Otshumeli wedding, flying honeymoon euphoria of the first period of marriage and ... It turned out that the person for whom you are married, not that you and love. You do not yearn, in his absence, do not admire his every word and deed, not thrilled with joy when he touches you. And with each passing day more and more horrified to realize that not love your spouse and do not know how to live with the unloved husband further.
Sadly, but such situations occur quite often. They are especially common in marriages has been around for several years. Many of those living in married women to the question whether they love their husbands, difficult to answer in the affirmative. Yes, there is a habit, there may respect some affection. But love, alas, no longer exists. The bulk of the wives is quite content with this situation. Like, what kind of love are we talking about, if there is a common house, common children, common goals, finally! And just pritёrlis we have to each other, got used, adapted. But there is a wife suffering from near the unloved man, but at the same time, do not dare to somehow change their lives. Are they right? Well, let's try to find an answer to this difficult question.
Is it worth it to live with the unloved husband?
Yes, unfortunately, it also happens that, after living for a while in the marriage, the woman suddenly realizes that with her strange and unloved people. Why is this - who knows? Sometimes love is the cause of the disappearance of a series of disappointments, sometimes wrongs inflicted by her husband, and sometimes simply inexplicable loss of interest in his own half. But the fact remains - the love is gone. And well, if a woman will perceive this fact with the inherent wisdom of the weaker sex natural. Then it will be ready for it and try to keep peace in the family and friendly attitude towards her husband. However, not all have the strength of such an act. One of the women breaks the marriage bond, and someone continues to live with unloved man, tortured and secretly crying into my pillow at night.
Strongly part with unloved husbands usually women self-sufficient, self-confident. They prefer to be alone, but not to live with someone who is nothing but hostility, it does not matter. Women are weak, vulnerable, sometimes very deep suffering, do not want to risk it. Let unloved, hateful, but all the same husband, the man who is always there. They are simply afraid of not being able to create a fairly strong new relationship with a man. Who is right?
Each of the wives of their own rightness. One thing is clear - to make a decision about the final break with her husband should be only when ripe in this need. If we believe that choice but divorce, we do not, it is wise to enlist the support of loved ones, family or friends. After all, they help a single woman may be required at any time. Otherwise it may happen that for support will have to contact the former spouse, and this is undesirable. First, because the "dead, so dead," and he ought to think about a new family. Create it would be quite difficult if the former wife would be no end to bother the man. Well, and secondly, and more from the fact that the ex-spouse may begin to hope that everything will be back. Why mislead him and forced to wait for what will never happen?
The woman, decides to break with the unloved husband, will have to see to it that her self-esteem is not dropped. Unfortunately, this is not yet so perfect society the status of divorced women is still lower than the status of the married wife. Divorced women is seen by many as either a slutty person, or as a failure, unable to keep the family together. This is especially true for small towns, where many people know each other. The reasons for divorce in this case, usually no one is going to understand. Women just condemned, and everything. But such condemnation, certainly weighs on the psyche "divorcee", making it shrinks under the eyes of the people.
However, a way out of this situation is not too complicated. Women just have to firmly understand that she does not live in order to please others. Therefore, upset over what they say about her neighbors or co-workers, it is not necessary. Our life belongs only to us, and only us to decide what to do in a particular case.
Well, if you still divorce for whatever reasons, it is undesirable? How to be then? Let's think about what might be the best option of this marriage with the unloved husband.
How to start a new life with the unloved husband?
Many women do not love their husbands, continue to live in a marriage because of the children together. It is understandable - a father is still better than someone else's uncle, and the kids love it. And the attitude of mothers to touch their dad can not be. I must say that this situation is very common and it is quite heavy. After all, a woman, in this case, sacrifices her own happiness for the welfare of children.
It is in this lies the main difficulty. Mom and Dad to the child, of course, the same road. And divorce is usually for a very deep psychological trauma. However, if the parents in the house constantly happen scandals they inflict on the psyche of the child for at least bounces. And hide the father and mother of the child's personal relationships very difficult. In addition, often the blame for a failed family life the couple subconsciously impose on their children. And the children - creating very finely sensing the inner world of their parents. Guilt certainly dwell in them, and can remain for a lifetime.
All this should be considered a woman if she is going to save your marriage with the unloved husband. Scandals in the family need to be minimized, or in the house reign hell, which spoil the child childhood. And maybe a lifetime. If you do not eternal quarrels is not possible, I think, it is better to decide on a break. In the end, the divorce does not mean the end of the relationship with the father of the children. Moreover, it often happens so, that the father after the divorce begins to reach for the children more than at the time living with them in the same family. Therefore, if you live in a marriage with the unloved husband absolutely unbearable, it is not necessary to maintain the family for the sake of the children. Any good it will not.
