All men are different, so some of them are happy to accept the news of the impending fatherhood and his plan to meet modern conditions, and others are looking for the reason as to postpone the event or even avoid it. On the question of what is the root of these different behavioral patterns, there is no single answer. It affects education, values imparted in the family, the level of consciousness and so on. Whatever it was, but in the end it is we women have to deal with the nuances that arise if you want to have children. And often the wife should manifest miracles of persuasion in order to persuade the wife to the need to find a new status for his father.
You have a perfect relationship with her husband: he loves, gives presents and protects you, every holiday you spend together, resting on the sea or abroad. Are you happy with your life and overshadows only one - his reluctance to have children. You are at your wit: why he did not want a child? Try to understand the reasons why modern men are in no hurry to acquire offspring. There are several explanations for which our husbands are unwilling or, more precisely, do not dare to the emergence of the first child in the family.
Firstborn: why the husband fluctuates?
One reason is the psychological incompatibility. It is likely that your spouse, despite the full idyll in bed, finds no other points of contact in a relationship with you. This situation is not uncommon among couples who are too young age were married and understood its essence wrong. They just have legalized their sex lives and have completely forgotten that the family - is, first of all, a partnership of everyone, not just regular lovemaking. With some effort on the part of the newlyweds it is quite possible to correct the situation, if the basis of the marriage did take place to be sincere and warm feelings towards each other.
If your union has a decent length, and the spouse is still not ready for the replenishment of the family, it may be several causes of a different nature. First, a man, regardless of age, be it 20, 30 or even 40 years, and tend to be a child in need of affection, care and attention. Secondly, your husband may think that he is still too young and "not developed", so first you need to spend some time for yourself. Third, it can simply banal afraid of responsibility. So, here are the main excuses that express men in an attempt to delay the onset of fatherhood.
As a rule, this is referred to more frequently than others. If the spouse is not ready to become a father, he will a lot of arguments. Usually it can be insecurity, lack of apartments, cars or high-paying jobs. In most cases, these are just words, behind which lurks the fear of future liability. After all, the easiest way to say that a baby is simply not have the financial capacity than to look for them.
My wife is not ready to become a mother
Some men may actually assume that the spouse is not yet ready to become a mother. But in fact, often they are not ready for fatherhood, and to admit it did not have the courage. But sometimes it happens that the reluctance of women to perform certain duties on the farm and shifting the main weight on the shoulders of the wife for him is a direct proof that the wife and the child can not afford to handle. Therefore, there is no reason for his appearance in the family.
My wife is not worthy to become the mother of his child
Of course, not every man dares to voice is very strange opinion. As a rule, this is the fault of the reason the man was married. Typically, the stronger sex or marry for love or by calculation, as well as despair. Cases when married mercenary motives appearance of the offspring is not considered mandatory, and in some cases is even desirable.
How to awaken in man paternal instinct? If the spouse is not ready for fatherhood of material considerations, try to explain to him that in fact the money is never enough, that the desired income you can expect old age. From the psychological unpreparedness of the spouse to become a father is much more difficult to handle. Talk to your husband about his priorities in life. If it finds that the child can prevent his career, make sure that the birth of the baby will not affect his promotion, since a significant portion of care you take over.
If the husband believes that you it is too early to acquire offspring, ask him a reasonable question: "When, in your opinion, will not soon? ". Often parents are ready for raising the baby after its birth. Therefore, this argument can easily be used for difficult discussions with her husband. If the same reasoning, and behavior of your men defies common sense and logic should carefully consider whether to spend their strength and nerves to create a family nest with the stronger sex.
Second child why her husband does not want to?
But often it happens so that the birth of the first child for a young family becomes a matter of course. Most modern fathers are happy to accept the appearance of their son or daughter, enthusiastically rush to the aid of the young wife, walking with the stroller on the weekends, and even replace it at night, if the kid is naughty and does not relax. It would seem that the picture painted is ideal. But time passes, the child grows up, and women are increasingly visited by the idea to give him a brother or sister.
