- Myth or reality?
- The symptoms of midlife crisis
- Man and woman: what is the difference?
- How to survive midlife crisis?
It is believed that the life of each of us comes such a time as a midlife crisis. Some people even prefer to "blame" him all that they are not satisfied in life. Problems at work? It's a midlife crisis. My wife and I did not have sex for six months? Same. So what is it - really existing phenomenon or an invention, which is taken to justify the desire to dramatic changes in your life? And what if he did come? Answers to these and other questions you will learn from this article.
Myth or reality?
When first introduced the term "midlife crisis"? This is a very interesting story. You've probably heard about the famous psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud and Carl Gustav Jung. Freud for a long time was a teacher and patron of the Young, but when Carl Gustav began to develop their own view of the human psyche, they had a quarrel. Jung is very upset by his "separation" with Freud, and these feelings he described in his writings, suggesting that in this crisis are all people on Earth. His ideas were picked up by psychologists around the world who began to investigate the phenomenon. But until now, there is debate about whether the reality of mid-life crisis, or is it just an individual has personal reaction Jung.
Carl Gustav claimed that the first half of his life, a person engaged in the external achievements: a career, a family, a baby, or buy a house. But somewhere in the thirty or forty years, he turns to his inner life and realizes that in fact he is deeply dissatisfied with everything happening. It turns out that the man himself, promises something, seeks to achieve all of their goals, but in the end realizes that this is not happiness. And nothing he has not. In his youth, it seems that success is a guarantee of satisfaction with life, but by the age of forty "held" a person thinks that if he just reached, what awaits him next? It turns out that just fall down.
What can we say about the less successful peers. Man in general tend to dream a lot and build a grand life plan. However, when in the middle of his life, he turns back, it turns out that he has not reached even half of the plan. In his youth, we are getting used to live the future, when it seems that our dreams are sure to come true, just a little later. And forty years you realize that this "later" will be gone.
Causes of the crisis of middle age also lie in the physiology of the human body. Simply put, we all grow old. Our bodies wear out, and we are faced with a number of unpleasant discoveries related to our health. Men go bald, reduced libido, and shortness of breath, and suddenly grown beer belly can drive them into depression, any representative of a strong half of mankind. In women, wrinkles, gray hair, the skin loses its elasticity, and some are already in the middle of life will know the "charm" of pre-menopausal changes. Naturally, in this pleasant little and inevitably reflect on the fact that life is changing, and not in the best side.
Another important parameter of the crisis - a change of the social role. Up to a certain extent we can afford to have some fun, do something silly, shift the blame for unpleasant events from their shoulders at other people - in short, to be a child. But sooner or later there comes a time when you realize: I am a mother in a family, at work - a valuable specialist and mentor for the young, but in life - and serious adult woman. For someone like that awareness becomes a shock. Especially hard for those who in this period lost their parents - this reinforces the need for major changes, and you realize that in life you can only rely on their own strength. Not everyone is mentally prepared for it.
The situation in the family, too, can be the impetus for the development of mid-life crisis. Children grow up, come into puberty, and it also gives a lot of suffering. In addition, one morning you wake up, look at your spouse and realize that this is not the kind of person for whom you are married. The same thing happens with your husband. For the family, this period becomes a kind of test of strength, and someone can not withstand such pressures.
The symptoms of midlife crisis
Psychologists who study this phenomenon, faced with a mass difficulties associated with the fact that all it takes quite differently. Accordingly, a list of possible symptoms is very difficult. We have come to think creatively, and try to group together and offer you only the most vivid and colorful manifestations of the crisis, which will help you to accurately determine its offensive.
- Vague feelings of anxiety, a point of sadness, the cause of which is not clear to you;
- Dissatisfaction with themselves, their way of life and those achievements that you have to date;
- The feeling of inner insecurity, the lack of one's place in life;
- The desire to radically change anything. That is why men buy sports cars and factories of young lovers, and women are recorded in the Pilates and flower arranging courses. A person in crisis, it seems that all the problems are external circumstances that he is trying to change.
- The growing number of conflicts with family and friends. With more distant acquaintance usually keeps a stiff upper lip, but family members often "get it."
- Change of world view. Man thinks about, what is the meaning of life and that it was important to him personally. Many people try to somehow evaluate their accomplishments and intermediate results.
- Since early symptoms associated next - low self-esteem. People going through a crisis, often describe themselves as "unfortunate", "Lost", "confused", "Missed", "bad". Some women in this regard, trying to immerse oneself in a career (or, conversely, to have a family - that is, to do something that previously they did not dare).
- Nagging depression and apathy. Some people experience a crisis given particularly hard, and they are faced with the disappearance of desires and aspirations. Typically, this symptom is seen in those who before the crisis was suffering from personal problems.
Man and woman: what is the difference?
Above, we have described some general idea of what a mid-life crisis. But we should not forget that men and women experience it differently, respectively, and to deal with it, they should in many ways.
Interesting fact: men are more likely to suffer from the crisis of middle age than women. This is due to the fact that in their external part life advances much more than in female. They require to build a house, grow a tree, raise a son, and in parallel to make a million dollars to buy his wife a mink coat, and do not forget to regularly travel with the family. Not surprisingly, somewhere in the forties a man matures legitimate question: and where I am in this race?