Well, when still manages to put up with the presence of a number of unloved husband, you should consider - and is it really disliked? If the answer is unequivocal, probably best not to hide anything and talk frankly with her husband (if the conversation is not associated with the risk of a huge scandal). This will help to avoid further provoking quarrels many situations. How I would dearly loved his wife nor husband, sooner or later he put up with the fact that it does not respond to him in return. Ultimately, such marriages occur often.
Sometimes a woman believes that her husband does not love, but regrets it. Here the situation is ambiguous. After all, sometimes we just think that love has passed, and we are close to someone just out of a sense of pity. Love can take many guises and expressed even hatred. Therefore, if we do not seem to love her husband, but regret it, I should think - maybe this is a form of love? And imagine life without that person. Would not it heartache? If the cause, it is not so bad. Then the question is how to start a new life with the unloved husband, desperately not. Just a habit and routine household dulled senses and revive them to make the effort, you can. And you have, simply because the feelings will be easier to live.
It happens so, that the woman, like, and wants to break with her husband, but at the same time afraid of responsibility that will fall on the shoulders of her after the divorce. Such indecision, in fact, is an indication that the feelings of her husband has not yet passed, and my wife needs his care and concern. In this case, it is just necessary to thoroughly understand themselves and realize that next to this man it really well. And without it would be bad. After all, we often poorly understand what our true happiness, and start chasing a chimera. And then regret of a lost paradise, urazumevaya, finally, that the ex-husband was the one who we need. But he has another family, and that a change is not possible.
In short, to live or not with the unloved husband - an ambiguous question. And to solve it, every woman should own. If the next - a complete stranger, do not cause positive emotions, a man perhaps better to part with him. Why torment him and yourself? Each of us is worthy of love and happiness, and you can not sacrifice them. Well, if the positive emotion is still there ... Then, perhaps, is to keep the family?
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The problem of domestic violence there is probably already millennium. And it can not solve any overall progress, any increase in the culture of society. The number of women who are victims of male battering, even civilized and developed countries, and to this day remains quite large. However, today, if a man beats his wife, she could sue him in court. But many spouses fighters it solved? Oddly, but in this case, even a seemingly self-sufficient and, apparently, quite independent women continue to live with a tyrant, taking care of him and even giving birth to his children. Why is that? Who knows. Perhaps they are guided by long-outdated and rather stupid principle: "Beats, so loves." And maybe I cherish the hope that the faithful will ever change and will treat his wife gently and tenderly.
Of course, such hopes come true is not given. Where will the tenderness of a man who regularly raises a woman's hand? Can not capable of true love a person is constantly applied to their half of the physical violence. Even when it is expressed prone to such actions by men, "she begs." And so if the husband began to beat his wife, he is unlikely to ever stop it. And have it, the poor thing, wearing a black eye, explaining to people that she "accidentally knocked on the jamb," "fallen badly", "hit", and so on. A husband, they say, nothing to do.
Of course, I admit that you live with a man, let his fists when he pleases, ashamed. It would seem that what could be simpler, just come and get away from this "gentleman", a code of honor which readily admits luptsevanie women. However, very often the objects of such an option luptsevaniya not even considered. Why is that? Who knows. Fear Is here before tyrannical spouse works, whether education, fear of condemnation by the complex of guilt or uncertainty about a woman - is unknown. But the fact remains - many battered spouse, wife suffer violence, not even trying to find a solution to the question: "Beats husband what to do? "
But really, if a husband beats his wife what to do? When fans behave so well lay the collar, it is still possible to understand. Mind alcoholics broken, uncontrollable behavior, and control over their own actions by not wait. But, unfortunately, they beat their wives and quite adequate man accused of drunkenness which is impossible. They can hit the half, not only for the slightest disobedience, but simply a bad mood. And often in such cases, the wife justify spouses tyrants because, he says, "he was in trouble at work," "he is experiencing due to the fact that he can not provide for his family", "it is so hard for all to answer, he suffers , poor thing. " And still a lot of explanations of the same kind.
Yes, it's all not true! Because, and after husbands tyrants are a great way to make money, get great positions and gain weight in society, beaten in the family, as a rule, do not stop. Slapped his wife a good slap in the face can and adores Mozart, do not touch the spirits, seemingly intelligent PhD, writer and esthete, and the famous almost the entire world of physics.