Thank you again tenderly looked at mothers with prams, remember an incredible feeling that experienced, cradling in her arms a newborn, his state of pregnancy, when it is in an infinite harmony with the world and himself, and the emotions that are experienced for the first time see the birth of your baby ... And You ask yourself: "Why not? "This means that the maternal instinct to speak to you with a renewed vigor. It only remains to convince the wife to a second attempt procreation. What are the challenges you expect to why women are often faced with a situation where the husband does not want a second child?
"We can not afford it! "
You're lucky if the first in your family had a daughter. Many representatives of the stronger sex, according to the biological law, seeking to leave behind a strong male offspring, which is why themselves often insist on the birth of another child in the hope that he will be my son. This does not mean that the appearance of a second daughter greatly disappoint your spouse and he did not love her, of course, if we are talking about a normal man with a healthy psyche. After all, he is well aware that the sex of a child can not be "ordered".
Most problems associated with the birth of a second baby, have a family, where there is growing boy. But many women still want to have a daughter. But why is the husband said a firm "no"? Perhaps, in this case, it affects the value of all known installation: a man supposed to "give birth to" a son, build a house and plant a tree. Since its first point considered to be fulfilled, then the best head of the family is trying to focus on translating the remaining two. And then the wife said that she would like to become a mother again. And then in response to sound cliche: "Honey, this is we can not afford."
Many women who are faced with such an argument, with honor out of the situation and found happiness of motherhood again when calmly and reasonably outlined wife picture of future costs. Indeed, the emergence of another baby in the family often requires much less financial investment than it was in the case of the first-born. As a rule, there is a lot of objects and things from the older baby: crib, playpen, stroller, clothing, shoes and so on. Of course, if you're still planning to once again become a mother and prudently do not sell or gave away all the existing dowry. Therefore, simply and effectively explain to his wife own view of things.
Perhaps your firm and reasoned position make her husband think. Not superfluous will also be a resurrection of joint memories of many wonderful moments bring you both first-born, his first smile, babble, timid steps ... Men are not devoid of sentimentality, especially in relation to their own offspring. But think of yourself, you can handle, for example, if not its own property, because to constantly move with two children is not easy. There is also a private apartment, and a steady source of income? Give examples of families where there are two or three kids, and the wealth below the amount that you dispose. It is likely that after some time the husband and he suggested: "Why do not we make the attempt number two? ".
"I do not want to change! "
It happens so that the first child is taken away from both of you a lot of energy, for example, because of poor health. At a certain period, you moved away from each other, have not rested together, constantly face the challenge of the search for additional sources of income. Of course, as a child growing up, some issues were resolved, there was more freedom, intimacy were again bring joy to both of you, that is, the family came grace period of rest.
Husband finally relaxed and began to enjoy communication with the first-born, that is, to fully enjoy the pleasures of fatherhood. And here you are with a desire to start all over again: the sleepless nights, tears, fatigue, lack of time for themselves, and so on. It is easy to predict his reaction: "No, I'm not ready, period." But wise women tend to persuasion - use it and pick exactly the words that will make your spouse to soften. For example, tell the child that the child is strife, and not necessarily that of the second baby will be as hectic as the first-born. Promise that you will not restrict her husband in his freedom, of course, within reasonable limits.
But before you say it all, consider whether you are ready to ensure that the spouse is likely to really be able to help with the same force because of the need to devote more time to work. He probably will need a rest, that is a big part of the daily household chores fall on your shoulders. We are confident that your maternal instinct is stronger future difficulties? Well, then convince the husband so that he will believe it.
If you and a spouse have any brothers or sisters, which remained warm relationship, it can also be a powerful argument in favor of the birth of another child. Say, for example: "How would I like to see our kid had a close and dear person, except us! ". But in any case, do not resort to an ultimatum: "face and that's it! ". The consequences can have a very unpleasant impression. A witness quarrels will be the kid growing up in the family.
