy.
- Express your anger in space. Sometimes that anger is accumulated and accumulated, and the discharge is not. In this case, it is necessary to implement. You can go somewhere far away and yell loudly. It will also be effective in sports - especially if it is associated with aggression, such as kickboxing or training with a punching bag. If you hurt a particular person, but there is no way to tell him about it - write a letter, read it and burn it.
This is some simple answers to the question of how to get rid of their own anger. Try to implement some of these simple recommendations, and you will see how quietly reduced the amount of anger in your life.