- Pitfalls life
- Feelings, where are you?
- Women's Wisdom
So, the honeymoon went unnoticed, you come back refreshed and full of hope for the continuation of co-existence has as legal spouses. At first, everything seems wonderful, but over time you will suddenly begin to notice that her husband's habits annoying, and he expresses his love for you with much less fervor than before the wedding. What's happening? Feelings gradually cool down? Or they did not exist? Calm down, it's time to just take a sober look at the relationship, leaving a story and begin to build a family in reality, with all its difficulties and challenges. And there is nothing wrong, it is only up to you, will the prose of your life dull and gray, or, conversely, will bloom all colors truly successful and happy marriage.
And even if the back was the first year of marriage, which is often the most difficult, it does not mean that everything will smoothly. But many young spouses believe that in such a short period of time they could get to know each other so much that it is now learned to understand at a glance and know how to smooth out the "rough edges" in the relationship. However, having no experience of family life, it is impossible to anticipate all the joys and disappointments, highs and lows. It would seem that you are well enough to know each other, you can relax and enjoy life. That is why, soothing effect of recognition, many young couples can simply overlook the pitfalls encountered in families at the beginning of their life together. No wonder psychologists consider the first year of marriage, one of the crisis.
Unfortunately, not all of them designed to meet the fate of the half, which can be happy to live to a ripe old age. Walking down the aisle, each of us is sure: "This is it! "; but after a year or two, many are starting to doubt it. In most cases, the young couple comes disappointment in his life partner. More recently, he was considerate and gentle, generous and understanding, and now he does not notice your suffering, does not see that the apartment is in need of repair for a long time and did not even remember the first anniversary of the date of the wedding. Coming home from work, dinner, and quickly swallows the whole evening lying in front of a TV.
You do not get tired lament: where have got to love and romance, which were before? Life in family relationships more down to earth feeling. The hardest thing now - in time to catch the mood and temperament of partner. You should not become hysterical if your wishes are not the same: he wants to lie in front of the TV, and you - just to fool around or go for a visit. Learn to adjust the mood of its halves, even if it means you have to sacrifice some of their habits.
A year after the wedding - it's a difficult period of cohabitation has on legal rights, during which the relationship young couple pass a serious test for strength. A way of life - it is very difficult, because he has ruined more than one love boat. There is no single recipe that would help avoid conflicts and grindings. But there is a rule that is able to minimize the damage to their young family: Do not jump to conclusions and make decisions, think carefully about them.
Even if you have some time before the wedding, we lived together and did not quarrel, it is not a reason to claim that manage to avoid misunderstandings in the future. After all, before the marriage you and her future husband was a feeling of euphoria from the fullness of the senses, the desire to always be together, often even just touch each other. And, importantly, in front of you waiting for a holiday called "Wedding". But we all know that young girls in their desire to quickly acquire the status of a married woman show generosity and miracles or simply turn a blind eye to the many shortcomings of the elect, or inexplicably do not notice them.
But after the wedding ceremony with them instantly subside "rose-colored glasses", but the reality is sometimes unpleasant surprises. But do not be disappointed if your spouse anywhere leaves his things, and then exhausts you questions about where his socks and stuff. It's not the worst sin in family relations, especially in your power to correct the situation, so to speak, to correct the education of her husband. Do not expect your spouse, who you may have lived alone, immediately change their habits. It makes it very difficult, especially under constant pressure. Therefore, patience and all the notes are sounded softly and calmly.
Although in general, psychologists advise to clean up scattered clothes are not the one who is guilty of this, and to whom it prevents. Here is the paradox! Of course, always fold and hang carelessly thrown by her husband things - a very tedious business, but you can not admit that you are exactly where they were placed. Surely after several unsuccessful attempts to find some toilet your spouse, if he has common sense refuses to help, saying: "Let me, dear, I'll lay down their stuff! ". And then you will be able to celebrate one of the first "bloodless" victory in the War of the order.
But do not forget that you yourself will have to make concessions, because the husband can rightly ask: "Where's my dinner? ". Getting stuck on the shortcomings of the second half and unaware of their own, you are unlikely to build a solid foundation in which to live together will be successful. It should also be careful with the wording such as: "If you were my husband, so have to ...".
