Dreaming of a prince on a white trotter, we, of course, and do not allow thoughts that this rider can be ringed. However, life is capricious. It happens that it presents not a very pleasant surprise, and we, against their will, fall in love with a married man. Well missed Amur doglyadel not ... mind realizes it is wrong. A heart ripped apart. And how can that be? How to stop loving a married man, if you do not intend to destroy someone else's family? How to forget it?
Why should I stop loving a married man
Oh, heart, heart ... How many in the world of free and decent guys! But no, for some reason you chose him, a man who has a good wife and even children. And long for him, and crying, not wanting to belong to anyone else. All around are advised to throw away the beloved of my head, forget it. But as? How to stop loving a married man, if it seems that it is better in the world not? And somewhere in the depths of the soul a glimmer of hope that someday he will be yours. While at the same time you know that the chances are very small. Yes, beloved promises to divorce. But then, after the child grows up, gets on his feet his wife, he buys an apartment and so on. Time passes, nothing changes, and once you realize that it is time to put an end to these futile relationship. Because nothing will never change.
In order to make the first step towards the rupture of relations, it is necessary to try to pull myself together and take a sober look at the situation. Thought, why do we let into my heart married? What is it - really love, or fear of being alone? And if suddenly it actually divorce and become entirely ours, will it be possible to trust him? Who knows, perhaps the fate of his wife one day befall us? After all, once lied ... Well, and even if they do not suffer, it will be the current favorite of roads, it is now becoming my husband? It is likely that our feelings because so strong that he is a stranger.
They say that men have mistresses because they are polygamous, they like it so much that I want variety and so on. And they is not never leave the family. Not true. Sometimes a married man falls in love with another woman, and as a result of divorce. But anyway, he still can not forget the former wife and probably still quite a long time to maintain a relationship with her. Especially if you have children. Can we handle it? And whether we will be happy in this situation? Hardly. So you need to stop loving, even if there is a chance to connect with him his fate. Someone else's misfortune - a poor foundation for their own happiness.
No, of course, it is possible to accept the situation and continue to meet with your loved ones over the years. Not for what it is not insisting, demanding nothing, and nothing from him waiting. But is it worth? The situation will then be twofold. It seems to be not alone, and at the same time alone. Personal life did not accept, because the place would be near as busy. And as if empty. Will all the time waiting for short-term meetings secretly and painfully to look at the way he stole glances at his watch. Well, what it is, such an existence? It is, of course, all this will suit. Still would! There is a house, there are two women, each of you need it. Eagle, not a man! And the fact that he regularly lying one, and the other causes suffering ... Well, so what! The fate of the weaker sex was. Men are known to be less. So let him get used to divide them.
In short, where throw, everywhere swamp. And it is better to pull out a married lover from the heart, spread your wings and fly away in search of his own destiny. Otherwise it is a swamp zasosёt. And I do not have time to gasp as podurneem grow old, and in the endless waiting for a meeting. By then it will have exactly the cuckoo alone until the end of his days. And he will find another lover, fresher, prettier but younger. Men do less, and he's an eagle ...
We need such a fate? Need not. So we take a firm decision to get rid of the oppressor attachment. Take myself and hesitate over how to forget a married man. Where to begin?
How to part with a married man
When we finally decided to leave the captive lover, I will not beat around the bush, tell him about it directly. Yes, it is not easy. But it is necessary. We understand that emotions can not cope? Drink mild sedative, we learn the words of farewell in advance and otrepetiruem their behavior. The main thing - to do without reproaches and tantrums. It is better to thank the person for everything and let go. It is possible that he will resist, to induce intima. We do not agree in any case! After a passionate embrace will not be able to leave. And yet again goes in a circle.
After the last conversation takes place, we try not to think about the ex-boyfriend or think about him in the past tense. We do not respond to his calls and did not agree to meet on any terms. We do not accept gifts and get rid of everything that reminds of the past. There are joint photo? In the trash! There are things, evidence of the unsuccessful novel? Same way! There are mutual friends? See each other with them as little as possible! There is a common hobby? We change it! And so on. Remove from the mobile number zhenatika, blocking his access to their pages in social networks, we cease to walk in places where it may appear ... and are familiar with other men at the first opportunity. Let these dating to nothing obliges. Now we need to communicate with the opposite sex and the recognition of their own attractiveness.
We try not to be alone, because the hand and will be attracted to the phone, in order to dial the number of the former favorite. It is better to call a good friend and arrange a meeting or just chat on souls. We go with friends to the cinema, to the disco or walk in the park. We are looking for a new hobby, going somewhere for voucher, we begin to learn foreign languages, mastering the ride on horseback, learn to scuba dive with ... Acting! We do not sit, huddled in a corner and teteshkaya their pain. From it we must flee headlong, then the pain sooner or later fall behind.
Does not work? Let's try to describe what we feel, on paper or on tape tell a story. We try to look at their emotions dispassionately, as if from outside. This will help if you do not control them, then to organize, to understand why it is so hard to forget unfree man. If you handle the situation on their own is not possible, we go to a psychologist. Let disassemble everything on the shelves and identify why we are so attached to, to whom attached should not be.
