Every family birth of a child almost immediately there is a problem - the baby cries! What to do? How do you know if a child is crying for some serious reason, or is he just acting up? Even when the child grows up, gets older, parents are not always easy to understand - why their child is naughty, often to the point of hysteria, and bringing the mother, father, and along with the grandparents to despair? How to deal with the vagaries of the child? I would like to help them find the right way out of such situations.
You must learn to identify when the tears of a child - it's just a children's tantrums and whims, and when - the alarm with which an adult child indicates that with him all is not well.
And if that's still the vagaries, why they occur and what to do to stop them? Quite often parents just do not know how to cope with children's whims.
What is the children's whims?
The word "whim" came to us from the French language and translates as "stubbornness, perseverance; fad, a fad. " In the "Dictionary of the practical psychologist" S.Yu.Golovina whim interpreted as: "... a fad, a fad without real need, need." A guide for parents slovare- (edited by LG and SG Chudova Guslyakova) states that children's tantrums and whims - a "feature of the child's behavior, as expressed in inappropriate and unreasonable actions in resisting unreasonable demands of adults, an effort to have his own. " Children's whims, usually accompanied by crying or even screaming child and the excitement expressed by sharp movements. The child stomps his feet, waving his arms and head, and sometimes may even fall to the floor.
In different ages and whims are different
. Baby cries often because any discomfort, and it is hardly a whim
. Rather, it is a request for help
. At the age of a year, three, five years of a child experiencing age crises, and these periods are bright with emotional reactions in children
. In times of crisis, the vagaries of age would be correct to take as half the natural psychological reaction
. At this time the child needs special approach and sensitive attitude
. But if adults correctly educate the child, the children's whims and tantrums are often the usual form of behavior
. Indeed, in the first years of life the child becomes aware of himself as an individual and is actively exploring the world around him
. Tiny everything you need to touch, drag in the mouth, to understand every thing about - what is it and how does it work? So it is with the parents - the child must be tested, as the senior will react to this or that behavior, what they will do, if you ignore their comments? And if, by experimenting with various forms of behavior, he was a welcome outcome for themselves, this way of behaving is remembered him as the most effective and is fixed in his mind
. So it turns out that adults because their mistakes are often themselves become guilty of the whims of their children
. And then begin to comprehend how to deal with children's whims
Moodiness often spoiled, overly zalaskat children. Constant attention too tired baby, and if the child is happy at first, then later he even starts to cry often. This is a predictable reaction to the child's mental fatigue from the endless attention to adults, to which the baby responds whims. So, before you look for the answer to the question of how to cope with children's whims, it is necessary to evaluate their interaction with the baby.
The opposite extreme - when the child do not pay enough attention, treat him with indifference. The child begins to act up, trying to attract attention. And children who are sorely lacking maternal love and affection, often become irritable and begin to lag behind in development.
Another cause of the children's whims - is inconsistency or lack of unity in the requirements for the child. For example, if yesterday you were allowed to walk your baby poshlёpat puddles, and now suddenly banned, the bitter tears you will not escape! Or, for example, my mother more strict with their child than my grandmother, and many of the things that allowed my grandmother, my mother do forbid, the child will need quite a bit of time to understand that when Grandma can and capricious, and my mother, this number does not take place . Constantly adapting to each adult, the child begins to feel a great burden on the psyche and the nervous system, which invariably leads to breakdowns and whims. And adults can not work out a common strategy of how to deal with the vagaries of the child, because they do not have a common position.
Often moody there are children who do not know no limits. They have not formed the ability to restrain, control your desires and emotions. Therefore, it is important to teach a child in a timely manner to the necessary self-restraint. The word "impossible" is to be understood a little child one of the first. Of course, abuse can not be endless prohibitions. It is necessary to prohibit only what can actually cause harm to the child or what he can do harm.
Fairly common mistake parents become irrelevant characteristics of the child and the age requirements or methods of influence on him. So it happens that parents want their child that is not available to him because of his age, and the child is responsible for such a situation, the natural reaction - a whim, that in such a situation, and the caprice of some can not be named. Rather, it is a form of protest. To the parents did not commit such a mistake, we should have an idea of the age characteristics of the child's mind the vagaries and peculiarities of each period of crisis. This knowledge will help them to understand and how to respond to the whims of the child and how to deal with children's whims.
