How to learn to talk with your partner about the problems
Children and family when kids are getting out of control
Family problems: learning to deal with difficulties
The same approach to the solution of various problems
Usually, every family from time to time there are conflicts. Parents, spouses, children - difficult for us to find the right approach to the other, even very close people. In any case you may have disagreements, misunderstandings, conflicts and even violence. Unfortunately, after the problems in family life she was all of us. With many difficulties we are able to cope on their own. But sometimes we can not deal with the situation without assistance and the need is for someone to give us advice on how to overcome a family crisis.
To better understand how to behave in a particular conflict situation, it is necessary to understand what all these collisions are most often caused. We will look at three main causes of family problems that each of us at least once in his life faced.
What kills love and respect
How many couples can boast that their relationship reigns idyll? Hardly. But there is nothing wrong if loving partners occasionally quarrel. Swear to some extent even useful. Conflict helps to understand the position of partner and explain to him his view on the issue. So you will be able to find a solution that would satisfy both overcome all the crises of family life.
But it also happens - like quarrels and no global conflicts do not arise, swear only on trifles. They may be small, but it is capable of incredibly annoying! Abandoned by buckets from a pack of cigarettes, scattered throughout the apartment dirty socks left open tube of toothpaste, constantly left lifted the toilet seat, the chatter of his wife on the phone, her husband's habit of constantly change channels while watching TV. Each list can continue on. At first glance, not so bad. But if it is repeated every day, the little things can kill love and cause a crisis of family life!
How to be? Is it possible to let a small break the relationship partner? What do they say about this psychology? According to experts, around the world crisis of family life arise precisely because of the bad habits of one or both partners. All irritants can be divided into four groups:
mess - scattered clothes, trash on the floor, etc .;
incorrect behavior - eating in front of TV, long chatter on the phone, etc .;
bad habits - nibble nails wont pull the ear or nose while talking, etc .;
disputes in the bathroom and toilet - hair in the sink, raised toilet seat, wither toothpaste, etc.
Of course, we all know that the basis of strong partnerships are the responsibility, loyalty, trust, strong friendship and love are the same goals in life. When it's all there, the hair in the sink is not so important. And yet, if you many years every day will keep them there, in the eyes of your partner you will become a fiend!
The crises of family life just does not come. Little things can really destroy a partnership, say psychologists. Trifles are dangerous because they penetrate into the relationship slowly, allowing annoyance gradually accumulate. Voltage becoming stronger, until one day an explosion. This happens most often when in the life of couples there is a significant change - for example, having a baby or moving.
Even trying to react to annoying little things, most couples are doing it wrong. Typically, choose one of two ways - arguments and accusations, or concealment of the problem. Both options will lead to the destruction of the family. Ongoing disputes and accusations might give some result only in a very short time. As a general rule, reach some sort of mutual agreement in this way is not possible, but the mutual irritation grows. If we remain silent - a partner and not know that something you are not satisfied, and will continue to do, and your resentment will build up. And in the first and in the second case, the constant dissatisfaction with each other will inevitably lead to thoughts of divorce.
How to get out of this situation and go through a family crisis? The solution exists! According to experts, to avoid this final easily. Just follow the main rule - as the English say, "Do not bury the problem under the bed!" All disagreements must be solved in time.
Whenever you have something brought out of balance, tell us about this partner. No accusations and recriminations, calmly explain that you do not like and why. Discuss the problem and try to find a compromise. And from time to time, when a partner allows himself to relax, quietly recalls the decision adopted by the both of you. And yet! It's very easy!
Be patient and forgiving, and minor misunderstandings will no longer threaten the strength of your union. It is worth remembering that a strong marriage is important not only mutual love, and understanding. It would be correct to say that love - is the ability to talk and hear each other! It is important to spouses develop skills, not only in a conflict situation. After dissatisfaction with each other may arise not only because of the backlog of small things, but for reasons that lie deeper.