It must be said that the roots of this affection is always rooted in the woman herself. Not every one of us is capable of falling in love with a married man. In the eyes of many ladies ringed object of the opposite sex will automatically cease to be a subject of attention. These girls will never will give yourself, your favorite, the one who is a gift to be able to assess the end. They know that this relationship obviously bring pain and suffering. But then we expected! So why allow yourself to fall in love? Running needed without looking! And if you were not running, perhaps we need it, this pain? Or do we have too low self-esteem and we are ready for any relationship?
No, it is likely that zhenatik - a worthy man of rare breed knights. Well, it happened! She married people before we met him. But what's done is done. In any case, the relationship with him will not be easy. We'll have all the time to wait for his call, tormented by jealousy, knowing that he goes to bed with another. Spending the evening alone and holidays and troubled, even when he's around. Because it will always belong to someone else. And the other one is on the favorite more rights.
Yes, if you really love the most it is very difficult to take the first step to break. If there is no strength, you can do anything else. To begin to deal with the favorite, as the legal wife. Let us call him when you need to and do not need to roll up hysteria, to make a complaint, to sort things out on a regular basis, jealous. Surely "romantic hero" will change dramatically and will become irritable rowdy. And it is wonderful! It is easier to throw it away from the heart and life. And if we pull hard zhenatika the registrar, making the divorce with his wife, he did run away himself. On a serious step rare man capable of.
In short, freed from the unhappy relationship by any means. Not what they are! Caesar - Caesar's, and to us - cooked for us and not for someone else's happiness. Every woman deserves it, and we - not the exception!
We advise to check: to be the mistress of a married man
What does it mean - to be emotionally stable?
4 habits that create the emotional strength and stability
Building or restoration of stability
There are people who even in the bad days are able to hold on as if nothing special happened. Their whole secret lies in the fact that they have a fairly high emotional stability. This stability helps them find solutions in difficult situations, to overcome all hardships and get good results - in life, at work and in relationships with people - even when things go wrong.
It is obvious that such resistance and the ability to cope with adversity gives us an advantage. It makes our life more fulfilling and happy.
What does it mean - to be emotionally stable?
In fact, this concept describes the ability to withstand adversity. Our psyche is not only coping with stress, but also shows the ability as soon as possible return to normal balanced state after some emotionally difficult events. "What does not kill me, it makes me stronger" - Nietzsche. In other words, every time we experience stress and then returns to a state of equilibrium, the threshold moves up to our sustainability and our ability to cope with difficult situations increases.
It also means that we are developing our ability to "handle" complex events: what yesterday seemed impossible to us, today we may well survive. Therefore, tomorrow, our experience will become more manageable, although this does not mean that we cease to feel pain. Just tomorrow we will not panic and helpless to dissolve the nurse because of what yesterday seemed impossible to survive. We have shown the ability to adapt, learn and grow.
Emotional stability is dynamic; a long time she was "built" brick by brick, and over time it becomes not the way it was with our birth
. It determines our ability to adapt and recover from circumstances such as the loss, deprivation, injury, threat, illness, accidents, etc.
. The strength of stability affects our mood and physical well-being in times of crisis, as well as the duration and impact force upon us the traumatic event
. This allows you to create basic life skills that shapes our character and will
. But the development of the emotional stability of each of us goes in different ways, and therefore react to stressful situations we are not the same
. Stability threshold is different, so it turns out that in the same conditions, one person will be "strong" and another called "wimp"
. Even one and the same person in one situation may be "weak" and the other - the "strong"
It all depends on our experience, which, as is known, comes with time. But our experience and depends on the severity of events that we need to survive. Here the loss of a loved one loved one, sadly, will sooner or later have to go through literally everyone - at least once in life. But not everyone has to "amass" experience accidents, tragedies of violence, natural disaster or war. Everyone has their own experience - and it turns out that emotional stability is also at everyone. But in any case, be emotionally stable - does not mean that we are turning into a kind of bullet-proof vests and lose the ability to experience emotional pain. The difference is that the strong man keeps himself in his hands and is able to control their emotions. And quickly reversed course.
4 habits that create the emotional strength and stability
If you want to know what is the development of emotional stability, then you need to get an idea of some of the habits, without which it is difficult to achieve this success. Try to develop them in yourself! They will act as an invisible shield around you, helping to motivate yourself, no matter what happens.
Awareness: Know your Achilles' heel
Your Achilles heel - it is your personal weakness, your weakest link
. She always makes you a scapegoat and constantly makes excuses
. For example, for some it is - time
. There are ladies who never have time to do as scheduled
. And not because they lack the time, and just because they do not know how to properly dispose of them
. This lady should have to take control of every minute of the time, just to paint the points that you need to do when she
. And even if it may seem tedious, take, hold, and so a few days or weeks
. She was able to make for themselves the amazing discovery! Probably it would have been that she spends too much time on minor things, while the main job is still unfinished
. What kind of emotional stability, if the authorities once again threatened with dismissal for failure to fulfill their duties at work!
