Every person has ever felt a painful sense of loneliness, when a lot of people around you, and talk to no one. They will not understand. At least you thought so, especially in adolescence. Therefore, rather than to solve the problem of loneliness socializing with friends or a new acquaintance, you are even more closed in themselves and enthusiastically accepted self-pity.
Sound familiar? Moreover, it is believed that in most cases women suffer from loneliness at any age. And all because they are more impressionable, and the psychology of solitude close to them in spirit. But to say that men alien to this feeling, it is impossible. Many psychologists believe that they just suffer in silence, considering their feelings unacceptable weakness. What can I say! They are even willing to admit does not that alone, not that skilled listeners.
If we talk about territorial division, the problem of loneliness in the big cities is felt more strongly. Long distances do not allow people to meet as often as you'd like. And huge crowds is not conducive to spiritual communion. All run somewhere in a hurry, elbows jostle in the crowd and did not even look back to apologize. Huge faceless mechanism absorbs people. And the man himself does not notice how ceases to communicate with family (no time), arriving at family gatherings (away), to cook homemade food (what if the restaurant delicious). Men and women live as if by inertia. And one moment to look around, and next - no one. Here it is - lonely. Numerous colleagues with whom you spend most of your time, live their lives. Relatives become estranged from you, and you just do not talk about. Empty words about weather and politics can kill time, but not lonely.
In small towns the situation is better. But here too there are problems. For example, a person who suffers from loneliness, can not seek professional help to overcome it. We're not talking about dating services, but of psychology. After all, to get rid of the problem, you must determine the cause of its occurrence. And how, tell me, man will be able to complain that his wife does not understand and does not hear when a psychologist - a friend of his wife? Or the guy who is in adolescence, can not go to a psychologist? In a small town everyone knows each other, so get to know someone new is not possible. How all the same to get rid of feelings of loneliness? Let's face it.
Loneliness and human uniqueness
Ironically, loneliness - this is our whole life. A man came into this world alone. Alone it and leave. But people find it very difficult to realize this fact. They created the institution of marriage, social society, set up high-rise buildings, where to hide from each other is impossible. And in order to be close to someone. If primitive man huddled in the community in order to make it easier to hunt the modern woman does not cost anything to bring a carton of milk from the supermarket. But at the same time she wanted to have a family, friends, acquaintances, to feel loved and desired. And svezheubity mammoth on the threshold of the cave here at all to do with it.
In order to understand what lies the essence of loneliness, it is necessary to trace the entire path of development of this psychological phenomenon. Let's go back to the cave of time. Primitive people at first do not feel alone. They went hunting, lit bonfires and happy life. And so it went until, until one of them did not realize that the person is very different from inanimate nature. Human skin is not such as, for example, the surface of the stone. The primitive thinker was shocked. The only solution that came to mind - it's unlike him to build body to the rank of divinity. You should not blame our ancestors in the stupidity and cowardice. They acted very cautiously - trying to make friends with the fact that it is unfamiliar. But the key concept here is not fear or cunning, and awareness of their own uniqueness.
Loneliness as a child
Once people began to realize that does not look like the same mammoth, it began to emerge the first feeling of loneliness. And he built the habit, unlike the organisms to the rank of divinity. Here it is - one of the major errors of mankind, and the main problem of loneliness. We all love to put yourself above. The nature of such. If this sin of our ancestors, then so what about us?
Tell me, who today pray for the people? Jesus. Man. We assume that we have reached the boundaries of awareness of its uniqueness. First there was a lifeless nature, then animals, and then the people. People aware of their difference from the rest and .... We began to feel lonely. Because if it is - the other is not like the others, and understand that no one can. Besides, think that loneliness - is an innate quality, it is not necessary.
Man is born, unaware that he is - one. Baby itself is quite happy (with proper care). His parents adored, idolized grandmother. It is worth to cry like a clean diaper on you, and my mother lovingly gives milk. What kind of loneliness can be a speech? But is not the excessive care for the child, and that he still does not feel the personality. When a child learns to speak, that he calls itself the "we" and speaks of himself only in the third person. It is in society. And once in the conversation slips pronoun "I", you can be sure - the first brick to the feeling of loneliness laid.
