Do you sometimes look at your child with a surprise? You would think that if substituted crumbs? Yesterday docile and obedient kid became remind you fiend? Of course, in such cases the parents are scared and confused, they often do not know how to behave in a given situation. And where to find help, as parents understand not always. Very often, children's psychology for parents is one big mystery.
This information in this article is designed to help parents understand such a complicated thing as child psychology. We went through an unusual and provides information in the form of letters of the child to his parents. We hope that you will make the right conclusions from the information received. And remember that the psychology of school-age children is very different from the psychology of children. So be sure to consider your child's age.
Mom and dad!
1. Do not indulge all my whims and pamper me too! I am well aware that not all of what I'm asking, I really need. Just this way I feel you - how much will you give me in response to my request.
2. Do not be afraid to show some firmness in dealing with me. For me, your firm but fair tactics of behavior in relationship with me would bring me much more useful than the indulgence of all my whims. The only way I was able to take my place, and intended to learn to achieve their goals in life.
3. It is not necessary to respond to the enormous abundance of utterly pointless and frankly stupid questions that I like to ask you. I totally uninteresting answers - I just want to make your constant attention to my person, because all children are by nature - terrible egoists. Do not indulge my egoism, or in adult life, I have a very hard time.
4. Do not worry about panic and to show their feelings to me about my every, even the most trifling illness. I quickly realize that this is the easiest way to get your attention, sympathy and a certain number of concessions. You do not want to get a little pretender?
5. Do not treat me like a younger child. In this case, I venture to give you a lot of trouble to become a crybaby and a whiner. And you have to do for me, even those things that I'll be able to cope well.
6. In no case should not give in to my provocation. As a rule, all these tricks are just an attempt to broaden my scope of what is permitted, and at the same time once again to test the strength of your nerves and patience.
7. If I have committed any offense, we should not demand from me that I explained to you why I did it. To give you an answer - a very difficult and sometimes impossible task at all, because very often I do not know what I'm doing anyway - it is a normal feature of child psychology.
8. It is not necessary to continually test my honesty. My mind is still not enough got stronger, so I was under constant pressure very quickly begin to tell lies. You should not provoke the development of negative habits tell a lie.
9. Do not ignore my fears, but did not give them excessive attention. This is your behavior can lead to the fact that I will be afraid of everything even more. But to me it is very important to know what courage.
10. Do not promise me what you can not do. And if you promise - always keep our promises. Otherwise, my faith in you may falter, and I will stop trusting you.
11. In conversation with me, be strictly consistent. Once block or allow me anything, never to change his decision. Otherwise I will be confused and will constantly try to expand the scope of what is permitted. It takes a lot of trouble as you and me.
12. Do not find fault with me constantly and do not nag at me for all sorts of little things that do not deserve special attention. In this case, I subconsciously start to defend itself from constant attacks and skip all that you say, pass.
13. Do not lecture me constantly and conduct explanatory work just like that, without any of my fault, just as a preventive measure. You will be very surprise to learn about how much I know about what is good and what is bad.
14. In no case do not tell me how you are perfect and sinless. I may have a strong feeling of worthlessness and inability to reach your level. As a result, I grew up insecure person.
15. Do not worry too much when you hear a word from me, "I hate you." In no case do not think so indeed! I love you very much, I just want you to repent of their words or abolished punishment.
16. Mom and Dad! Do not manipulate the words of love! You should not tell me that you love me, and immediately ask about something. Thus, you are giving me to understand that love - it's a kind of bargaining chip. As a result, I start to bargain with you. And believe me - the winner will stay definitely not you.
17. It is not necessary to treat my mistakes and misdemeanors as if I had committed a terrible sin. I am the same person as you are. Just another little while. But, nevertheless, I, like you, have the right to make mistakes and learn from them the appropriate lessons. This step is very important for the process of identity formation. As a result, I will be afraid to do anything at all, not to be mistaken.
18. And never, Mom and Dad do not protect me from consequences of my own mistakes. After all, I just like you, learn from my mistakes. And do not forget that I really love to try new things and experiment - the only way I can understand the world. You will have to put up with it.