"Deception - not a reason to become a father again! "
Here we come to the most dangerous reason that a man does not want to become a father for the second time. It is a lie. Yes, often we women are resorting to all means just to achieve the desired, and if persuasion does not help, then try to get pregnant by fraud. The time that they started or continue to take the pill secretly visit gynecologist with the purpose to remove the coil and so on. Some especially resourceful ladies even pierce condoms. In such cases, it is not about the maternal instinct, but rather an attempt to tie tighter to her husband double paternity. But thus you set ajar to the wall, it makes it clear that the views and desires of her husband worried about you last.
That is why women who become pregnant through deception, faced with a sharp "no" categorical requirement to have an abortion, or even a spouse threatens to leave the family. Absurd and tragic situation, agree. So do not lie and to use unfair methods to have a baby, because of family break up and with lots of children. Best of all, if the decision to become a father for the second time to take the man himself (of course, not without your help). Turn the situation so that he became the initiator of your new pregnancy, as it turns out, he has long wanted to have another child. So the husband will feel the present head of the family, thus increasing his level of responsibility in front of you and the children.
"I do not need surprises! "
But it is not very rare situation when the second pregnancy is unexpected for both spouses. And if a woman often experiences the joy of this news, the man is not so optimistic. Yes, it happens that in this case, for no apparent reason, he insists on an abortion. You are wondering: have an apartment, a car, the eldest child has grown up, and grandparents on both sides to hasten the advent of another baby, promising all-round assistance, and seems to be no obstacles to the replenishment of the family ... And the husband in any.
What is behind such behavior? Perhaps you have recently become a big row, the family ceased to resemble a safe haven, and he's just afraid that with the advent of another baby everything will only get worse. Only one way out - to establish relations with her husband, and the sooner the better. Say "no" scandals surround husband's care and attention, maybe because he will put up with the fact that a new pregnancy.
The happy family is not too much difficulty, the relationship is quite harmonious, and he still insists on an abortion, despite the strong resistance on your part? This is the most difficult moment, because the scales put the life of the unborn child and the fact of marriage. In this case only have to deal with a woman. And this should come with responsibility.
Of course, often it happens that initially configured negatively spouse does not show emotions in connection with the re-pregnant wife, but over time it gradually becomes accustomed to the idea and is happy with her first impulse crumbs in the mother's womb. And then it was this child is particularly warm feelings on the part of the father. But there are exceptions to the rule, when a man who does not want to become a dad again, his wife threatens divorce in case of disagreement on abortion.
If you believe in the feelings of her husband to her, try to convince him of the rightness of their own. Insist that can not imagine how it is possible to kill the fetus of your mutual love, because it is just like you or spouse, as the eldest child. Tell about the complications that are hidden behind the abortion, that if in the future husband change his mind and he will ask to have a second baby, you can hear from the doctors: "No, this is unfortunately not possible for you already." And no matter how much he had neither wanted the child will not be. Tell us what stubborn husband means to you is that he does not value your own life, not to mention the future baby. It is possible that such arguments can properly affect the husband and the second time you will become happy parents.
But it can happen and something else: a marriage fall apart, and you will be alone with two kids. Weigh all the consequences and wisely approach to solving the dilemma of "child or a divorce." Although uncommon, in which women who had decided to have an abortion under the influence of their husbands, in the end themselves became the initiators of divorce. After all rooted in the subconscious mind that at the crucial moment they betrayed a loved one, put in charge of their own interests and sacrificing the health of his wife.
"I have a lot do not have time! "
That is thought to mature men, in which falls the news of the upcoming opportunities for a second time to become a father. They think that it is no longer time. Such experiences and hesitations are understandable and justified, because the baby will require a lot of energy, both emotional and physical. Last but not least in this situation and the financial situation of the family, because the money is needed not only for the period of growing up son or daughter, but also for their education. But the father's age at the time can be a hindrance earnings. Men "forty" are concerned by the fact that the age difference to the future of the child will be very big, that will prevent the establishment of normal relations with it. How to convince your husband to take a chance and again experience the happiness of fatherhood?
First talk to him about their own experiences: how much you want to use the deposited last chance at motherhood, love to the future baby. Do not be afraid to also express and fears that often accompany pregnancy and childbirth to a later age.