Our relationships with men - a thing is incredibly complicated and difficult
. We're not able to understand each other, trying to one another to change something, to something to force ... In a word, strain, act, vanity, not knowing rest
. But somehow we can not get the ball rolling
. Simply gender relations do not become (sex do not take into account), the number of marriages is growing strong, and lived happily together the couple are still rare
. Why is that? Yes, because we, from generation to generation, are making the same mistakes
. Here let us look at what did not like women in men before? Lack of attention and neglect of family duties
. What the fairer sex are complaining today? Again, the lack of attention on the part of man, his laziness, inertia, infantilism
. They complain and do not suspect that the reason for such behavior themselves and gave
. So what's the beautiful half of humanity is often wrong? Let's look at the most basic mistakes women in relationships with men
The most common mistakes women in the relationship
Surely then, what we say now applies to the behavior of many women when dealing with the opposite sex. Correct this behavior is difficult to call, but they are convinced that the best option chosen relationships with men. To some this method with my mother instilled in childhood, someone had read about it in a magazine or learned from books, and some chose themselves. One way or another, but such methods of treatment with the representatives of the stronger sex is practiced everywhere. The fact that they are, in fact, destroyed in the bud the possibility of creating a complete happy family, no one even thinks. What kind of methods and how major mistakes we make?
The error first. A woman becomes a man mommy and behaves with him as a child
It is all the time taking care of his Blessed decides for him any problems, lisp and cackling over her beloved husband, like a chicken on a chicken. This is extremely dangerous for normal relations and is a very common mistake.
Let's start with the fact that in this case the wife is behaving as if it is not able to half take care of herself. Yes, men do often behave like children. They forget the house keys, and notebooks, do not know where stacked clean shirts and socks, poorly oriented in worldly matters, can not on their own warm meal and so on. But that does not mean that you need to constantly bring something to an adult male, about something to remind you to pick up clothes, prichёsyvat and almost spoon-feed! Yes, in addition also to take responsibility for solving the problem exclusively male.
In principle, this woman's behavior can be understood. From early childhood, it is prepared to motherhood, developing girl need someone to babysit. Growing up, she realizes her maternal essence when dealing with his chosen one, surrounding it with excessive care and attention. If chosen - a man self-sufficient, such a state of affairs certainly once it starts to oppress and annoy. If he is as a person has not taken place, it would be willing to accept the rules proposed by the girlfriend for a long time. And, as a result, in fact, turn into a kind of a little boy, totally dependent on the ever-present wife - mother.
If so understand, the woman tends to the behavior of mothers in a similar way to earn the love of a man. She wants him to be necessary in all to be confident in the reliability of relations. What is the sense in this, of course, there is. When a man can not do without their half of anything, it is from it is not going anywhere. But then it will need assistance anytime, anywhere, even in the most trivial matters. And never grow up! So have his wife all his life teteshkat overage child, forgetting about their own desires and goals. But the elect meant to be a support and protection. Sad? Most likely yes.
As for the men alone, with whole kind, here the situation is even worse. Regular attack on its independence in the late 'end, lead to sedition. Not wanting to be the ward, the man will rise up against the women's concerns and begin to fight back. What does it lead - dog knows. At best, the faithful will roar with or without cause. At worst - will wash off, taking with him a pair of socks and a toothbrush.
How to transform itself from a doting mom to the woman he loves?
- Stop doing for man that he must have long to learn to do without assistance. He asks, where are the keys? You should not immediately rush to find them. Let finds himself. He asked that he put on today? There is no need to advise. Let alone chooses. It throws things anywhere? Do not remove. Let roll until will remove myself. Yes, it will create chaos. But only at first. Then, if still not started, grow up and learn to care for themselves;
- Treat a man as a person, you can rely on everything. And try not to remind him of what he had in mind. Of course, at first spouse will not forget about important matters, and unpaid bills, late for a meeting or even skip them and stuff. Not fear. A couple of times plucked in trouble and learn to rely on yourself;
- Do not talk with a man as with nesmyshlёnyshem. Do not lisp and grumbling. No, if you want more intimacy, you can sometimes prisyusyuknut. But not in bed. And if a bad mood and you can grumble angrily. But to do it on occasion, but not always;
- To impose on the faithful a certain part of the duties and to any of their for him not to comply. I must buy bread, but forgot? Let supper without bread. I must reserve a table in the restaurant, but called it too late? Let ischёt another restaurant. I do not reserve a place in a hotel on vacation? Let the running and will look for availability in another hotel. And so on.