When partners stop to chat
Unfortunately, in today's world it is not very much you can find people who are unequivocally feel happy in family life. Lack meet existing relationship becomes fundamental cause of most divorces. Breaks end about a third of all marriages. But this does not mean that all couples who continue to live together, to keep a harmonious relationship. Very often, the couple did not divorce for reasons that have nothing to do with love and happiness. For example, they remain for seven children, or for financial reasons. In the end, people are living together out of habit.
Family crises often begin after three to five years of marriage. During this time, love is gradually turning into a liability. Joint life partner is becoming more boring and monotonous. Sex is a duty, which often start to avoid for various reasons, both husband and wife.
Partners start to notice each other shortcomings that previously did not pay attention. There are mutual recriminations, mutual dissatisfaction. Serious quarrels flare up more and more often. Joint life is painted in dark tones, and both times it seems unbearable. Spouses lose contact, "detached" from each other.
Practicing psychologists conducting the family counseling, the couple always ask: "What do you think, what is the main cause of the destruction of your relationship? Why all was not as it was before? ". Would you like to learn how to respond to these questions their clients? Almost 80% of respondents believe that the cause of the crisis was the lack of communication! It would seem that there is nothing easier - open your mouth and speak! But like talking, and dialogue is still not obtained.
The main reason lies in our ignorance. We do not understand that communication can be a major tool for strengthening marriage. The ability to communicate with her husband - is a skill that must be purchased as soon as possible after marriage. It's important to explore your partner know all the peculiarities of his character, habits.
Do not forget that your husband also wanted to know all about you. To tell him that you have on your mind, the thoughts and desires come to you often, what you like and what not. Do not forget that only a telepath could read the thoughts of the silent man. But it is doubtful whether your spouse is endowed with such a gift!
The second reason is the inability to engage in dialogue is the fear of provoking a backlash. We would like to talk, but are afraid of the reaction of the interlocutor. And downplay the problem, which is unacceptable, as we have said. In this case, it would be good to find out where you were such mental blocks. This could help you to psychological counseling.
How to learn to talk with your partner about the problems
By following a few simple rules, you will learn to express and defend their point of view, giving the same opportunity to the partner. And then you can go through all the crises of family life, to get out of any situation. So, agree that, if necessary, every one of you have shown a willingness to dialogue. Speaking and listening will be only one person, the conversation did not happen.
Whenever you feel that you want something to discuss or express, and your partner is not ready to listen to you at that moment, try to transfer their thoughts and emotions on paper. Do this especially useful, if the question you have to discuss, rather complicated. As long as you write, you will be able to organize their thoughts, and a clearer idea of the problem.
Do not solve the problem at the peak of emotions. Stop the discussion and wait for the feelings subside. Always first talking to your partner about something pleasant, and only then sets out what you want to change. It is not necessary to request something from your partner or rebuke him.
Once again, do not delay a solution later. Just do not even go to bed until things settle the conflict. It is not necessary to transfer the differences in tomorrow - you risk to spoil it! It is better to go through today, and the next morning to start with a clean slate.
What if the spouse (or partner) does not want to make contact? Sometimes it happens. But this does not necessarily mean that he does not care that you are unhappy. Perhaps your partner there is some mental block in the expression of emotions. In this case, you have to take, or things as they are, or seek help from a psychologist. Indeed, over time it may happen that the problem goes too far, and you will not be able to cope with it on their own. Accessing skilled in this situation can be really good solution. After all, love and family happiness - these are the values that are worth fighting for.
Children and family when kids are getting out of control
Even the most calm and happy family lives up to the point where children grow and deliver their parents trouble. Problems of training adolescent generation in family life arise more often, again, due to lack of contact - this time between parents and children. Parents often do not even try to build relationships with grown up sons and daughters. Because it takes a lot of time and effort and requires mutual compromise.
Relations remain rather superficial, often without an exchange of true feelings. Parents prefer to control the situation, relying on the strength of his authority. Not taking into account that parental authority in the eyes of a teenager just out of this fallen significantly.