So how can that be, if the husband beats his wife, and it has already entered in his habit? The issue is quite complex. Before you look for an answer, try to understand the reasons why the husband beats his wife, and whether something to justify this behavior by men.
Why is the husband beats his wife? Psychological causes
Why do we men often resort to violent methods of exposure? Because of the nature therein lies the need of self-affirmation at any cost. It's kind of. male instinct that someone makes the stronger sex to go to war, who -That sports, someone to fight in the doorways, and someone to thrash his wife and children.
Fortunately, not all the men tend to experience their need to assert itself by means of physical force. Whether it otherwise, all women would have thought the sky with ovchinka. Yet those who think regular beatings of their loved ones is quite normal activities, quite a lot. And they beat the wife, in turn, is part of the same habit, as, for example, to engage in the habit of morning exercises.
Generally, men beating can be divided into two types. The most common of them - the ones who, with his wife scandals gradually inflame accumulating aggression, and then rush to her and begin beating him. Why husbands beat wives in this case? Usually because they do not respect their half, as a person, and, at the same time, it is extremely dependent on her psychologically. This is a very difficult situation, since wean her husband to beat his wife when he is psychologically dependent on it, is almost impossible. Wife of the despot have to watch every step, every word that is not rovёn hour, it does not cause discontent. Often it is necessary to limit as much as possible their social circle, and even contacts with relatives minimized. But this does not help, because the tyrant still find an excuse to use force.
The second type dissolves the hands of husbands is less common than the first
. These princes do not need to pre-scandal, shouting and swearing
. They can attack the spouse suddenly, apparently remained quite calm
. Such an attack similar to the Cobra, and prepare for poor usually do not have time
. I must say that the second type is more dangerous hitters husbands for their wives
. Because these are people with obvious mental disorder are much more likely to use their power of action some items: knives, hammers, firearms, etc.
. At the same time, easier to handle them
. Since wean her husband to beat his wife in this case may be, if he ceases to feel control over it, or lose interest in his wife
. At the same time, if it decided to leave the family tyrant, women have to be very careful
. The husband of this type normally seeks to punish the faithless wife, and has plans for revenge, in which could come in and murder
So why husbands beating wives at all? Because they seek to gain power at least something in this life. Simply put, this behavior indicates internal weakness of man, his vulnerability and inability to control their emotions. Such people are, first, unconsciously see in their half of the object, which should provide them with peace of mind. According to them, to please her husband and to create an environment in which the spouse will feel strong - a sacred duty of a wife. And if the woman is not, in the course are his fists. In fact, as a man punishing a woman for his own impotency.
Second, if a husband to beat his wife currently allows, at heart he is confident that the wife may leave him, and has every right to do. In fact, this is very afraid of the aggressor, as experiencing a grandiose psychological need in his own half. That is why he is trying to intimidate her, to make himself subservient and manageable. Such husbands are already starting to panic when the wife just to say hello to a neighbor or a male colleague. However, they can be jealous of her and her friends and close relatives, and even pets. Men of this type requires a constant focus on the women of their person. It is worth it to switch to something else if only for half an hour, as the husband almost physically uncomfortable and void. And trying to rectify the situation by any means.
I must say that sometimes the woman herself provokes the emergence of aggression in men prone to it. She begins to show him any greater demands, questioned the possibility of the spouse, he exposes to ridicule his actions and plans. And then, getting from unrestrained Blessed slap panic "began to beat her husband what to do ?! "In this case, the answer is obvious. When a man has a propensity to violence, we should try to be as small as possible in relation to him hostile. Otherwise, there is a strong likelihood that luptsevanie wife will be quite acceptable for a spouse and everyday occupation.
By and large, broken wife is not always the submissive and passive victim. Women themselves are often too aggressive, poured while her husband fights a sea of contempt. They instantly ignite because of nonsense, and flatly refuse to take positions in the dispute. And then go to the bruises and do not know where is the way out.
It happens so that the fights in the family like the kind of love recharged. And then they begin to experience the couple to each other even more attraction. Here the situation is hopeless violence. They just need a man and woman to heat of passion and mutual affection. Even if such a couple breaks up and then not for long.
In principle, almost all regularly beaten by their husbands, wives, are trapped in addiction. The majority of them from time to time away from their tyrants, but then, for one reason or another, comes back to him again. Why so? Because, if a husband to beat his wife allowed himself more than once or twice, she was psychologically suppressed. Woman wants it or not, but subconsciously it is tied to their despot. Who knows why this is happening. Whether ancient instincts wake up, or fear of loneliness oppresses. And maybe some complexes working or wrong upbringing contributes to condoning violence by her husband ...