Once you identify your weaknesses and start working on them to prevent them from taking the better of you. Of course, we are talking about knowledge as a habit only in a figurative sense. But, nevertheless, it is a very useful quality - to be able to see their weaknesses and be able to influence them. This ultimately helps to restore your control over your habits and help to strengthen resistance.
Personal Development: Invest in yourself
If you clearly understand what your shortcomings and weaknesses hinder achieve goals in life - then you need to develop a missing quality. You and only you should be responsible for their lives, and only in your power to change it for the better. Think about how you might improve your personal qualities and skills, and invest in the development of this direction. So you can increase your chances of success in life.
The need to pay is often the cause in order to avoid or delay the training and personal development. Though money is important, just think of how much more expensive in the end will cost to do nothing. Investing in yourself means providing the opportunity to take responsibility for improving their lives. This is a habit that makes it much easier to achieve what you want to achieve in life.
Inner peace: stop yourself
Our internal monologue with itself determine how we look at the world around us. Are all your thoughts are positive? In other words, you do not revolve in your mind such thoughts that interfere with the implementation of what you really want to achieve? Such thoughts can attack you for quite some time before you realize that they start to affect you not in the best way. What to do in such a case?
Doing the necessary follows
. Imagine that your thoughts - it's soundtracks that sound in your head
. What do you usually do when the player sounds a song that you do not like? You turn it down, right? That's the soundtrack to stop negative thoughts, too! At first, doing this is not quite easy, so help yourself to switch thoughts with the help of some physical activities
. If you are at this time lying in bed - get up and write, for example, the shopping list for tomorrow
. If you were sitting on the couch and watching TV - go for a vacuum cleaner or start to wash dishes
. Your "sound track" will not disappear immediately, but gradually you will notice that it is getting shorter and shorter
. Stop yourself every time find yourself anxious thoughts
. Even if you initially reduce the negative time of listening "soundtracks" for only two hours a week, then you give it a month eight o'clock inner peace!
Of course, there are very tough questions that must be solved. But if you will have to stop the habit of heavy thoughts, and here it will help you. Instead of constantly thinking about it, you write on paper to not forget about the need to resolve the issue, and all the rest of the time will think about what you really want to do now. And once you ensure yourself inner peace, then it is likely that the way to overcome the problems will find a lot faster. Yes, and emotional stability will have a much higher!
Integrity: the ability to make bad days
Sometimes it happens that we are suddenly faced with some obstacles, and all is not as we would have liked. In those days, everything will depend on how you perceive current events. There are people who throw up their hands when faced with failure, and even depressed. They think every day that have been unable to resist the challenges increasingly feeling flawed.
And there are people who see failure as a signal for the need to look for other options. Rather than occupy his mind with thoughts of their inferiority, they include very different "soundtrack" - are considering possible solutions. They are one-piece, because no part of the personality is not affected by the failure. The integrity would not allow them to hang themselves shortcuts misfits and emotional stability was the only person up after their ordeal.
Building or restoration of stability
Surrounding your social circle and environment are the main factors that shape your ability to deal with stressful situations. Therefore it is very important that you know exactly what situations you can easily handle, and the situations in which you may experience problems with their perception and processing. In order to develop emotional stability happens to you as soon as possible stable, listen to the advice of psychologists:
Talk about your feelings with people who are close to you and whom you trust. You may find that the people who surround you, once faced with the same circumstances, of which you are having trouble. They can understand you, to share your anxiety and give advice, as have experience out of this situation.
Look for all the details about the difficult situation in which you can supposedly get. This enables you to better understand what is happening, and you can not consider the crisis as a hopeless problem, but as a situation in which you can act decisively, because you know what to do. Good orientation in the problem of helping fight the fear, which is usually exaggerated in increasing stress levels.
Accept the fact that sometimes there are situations that we can not change. Learn to accept such a situation, retaining their personal integrity.
Take the time to develop, strengthen and maintain relationships with partners, children, family members, friends and acquaintances. The closer and more important are your relationships, the better your ability to cope with problems and stress.
Develop the hope and optimism. Visualize the positive results of their actions. Even in the most difficult time do not forget that at the end of the tunnel there is always light.
Let your life always goes on, and show the world that no difficulties and stress can not change the normal course of your life.
Think for yourself a new hobby - the way of new ideas and interests will fill your spare time. This will significantly add to you positive emotions and good distract from problems.
Help other people, and voluntarily, without waiting for requests for assistance. In support of others, you will increase your ability to cope with difficulties. It will make you feel more confident.
Mentally review your lessons from the past, analyze how you coped then with the events - it will be another opportunity to self-knowledge and acceptance, as well as help you develop confidence in your ability to cope with future challenges.
If you already have an experience out of stressful situations, make for themselves in the wake of the events a set of measures to restore (such as spending time with close friends), and be prepared to repeat them if necessary. Note that during recovery is necessary to postpone the adoption of important decisions.
Try to improve your physical health, aim for a healthy diet, get exercise, do not forget about the rest and ensure adequate sleep. This will help you to avoid stress.
The main thing you should remember - is that good emotional stability will help you cope with any troubles. So do not forget to work on themselves!