The vagaries of the child up to a year
In babies under one year it has not yet developed, and crying - the only signal that a child can apply, indicating that it is either wet or hungry, or has something hurts. Therefore, the whims of a child up to the vagaries of the year in fact difficult to call. If parents carefully observe the child, they learn very quickly realize that their baby wants to tell them. And the reasons for a child up to one year is not so much:
- Perhaps the baby is wet. Change his diaper or diaper, and he calmed down;
- If a child is hungry, the weeping, he will tell you about it;
- Maybe so - toddler dressed, fed, but he still continued to cry. If he thus Sucitu legs, then most likely he had a sore tummy. The child is not sick, it's just torture gases. 3-4 months baby intestine is not yet fully developed, and often even baby milk takes bad. In order to alleviate the suffering of the child, take him in his arms and push yourself to the belly to warm it. Or put the hot iron on his tummy diaper; warm calm and reduce pain;
- Sometimes the whims of a child under one year due to the fact that the child is still sick. It seems to be just that everything was in order, the child was calm, and suddenly he begins to ask for the hand, naughty, refuses to eat. In this case it is necessary to look at the baby, watch him, and at the first suspicion of the disease is necessary to call a doctor. Whims will disappear as soon as the child is healthy;
- In order not to provoke the whims of a child under one year, it is important to remember that a young child should be observed daily routine. Feeding, sleeping and waking, walking - all this must be done in a strictly specified time. Kid gets used to his regime, and any violation of causing him anxiety and whims.
The vagaries of the child from 1 to 3 years
The first true whims of the child appear quite early. By the year he begins to realize that parents are very quick to react to cry, because it is for them - a signal that the child need something. Later, the child begins to use the same signals to get a piece of candy or interested in his thing. And if a child was not learned that it is possible and what is impossible, and his parents are not too consistent in establishing the boundaries of what is permitted, the vagaries year-old child are quite frequent in such a family.
In one year the child is experiencing the first age crisis. It arises because in the first year of life the child has accumulated certain knowledge and skills. They simply require that the parents and the child moved to a new stage of relations. After all, at this age a baby begins to perceive himself as a person. He begins to speak, taking its first steps - this gives him the opportunity to discover the world anew. But it also leads to the fact that the amount of the vagaries old child increases. And very often they provoke adults!
For example, you can often see such a picture: insecure kid stomping down, but did not cry, because I have not had time to understand what happened, and drop something it has not hurt too much - not too far from the earth is his soft ass! But parents are scared to run it, pick up your hands, begin to groan - focus attention on the fact that the fall. And the child starts to cry, it is not afraid of pain, vanity and fear of parents. Now the child would cry whenever he falls, because the parents are too rushed to unnecessary care and did not give the child to learn how to overcome the first difficulties. So parents nurtured the first vagaries year-old child!
By the end of the first year of life the child's horizons expanded beyond playpen, crib or stroller. He wants to walk everywhere, all take, touch, put in your mouth. But his increased demands faced with the inability to satisfy them completely. On his way there are many restrictions and shouts. But he finds something interesting for himself as he is immediately taken away. And the kid starts to protest, to protest by a scream. It's different, he is not able to! The vagaries of the child's second year of life - the result is that the child can not yet verbalize their desires, and lack of understanding of the parents cause him a storm of indignation.
For parents, there should be no surprise that in certain age periods of their child becomes very irritable and moody. First we need to understand the reason for moods. I do not want to swim or eat porridge? Maybe the hot water in the bathroom or the usual last time he got in the eyes Lather and the porridge was slightly salty or too sweet? Once I "slipped" in the crying daughter almost the whole plate of semolina, and then I discovered that the salt in it was so much that mess seemed bitter ... Lacking sufficient vocabulary, my baby could not tell me about it, and she had to swallow nasty weight in half, with tears!
It often happens that the child's whims second year of life caused by the change of the situation, the child's fatigue or illness. If a child zakapriznichal for some strange reason, for you - do not start to insist on, wait out. The child will not fix your attention on the incident and to quickly forget about the discomfort.