Anyway, while this is a problem. Because the life and health of women - fragile things, to lose that turned into a punching bag for her husband-fighter, very simple. No, of course you can tolerate, and humbly wait for that faithful senses or grow old and lose strength. And then here we are, finally, Lift up your heart and take it out on him for all the years ruined! But we wait for such happiness? And if happiness is when you grown old, weary and exhausted, had just can not enjoy life? And children, if any? They somehow what to do with the fear of enduring family fights, completely killed the serenity of his childhood?
In other words, if a man beats his wife, with the need to do something. The unambiguous solution to the problem in this case - a complete break with the tyrant. However, as we have said, few women dare to break this. Only one conclusion: not to be subjected to beatings, we must try to avoid the probability of their occurrence. Let's see what you can do for it.
Husband beats wife. What to do?
I must say that my wife is constantly battered husband, a woman will never be strong-willed, ambitious, confident in themselves and their abilities. Even landed in such a situation, it will not be tormented by doubts like: "Oh, my husband beats what to do ?! "But just not long thinking, just break the relationship with the man. And do not renew them again ever.
But infirm woman with low self-esteem, can not tolerate a fighter all his life. Dooming thus themselves and their children on solid unhappiness. Well, poor people are not able to take decisive actions and character can not be changed overnight. And indeed it is not easy to change. Therefore, in order not to fall into the hands of her husband, the beast, we must try to see in it a tendency to tyranny beforehand. And take action.
Unfortunately, very often a man tending to a complete dictatorship in the family, is quite attractive. They are able to turn the head of a girl surrounded her with attention and care. In love with the young lady seems to be that close to such a representative of the stronger sex it will always be comfortable and safe, like a stone wall. However, stone wall, after the wedding, suddenly becomes a wall of the prison. And in the relationship newly-spouse starts working relationship diagram boa and rabbit.
What should alert the girl - a potential female candidate in rabbits, behavioral guy?
Hidden despot, as a rule, almost immediately after meeting begins like to let innocent remarks about her friends, relatives and acquaintances;
Husband-tyrant often tries to cause jealousy in the girl, turning her attention to the way seems to be flirting with him the other girls;
Man tries to alienate the girl from the family, telling her that mom, dad, brother, sister want to ruin their relationship;
Young people can quickly come to the fury of some little things and lose control.
Initially, it's not very conspicuous, and not taken the girl sharply. And then, quite unconsciously, she is at the mercy of the tyrant. Girlfriends disappear, native sidelined. Blessed begins scandals and lose his temper at the slightest pretext, calling, belittling, by force. Poor despair, torn, trying to please him, but her attempts to normalize the atmosphere in the house are useless.
So what do you do something, if a husband beats and humiliates constantly? First of all, do not allow this. Not to blossom not weep over the fate of the unhappy and did not feel sorry for yourself. Just try to pull myself together and think carefully about why this happened and whether to live with this person further. Assess the situation soberly and without emotion and try to weigh the positive and negative features of the spouse. If the positive qualities he has more than the negative, it should try to change the home microclimate.
To do this, a woman should try to, first of all, to raise their self-esteem. Methods of respect and love to the person today, there are many. Choose the most suitable of them will not be easy. Yes, my husband has had to convince us that we are ugly, clumsy, stupid and so on. However, each person is valuable in itself and worthy of happiness, and we - not the exception. And no one has the right to infringe on the happiness and take it from us.
If we want to preserve the family, while improving the atmosphere in the house, we must act gradually and consistently. Eliminating a fear of her husband, pluck it out by the roots! After all, we are free, which means that the choice is always the way of life for us. And once the decision has been taken to save the marriage, we try to behave a little differently with my husband. More often praise its virtues, become kinder, calmer, more positive.
All that will be effective only if the faithful realizes that he has a problem with self-control, sincerely regrets this and is willing to work on themselves. And if not ... Oh, well, then it is best to say goodbye to him. Because no request for forgiveness for his part, no fervent apologies and assurances of passionate love do not give a guarantee that will not be repeated beatings. Life experience proves assault men during its regular forgiveness woman eventually becomes habitual. Therefore, do not do the proverb, "Beats - means love! "One of the tenets of his life. Let us sincerely love those who, to prove his love, there is no need to dissolve hands!
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