We can not say so categorically, because love and marriage - is not so much a set of rules and obligations as a mutual desire to do anything for each other, and voluntarily. Therefore it is better to build their requests differently: "I would like you to ..." or "I would be glad if you ...." Such statements sound softer and allow the man to be master of the situation, because in this case it does not indicate a contentious woman, and a human asks a beloved woman.
Feelings, where are you?
Often young wife in the early years of marriage begins to feel the lack of attention from her husband. He prefers to watch TV rather than, as before, to go with her for an evening stroll, or in a cafe. A woman wonders, stick to the issues, offended. But in this situation, in fact there is nothing complicated or confusing. At the beginning of your relationship with her husband constantly wanted to feel close to each other, and with the start of family life, a desire to be alone with him.
Do not think that your husband no longer loves or has ceased to cherish your relationship. The fact is that men and women have different perceptions of the senses. Girls are very emotional, and young people, on the contrary, are inclined to rationalism. Therefore, we, the women, to feel loved, needed words, flowers and other tokens, and their husbands are happy just from the fact that we are close. Although the beginning of the relationship, and men are not devoid of sentimentality, but then to have a much greater importance is the stability.
So do not harass my husband questions or to say, "Maybe, let's leave here, because I do not feel your love? ". Do not torment him with questions about what happened. Live on and do not look for reasons to clarify the relationship. Just understand and try to accept the fact that the romance in your relationship with each passing year there will be less, it will not disappear altogether, if attached to it some effort, but it will be replaced by the notorious habit and sparkling love give way to a deep love and respect.
So do not jump to conclusions; Conversely, in the first year of better just hide and wait, in line with what it will take place on your life together. It is likely that all by itself will be arranged before the two of you will open new horizons for relations and you will have common values. And problems if they do exist, and manifest themselves. And just making sure their reality, you will be able to approach to what to do with them.
American psychologists have identified six steps that are necessary to overcome the feelings of any couple. Successful ascent of it leads to the fact that the family is eventually transformed into a single body, which comfortably and happily coexist husband, wife and their children. In the first stage partners experiencing feelings of merger, when a question: "What do you watch on TV? "- Another answer:" The same thing you are. " Then comes the next stage - separation. Here it is just what is necessary, and for the first year after the wedding ceremony, and is that the couple begin to defend their own interests, thereby arranging the marriage test of strength. That's when the couple discover the difference in beliefs and aspirations.
If the marriage with honor passes such a test, it becomes the third step - research. A man and a woman trying to understand, and if they can be separated from each other and be happy at the same time. In this period, the possibility of more frequent meetings with friends, holidays are not held together. After a certain time, a couple begins the next stage of relations - convergence. It is at this stage to develop common goals and a common way of life.
One of the last steps in a relationship called help. During this period the couple to have children, attend to the fact that the interests of each of them to interact in everyday life. The sixth, final, stage in the formation of the family is to cooperate when the pair acts as a single team, in addition to common children there is also a shared social circle and often the cause.
Psychologists watching the development of relations in the first years of married life, define a set of rules to help avoid serious conflicts between the newlyweds. And they relate to, first of all, women. After all, they are the soul of any family depends on them whether the weather sunny and serene home, or vice versa, gloomy and uninviting. Therefore, if you want your home to radiate heat and it would like to go back always, take into service the following tips.
- You must learn to balance between family and career
Currently, women equally with men trying to place in the professional field and is often sacrificed in the name of spouses work, and then wonder why their husbands go off to other, albeit very simple to look at women who do not have a special beauty and intelligence.
- Yes, it is likely that your opponent can be quite an ordinary girl, but she bakes cakes, always take the time to stroke her husband a shirt and sew on buttons missing, after a day will feed a delicious dinner, etc.
Of course, your spouse may, with respect to your career achievements, but it is no substitute for it conventional feminine warmth and caring. It is therefore important in the first year of marriage to find a "middle ground" between work and family and stick to it in the future.
