Did you ever have in your life are cases when people were charged you with endless requests and problems? Someone needs to sit down with their children, someone constantly asks for money borrowed, persuade others to help weed the garden beds. And this endless succession of requests you are not able to say "no", because so terribly offend someone failure!
And you already feel the internal tension and fatigue, ceases to control personal time for the sake of someone else's tactless requirements. Do not you feel yourself like a Cinderella from the fairy tale, which is always separated the wheat from rice instead of having fun at the ball? How to learn to refuse to people in requests if they inconvenience and damage to your own life? Yes, it is learned, because the right to say "no" - is an art. After all, we want to have and the sheep are safe and wolves are fed, is not it?
As a rule, the heavy press requests surrounding people go unnoticed - at first they are very shallow and harmless. How would you test for durability and are assessing how much you are able to survive. And if you were too soft and reliable, please turn to stringent requirements.
First you persuade to sit with a young child - your girlfriend need for long leave. Then she wants to go to the hospital, to the store, the hairdresser. And now she was going with friends to drink beer and dance, and you humbly sit all night with the baby. Deep down you know that it is the audacity that friend stops looking for a serious reason - just shamelessly continues to use you. And you do not dare to deny it: what kind of relationship you're after? And, instead, to spend the evening with her boyfriend, you meekly continue to improve the quality of life of others. Do you want to be old to work, "ambulance", or it is time to learn to say a firm "no" annoying people?
What turns you into a meek Cinderella?
Try to understand what causes encourage you to agree to do what can happen without your participation. In the end, the same Cinderella managed to eventually get rid of the endless requests from her stepmother and sisters. Why do not you gather your strength and do not understand the true motives of his behavior? After all, something allows you to always say "yes", although this word is just one letter shorter than "no"! So, there are several reasons: try to find and come to a correct conclusion. So, begin to say "no."
Do you think that the world would collapse without you
Very often people do not dare to say "no" because the Holy convinced that without their help, the world would collapse. If you think that your friends can not cope without you, then it is not. A friend could take the baby to the mother, or hire a babysitter. Work on another garden will not stop without you, if the owner wants to harvest.
Buddy take the money in the bank (of course, with interest - but you something cares!). And the idea of abandoned children, rotting vegetables, and shortstop with outstretched hands on the porch - complete nonsense. Right? In the end, if you suddenly leave the other end of the world, your friends will somehow solve their problems without you. So why not start doing it right now? In the end, you're not Mother Teresa!
If you are expecting sincere gratitude for your efforts, then you will be disappointed: begging hardly see in you a generous and loyal friend. It's not your kindness, and reliability, all of which are used to take something for granted. People burdening you with endless requests, just used to see in you a free helper, a governess, a nurse with children.
They are very comfortable with you, because you can take off part of the obligations and shift them to your infinitely strong shoulders - "do not lose anything from you." What are you, it is convenient? Are you sure of reciprocal support of their friends, they will throw their business to rush to your aid? Practice shows that this happens very rarely and, alas.
Fear of rejection
Some people can not refuse someone's request, for fear of being rejected. What if a person is disappointed in you, in others, would be offended and will no longer respect? How then to live with it? If you are plagued by such thoughts - immediately discard them. In fairness it should be noted that such a relationship does not resemble friendly and commodity-money.
If a person is sincere to you, he will never use you, and received a response to its request for "no", will never let you judge. But if you have any resentment and anger in your address, you should think: and whether you need such "friends"? Perhaps your complaisance - the only thing that keeps them close to you? Learn to say "no", you will have a great chance to check it out.
A sense of self-worth
Or maybe you just like to be an essential and important for his friends? After all, what exactly they are turning to you, not to other people, makes you an authority in their own eyes. Then think about it, why is it bothering you? In the end, no one is trying to persuade you to be tough and indifferent to other people's troubles. Offer your seat to a pregnant woman in the transport or transfer grandmother across the street - a sacred duty of everyone!
If you feel that a person really needs is your help - why not? But if others are starting to parasitize on your kindness, if you do not appreciate your right to personal time - expect trouble. One day you'll turn into a spineless servant wishes of others and build your own happiness will not have time. To this did not happen as quickly as possible learn to say "no"!
In fact, learn to give people a snap. The first thing you need to do - to realize that you manipulate. Any assistance should be voluntary, and the execution of someone's claims "under the lash" will make the soul a feeling of anger and hostility. Take into service a few simple techniques that will facilitate you to work on yourself:
Mirror in assistance
If you have difficulty with the wonderful word "no" - Practice in front of a mirror. Speak calmly, slowly and surely. You will see that there is nothing wrong with this word there, and your language is quite able to pronounce it. Ask family members to practice with you - let them something asked, and you tell them firmly refuse. If they hesitate - rejected the request of his turtles, cats, flowers on the windowsill. Feel the pleasure of his intransigence and capabilities firmly say "no." It's not that hard!
Do not be surprised, but very often hard for people to say "no" because of ... banal habits. If you are willing to say, "Of course I do," purely reflex, then soak a small pause after scoring request. Gather your thoughts and say "no."
The other party refuses, looking him straight in the eye. Be concise and do not mumble. Your lack of confidence and the flow of unnecessary words can lead to the fact that your speech will be taken as consent. Or simply ignore your refusal, which is also very unpleasant. Therefore, it is important to learn to say "no" firmly.
Generally, if you have never been denied, your first fight back will not be taken seriously. If your partner does not recede, and continues to insist, again refused. Usually come into play two key stages: "We are best friends" and pressure on the pity. Do not fall for these rods - the result you already know.
If you have finally decided to learn to say "no", be ready to unpleasant consequences. If your friend is not adequately responds to failure - offends you, and even threatened (yes, it happens sometimes!), Take it easy. Just you are able to identify this parasite, and you'd better protect themselves from communion with him. You would be better if such a ham never classify you into the circle of his friends.
Once you learn to give people in the pesky requests, you will feel the freedom and zest for life. It is widely others do, it can make you. One well-known film actress Faina Ranevskaya asked for help, and added:
-Please Do it. You're good, you do not refuse.
-During I live two people - she said - one good, he would have agreed. And the other one can deny. Today, the second duty.
Do not be afraid to be firm and not let something consent. By understanding how to learn to say "no", you force yourself to respect those who have recently filled up your annoying requests. Say "yes" to his personality, then you can easily say 'no' to people, stop you from living freely. You agree that for this you can learn to refuse!