In our culture today, a lot of attention paid to appearance, sex appeal and an endless struggle for a youthful appearance. Many people - even men, to say nothing about women! - Spend an unreasonable amount of time and money for all sorts of tricks to improve appearance. They are going to make any sacrifice in order to look beautiful and fashionable.
Of course, physical attraction can actually be very useful in the preservation of our species - who would argue! But the evolution of man has come a long way and today she gave us so much more than just appearance, for the mutual attraction. For lasting, meaningful relationship we should have far more than physical attraction occurs initially. So what is the secret of attraction - that this appeal, which does not disappear with age, but on the contrary, it becomes more and more vivid?
When two people have in common other than the interests of external data with each other, they have little opportunity to work on their relationship. Think about it - you can always look perfect? Perhaps this is the "ride" only at the stage of candy buketnogo period. Sometimes, to prepare for a date a woman takes even longer than on the very date. Well, we can assume that going to the movies or a restaurant we will find the opportunity to apply beautiful makeup, do her hair and put on a grand stunning dress. And if your favorite invited Camping overnight in a tent? And if you already live together and wake up in the morning in the same bed? And if you have been married for many years, and the appeal of a woman young age you have available?
Even if your appearance is flawless in every situation, it can not serve as a guarantee of constant interest to you from the man she loved. We women, too, because in life we behave the same way. How each of us had any favorite beautiful stuff! When we buy such a thing, we admire them all day, put in a prominent place. But time passes, even the most beautiful and expensive thing boring and we stopped paying attention to it. The same thing happens with our men, including in relation to the beauties. So is it any wonder when their husbands even the most beautiful women begin to look around in search of a new facility hobbies? Especially when pretty wife can not offer anything interesting spouse, but their appearance.
People need to enjoy each other first and foremost as a person; Only this will give an opportunity to develop relations between them. As we all get older, physical beauty tends to fade. But the beauty of our identity does not depend on the age and can actually increase along with our experience. Our psychological attraction makes us more memorable and certainly more interesting for people.
How to become an attractive person?
If you want to get really interesting and attractive, then you should try to develop their inner world, to work on their personal qualities - a lot more and tirelessly than work on their visual appeal (which, however, for us women, too, is important). You have an interesting person - so what you are today. You have your own life experience, no matter how long or short your life. In any case, your experience is unique, and you have had to extract the lessons that can help many people.
People are not born interesting - so they get it as a result of work on oneself. How can I make this process was the most effective? Why should all start working in this direction? Here are tips to help you along the way:
Interested in the world around you. You should be aware of all significant that is happening around you to easily find the topic of conversation with anyone. What are the biggest problems of our time? What do people in your environment does not sleep at night? What local sports teams are the strongest? Read newspapers (at least, even if the news), look interesting programs on TV, listen to the radio, especially local.
Change your comfort zone. This change opens up new prospects for your look - it will give you the opportunity to acquire new knowledge and new and deeper experience. Life will throw you a new story that you can share with others. Want to know the easiest ways to change your comfort zone? Please! Start to get home from work a new route, visit an unfamiliar restaurant, go on an excursion to a nearby city where you have never been, get new friends, visit the events that were previously ignored.
Be a good listener. Pogovorku- you know you have to give to get? So it is with people's attention and interest to you. Your attractiveness depends on how you are able to be interested in others. Attractive people - not those who can recite long monologues. They are interested in what others have to say, so you learn to listen to people carefully.
Ask the interlocutor what he thinks about this or that event, be interested in what is going on in his life. Ask people to share their stories and listen to them with great attention, and with a smile in his eyes - it will help you establish a positive feedback. When you listen to a person so you gave him untold pleasure, and you are significantly rising in his eyes. He will no doubt take you a very, very attractive!
Become a student of a lifetime - and focus on the comprehensive development. Everyone should know at least a little about a lot. We all need to know something about the classics - the visual arts, literature, music. We all need to have a common understanding of history and politics. We must be aware of current events (as we have already mentioned). If we expand our knowledge, it will increase the depth of our personality.