19. Do not try to show me the inadmissibility of my behavior directly in the midst of conflict. When I feel strong emotions: resentment, pain, fear, anger - I have very bad I perceive any attempt to talk to me. Your words are quite simply not achieved its goal. It is much wiser to simply stop my unwanted behavior. But talk to me better to postpone to a later time when you calm down, I do.
20. Do not make me comments, and especially not scold me in front of strangers people. Such a course of conduct will cause only the strong reaction of protest. Your words will conceive a much greater effect if you talk to me in a more relaxed atmosphere and, most importantly, eye to eye.
21. More often praise me - after my successful development is impossible without your approval and understanding. But do not just praise me so unfairly - any praise must be earned.
22. For me it is very important to know that I was born to love and understanding parents. Believe me, even if I was too small, and something I do not understand, I still feel in my family when something unfavorable. Do not swear in front of me, please!
23. I will not complain to you if I note that my brother or setrёnke you pay more attention and, as it seems in my opinion, love. I'm simply going to attack and hurt the one who gets your love. I'm not doing this to annoy you. Just so I'm trying to restore justice.
24. As early as 6 - 7 years, I'm starting to take an interest in the opposite sex. You should not pretend that you do not notice my questions and give me false information. If you can not answer my questions, friends and older comrades quickly explained to me that I have not found in the cabbage or stork brought. And believe me, this can be done in a way that you just do not like it. You can tell me about the relationship between the sexes in a clear and accessible form for my age.
25. Do not hide from me their experiences and feelings. Of course, because of their age, I can not understand everything that happens to you. And, frankly, excessive frankness can only hurt my psyche. However, do not smile and say that all is well, if you feel bad. I still feel it.
26. Mom and Dad, do not worry about the fact that we spend too little time. For me more important it is not how much we are together, and how we spend that time. You can stay close for days and did not hear each other, and can be performed with only a few minutes a day, but to understand each other perfectly.
27. Do not use me as an argument to physical force. Of course, from the slap me nothing bad will happen. But good too - I can not come to the conclusion that the one who is stronger - always right. And this will lead to a huge number of problems in my life as a child and later.
28. In that period of my life when peer influence on me is especially strong, be very attentive to me. And although at the time the opinion of friends is much more important for me yours, I desperately need your help, protection and support. Although, of course, I did not realize this and are trying to reject your help. At this time, it makes sense to show some firmness and insist on his own - later, when I grew up, I'll thank you for it.
29. Make friends with me, Mom and Dad! Of course, first of all you, my parents, but this should not prevent you from becoming my friends. So in my eyes, you will have a dual authority: both parents and friends. Do not worry about the fact that I am in our relations will move beyond what is permitted - believe me, I feel very thin x even when very young.
30. Try to behave so that your words with your actions. I feel very subtly any falsehood and lies in your words. And if you do not do this, they themselves need to, I conclude that double standards - this is normal. And do not be surprised then, to whom I have grown up in such a hypocrite.
Child psychologists and educators assert that the psychology of the child's education should be based primarily on the parents' love for her child. No, even the most sophisticated psychological techniques will not help you build relationships with your child, if he does not feel your love and understanding.
However, as it is not necessary to remember that love is blind and is highly undesirable. Constant indulgence of all caprice child permissiveness sooner or later inevitably lead to the fact that the child will be very spoiled. At any age, a child should know such words as you can, you can not, not now. Otherwise, you risk getting home selfish despot. And believe me - if the three-year kid, angrily stomping her foot, fun, then a teenager risks drive you crazy.
If, for any reason, you are not able to cope with the problems that arise in the relationship you have with your child, do not hesitate to seek help from a qualified specialist. Get the help of a child psychologist simply. If your child is still small, you can turn to psychologists working in your kindergarten. And if you live in a big city and you are allowing your financial situation, you have the opportunity to apply to a special crisis centers, which is specialized in the psychology of children of preschool age.
If we are talking about a teenager, you can help any psychologist - both adult and family. By the way, help a family psychologist in the event of a conflict will be very useful to both parties - and a teenager, and his parents. And perhaps, more parents than to the child. After all, the majority of conflicts arise because of the wrong tactics of behavior of parents.