The main thing in all this - do not blame the man's mistakes and not to swear. Just stand still and worked on his own, without interfering or trying to correct the situation. Sooner or later, it will wake up the feeling of responsibility. And the relationship they acquire the proper form of relationship between man and woman.
Error second. Woman sacrifices himself to the man, forgetting about their interests
In this case, the choice becomes an idol, who did not pray. His every word is erected into a dogma, every gesture is awe. Prior to that devoted himself entirely to his precious, never dilemmas leave something better yourself or to give him. Of course, to him such a favorite, such a revered! For him, she throws favorite hobby, for him give up his interests for the sake of it will start to do things that can not stand. In the name of their idol woman sever relationships with friends and family if they do not like him. Or will meet with him, and much less a secret from him. And give up their dreams in order to realize his dream.
A woman loses its face and becomes like a blank slate on which a man can write whatever they want. She hopes that her sacrifice would be appreciated. And the love of a man repeatedly increase. Sometimes it happens, but rarely. Most often, the opposite happens. Chosen ceases to see his girlfriend and the person loses interest in it. And she herself, emptying own essence, can spoil your character and become once depressed and evil. Of course, this does not contribute to the strengthening of relations.
How to stop to sacrifice themselves?
- First of all, we must remember all that from what had to be abandoned in the name of love. This will help you understand how much sacrifice is justified and whether it is necessary to behave so on;
- Every day, going over in his mind all the old interests, aspirations, goals, and try to revive the emotions connected with them. Let them break out with new force is at least for a short time. So we gradually reanimate their identity and force, in the end, her act;
- If you have the desire to sacrifice something for the sake of the men each time to say to myself, "I do not owe anybody, and I should not be anything to anyone." Yes, the relations impose obligations. But this applies to both partners! And to take them over and that, and the other should be voluntary, by mutual agreement. Make the pleasant beloved is necessary, mainly when it too does not contradict personal interests.
Intending to build a relationship, you should always keep in mind that they can be happy and strong only in the union of two full-fledged personality. If one partner suppresses another or allows it to suppress myself, nothing good usually comes out.
Error third. A woman appreciates a man of his potential
That is, she loves the elect is not the way it is now, and as it could be. This woman, seeking the one who certainly need of something to help out, pull out. Hedging. Whatever success was not her personal life, but without the rescue of a man - a loser, it would be complete.
Such savior drawn to seemingly unhappy and misunderstood by someone the stronger sex. In fact, for the most part, this infirmity, inability to love selfish. And especially something of salvation they do not need. But the fact that they were - very even. But women believe - is such a man to support and direct, he will certainly be revealed, and will be a strong and bright personality. After all, the poor man extremely talented! If next to him will be understood, a wise woman - inspirer, sooner or later he will show his talent and begin to move forward by leaps and bounds ...
In fact, such a benefactress invent man, ascribing qualities nonexistent. And then trying to improve his chosen, despite the fact that it rests on the hands and feet. They do not want to accept the fact that the man does not want to change, and desperately believe that one day it will become a small bird proud eagle. And "small bird" can handle their savior rather badly. But a woman is not a repellent. In her opinion, the coarseness and rudeness on the part of man is none other than "a cry tormented soul." And in fact, his nature is quite different - a good, broad and generous. It is only necessary to help it emerge, and everything will be in openwork.
Helping to appear "good and broad" man's nature can be a lifetime. You can not find the cat where it is not. A sparrow does not turn into an eagle, no matter how hard you try. If a man wanted to be a perfect man, he would it unaided. No, sometimes bewildered people really need someone to support and push in the back. But this applies only to those in whom there is a desire to move forward. If it is not, at least shove, nothing happens.