Develop new interests. Expand your horizons by trying to do something new. Do not assume that you do not like something you've never done, as long as you do not try it. As the Americans say, it is impossible to know the taste of blueberry pie, never biting him. Try, for example, enroll in a dance school - and suddenly you liked it so much that you will become one of the best in your city? Or try to draw, learn to knit. Do you think you will be able to learn to sing? Then take singing lessons! New hobbies greatly expand your range of communication and will make you more interesting and attractive in the eyes of your friends and loved ones.
What else makes a person interesting and attractive?
There are personality traits that make attractive women is particularly striking and unique. Here are the features:
The ability to be open and to have their point of view. Very often women sin that adjust to someone else's opinion. But to defend their point of view must also be right. Needless straight and inflexible position will only annoy others. If you have to declare his opinion, it is necessary to stress - are you ready to admit that another point of view is interesting and could be true.
The ability and the courage to be different. No matter how annoyed others truly eccentric people can not be denied that they cause all the real and genuine interest. We do not encourage you to eccentricity; but the ability to create a point of discord will help you stand out among others. Uncertainty encourages curiosity, and it is a natural stimulator of human interest and participation. A certain dissonance occurs when people observe unexpected behavior. Everyone is waiting for one of you, and you suddenly issue a totally different - and you're in the limelight!
The passion in everything you do. It will excite and inspire people, because passion is markedly different from the sadness and indifference, which is filled with everyday life.
The ability to find charm in the ordinary things. Too critical approach to life is melancholy and despondency. One of the surest ways to enrich your life - to be able to enjoy even the most fleeting detail. If you learn this, you can stimulate your creativity. To you will constantly be coming more and more new ideas, and you can build out their joie de vivre is very solid foundation of charm and appeal.
You do not should strive to be like some sort of predetermined pattern to maintain interest in the person. Be yourself, because you are a unique individual. Just develop the data you makings of nature and the features work on all aspects of his personality - body, mind and spirit. It does not matter how old you are. Work on his appeal - both physical and psychological - is never too early or too late!
What is aggression?
The origins of aggressive behavior
What affects the aggression?
How to avoid aggression in life
Each of us is familiar with aggression in humans. We are rude, rude, we are pushing and cursing last words. In most cases, such treatment seems absolutely outrageous, and really want to understand how to deal with bouts of aggression and irritability in people, we seem to be no harm done? What pushes them to such disgusting behavior? It is not always easy, it is due to the lack of culture and education! Like many other phenomena of life, from the aggression has its psychological causes and the forms in which we try to understand, before we talk about getting rid of it.
What is aggression?
Bouts of aggression have many synonyms: violence, hostility, anger, anger, etc. ... Not always they have the same significance and meaning. From the point of view of psychology Aggression - is any behavior aimed at something to harm another living being who does not want such treatment. It would seem that what could be the benefits of harm to others? But nature creates nothing in vain. There are different types of aggression, and you will be interested to know that in some cases it can be very, very useful. So do not pull all the same brush. What are the goals and reasons for aggression in humans?
Forcing others to any behavior. Man - a being very clever and cunning. Why do something yourself, if you have the power to force others to "sweat"? In modern society, the manifestation of physical aggression and coercion, of course, is not welcome, but as a form of moral violence, unfortunately, are still quite common.
The desire for power. It just so happened that the authorities rarely achieved in a peaceful way - always have to walk on the head and put someone even lighter, but injury. Those with a need for power is very strong, and do. Therefore, they have generally higher aggressiveness than others. Especially this sin men - it is for them dominance over other males plays a special role.
The desire to make a certain impression. When the manifestation of any form of aggression of the person might get a different impression: someone scared someone wants to face off, and someone there a need for revenge. In order to understand what impression you make your aggressiveness, you need a good knowledge of the communication partner. And so you can grab a sickly thrashing!
The desire to harm. Agree, some people deserve so that you behaved with him aggressively. For example, Masha, is in the tenth grade cleverly and insidiously stole your boyfriend - she would not have prevented the piece of your anger and aggression. The desire to cause harm to another person may be based on different things - the desire to avenge something away - and may need to be autonomous. And if there are signs of aggression have occasionally - do not panic! This happens with all people.
