"It does not happen in the world, that were lost children! "
In the eponymous cartoon mammoth found still my mom. And if you remember, my mother became shaggy crumbs elephant. Unfortunately, people have also lost babies ... To date, the problem of orphans in Russia and the CIS countries is very serious. But, to a large Fortunately, in recent years more and more families are solved at a responsible step, as the adoption of the baby.
Of course, this act is worthy of great respect. But with such a serious decision from the prospective adoptive parents have a lot of questions: how everything goes, they will find it "their" baby, how will develop further relations? In that case, if the family has children of relatives, the situation is even more complicated. No - no, of course, we do not in any way dissuade you from the adoption of the baby. But in order to reduce the potential for problems to a minimum, it is necessary to carefully prepare in advance. In this article we will look at issues such as the choice of the child, especially the relationship between adoptive and blood children, and others.
Dear Mom and Dad!
Family psychologists say that the most difficult - is the choice of the baby. Of course, the question of how to choose a foster child, sounds very cynical, because the kid - a man, not a bucket of strawberries at the market. But, nevertheless, pass this stage have all foster parents, how hard was not. Very often the parents try not to think about it, considering that during the first visit to the orphanage they all 'heart will tell. "
That may be true, but remember that you do not have time to cross the threshold of a children's home, as you hopefully looking intently dozens of kids. And in their eyes will be read only one question - "Do you - my mom and dad? You follow me? "And in this situation it is no wonder confused. Of course, you avoid this is unlikely, but you can narrow down the search if you prepare in advance.
It is necessary to immediately determine the basic requirements - the floor of the child, his age, the main features of appearance, temperament and health. This issue must be approached very carefully, because the child - it's not a toy, and you will live with him the rest of his life. And only depends on you whether this happy life.
In most cases, potential parents prefer to take to the family of the young child. It is their decision, they explain the fact that the kid does not remember his family and previous life. And stay in the orphanage did not manage to impose its mark on the character of the crumbs. Yes, and more important fact - taking the baby into the family, parents can go through all the stages of maturation, that for many is also a decisive factor.
And about the process of adaptation should not be forgotten. The younger the child, the less painful it be. Opt for a child under three years old, remember that your new family will enjoy all the privileges that the law provides - leave for child care, cash benefits.
But do not deny the chance to have a family and kids older. If you decide to take an older child, you need to consider several factors. Firstly, kindergarten or school. If the child is age children must attend an educational institution, necessarily prior consent of the issue with the teachers. Second, pay attention to the children of relatives, friends and acquaintances. It will bring a double benefit. You can observe the behavior of children of different age groups and a decision. Well acquainted with the alleged friends of your future son or daughter. In addition, you will gain some skills with the children that will also play in your favor in the future.
Also, psychologists are advised to pay special attention to the age of the baby's parents who lost their own child. Of course, the loss of a child - it's the worst thing that can happen in the life of any person. But it is not recommended to take the baby to the family of the same sex and age, in which the native child died. Otherwise, the adoptive parents on a subconscious level will bring the child excessive demands. And, of course, the kid was physically unable to answer them. And accidents are all - and the baby, and the baby. It makes more sense to choose a person, not a "substitute".
Appearance, temperament, health
Proceed to the next, equally important issue - the appearance of the child. Of course, the face not to drink water. However, all of the parents there is quite a natural desire to foster child was a little bit like them. However, do not build it into a cult - will take a little time, and always will be similarities. Facial expressions, manner of communication, smile, gestures - all these will be shared as a result of your constant communication.
Furthermore appearance should pay attention to the aspect of the child's temperament. This point is often overlooked by parents in mind. And in vain - because if the parents are very quiet people, to cope with the crumbs - Concertina they will be much more difficult than with the phlegmatic. Well, in that case, if the parents - people are energetic, kid, too sanguine will not be the best option.
In order to know the child's personality, you need quite a bit. Just ask the teachers how to behave in the house baby pipsqueak. Believe me, they are happy to tell you about all the traits your little one. Yes, and your own observations during a visit to the children's home will give you answers to many questions.
You also can not lose sight of the baby's health. When adopting the matter should first be ascertained. Be sure to carefully read all the entries in the medical record of the child. If you have any doubts about the correctness of the conclusions, you have every right to an independent medical examination, any medical institution of your choice. This feature provides the Russian legislation.
And remember that no matter how good was the children's home, it is no substitute for a loving family. Extensive evidence shows that many diagnoses dissolve as haze, is to get the child to a loving family.
So, you find "his" baby and made a choice. The next important step that you need to do - is to make sure that the baby's biological parents would not insist on the return of scraps to the family. As if from a biological point of view, the child is not an orphan, you need to get away from his parents' notarized consent to the adoption of a child. After that, they return the child can only judicially. A trial is usually in most cases on the side of the adoptive parents.
And if your mother has alleged underage kid, the problem is complicated. You must seek the consent of the notary is not only my mother, but her parents - and grandparents of the baby. You should not rely on the fact that the parents of a child deprived of parental rights - the courts, these rights can be restored.
In that case, if you are taking the family of the child who has reached the age of ten, remember that it has a right to choose. In order to take the child, you should seek his own accord. Only if all these conditions, the child can move to a new family.
Adoption adopted child automatically provides all of the same rights that would have the child born father and mother. The child automatically receives it as property and non-property rights and duties. As with any blood relative. For example, if the adoptive parents die, the successor of the first phase of the adopted child will be on a par with biological children. However, his responsibilities are the same - if the parents are unable to function, adult children obliged to care and provide parents financially.
And note - since the adoption of the child automatically is fully exempt from any obligations with respect to their biological parents and any other blood relatives. The confidentiality of adoption is protected by law - any person who divulged it automatically falls under criminal prosecution. And this is no accident - such information may destroy the happiness of the family and deprive the tranquility and peace of mind of the child.