In general, the vast majority of women, men invent the potential need of such fantasies. They choose internally defective people to feel more confident. Like, one time I was able to see him, so much standing. And if we help to open up the prices I will not! Such is the peculiar way of self-affirmation - to love a person, contrary to what it actually is.
Generally it's ok - love a man as he is. But in our case, a woman does not love a real person, and invented her image. Such relationships are always on the brink of failure. Adjustments to the true nature of man created a portrait of the female imagination can lead to very negative consequences. Moreover, they relate to both partners. A man from the pressure from outside is able to turn into an uncontrolled monster. A woman obsessed with the idea to send it to the right path - either a tyrant or a lack of independence in the person of the only life guide service was a male image.
No, of course, there are men willing amenable to adjustment and watched with interest over their own progress. And there are women for whom the improvement of man - a natural need for similar fuse of creativity. But together they will happily co-exist as long as men are not completely satisfied with your changes. And women do not consider their mission accomplished. Then interest to each other, usually disappears. Of course, there are exceptions, but they are few.
How to avoid similar mistakes in the relationship? Always bear in mind that we can not know exactly what it takes another person and what its true essence. Yes, it is possible to assume that the man is able to get better. But it is necessary to admit that he was quite satisfied with their current state. It is not necessary to spend a lot of time and effort to create an imaginary image. Our fantasy and reality - is not always the same.
How to protect yourself from banal error in a relationship?
In principle, all these mistakes women in a relationship with a husband or partner have the same motivated. They are based on the desire of the fairer sex to depending on someone. We will not talk about, where does this desire and what it causes. The main thing is that it is inherent in many of us, and can significantly spoil the life.
The subconscious desire to be responsible for another person's peculiar nature of women. It is caused by maternal instinct and is something unnatural. Until then, until the woman begins to intensively take care of an adult independent person. It may well be that, dissolved in someone else, it will be some time to feel comfortable. However, this is a very precarious condition, which can rapidly disappear under the influence of many factors.
Healthy and promising relationship between two people is possible only if the solid ties between the two personalities. If one of them is defective or inert, and another dedicates himself to her - good not wait. All the creative energy gave it to the person to be wasted. To avoid this, we must always remember - we must first of all for self-actualization. And then, if necessary, to help implement other.
Building a relationship with a man, we must not forget about their own life goals and aspirations. Abandon them should not be in any case. Otherwise there is a risk that we lose not only the respect of men, but of himself. The task of any person - to find their own, unique way to joy and happiness. Therefore, helping friends, we must not forget about personal goals and interests.
It is not necessary to abandon the long-awaited meeting with old friends because we love the itch to go to the movies today. No need to prepare only those dishes that he likes, if we can not stand them. It is impossible, trying to improve the skills of the men with him to study particular profession, for which there is the soul. Do not be with him to watch boxing if scuffle is disgusting. It would not do to pick up scattered everywhere pious thing, go for it Room someone phones, ensure that it is warmly dressed and so on. This is a grown man! Let it be, finally, self!
Without a doubt, help with certain issues its half is possible and necessary. It is important that it took the form of community rather than custody. And the care and support are valuable only if the person is willing to accept them, feeling sincere gratitude and expressing readiness to help, too, if necessary. In this case, taking the initiative on the part of women is encouraged. But here, assistance should be happy and grateful for the fact that it accepted.
Generally, intending to converge closer to some man, it is advisable initially to learn more about his life goals and proposed ways to achieve them. If specific goals and desires to act constructively no need to think hard over whether we need this man. Well, when everything is available, you should watch him for a while. The man did not move, and constantly complains about the lack of understanding of others, the intrigues of envious, stupid heads and stuff? Rather, he hopes that someone will solve all his problems. This shows the immaturity of man as a person. Well, when progress in the cases and in the spiritual development there, and reason is not necessary.
Undoubtedly, we usually strive for closer relations precisely with those we love. And when you love a person, he really wants to do as much as possible pleasant. It is wonderful! But only if we are trying to please a man, do not cultivate negative qualities in him. And do not destroy ourselves in this. After all, much of what is considered to be the natural actions of the woman in love, in fact, is destructive.