The psychological discharge. It happens that the day will accumulate so many things wrong that I want to someone to yell or beat. And it turns out truly thankful when a hot hand come across any harmful and boorish aunt in the subway. Oh, then you can relax and take it out on her in full force! And then feel very easy and comfortable.
Self-defense. Some people are very, very arrogant. Of course, to go down to their level may seem silly or not very honest, but sometimes it is necessary, or they have simply "eat". In such cases, the wrath of the function of self-defense: when our personal space invaded, we "show your teeth and claws," and then we were left alone. The fight against aggression in this kind of senseless, because we refuse to its basic function.
These are the main types of aggression. They may or may not like, but it is a fact - we really need aggression. A society in which people would not be hostile to each other, are simply unable to survive. Therefore, any attempt to find out how to get rid of aggression completely doomed to failure - it's the same thing as trying to teach people how to live without love. Individual animals do it, but it is not for everyone.
The origins of aggressive behavior
In addition to goals from anger and rage there are more serious and the underlying mechanisms that affect its appearance. Psychological causes aggression in humans can be quite different: one is more or less well-known psychologist tried to put forward a hypothesis about how and where it comes from. At the moment, the following main forms and types of aggression:
Aggression as an instinct. Many psychologists believe that the nature of the occurrence of aggressive behavior in human instinct. Aggression promotes survival by performing three basic functions: the struggle for territory and food resources, improvement and protection of the gene pool of the offspring. Aggressive energy is constantly occurs in the human body accumulates in some point breaks out. Everyone - its borders, crossing that is fraught with hostile behavior. Aggression as a person could get from their ancestors hunters. Obviously, the nature of hunting can be a driving force to violence, war and destruction. Thus, we can talk about the inevitability of aggression and the complexity of its control.
Aggression as a result of inability to fulfill their needs. This is a completely different approach: we are all faced with the inability to satisfy the desires of any obstacles, and in such a situation there is almost always anger and aggression. They can be directed to other people, things, or even yourself. There are also variations in the methods of aggression that we can yell at someone or push start lamenting: "It's all my fault! I have no forgiveness! ". The saddest thing is that this kind of response, if it is frequently used, starts to enter into the habit, but its effectiveness to solve problems and overcome the obstacles of the most notorious is highly questionable.
Aggression as a result of learning
. As children we learn from the adults around we imitated them in a manner of speaking, eat, dress, and behave as a whole
. Similarly, watching the adults, we learned aggressive behavior, if we have seen how our mom and dad are constantly yelling at each other and the people around them, such a behavior is remembered by us as the only true
. Of course, there are other factors that increase the likelihood of aggression when growing up - is unacceptable treatment, constant carping and attacks from the adults and even direct instructions: "Well, you're like a little! Give putting this boy! "
. A man who grows in such a situation, it is difficult to be quiet, nice and fluffy
. However, in this case, he has the ability to learn to control his aggression, if we develop the ability to self-regulation, to watch people who know how to resolve conflicts peacefully and to promote himself for every manifestation of humility and humanity
What affects the aggression?
Psychologically, we understand the essence of aggression
. It is inherent in every human being, and its existence is justified by the weight of the goals and reasons
. However, there are things that can aggravate aggressive behavior and make it destructive
. These are features of culture and education, especially the situation and some personality traits
. Hard enough to violent tendencies affect the situation in the community, in particular cultural norms - how surrounding evaluate hostile behavior
. In some cultures, aggression is encouraged, in others - condemned
. Also a great influence on the person providing the media
. If they are constantly broadcast information about violence, threats and bombings, it will be perceived as something normal and, therefore, increase the likelihood of aggressive behavior
. From the treatment of aggression in such a society of little use, since all very quickly returns to its original state
The family situation is also able to influence the frequency of attacks of aggression and their manifestations. For example, children raised in single-parent families, often show various forms of hostility towards other people. But the family can be a complete and large - in such families is determined by the aggressiveness of the relationship between brothers and sisters if they are accustomed to swear and fight among themselves, they are older they will be very hostile and impulsive. Family climate also contributes to this problem: the extent to which parents punish their children severely interfere with their lives and the conflicts between them, are inconsistent in setting the rules and discipline, etc. ... But it's not just in some LPs factors.