However, adoptive parents need to remember that adoption may at any time be withdrawn. And this is done through the courts. Although, of course, no one will take your child for a reason - it must be very good reasons. For example, this may be the cause of an immoral lifestyle adoptive parents, or child abuse. But hopefully it will not affect our readers ever.
If a family already has children
So the kid is selected. If a family already own children, parents should be sure to properly prepare them for a new member of the family. Even for adults the appearance of a foster child is a serious challenge. And what to say in this situation about the children? Let's look at a few ways that can make the process more smooth and painless for both parties.
- Prepare the child in advance native
Very often adoptive parents make the same mistake - all the formalities are carried out, no talking to the child. And simply put it before the fact, resulting in a new brother or sister home. Try to put yourself in the place of the child. We lived you were nothing special did not grieve. The object of adoration moms, dads, grandparents (hereinafter continue themselves), the center of a small universe within his family.
And then mom and dad bring some stranger with whom not only have to share toys and sweets, but - worst - the love and attention to Mom and Dad. And how to live? Presented? That's right! And please note that you are looking at the situation through the prism of thinking adult. A child is even harder, because it is difficult to understand your motivation. Moreover, it is not necessary to hope that your child is old enough and everyone will understand, even if it is in adolescence. To fully understand the actions of adults had not yet received.
Therefore, dedicate the child in their plans in advance. Be sure to talk to him in such a way that the child feel important. If the child will realize that you respect his opinion and choice, he must have a great understanding react to your decision. Most often, children are very easily perceive such information, as long as they do not see that same foster child, it is a kind of ephemeral. And by the time you move a pipsqueak, your own kid put up with this idea.
Many psychologists are advised to take with them to the house of relatives of the baby children. On the one hand, it is true - so the child will feel their involvement in the event. Yes, and a sense of responsibility for younger brother or sister, will likely appear. However, this can be done only if the child is at least 5 - 7 years older than the intended age of the adopter crumbs.
Otherwise you risk to put a strong enough psychological trauma the children, who will remain in the child's home. After all, they have for a certain time will regularly monitor your child that comes and goes with Mom and Dad. Of course, you can ignore this point, but you remember that the other children do not exist? It is not necessary to hurt the already unfortunate children.
Most often, conflicts between the receiving and the blood of children and ignite if, at the very basis of the material - the room, toys, clothes. So, before you take the child to the family, think carefully about these questions. The first - a room for the baby. You may select an individual baby nursery? Great. But it turns out, alas, not always. This means that your own child will soon be a neighbor or a neighbor.
So be sure to discuss this with your child beforehand. And pereobustraivayte room with a son or daughter. And first of all you have to consider the interests of the mother of the child. Pick the right furniture, if necessary - to make repairs. If the size of the room allows, it is useful to at least visually zoned room, for example - rack. This way you will be able to give both children a sense of personal space.
Be sure to purchase a child receiving their own toys, books and stationery. In the event that an adopted child will use things your hometown kid, very high likelihood of conflicts between children. Therefore, how to prepare for the arrival home of the new family member and stocks everything you need.
Your baby at home
Finally, your baby is receiving home! In order to adapt the process went as smoothly as possible and without pain, parents should take the necessary measures. We can not lose sight of the nuance of the child for most of his life he lived, following a very strict regime. Therefore, you can not change it radically and immediately, as this can be quite a negative impact on the state of the nervous system.
Taking the child's home, be sure to talk to your teachers what kind of daily routine was in the child's home. By the way, it is useful to ask, which way is most often your toddler knocked down mode. This will help you to organize the day of the baby in the early days of his stay at home. After the child is nothing more important than consistency.
Do not forget also about the child's diet. Be sure to find out what it was used to feed your baby. Do not immediately radically change the child's menu - do not insist if he at first would be to give up some or other products. Let them even be very useful for the health of the baby. It will take quite some time, and the baby get used to the fact that meat, milk, fruits and vegetables will be present in its menu. And they will eat with pleasure.
But in the case of treats for your child, be consistent and reasonable. Even if the baby will be delighted with blueberry jam or ice cream, in any case, do not let your child eating one's fill. This can result in allergic reactions or digestive disorders, because the baby is not used to such products. Consistency and moderation - that's your main motto!
The next point on which to focus - a new toy for a child. Of course, the desire to please the baby is quite natural. However, be prepared for the fact that a huge number of new toys can not only please the crumbs, and even scare him. Give the new toys slowly - no more than one per day. By the way, ask before leaving the orphanage some kid's favorite toy. It will also greatly facilitate the child to get used to a new home.
Too strong emotional experience, even if positive, is not always beneficial to the child. And it must also be considered. Of course, all of your relatives and friends will want to come to visit, to meet with the child. But do not hurry. Tactfully explain to the guests that visit is to wait at least a couple of weeks. During this time, the child adapts and gets used to the new family.
By the way, about the guests. In the event that in addition to the adopted child in the family has a blood children, do not forget about them. Put yourself in the place of the child. A new member of the family - come guests, the adopted child enters the limelight, he presented gifts. Agree, it is not so nice. Therefore, ask guests to bring something for both kids. Or buy small gifts on their own and hand discreetly guests in the hallway.
Be careful with household cleaning products and various fragrances. Try to get into the house there was no pungent smell. The body can react to the baby are not the best age. The same goes for pets - find out in advance whether the child has an allergy to dog or cat hair. And be sure to be there at the time of the child's first encounter with a pet.
Of course, the task of the adoptive parents is not only a concern for the physical welfare of the child but also his upbringing. However, remember that the educational work with foster children has its own characteristics. Do not immediately overloading the child plenty of useful information.