Exacerbate this quality for those children whose parents decide to realize all your dreams and aspirations in their own Chad. Mom did not become a ballerina? Daughter daily drag to dance lessons, despite the vigorous protests of the child. Dad wanted to become a surgeon? Son of a child unloved impose their profession. And if the child starts to fight back, the course is a moral blackmail. Parents are beginning to remind the child about all the benefits that they gave him. You do not want to go to the dance? Poor girl. You'll get a new bike and give the neighbor girl. She is obedient.
The peak of this blackmail is a statement that the intractable child change to another, good. Tell me, is this kid feel lonely? Of course, it will. He sees that the parents do not understand his desires and aspirations. And most importantly - do not realize its uniqueness. Worst of all, children's problems are laid deep in the subconscious and form a further character. The girl did not become a ballerina in adolescence, becomes closed. She rightly believes that if her own mother did not understand, what to talk about other people. No, she does not interrupt the communication with the world completely. She communicates friends with their peers, but the soul to no one opens. And I feel immensely lonely.
By the way, in adolescence loneliness problem is particularly acute. You absolutely nobody understands neither parents nor friends, nor even the teacher. Added to this distorted impressions about their appearance - and all! You're a loser, which absolutely nobody to talk to. Even after overcoming this difficult period, scars on the soul, which will always remind teens.
In addition, psychology loneliness woman is often linked to the lack of men. Have you noticed that a divorced woman often calls himself a lonely though asleep in the stroller next to her baby? And when she start talking about the fact that she is not alone, the woman begins to project his loneliness and the baby, "we are not wanted." She has in mind that they do not need child ex-husband, but the projection is so wide that embraces all of humanity.
What's the problem with this disease female desire to have a family? No, it's not far-fetched demand as like to say about this man. This behavior is inherent nature. Look at the children in the kindergarten. At the time when the boys run around the playroom with guns, girls play the daughters and mothers. Cook the soup in a plastic pot, swaddled doll, a tiny folded clothes in lockers. They are already dreaming of a white veil and a beautiful husband. So what about the grown-up girl?
Assume that managed to put on a wedding dress. And the wedding ring on his hand says that life is lived not in vain. But where is the oppressive feeling of loneliness? Like husband nearby, and children grow up. Such is the female psychology - loneliness often emerges in humans, surrounded by family and friends. And rightly so. Very often families are living as if by inertia, is not interested in mood, thoughts and actions of those who are with them under one roof. Woman lovingly prepares dinner, choosing the best dishes from the cookbook, and in return heard on duty "thank you." On this subject there is an instructive joke: the mother of the family put on the table in front of her husband and sons armful of hay, and when the men began to resent, the nurse said: "How else could I know that you see what you eat? "Does this woman Felt lonely? Sure.
By the way, very often the woman herself condemns himself to loneliness forced. This usually occurs after a failed romance, when the relationship ended very painful for the girl. Her abandoned, humiliated, hurt her. Rather than adequate to overcome these difficulties included a defense mechanism that is the cause and, summarizing, said that the men - is evil. And the woman is no longer trying to build their personal lives, believing that all will end the same way as last time.
As a result, it becomes even more miserable than before. Because it interferes with relationships to create fear, and her subconscious mind craves love and be loved, the woman lives in spite of their wishes. And in the end, it is necessary to restore not only the ability to trust men, but also to be treated for life. But if the reason is not in the second half a man? What if someone is clearly not enough alone? Let's look at the problems of social isolation.
From loneliness to self-improvement
Ask yourself why others are not willing to communicate with you? Maybe it is not interesting to you? Or are you fixated on one subject, to speak for the hundredth time that people get bored? This happens sometimes with young mothers who are ready day and night to discuss her newborn baby. As he eats, how he sleeps as holding the head. And if for the first time, unmarried girlfriend willingly listen to your enthusiastic speech about the achievements of the child, a week away from the start of communication, referring to some problems. Do not think that these same problems do not exist, and that a friend came up with them in order to get rid of you. They are. And it is not your buddy, and you. You are no longer to be interesting to people. Stops growing. And in this lies the problem of your loneliness.