In the second year of life, the vagaries of the child is still quite easy to pay off. Let him make a lot of new activities. Let him try to eat with a spoon himself (just let his hand a second spoonful, when they themselves are feeding it), try to pull the boots. Do not prevent him to travel around the apartment, just remove his way all the dangerous items. And remember that your baby - this is a man, though still and small, with their emotions, desires and mood.
About to three years in children is almost formed a model of communication with their parents
. During the first three years of a child develops as fast as ever will not develop further
. As early as three years of a child's character is formed in the main, related to others and yourself
. By the way, the child's self-esteem at this age generally overstated, and that's fine
. At this age there are real moods are so frightened of parents
. Due to the fact that in three years, the child begins to experience more acute conflicts, child whims third year of life are becoming more sophisticated and emotional
. Even complaisant until that time children suddenly begin to constantly repeating "do not want", "no", "I will not", and conducts himself very aggressively - squeals, screams, throws on the floor everything that gets under his arm, he falls to the floor
. Parents are often completely lost and do not understand how to cope with the vagaries of the Child
. Moreover, what is happening is often not only at home but also in the street, in front of strangers
The vagaries of the child's third year of life require parents timely adjustment in the relationship with the child. After all, three years of age is called the "first difficult age." At this time the baby is a little distant from adults and trying to establish a new relationship with them from a position of "I", which they have already realized. And lack of understanding by parents of this fact is a child of the third year of life the whims of a particularly strong emotional overtones. You must install a new child, a deeper relationship, encourage initiative, not to limit its independence. Only such an approach can be the key to how to cope with the vagaries of the child's age.
The vagaries of the age of 5 years
The vagaries of the child 5 years are very similar to the whims of three years old, the only difference is that the baby has grown up, and their parents are now more consciously manipulated. It is already well understood that cry, tears, whining he can achieve anything. After all, with a screaming child of the adults simply lose the ability to think logically and agree to do anything to their offspring paused. If things have gone so far, then the parents can only sympathize; how to cope with the vagaries of the child, they still have no idea.
It often happens that parents, trying to encourage the child to buyanyaschego order to raise his voice
. And they do not realize that we should only teach a child to express their needs do not cry, and in a normal voice
. At the same each time to answer the requests made by normal and all the requirements of a raised voice emphatically ignored
. If the parents after the child raise his voice, the child develops a firm belief that all problems can be solved only through screaming
. Even tiny nesmyshlёnyshi able to grasp that mom and dad can be controlled by voice - to shout, and got his wish
. And the vagaries of a child 5 years is already quite sensible action
. The child is able to analyze the behavior of adults, try them on
. Therefore, it is not necessary to establish the dictatorship of force and pressure on the authority of the older baby
. If you want to learn how to cope with the vagaries of a child 5 years, then, first of all, ignore all attempts to manipulate you and offer your child to think, what he needs is what he asks you to
. If this request can not be made, explain why
. The child gradually learns that do not need to shout to be heard
. And he realizes that not every desire can be realized
. If he understood the reason why he can not get what you want, there is no failure to perceive painful
. And it was the absence of negative emotions in this situation is a major key to how to deal with the vagaries of the Child
Whims, whims ... How to deal with them?
So, we'll know that even the most calm and obedient children act up from time to time. And it happens to them at any age. Therefore, one of the most important knowledge in the education of children is the knowledge of how to deal with children's whims.
First of all, parents need to learn how to firmly resist the unreasonable wishes of the child. If you go on about your baby at least once, it will continue to pursue through the vagaries of all that he wants. How to respond to the whims of the child if it all happened? Embrace it, try to distract him. Talk to him gently, tell him that you love him. But in any case, do not go back on their word, giving the kid in the end is what he demanded. If he does not calm down and continued to brawl, leave him alone. Does not comment on what is happening on the contrary, do not pay attention to it. It would be better if you leave him alone. He would be interested to cry alone, because he needs to cry for someone. And only after it are allotted soul and calm down a bit, tell him how his behavior upset you.
How to respond to the whims of the child if he not only does not calm down, but beats in hysterics? First of all, sit down next to the child so that your eyes were at the same level. Ask him what he wants - let it out loud formulate their needs. If he fell into a fit - embrace it, to push myself talking to him in a calm voice. If he tries to hit you, hold his hand, but in any case, do not push it.