Some people suffer from loneliness. As a rule, they are fully immersed in their suffering, and they become even more lonely when they watch others at ease communicating with each other people. Even more difficult for a single person becomes a situation where around it are mostly couples - friendship or love. After all, friends or spouses have deep relationship, which is completely devoid of a lonely man. Longing and loneliness are increasingly eating away at his soul, and the person falls into a deep depression. A depression - like a spring, which is stronger and longer to compress, the more it then "shoots". The prolonged depression in lonely people threatens to turn into a disaster, even to suicide. No wonder among single people is very high percentage of suicides.
And how to overcome loneliness, and is it possible at all? And what is this "beast" is - loneliness? In what situation a person begins to feel lonely? And if all the loneliness makes people unhappy? We asked a lot of questions, let us now we will investigate.
What is loneliness?
Loneliness - is a constant emotional state in which a person feels isolated and devastated. He understands that nobody needs, nobody needs his company and himself. It is a common opinion about the feeling of loneliness. This, in general, the right; but the fact that loneliness loneliness strife. Sometimes it happens that loneliness - is the choice of some people in some specific situations, and the person feels lonely, even in the midst of other people. So often it happens in cases where the person is not in contact with others, and sees a need for self-isolation. It is clear that they have no desire for that to overcome loneliness, because this isolation serves as a mechanism of protection for these people, making them a comfort zone ,.
Loneliness is different for each person. Some people feel alone in dealing with certain people. Some feel lonely in a crowd (we just talked about it). Some feel lonely because they do not find their love. Some feel lonely because suffer from depression (in this case was first depressed and then the feeling of loneliness, and not vice versa), increased anxiety and other disease states. It turns out that loneliness - this is a very broad concept, and everyone feels it differently. But there is something that unites all these feelings - is the lack of communication with other people, or any particular person.
Thus, it becomes clear that loneliness is a very complex, multidimensional phenomenon. So, no, and no single "medicine" of being alone, simply because there are many different types of loneliness. Agree: lonely widow who has recently lost her husband, is significantly different from the loneliness of a boy who is sick in bed and can not go outside to play with their friends at the mo football. And just as there is no single type of loneliness, there is no single solution to get rid of feelings of loneliness. Different problems require different solutions.
What are the types of loneliness?
One of the most important aspects of loneliness - this is the frequency with which it occurs in the human sense of
. Some people feel lonely rare, and if it happens, it happens in some specific situations
. For example, someone may wash over these feelings on a cloudy rainy day, and someone - on a business trip, in unfamiliar surroundings, away from family and friends
. This type of loneliness psychologists call "situational state of loneliness," because the feeling arises only in relation to certain circumstances
. In stark contrast is a more stable type of loneliness, when loneliness is stored regardless of the situation
. In this case, the circumstances do not make people feel inner discomfort, and his own choice
. Loneliness for such a person is like a defining feature of his personality
. Here you can talk about chronic loneliness
Chronic loneliness - this is usually more complex phenomenon
. And too ambiguous
. People who voluntarily prefer solitude can be divided into several categories:
. The first category - the people who give up efforts to solve their problems of loneliness and eventually used passive strategy of "survival"
. These strategies are more attempts to escape from the pain of loneliness, than trying to solve the problem of the real
. Such single, drowning longing begin its "jam" or begin drinking, too much sleep, spending all his free time in front of TV - a lot of options
. Naturally, this only exacerbates the state of loneliness
. Psychological research shows that such a condition a person may have something to do with the problems in his past
. This is the most severe form of loneliness, and such people tend to need help of professional psychologists
There is another category of chronically lonely people
. In relation to them we can say that their main problem - it is "the lack of facility for separation distress"
. Do not be afraid of such a complex formulation in fact it is not difficult to understand
. From the moment of our birth we form our attachments
. For the child, the object of affection, above all, are the people who provide care to him - parents
. Care gives a child a sense of security and comfort, and it is with this feeling in the future we associate any attachment
. Have you ever seen a child who is lost in a public place? Around a lot of people, but he was crying and calling for his mother
. Her lack of a major disaster it seems, because no one in the whole world, he can not trust the way she
. And the kid think he was alone in the vast and hostile world
. Something similar happens with some lonely people
. They are all looking for a possible object of his affection, but can not find the person they might love and fully trust him
. But why do they have it not work?
There are several possible reasons. Firstly, it happens when the object of affection a person has been, but he lost - it can be a death, a divorce, moving to another place of residence and the like. Sometimes, moving suffering in the past, such a person is no longer willing to be open to another love, so as not to get burned again. Fortunately, over time, many of these "conscious" of individuals begin to weaken their perimeter defense, knowing that time and patience will help to ease their pain, and openness to new relations would lead to a new love and happiness.
Another reason may be that the person lacks social skills to create new relationships - friendship, love, friendship. Such persons may be too shy or anxious, wary. In addition, the cause to some extent can serve as our modern society. Now valued individuality and personal freedom. But any successful interpersonal relationships require compromise. And the need for compromise can be regarded as an infringement on personal freedom. So people can not find a common language ...
And one more category of individuals worth mentioning. Paradoxically, but these people are deliberately trying to retire, finding joy in his solitude. Removal from the outside world helps them to relax from the hustle and bustle, allowing to be alone with yourself and with your thoughts, calmly deal with any problems or focus on your favorite business. Especially characteristic is the condition for creative people. They take the loneliness, to be freed from external stimuli and to express their thoughts and emotions in poetry, paintings, create an image. Most often, they end up experiencing a sense of renewal after a period of voluntary solitude. Of course, such a condition can not be regarded as morbid, because loneliness brings this category of people satisfaction and can be interrupted without any effort on their part.
