Many of us even from an early age mother and grandmother instilled the idea that you should not drive away the "unsightly" guys, saying that will curl around you ugly, then pretty noticed. Since then, we used to give the green light to the relationship with a man, which had not seen "the prince on a white horse": someone did this in order to attract the attention of other men, and some - just to not be lonely . It is not necessary that this guy was ugly and unsightly, sometimes our temporal choices and smart and beautiful. And the flowers they give and to receive visits invite, and love, pet. Just do not click the cog in the brain responsible for feelings of romance, and that's it.
And in my heart - the emptiness, heaviness, feelings of guilt. I want to break this vicious circle and to leave with a man you do not love. Or maybe there were some feelings in the beginning, but that's just melted away like snow vernal. Too many things went wrong, how you plan and your relationship become a routine duty. Over time, we realized that it was not love, but only dream about it. How to part with a guy who looks at you with adoration, but which you do not want to see the constant companion of life?
Understand why you go
Before you put an end to your relationship, try to pinpoint for yourself the reason why you do not want to be with this person. What has changed in your attitude towards him why he did not interesting? After all, how would Anyway, once you have agreed to meet with him, and then he seemed worthy of your society. And if not love in your heart, the deep sympathy - that's for sure. It is much easier to understand how to part with a guy, if you know exactly what you do not like him to respect you. Sometimes men make mistakes, it is invisible to them but a very important and significant for us. So, what went wrong?
Lack of attention
No, it will not about flowers and gifts. Sometimes the attention of the man - is not only a romantic offerings, but also the usual ability to listen and understand the woman he loves. If he does not see in you changes - both external and internal, if he shrugs off your thoughts and reasoning, and does not take seriously your comments - so he focused only on himself and does not accept you for who you really are. Thus it can be really in love and happy to perform all of their "duty" - to invite you on a romantic date, to arrange surprises and give gifts. It's very nice, but unfortunately, not enough to be happy. Very often, we lose interest in those men that are not able or not willing to listen to us, even if everything else was good. After all, what kind of kinship may be involved if he does not take seriously your thoughts and feelings?
Lack of emotional support
We women are very unique creatures, and not all men can understand it
. We like air needed emotional support partner in all our affairs and undertakings
. Otherwise, relations are meaningless
. He can not keep repeating about his mad love, but a deaf ear to the words of your problems and troubles
. He does not want to plunge into the whirlpool of your difficulties, because he is in a pleasant state of love when life is seen only in white and do not want to overshadow her decision urgent problems
. Then the woman begins to feel in a dual position: on the one hand, she sees a man in love with her, on the other - does not feel his emotional support
. Although it would seem, these two things can not exist without each other
. Either this man, though in love, but too self-centered, or it is still not out of the pores of childhood, when all problems were solved somehow by themselves and did not require his direct participation
. In both cases, over time in women is growing desire to part with it
Lack of ambition
Nowadays such a thing as "ambition", has long lost its negative value. Now ambition - is, above all, the desire to go forward, not dwelling on the results already achieved. And, of course, what we expect of our men? Standing achievements - whether in the promotion of the career ladder, or in the spiritual, creative development. An ambitious woman would never tolerate next to him a man who is content with little. She just does not understand the guy who graduated from the institute, will be happy to spend years in office with a modest salary and strive to improve (what it is, it is so calm ?!).
And let men complain that modern women wallet size is much more important than their rich inner world, we dare to disagree. It's not about the money, or rather, not only in them. A woman wants to see next to him a man of strong and motivated, otherwise most of the cares and burdens of family life just falls on her shoulders. "With sweet heaven in a cottage, if cute - Attache" - a worthy continuation of the old adage. You can continue to listen to the charges in their commercialism, but you can set our priorities. Yes, we agree, agree to marry a lieutenant if only just a little, he tried to become a general. Well, or at least the captain. If a man completely devoid of ambition, many of us it seems a infantilism, or laziness. And in my head starts to spin a thought: how to part with a guy who does not want to go ahead?
The manners of a dictator
All we women want to be loved, to feel close to him strong man's shoulder, reliability and protection. Sometimes you want to feel like a weak woman, and shift some concerns on the one who loves and supports you. Sometimes, for a brief moment can and must give ourselves the power of a loving man, if this power - only a desire to help and protect. But sometimes the desire to lead and point to the man over the edge: of good adviser and reliable assistant, he suddenly turns into a real dictator.
His instructions shall not be denied, it is always better to know what you need, be it the choice of clothing, or a choice of profession. He is the answer to everything, and you are obliged to unquestioningly obey him (of course, he also loves you and wants only good). Listen to his morals and day and night, afraid to stumble even move - that's the typical fate of the girl, whose partner is behaving like a dictator. You can live with it, shaking with fear, taking their own decisions, but you can deal with the manifestation of tyranny on the part of men.
Dear girls, if before the wedding bells ringing you recognize the man in the dictatorial, then run away without looking back. Parting - the best way to avoid problems in the future, or even a lot of days and nights you spend in tears and self-flagellation. Unless you belong to the category of women that love and obey completely dissolve in the other person, you will be oh how hard times! Well, if he's candy buketny period of time to show you, "who's boss", what happens after you start to live under the same roof?
As part Man
When relations are deadlocked, I want to quickly put them a point and start a new life without this person. Despite all his love, happy with him you do not feel yourself, but because you want to break bearing down on your relationship. Every day to see his loving eyes and not feel reciprocity - not an easy test. How to safely leave the guy who loves you? First of all, you need to stop feeling sorry for him. For shame - it is not love, right? Besides, it would be offensive to the sense of your young man: a shame - this is the last, what to expect men to build relationships with women. Once you understand that this man is not for you, then you need to quickly escape, and not what you risk to miss their true happiness! So, you need to collect will in a fist and start acting.