In some situations, it is practically impossible not to be aggressive. Typically, in such circumstances, we have to provoke aggression, or create uncomfortable conditions such that we can not tolerate. The presence of such a situation outside observers - the only thing that can reduce the intensity of emotions. There is also a group of people who by their appearance can cause a person's aggression, for example, a divorced woman, meets a man similar to her ex-husband, dreaming about how to make it something bad.
Sometimes we annoy some physical characteristics and situations: fever, stuffy noise, overcrowding, air pollution, etc. ... And, of course, the most important - it is the personal factor. Some features of our character may increase the probability of an aggressive response to any seemingly, even the most insignificant event. These include irritability, and emotional sensitivity, high anxiety, the desire to take responsibility for everything that happens on, drive and desire for achievement.
How to avoid aggression in life
With the reasons that cause aggressive behavior, in general, everything is clear. However, the easier this becomes, because you want not only to know but also to understand how to deal with aggression from others. If you want to influence some person, the most effective is the system of rewards and punishments. Its essence lies in the fact that good behavior is encouraged by you and the bad - is punished. There is some semblance of training, because anyone wants to comfort and pleasure, and their opposites, he avoids. However, there are a number of features in this system:
A balance between rewards and punishments, if you will something to bend, the result might not be as effective.
Between the aggressive reaction and punishment should pass the minimum amount of time.
The punishment should be severe and noticeably unpleasant.
The aggressor must realize that some of his actions are punishable.
Chance of penalties should be sufficiently large.
But what if you want to learn how to cope with aggression, owned by you? The answer is - self-regulation. You can even use the same system of rewards and penalties - only you'll be in the role of an object, and as an educator. For example, as a punishment for you may be remorse or depriving yourself of some good, and as an encouragement - trying to please himself. Also can be effective steps to change its attitude to the situation.
As mentioned above, aggression often arises in a situation of explicit dissatisfaction and the presence of obstacles to the achievement of important human objectives. You're angry at the circumstances, and there are several ways out of this anger: angry at others, for themselves or try to translate that energy into a more constructive Consider the fact that the aggression will not give you anything, only spoil the mood. Instead, you can try to overcome obstacles and solve the problem - then your anger will pass by itself.
Very often, aggressive outbursts and anger we call things that we can not accept. For example, when someone from our point of view, living properly, or does something that does not fit into our picture of the world. To ensure that such things do not cause you to have an attack of rage, you need to work on the adoption of others. You must accept the fact that every person is free to live and do as he wants, including you. Every time angry and condemning someone, try to put yourself in his place - maybe it will help you better understand the man. Try not to accumulate the energy of anger and irritation.
When we constantly restrain himself, is exhausting, and we become more aggressive. It should be understood that the amount of energy can not indefinitely remain in us - sooner or later it splash out. Only he can be gradual and orderly, and can be all-destroying. You agree that the first option is much more preferable. If you feel that the wave of anger rolled on you and you will soon start to rant and rave - pause. Try to get out of a situation or a distraction. You can close your eyes and count to ten, you can leave the room or just mentally dial in your mouth water at conversation with an annoying person. It is possible that it will save you from unnecessary displays of aggression.
There are things you can not change, and remove from your life. Either way, you will have to coexist with them. You can be angry at them and spoil your life, and you can try to adopt and begin to treat them with a calm indifference. In addition, to avoid chronic fatigue, because very often it is the basis of aggression and irritability. Therefore, when suspected fatigue give yourself a break, for example, arrange a holiday and join in with what has long wanted to do. A person becomes angry and aggressive in a situation of chronic discontent with their lives.
This dissatisfaction may be due to different reasons: failure on the personal front, constant fatigue or a lot of nasty people in your life. And if you want to understand how to cope with aggression, you need to make to your life positive change. Try mark for itself the positive aspects - so it will be easier to enjoy them. Be attentive to yourself, try to live life to bring you pleasure. After all, much more contented person is calm and level-headed than annoyed.