"I do not love my child." This idea seems absolutely wild and absurd for most mothers, because a child is the most important in the life of every woman. However, family psychologists say with confidence that such an idea at least once in their lives visited most of even the most good mothers. Another thing is that almost every woman immediately drove myself absolutely unnatural that in their opinion the idea at the beginning of its inception, when it is still at the subconscious level. The woman did not even have time to realize that I do not love her child.
Sometimes she still realizes with horror that her kind - a split second it seemed that she does not love her child. However, in this case, any mom swiftly drives her away, she is convincing yourself that your child just loves it, and does everything for him, that is possible, and even more.
This is not surprising - after all in the community There is a persistent notion that a mother's love is unconditional phenomenon present in every normal woman. And if socially disadvantaged women to society have become accustomed to it to prevent the possibility that a normal woman can not love your child, people just simply can not.
And the woman, found himself at least once in a lifetime thinking - I do not like your child is experiencing extremely painful depressing feelings: fear, shame, embarrassment, guilt. Also, in almost all cases, a woman very much hates himself, blames for the fact that the inability to love his own child. As a result, a woman's life turns into hell, making her life miserable. In the event that woman at that stage had not been adequately skilled care, to a nervous breakdown at hand.
And she understands that the feelings that she feels towards the child - totally unnatural. So, to confess and to whom - or that she does not love her child, a woman can not. And to keep all of these negative emotions in a very difficult, and can not be long. What woman do in this situation?
Some women, afraid to share their fears and concerns in real life, try to find help on the Internet. However, even on the Internet, where, in principle, anonymity is not such a problem for such a phenomenon is not to say. Worth desperate woman to create a theme on the forum, it is instantly removed by moderators, at best. In the worst case - a woman get her address a bunch of angry shouts which clearly only aggravate her mental confusion.
And the woman remains silent on, tormented by feelings of worthlessness, guilt in front of his child and the people around them, play the role of a model mother and at the same time burdened by the presence of her child. However, fortunately or unfortunately, but it is practically impossible to deceive the child - and the baby very quickly feel the falsity of the mother. For the child, it is also not turn anything good. As a result, the whole family suffers, and child in the first place. And the woman again and again convinces himself that she loves her child.
Fiction or reality?
So while there is such, that it is absolutely normal, adequate mother does not love her child, really? As psychologists say - it happens. And there is quite often - more often than you can imagine. The reasons for such a lack of love for her child can be myriad. However, we will tell only about the main of them, which occur most frequently.
It is believed that the maternal instinct is something absolute, inherent in every woman by definition. However, this is not the case - many women in the early days, and even months to look at your child can not. Although, of course, almost everything is very carefully concealed so as not to be condemned by relatives and friends. Incidentally, it is this state of women are often called generic depression. Although psychologists do not always manage to get to the real cause of the problem, because women rarely admit that they have no love for the only been born crumbs.
However, in reality this is not shy at all - mother's love does not always appear as if by magic. Sometimes a woman needs some time to realize the fact of his mother, to understand and accept their child. Sometimes it is enough just a few seconds, sometimes - a few days, and sometimes - a few months. And it does not mean that the woman will be a worse mother than any other, who loved his crumbs before he was born. It's like learning to read - some of the children could read in the four years, and someone familiar with the letters only in the first grade. But in the end the fifth they will read exactly the same.
There are several main reasons why a woman can not strong enough to love your child. Maybe the pregnancy was unplanned, to destroy all life plans of women, perhaps - of an unloved man. In this case, the woman needs some time to make sure that the newborn pipsqueak could become a worthy replacement for that lost woman - study or career, or that the baby does not become worse because of the fact that it has deteriorated relationship with his father.
Also, quite often a woman can not feel love for her newborn child if the pregnancy or childbirth proceeded extremely difficult. In this case, the woman at the subconscious level can be considered the originator of the crumbs of their suffering. And this happens very often, just a woman or does not realize this, or refuses to admit it even to herself.
But the fact remains - even look at the child the woman the first time after giving birth do not want to, not to mention the fact, to love it. However, nature is very wise - much wiser us humans. She made sure that the negative memories about pregnancy and childbirth were erased from the memory of a woman as much as possible bystree.B very soon the idea - I do not love your child - will lead a woman in horror.
And as erase from the memory of these events a mother's love certainly will be felt. Just a woman needs to be patient and wait a little bit and not blame yourself for what she alleged bad mother. At this time, in no case should not refuse any help from relatives and friends.
In addition, sometimes a woman can not feel a mother's love because she feels a sense of frustration. Yes - yes, do not be surprised - it happens sometimes, and often. Woman expects that she will have a charming little fellow, like a children's magazine pictures. But in reality newborn children are not always in the first weeks of his life is the standard of infant beauty.
And if you say more precisely - almost never. This is not surprising - for a child birth is not less severe, stressful and traumatic process than for a woman. Passing through the birth canal, in any case makes itself felt - changing the shape of the head, there may be swelling of the eyes, swelling of the face and the whole body bruises, bruises and other "charms".
Women should be aware of this and do not expect to immediately unearthly beauty of his remains. But it will take a little time, and your baby will be the most beautiful in the world. And now, believe me, most likely, your emotions owns all the same postpartum depression, which has found a way that's just such an unusual way. It will be postpartum depression - will disappear and all the negative thoughts and emotions.
Sometimes a woman can catch myself thinking that she does not like his overly active child. And to some extent it can be understood - overly active child almost never sitting in one place, with the possible exception of the time when he is asleep. The woman is not a minute of free time, because for such a child needs constant vigilant control. Otherwise, until the close of trouble - you never know what may come to mind restless idlers?
