Recently, he was always close to home, at a meeting with friends on a night out. And suddenly lost interest, became estranged, stranger, and finally said the fatal words: "I slept with another woman." And after she entered into the house of the inexorable and terrible alienation. This happened in the lives of many women, but on the understanding that it becomes easier not.
Causes of male infidelity
Maybe you ought to think over whether you want to know the true causes of male infidelity? The truth can be very unpleasant! But, if you really want to learn it, you can decide to talk frankly with a former lover, avoiding conversation even a hint of reproach. It should be borne in mind that it may mask the true reasons for his departure, expressing fictional claims. For example, the ex-boyfriend can blame the woman in the gab or extravagance, really lacking for warmth.
It happens so that the reasons for his departure are not connected with the character traits of women, and a man will try to hide them. Sometimes he was afraid of intimacy, and runs away from the woman he loves, when he begins to realize that too attached to her. Or she does not want a serious relationship and was never really in love with you - in this case, it largely eliminates the trouble of whatever guilt. Therefore, the reasons for his betrayal must try to solve. Most often, in addition to the above, there are these "roots of evil":
Lack of understanding on the part of the spouses
Each person is unique and individual, but not everybody knows about it. Many women believe that their way of thinking and course of action - the only correct and ready to "kick" her man for any deviation from a predetermined direction. And the man is suffering for years, but when she meets a woman who accepts and understands all its "cockroaches", it aims to be with her.
Yes, the sex lives of most men occupies a very important place! And there's nothing you can do about it - they are not perverts and maniacs, their physiology is simple: if a man for a long time will not be sexually satisfied, then in his body start to happen various negative changes, which resulted in his health is deteriorating. Therefore, when on his way meets emancipation of the fair sex, it can be very difficult to refrain from contact with her.
Lack of personal space
Each person has a need for a piece of his life in a desktop, in a folder on your computer and in your storage box exclusively male nonsense. However, sometimes a woman is practically expels man from the joint space, filling it completely yourself, your belongings and habits. And then he seeks to regain his place in the life of another woman.
Mismatch in matters of interest, or even the world
It is possible that after many years of marriage, its continuation becomes simply impossible: you have different interests and aspirations, different attitude and mentality. Do you want to model the ideal family Vacation, green lawn in the country and three children, and he - the solitary life in a mountain hut. And found a woman who shared his outlook. In that case, stay together - it will never be happy. You do not need it?
The conflict between you
Unfortunately, sometimes the cause of infidelity can be a quarrel: you very much quarrel, and he went to the disheveled feelings. Next could be a desire for revenge or a desire for emotional and physical discharge, but the fact remains - it has changed you from a quarrel. This reason is most promising in order to save your relationship. But more about that later.
All these reasons - not an excuse to engage in self-flagellation, even if you find their roots in the infidelity of her husband. Yes, this happened in your life, but that does not mean that once had to flee to another woman! In the end, you can somehow work together to try to solve any of these problems. And cheating in this case - it is something for which both partners are responsible. Awareness of the causes can be a point of growth for you - you can work on them and to prevent the intervention of any of these issues further into your personal life.
The effects of male adultery
Men's betrayal - it's frustration, despair, unbearable pain, which does not give anything to eat or sleep or to forget even for a few minutes. In this state absolutely nothing pleases and is not interested in that, of course, affects the appearance of wounded women. She is tormented with guilt, believing that the betrayal of a loved one was due to the fact that he did not get the desired - tenderness, beauty, sexuality and other things. The woman begins to invent its shortcomings, the list of which extends to infinity. This self-flagellation due to the fact that cheating men greatly reduces women's self-esteem.
It is not always a betrayal leads to separation. And that may be different explanations. For example, the above-described treason because of a quarrel can be annoying and very unpleasant accident, but if the two of you cherish your relationship, you should try to save them. In the end, it's just sex, the need for which men physiological. Some couples live as decades husband periodically "walking on the side", and his wife turn a blind eye. A man in this situation can be very grateful to his woman and give her a heavenly life in all other respects. And therein lies the secret of their personal family happiness.
Unfortunately, it is not always. Often the most serious consequences of male adultery is parting with a man. The desire to get away from the traitor is understandable in those cases when your life together is no future, and sometimes the man himself leaves the woman and goes to his mistress. In this situation, a heightened sense of loneliness can not be avoided, because in the life of an abandoned woman has an enormous emptiness. A former favorite has disappeared from it, and that means that no one is now indulge delicious food and slippers in the morning, not on someone tearing anger, no one to blame your troubles and seek assistance in connection with them.
Parting with the man - it is the same bereavement (of course, this is not the same as death, but very like her, because your ex out of your life forever and breaks your relationship). As with any loss, you have to go through several stages of feelings:
At first, you will probably be hard to believe that you broke up once and for all. Constantly it would seem that he's come into the room and asks for warm dinner. Denial - This is a natural reaction to severe traumatic events, but eventually it passes.