There comes a radical change in the experience of life, when a man realizes that in fact he had always lived for others and trying to fit some external standards. There is a feeling that lived part of a much larger than the one that remained. Then the man starts to look "sharp" sensations. It was at this point increases the risk of divorce, because it seems as if the wife does not understand him, and indeed, it is all my fault! They also include a sharp change of lifestyle, social circle, taste - in every man's life is turned upside down. In this case, the wise conduct of its second half will be most welcome.
Women midlife crisis starts at about thirty-five - forty years, but it takes place in a different way. As a rule, women's experiences are based on several "pillars". Firstly, this appearance. Thirty-five years - this is the age when you have to buy a cream with the notation "for mature skin." And that pressure a woman to expect everywhere, if she wears a short skirt, go to a nightclub, and will dance the night away or decides to jump on the trampoline, shame is inevitable, because it is believed that the adult lady not to face such manifestations. Indeed, becoming more noticeable flaws in appearance, the skin loses its elasticity and shape - old shape. Of course, it is not always, but some age-related changes occur, and it is very difficult to accept that in a world dominated by the cult of beauty and eternal youth.
On the other hand, many of the women who married early and turned his attention to the home, with age realize that they really do not reach. Children grow up, my husband works, and the family ceases to meet the needs of women in self-realization. Immediately there is a temptation to blame the household, and give some of it just "mind-blowing". They give birth to a dozen new hobbies and try to somehow make a career. Family members is much fear that the woman, in turn, is seen as a misunderstanding and negative attitudes toward its development. Naturally, this situation does not improve niskolechko.
So, it seems that the crisis is not easy to go through both sexes. The reasons may be different, but the essence is the same: a person is suffering from its own "badness" and inconsistency and trying to change things. But how productive are these actions?
How to survive midlife crisis?
Many people have a desire to fight the crisis with the help of various eccentric antics and depreciation of all that is now. But this output is illusory, because people are still trying to change something outside then, how to survive all inside. Another frequently occurring option - it is depressed, get out of that if possible. Of course, you can once again write off all its morbid state, "Get away all my crisis! ". But it is worth remembering that the ongoing events in human life - is a consequence of his own choice. If you want you can always fight, and if not, it is certainly much easier to complain and get depressed.
In the top 10 of the most unfortunate of men's options as to overcome the crisis of middle age, also included increased craving for alcohol, reinforced demonstrate their masculinity with or without divorce and young mistresses, and rapid "rejuvenation" (youth clothes, hanging out with the night before in the morning, from the remnants of the mouse tail hair, etc. ... - it's all good, when people really young at heart rather than strained something of yourself shows). Women are similar: bred and give birth to young lovers, do plastic surgery, tear it out on younger colleagues, which is not an effective way out of the crisis.
But, oddly enough, there are other options. Naturally, the universal answer to the question of how to overcome the crisis of middle age does not exist. However, the fact that you will be doing something in this area and to deal with depression, had significantly increases the likelihood of success. Our tips are suitable for both men and women, because of total desire to live happily there, and those and others.
- The leitmotif of mid-life crisis is to analyze their own lives. It is very important to spend it in order to actually go through with you what is happening, not just run away from it. The purpose of self-examination is not only in recognition of their own failures and sprinkling ashes on their heads. Of course, you can grieve a little bit, but do not forget to focus on the positive: what you have achieved in the workplace and in the family that you know and are able, compared with two decades.
- Actualization of Selves. It sounds intimidating, but in reality it is very pleasant to deal with. You should ask yourself the question: "What inspires me at all? ". Perhaps you have always wanted to do flower arrangements, but somehow it was too busy. So, now is the time to do it! If nothing interesting comes to mind, think of all the things that you are interested in youth and adolescence. Sometimes it is very nice and helpful to do beading, embroidery cross, or a photo - as a young man.
- Throw away all the ideas of the limitations and boundaries of conventional age at which adolescence ends. Most of all - imagination marketers who are trying to influence your mind. The reality is that the youth of a man lasts only as long as it allows it to her. Of course, there is a small list of restrictions (for example, in sports), but they tend to be overcome. Everything else - in your head. So think about what you would like to achieve in life, and put in front of the goal. Oh, and pursue them as if you are now twenty-five!
- In order to fulfill the previous point you need health. Chances are, you already have perfectly know what to do to fight against aging, but we are, just in case, we recall: quit smoking, reduce alcohol intake to a minimum, to find a suitable power supply system (and use it), a lot of walking , engaged in physical training. And start all this must be done now. And no excuses!
- Take your age. Men are much easier to do, because they remain attractive until ... Yes, they have no such limit! But we women harder because of the cult of youth, prevailing in modern society. What to do? To go beyond the stereotypes. Namely - to accept and love yourself for who you are at this age. This means that you should not young - it is better to look after and hard to pamper yourself. Stop chasing the youth fashion and find a style that will emphasize your strengths and with whom you will look the most beautiful and well-groomed.
- If your husband is going through a crisis, you should not blame him for that. He is now more than ever needs your support and understanding. Talk heart to heart with him and analyze what is happening. Teach him everything that was described in the preceding paragraphs. Try it with him to find any interesting exercise for both of you and share the experience of the joint adventure. You can go hiking, parachuting, go on a trip to Europe - it all depends on your inclination or resources. The most important thing - it is to be together and to acquire new thrills. You can also hang on the refrigerator and striking out a list of goals already made. A crisis can rally the family and can destroy, and in your power to choose their own version.