With the onset of puberty, the importance of parents for the child does not decrease as it may seem obvious. The task of parents in this period - to support the teenager. It's difficult because of the high requirements for their generosity of feelings, patience and confidence. As long as your child has not yet become quite adult and independent, you have to protect it, and give help in solving many problems that it faces, and gradually bring it to independence. Now everything changes for him and for you - sometimes radically and sometimes it seems that the metamorphosis taking place every day.
We struggle with puberty
What should be done to alleviate the problems in the family because of the awkward age children?
Credibility
Begin to establish a trusting relationship with the child, when he was still small. In the future, he will feel safe and protected. The teenager will know that parents always help him in difficult situations and forgive him for any mistakes.
Tolerance
Very important is a stable family environment. Intelligence child matures faster, and emotional development is uneven. Parents should take this into account and to be sensitive to the mood swings of a teenager.
Fairness
Avoid the repressive methods of education. Teen necessary to explain that he should be held accountable for their actions. The task of parents - to teach the child to solve problems, not punish the fact that these problems arise from him.
Communication
The child is important to know that their parents are interested in their problems and interests, then he will listen to what he says Senior. Follow the basic rules of the dialogue. It was during this difficult time we must take care to maintain good relations, even if teens do not listen to us and behaving provocatively. This often happens to them, even when they do not. Parents in such cases should be wiser, showing restraint and patience. Then a teenager quietly to himself goes to the specified parent tone.
Terms dialogue: do not strive to win with whom behaving dialogue, listen and seek to understand the point of view of the opponent. Trust your children and take them positively. Remember that the only consequence of no confidence is fear. Fear of failure is blinding us, deprives the new possibilities of solving problems. It is not necessary to create a negative perception of the threat to the stability and security of your family. And in any case, do not humiliate the child abuse!
Family problems: learning to deal with difficulties
It is not always an argument begins with small things. Unfortunately, no family is immune from the daily routine and minor problems that can turn into a pretty serious. In such situations, a lot depends on us - women. If you know how to behave correctly, quarrels and conflicts can be avoided. Let's look at the most common family problems and their solutions.
The distribution of responsibilities in the family
In most families, the daily events take place on the same scenario. Husband and wife come home from work in the evening. He sits in front of the TV waiting for supper, apart from just enjoying a well-deserved rest after a hard day's work, and his wife ... At the fair sex work marathon continues! Needless to say, that no woman holds a weekend to relax and bliss. After all, it is necessary to keep up with two days to do all the things that have accumulated over the week. Naturally, this can not but cause irritation.
How to do the right thing? You should not give way to anger. Talk to your partner quietly. Explain that after the eight-hour day, you feel tired and need his help. It would be very good if he took over part of the duties at home. Ask him to choose what he would do to help you.
Finances
This is perhaps the most pressing problem for many families. Financial difficulties lead to uncertainty relations, nervousness, and, of course, provoked the displeasure of one another and quarrel. Very often, there are contradictions about how much money to spend and on what, whether they should invest and where.
What should I do in this situation? Here is the scenario should be one. You should set clear rules are required for both. Determine the amount needed to pay for housing and utilities, food, transportation, etc. This money should be inviolable and they should spend only as intended. Agree on what amount can be determined for each of you so that you can spend the funds on your own. Such planning will help you avoid unnecessary costs, saving everyone the opportunity to have money for their needs.
Parents and relatives
This problem is very common. The relatives, especially parents, believe that they have the right and even the obligation to intervene in the domestic affairs of youth. It speaks and writes about it a lot, so we will not mention all the possible options, provoking a conflict. Suffice it to say that this is indeed a serious problem, which can even lead to the destruction of the family.
What should be done? Yes, it is especially important not to get excited and do not make mistakes. First of all, try to reassure older relatives and show them that you respect them and appreciate the experience, the desire to help. Even if you do not agree with what they say they do not want to use things that they give, do not immediately tell them about it
For example, an old plush tablecloth you certainly do not need, but in the eyes of your mother-in-law, she has an extraordinary charm and value. Why disappoint and alienate older?