After a while you start to get angry at the former, and very, very much. There may be a desire for revenge or even kill some expensive thing to him. And if in the first case, better to stop, the second can give free rein to imagination (if not anxious), and cut into small pieces of his favorite tie. The satisfaction that you will experience - nothing compared to the mythical pangs of conscience!
The desire to get it back at any cost
The anger passes, and there is obsession. To help overcome it helps simple method: in the moment of greatest anger write down on paper all the thoughts and feelings that you have in relation to the insidious traitor, and if you ever want it back, it's a "letter to yourself" can you protect them from ill-considered actions.
After all the storm of emotions that you have experienced, can pounce longing. It is associated with the void that has arisen following the departure of the men in your life. May lose interest and desire, which will replace apathy and misanthropy. Most likely, you will be able to handle it yourself, however, we sat down you feel that the situation becomes too heavy, it will probably make sense to seek help from a psychologist.
One way or another, and all come to this. Gradually you learn to live a new life, the memories of the former overwritten and will no longer bear the pain. Life will sparkle with new colors, there will be new hobbies and interests, and you will have no time to think about some sort of change!
Unfortunately, there are circumstances that significantly retard the passage through these stages. For example, doubly hard when you have a former lover combines work. After all, you see it every day, and if with him a new lover - is generally unbearable! Add colleagues who need to explain what happened, and everything - the situation may seem hopeless, after all, and will have more work to change.
But do not rush into such a decision: you may want to do it, but the change does not have to be drastic. It is likely that you will want to go to another department, where you will not run into your ex. Or even consider leaving to work abroad, because now you have gone a deterrent factor.
Besides all this, every day you have to be in those places where earlier you walked together, and see the sad and compassionate glances of friends and acquaintances. And in companies where everyone gathers in pairs, you do not expect, and there are places where single women are not the place. It could further demoralize you. But think about what the views of others unpleasant only to those who allow them to be unpleasant.
The café or concert can be a lonely, or is deemed inappropriate lonely woman, but the woman is free and self-sufficient have anywhere to court. All this - only installation, inspired by our society. Be more of these conventions and limitations, and then the male infidelity is much easier to be experienced.
How to survive male infidelity
In order to survive male infidelity and care a loved one, need a lot of time and effort. Emptiness to be filled with new impressions and experiences. In addition, you may have to look for new friends. Unfortunately, few people are able to accurately maintain a friendship with the two former partners - likely that you will have to "share" of friends and acquaintances.
The most bad things that can make a woman thrown into a situation of treason - to try to bring back a man. Such attempts, turning usually fail, injure the psyche much more than his initial care. You cast, so also do not take it back! Therefore, it is better to stop on the vine, of course, if there are no real prospects for a reunion with the man.
Speaking of them. As we have mentioned above, is not always a consequence of infidelity is a separation. So how do you still have, if you decide to stay together and get through this difficult period? For starters, when emotions will no longer go off-scale, you will need to speak frankly and to discuss the reasons which led to this development. Try once again not to blame for her man, because it can be difficult to talk about their own dissatisfaction. Listen to him and try to grasp the fact that he says, to see things through his eyes, because it is possible that in some moments you "go too far", and it is to soften the sake of your future life.
Another necessary and important step is forgiveness. Without it, you will not be able to move on. You'll have to forgive the man for what he has done, and leave it in the past. Endless reminders and send it to the way you were with him after the betrayal, will lead you to further discord. Most likely, it will be very difficult to do and you need time, but it is possible.
In the future, you will need to agree on new rules of living together in which both of you will be comfortable. For example, to overcome your sexual problems (sometimes it takes a sexologist) or find a common ground of your interest. Try to look at the man with different eyes and remember it for what you once loved. This resource can be very important for building a common future.
However, if you still broke, then it will be better for the sake of themselves come to terms with betrayal of the men and try to learn from her favor. In fact, after the departure of former lover you gain complete freedom, and that means a lot! You can, without fear of jealousy, flirt with anyone, buy clothes and cosmetics, without fear of accusations of squandering, and walk with her friends, where you want.
So enjoy this freedom in its entirety! After all, you are beautiful, independent and would not disappear alone. And let him regret that lost such an amazing woman. Some girls even set themselves the aim of a desire to outdo the former, and it is also useful in the initial stage, as gives vitality. In the end, his fate you will meet and be happy once and for all.
Do not think that the pain of parting with a man will not work ever. According to experts, the sharpness of the pain subsides and a half or two months, and a year later she almost disappears (if a woman does not seek to engage on this and stop your life). It is possible that it will bother the echoes of the soul is still quite a long time, but with the experiences you may well be able to cope.
Parting with the wrong man you is not life a disaster. On the contrary, it gives the opportunity to radically change his life and start it from scratch. So let us not squander this unique opportunity and will build their lives, but this time, just the way we want to!