- Remember that a good family - is not a gift from heaven, relying on wedding
It is a long and painstaking work, which require patience, attention and serious effort. Do not think that if you are young, you do not have the necessary practical wisdom. It is important to have a great desire to find happiness in their own family, and then you will be able to intuitively choose the same key that opens the door for you cherished, for which there is a harmonious life together.
- Any quarrel - this is not a reason to throw in one fell swoop for the year accumulated grievances and complaints
First you need to calm down, and then talk to her husband. Otherwise, you run the risk of simply not reach the card cage, and the showdown over pointless scandal with accusations and insults. But the problem, he was summoned and remains unresolved.
- The first year of marriage - an excellent opportunity to speak as often as possible to the husband compliments
Do not hesitate to praise the wife using the phrase: "You are so smart! "" I really like your judgment, "" You know, you have a very Ladnaya figure "and so on. Do not flatter frankly - the best time to alert to the positive aspects, and do not skimp on the approval.
- A wife who is constantly dissatisfied with something, looks sloppy and dull, has all chances to become bored with her husband at the very beginning of life together
Therefore, it is not necessary to constantly look for a reason to complain or cry, in the hope that her husband will spare you as a child. Initially, of course, your tears touched him, but in the future will simply cause irritation. So it is best to look happy, because then the husband next to you will feel comfortable.
- It is no secret that in the first few years of marriage, a young married woman attracted the attention of other men
Yes, and she is not averse to flirting with someone else than your own spouse, to make sure that it is still interesting and unique. In principle, there is nothing wrong, but it is important not to cross the line of what is permitted and not afford a serious drag on the side. After betraying a spouse and thus destroying his young family, you can not be at all out of business because they do not know well with whom an affair. Perhaps he has a significant shortcomings rather than your husband, or even would be a married man.
- An important factor to successfully start a life together is respect on your part to parents husband
Learn tolerance in the first year of marriage, and creates harmony in a relationship with them, you show how much you value peace and comfort her husband. The spouse will appreciate your efforts, you will only add that in his eyes is another plus.
- Try everything and always consult with her husband, especially when it comes to important decisions affecting the life of the family
Even if you are completely confident in their own right, would not act alone. After doing so, you give your husband to understand that his opinion does not matter, and you are the "first violin". But with the man you want to see as the head of the family, so do not be. Otherwise, it is too self-esteem will go down, and you will later become her husband, to express dissatisfaction with a cloth or henpecked.
- Do not hassle the wife of jealousy, showing confidence at every turn
Constantly feeling "guilty without guilt", he can go to adultery, to repent is already on the case. But do not show indifference to where, when and with whom your husband spends his spare time. In this case, the husband may find that you are not particularly concerned about his life, and want to tickle your nerves. Therefore, all should be in moderation - and trust and jealousy.
- Do not shoulder the whole household chores in the first year of marriage
Reach this soul mate, but do it gently, as if asking for help, but not obliged. For men - is knighted in essence, so to support the woman he loves them much more pleasant than to perform the so-called "mandatory program". That cry to the generosity of her husband, and try not to cut: "You have to, that's do it! ".
- Resolve family conflicts only with each other, not to get involved in their parents and friends
For you, in the end, reconcile and forgive each other, but remain at Tiffany's grievance in-law, as well as in-law - daughter. Yes, and friends do not is forced to take one side or another in your quarrels, because in this case it is quite possible mutual resentment.
Believe me, there are no families that did not happen to conflicts and problems, just as there are no halves, that from the first day of marriage would be perfectly aligned. Want your marriage become a happy and lasting? Try not to find fault with each other over trifles. After all, in most cases, quarrels and conflicts occur over nothing: because of the uncovered tube of toothpaste, not just washed the dishes, and similar details. A year after the wedding, the couple must learn the most important: it is not necessary to understand and to prove who is right and who is wrong - you just need to help each other in everything. Also it is necessary to learn to live with the weaknesses and shortcomings of each other.
In the first few years of marriage, there is a distribution of roles spouse who will be in the hands of a family ticket office, who is responsible for housekeeping and so on. Learn how to overcome all the difficulties together and not run for nothing to his parents, trying to find support in their face during a quarrel. With all the problems you can handle yourself, because you have the most important weapon of struggle - your love.