But the fact that the woman is the mother of overly active and nimble child does not relieve her of all other duties - cooking, cleaning and other things. And if a woman is still up and running - present level of stress in general is very, very difficult. Woman gets angry at the whole world around her - including a child. And it begins to seem that she does not love her child.
It starts to irritate the child absolutely everything - his actions, words, gestures, of itself can bring absolutely any trifle, even look. A woman can explode even quite minor infractions child, yell at him, even hit him. But at the same time, she is well aware that to do so is by no means impossible, and this gets angry even more unconsciously blaming the child and further breaking into it. It turns out a kind of vicious circle, which is their own, without outside help, to break sometimes women are simply not able to.
But then, what kind of help you will need a woman depends on how far the situation in each particular case. Sometimes a woman is enough to help a friend or relative, who for a few hours a week will take care of the child themselves, giving the mother an opportunity to give yourself a little time - go to the movies, hair salon, or simply go shopping. Sometimes only a few free hours a week can dramatically change the situation.
And sometimes, if a woman has passed a certain critical line, even a housekeeper and nanny could not save the situation - the woman will continue to feel hostility towards their child. And the only way to restore the imbalance will only get professional help of psychologists. Usually, in this situation of no lack of love for the child are not talking - my mother loves him. It's just so tired that of its fatigue does not see anything other than his irritation.
- Excessive "correct" a child
Of course, all parents want their child to grow up smart, honest, fair and obedient. However, sometimes it happens that a child is beginning to annoy her mother. It would seem that it is unclear why a perfect child can cause his parents, and his mother in particular, negative emotions.
However, psychologists explain this phenomenon by the fact that often the adults, seeing the excellent behavior, and most importantly - the child's thinking, are beginning to feel a certain sense of guilt - because they do not like that! However, never one adult does not admit it even to himself, not to mention the foreign people, even psychologists. And it is growing like a kind of a silent reminder of the child to his parents about their own imperfections and shortcomings.
But the child came into a difficult adolescence, most often causes his parents a variety of conflicting negative emotions. And no wonder - sometimes the most obedient child becomes totally unmanageable creatures that parents are no longer completely understood. Moreover, very often parents come to a standstill and do not realize what to do next, experiencing the moment of despair and impotence.
That's what some of powerlessness and may be so strong anger at her own child that mom can catch myself thinking that she no longer loves the child. Yes, sometimes even the child himself adds fuel to the fire, saying his mother that he no longer loves her. Of course, the woman has a strong enough offense to hearing such words from your child, to whom she gave many years all the love, tenderness, affection, care.
You agree that the constant conflicts of such a plan can at least someone to ruffle. A person under stress is difficult to control their emotions, much less understand them. And in the end there is nothing surprising in the fact that a woman can decide if she does not love her child. Of course, the child feels a changed attitude toward him parents. And, too, begins to protest against this. Typically, a teenager almost all children, without exception, the protest takes on the character of negative behavior, which in turn angers parents and further exacerbates the situation.
In such cases, as a rule, deal with the crisis situation arose parents and child can only help an experienced family psychologist. Please note - not for children or adults, and it is a family, because help is needed in such situations is not only the child but also his parents.
In no case is inadmissible to ignore these problems, and to neglect a situation. Otherwise, you completely lose your understanding, and even more so what - any effect on the child. Very soon he will grow and spoiled attitude for life, most likely in such families are guaranteed.
What to do?
So, as you can see, often for lack of love for her child's parents are taking a completely different feeling. Of course. There are cases in which a mother's love does not really, but we'll talk about them a little later. In the meantime, let's try to understand how to behave on.
So, you begin to notice that your child has started to annoy you, maybe sometimes he is even able to induce in you a feeling of hatred, for example, when they can not cope with the basic homework from school brings another deuce, can not understand. What do you need from him or rude to you. Such feelings are probably very familiar to most parents.
And the most unpleasant thing in this situation is that the mother and father do not understand how to behave in a given situation. They tear off their evil on the baby - scream and punish him, but at the same time, somewhere deep down, they realize that their behavior is incorrect tactics, and is doomed to failure. And because of this, feeling powerless, angry grown even stronger.
Often, many parents make the same common mistake - they are looking for help from like-minded people, the same confused and do not know how to behave in such a situation. They are easily the same parents who fully share their righteous anger. However, from the lamentations of a cup of coffee is unlikely that anything can change. Only miss the time, and the problem will only deeper.
And if the mother of the spirit have the courage to admit that she no longer feels love for her child, and it does not matter, only the periods in times of severe temper tantrums, or over time, it can really be called a brave woman. In such an act can only be solved by the present strong personalities.
That's just, unfortunately, almost none of these women does not know or does not dare to go to a psychologist for fear of condemnation. As a rule, the most that parents do in such cases - is sent to the store or on the Internet in search of a variety of information regarding the development and education of the child.
And they really find a huge number of wide range of information - about health, its possible diseases, the development of a child from its very conception until the age of majority, the problems of adolescence, about possible conflicts in interpersonal relations of children of first love, smoking and drugs. In short, almost everything but what you really need. And this is not surprising - after all about the lack of parental love even talk is not accepted, not something to write.
Moreover, often, after reading various good, smart and correct books in which it is described in great detail what should ideally be the actions of parents in a situation, parents are beginning to experience very serious guilt. After all, they - that is not always done as the authors advise that all pedagogical literature. And it really - very often parents are well aware of all the tips that give teachers in similar situations. However, anger and rage so strong that in practice their knowledge of mothers and fathers can not.
As the call, so the echo?
Surely, without exception, a hundred times heard this proverb. And she could not be better reflects the existing problems in the relationship between parents and children. Here are just a halloo to one another the children what happened to their parents when they themselves were young. At first glance, everything seems complicated and confusing - but it is not at all so very simple. And now we'll try to understand all this.