What to do? Many young mothers are now start to tell that they have no time to study, otherwise they would be happy to learn something new and interesting. But is it? And what prevents you to take a walk with the baby a new book? While the child is sleeping in a stroller in the air, you are cultivating. And it can be not only ladies' novel, but also a textbook on psychology or self-instruction in the English language. You must do everything possible to become a useful and interesting conversationalist.
Psychology of loneliness is very versatile and combines a number of diverse human problems. That is, can experience loneliness and a young mother, and the director of a large company, and an old pensioner, even a minor student. The reasons are different. The consequence - one. And in order to get rid of loneliness, need to determine what type of psychological problems have caught up.
Types of loneliness
He can be encountered at any age. Here one feels breaking the link with nature, the cosmos. But this is only his feelings. In fact, he loses touch with himself, but it is much more difficult problem than the lack of conversation. The cosmic loneliness occurs in people who do not live their lives, sacrificing themselves for others, whose talent does not develop.
It can be like an obedient child who does the will of the parents against their own needs, and the housewife who dreamed of becoming a leading economist, but eventually devoted herself to family. To overcome this problem needed self-realization and defense of their own points of view.
This feeling arises if the value of the human personality is not fully consistent with the values of society. A similar problem faced by dissidents, immigrants, people who had to go through profound social changes. The cultural isolation was very common among the elderly in the days of the collapse of the Soviet Union. The country has begun to live in a new way, but part of the society did not want to accept these changes. Especially sharply this kind of loneliness experienced by people in middle and old age.
When a person is forced to interrupt the communication with a particular group, which would like to go. It may be the work of (a woman sent on a holiday) or institution (student expelled for poor behavior). The man in this case, not only feels lonely and exiled unworthy. It closes a long time, over and over again experiencing a collapse in the shower, mentally replaying the situation, fingering options that, in his opinion, could save the situation.
Often feeling of social isolation aggravate those who are close to the victim the collapse of man. Colleagues continue to call and cheerfully tell you what the company is thriving. Students name excluded companion to a party where are actively discussing the last session. Solution: you are fired? Are you suffering? Then tear all ties with the last place of work, so that nothing reminds you of the failure. You can even change the route so as not to pass by the old daily work.
It serves the cause of breaking the link with others. For example, a person has no friends. Or near it are the people whom he can trust. Many in this case apply to the dating service, or start to chat with strangers on the street. However, if you do not define the true cause of interpersonal loneliness, you can not build a new relationship. To overcome it, seek help from a psychologist, rummage in memory. Most likely, you prevent chronic inferiority complex. Get rid of it, and new friends will do.
When the loneliness of the benefit?
Are there people who deliberately take the loneliness of the pattern of behavior? Of course. It introverts. People facing inward, which do not need to communicate to feel happy and self-sufficient. Naturally, the complete isolation of introverts do not adhere. They have family, friends. But on the whole they are fairly secluded life. Moreover, they can only recover one on one with him.
When solitude becomes fatal to them? Then, when the connection breaks with my boyfriend, and at any age. For example, a woman had a fight with her best friend. Or the husband filed for divorce. Suffering intensified due to the fact that introverts are very reluctant to admit outsiders into their lives, and those who are considered close, valued very highly. From this and the losses become more significant than the outgoing extrovert. To overcome the resulting stress introvert and takes time, of course, a healthy loneliness.
My attitude to loneliness
Strange as it may sound, but psychologists loneliness is not seen as the main problem - the point is in relation to this feeling of people. Example: a woman brought up children, I marry them off and now feels uncomfortable in the empty apartment. It lacks the communication, the voices of children. She's lonely. To smooth feeling arose, the woman starts to go often to visit family in the new children to call them in the evenings. Naturally, this attention may not like the young. There is a conflict.
And that, according to psychologists, a woman had to do to overcome your loneliness? Find yourself a new hobby. Join clubs, friends with the same as she was. Look at how people behave in old age in the West. They have a lot to communicate, travel, throw parties, where there is no place loud music and spirits. Guests listen to old records and talking about knitting or fishing.