As you can see, loneliness may stem from a number of reasons. A person can be lonely because of the painful experience, uncertainty, and even personal preferences of non-conformism (aspiration throughout contrary to generally accepted norms). One thing is clear - for whatever reason no man was alone, state of loneliness is really a personal choice. He may dispel the effects of loneliness, if he wants it. The real problem that may face such a person - a lack of readiness to leave his protective "coat" of loneliness, which is a cap of invisibility, hides him from the outside world.
How to get rid of loneliness?
What should I do to get rid of the oppressive feeling? Different people deal with it differently. The great success of reaching the one who receives the most proactive in addressing the problem of his loneliness. These people focus on how to find the cause and ways to eliminate its consequences. They also tend to use what is called "active coping strategy": listen to your favorite music, doing physical exercise, doing hobbies, etc. All of this helps them to escape from loneliness and a more positive use of their time.
Perhaps you feel that no one understands you, and there's people who think like you. And you begin to abandon the new situations and to communicate with other people. But if you want to ever overcome his loneliness, you must fight the urge to do so, as you usually do. To get rid of loneliness, you must get up and go to the light, even if you are more comfortable to sit in the dark and weep. We want to offer you a few steps, making that, you get to get rid of feelings of loneliness. Means, which we say are effective, but for different people, they may work differently. But in any case - they work!
A few steps to get rid of loneliness
Use the "logging"
To make it easier to get out of the state of loneliness, try to analyze its causes and all the problems that they caused. First, you can just write down all the facts that you consider involved in your state. When you have a certain number of records, read and try to impartially analyze them. Play for the role of its own consultant. If at first you will not be prepared to take their accounts open mind, try to imagine what you are reading is not his, but someone else's record. If you regularly analyze their thoughts and actions, you will soon be able to understand what your loneliness deprives you of too many opportunities. This will make you see the light, and you will see that in the world there are many things that can fill your emptiness.
Expand social circle
Perhaps you consider loneliness as a form of silent protest against society or your surroundings. One of the most common complaints alone is that they can not find people who understand them. This opinion was in fact contrary to the truth. The larger circle of friends, the various types of people that have to communicate. Among the hundreds of people easier to find like-minded than in ten. In addition, you will have more chances to learn new habits and attitudes that will give you an opportunity for personal growth and significantly expand the circle of people whose views and aspirations coincide with your lifestyle.
Let me know about your feelings of loneliness
If you are silent, people are not aware of your true feelings. After all, over our heads do not flash emoticons that would tell others about our emotions. And if your friends or relatives do not understand what you're feeling lonely, they, of course, do not think about how to help you. Pull out your sense of the distant corners of the soul, shake it off and show it to others! You can talk about your feelings and how to get rid of him. Only, of course, we must not speak with tipsy fellow traveler on the seat next to the bus and with the person you love and trust. Or a trained specialist. Be prepared for the fact that you can not really please their impartial assessment of your actions. The drug is usually bitter!
Beware of depression
Some people who experience loneliness, actually experiencing clinical depression. Depression causes many symptoms, including sadness, irritability, sleep problems, appetite loss, sexual dysfunction, fatigue, excessive, overwhelming feeling of loneliness and thoughts of suicide. If you have reason to suspect that you are depressed, you need to get rid of it from her, not from a sense of loneliness.
Try something new
If a long walk, then bend your knees stop. And if you long to sit in a dark corner, you can completely lose skills. Actively look for ways to find new contacts. Do not be afraid to meet on the street, will join members of the local clubs, go learn some courses or buy a subscription to the pool. There are many options, the main thing that you liked what you will do. Catching things you love, you'll find people who like the same thing to you. But familiarity with the people who are not like you, too, can be a good experience for you!
Get a pet
A great many people a little dog or amusing kitten helped to cope with loneliness. It is impossible to feel lonely next to you recklessly loving creature! In addition, vygulivaya, for example, your dog, you will be able to meet other dog lovers. People like to get together to talk about their pets. And you will be familiar with veterinarians and employees of veterinary pharmacies and shops. You can take the kid a thoroughbred, and you can warm your soul good deed, taking him from a shelter or on the street - and the same unhappy lonely, which until now was you. If you are able to cope with caring for a pet, the dog or cat will brighten up your loneliness. You will have new responsibilities, and maintaining employment is one of the most important methods of overcoming loneliness.
Kill her loneliness, that it does not kill you!
Overcoming loneliness, if long-term and all-pervasive, not just a fleeting feeling - it's not an easy job on a
. Often people who feel lonely, forced to contend not only with negative emotions, but also with low self-esteem, eating disorders, a problem of addiction to alcohol, the desire for self-harm, or a complete failure of communication with people
. Agree, it is not easy
. So do not let loneliness draws you into its whirlpool
. Fight it! How to overcome loneliness? These recommendations we are just some of the ways to solve the problem; everyone should choose the most appropriate ways
. The main thing - try to stay active
. If you really want to be healed, just keep in mind - you can achieve results if you are brave enough to go against all odds
. So take a bold first step!
We strongly recommend to read: How to get out of severe depression