Choose a place for conversation
You should not tell your boyfriend about the separation over the phone or via computer. The courage to tell him of his decision in the eye. Of course, it is much harder, but the person who loves you, deserves to everything you said to him directly. After all, if you do not have the courage to open conversation, then your sms-message or e-mail will not be taken seriously: the young man still would seek a meeting with you in order to find out. Let not today, but in a few days, he still insists on his and you have to talk to him personally. So why delay the inevitable?
It is better to talk once and dot all the i's right than painful experience with the requirements of the next meeting to explain. How many painful days as we meet it will need to realize that you do not give up? Therefore, even Drop idea to explain to him in absentia.
Take carefully to the choice of the place where the explanation will happen with your boyfriend. It is not necessary to do so where you were once happy together: it will be like a mockery. As part with the guy if you're talking in the same apartment where passion indulged in many days and nights? So it can drive you mad - the terms of the same things, the same furniture, only you do not belong to each other. But he still loves you, and talk about breaking in a meaningful place for both of you will be much more painful for him.
Yes, and your sober head will have a hard time because we, the girls, there is a rather romantic, and even when separated, are willing to shed tears of anguish and remorse. But to do that, just not worth it. It is worth it to see your eyes filled with tears, as he immediately decides that there is still dear to you and talk about your break - no more than a way to punish him for some sins. Did you pursue this objective, referring to the break-up?
How to hold a conversation
So the decisive moment has come: you met, and it is time to say hard words. How to behave? Softly and tenderly tell him that you do not fit together, or you can be tough and uncompromising throughout the conversation? First, you'll need all the firmness and confidence on what you just can do. You can prepare in advance a couple of phrases like "I thought long and decided," but most likely during the actual conversation all the blanks will fly out of my head. It is one thing - to practice sitting in a bathtub, the other - to talk to him about it, looking straight into his eyes. Report this shocking news to the person who loves you, it is not easy.
I'm sure your boyfriend will require explanation, and in fact, will be right. But do not tell him that he always admires at Lyuska from next door, or that he does not appreciate your rich inner world. Such details you very cornered, because the guy will probably swear that he corrected that love that will change their behavior and forgiveness. God forbid, you go at it on occasion - give slack and agreed to "try again." Just do not forget that such a step will only prolong and yours, and his agony, the relationship is still run, but just nerves, you have time to exhaust each other fairly. If you initially count on his prayers and repentance, then it is better to forget about his intention to leave. Think of how to solve their problems, a more human way.
It is best to stand your ground and repeat the same thing: that broke up only because more do not like him. Cooled off feelings, do not want to deceive him - and that's it. If it's hard to say, he will realize that your decision irrevocably. And no matter how hard it was for both of you, but it will take your decision to leave. And if at the end of the conversation you suddenly pitiful say that you want to remain friends - it will be another mistake. It is not possible to remain friends boys and girls, who have decided to break the relationship - at least as long as his feelings have cooled down. It was only later, when you are both calm down and cease to perceive each other "heart and flesh," you can already become friends. And until that happens, for your boyfriend is a real torture to maintain with you a relationship based not on love but on a normal friendship. It does not stop its attempts to win back your location, and you - again, to keep away from him.
If, during the conversation, he suddenly starts to scream, swear and accuse you of all mortal sins - do not respond to it mutual insults, either above it. Maybe he craves your negative reaction, trying to draw you out of yourself and start a conversation by his rules. Just shut up and listen, give him the opportunity to splash out anger and confusion. And then turn away and leave. All. Point set. You are no longer together.
What can be done after breaking up
It would seem that all behind - but after breaking up can be done a lot of mistakes. In the first place, did not answer his calls and messages on a social network - that you give him a chance to hope for the continuation of the relationship. No matter how many days, weeks, he may send you messages trembling - just ignore them all. "She died so dead ...". No, not you, but love and hope for the resumption of relations. No matter how hurt your heart, no matter how frightening the thought of his suicide (yes, a lot of guys did not hesitate to blackmail those who left their girlfriends), do not go at it on occasion. You took a difficult decision for themselves because whether it is consistent and does not change it.
Another serious mistake girls, broke up with a guy - a petty love to say nasty things about him behind his back. Only a few days after your separation, and you're ready to let the world about what was said and done only one for you? How sweet it is sometimes to talk with your friends and tell them about his former young man the whole story - all his secrets and unpleasant facts of behavior. You first left him, and he still depressed - so is it worth to sink to in order to denigrate him in the eyes of others?
Believe me, neither his eyes nor in the eyes of friends, plus you do not currently earn. You will listen, sympathize, may retell gossip to someone else. But opinion has been formed about you quite unpleasant, as a man who can not be trusted. As much as he does not annoy you, beware talking shit behind him - it could end badly.
Well, the last thing: going, going. By deploying such a complex campaign to parting with the young man, causing so much pain to himself, and he should not try to bring Man back. Part - be good to close this chapter in its life. Broken happiness does not stick together, and you beat him thoroughly because she was convinced that happiness is not yours. Do not break up people for no good reason. And what would not be the "root of evil" in your situation - not the fact that everything will not happen again. Do not enter the same river twice - our ancestors invented this saying, were not fools. It is better to spread your wings, feel the freedom and ease and goes in search of a new happiness - this time present.
We strongly recommend to read: How to get a man to marry Me