Whoever was the initiator of parting - you or he, in any case, have to face the pain and disappointment. Most likely, you expect a very difficult time. How to cope with this on their own? How to fill the spiritual emptiness after breaking up? On these and other questions you will find answers in our article on how to survive the breakup.
Stage experience gap
In this world, nothing is eternal. Sadly, this principle applies to love. What started out as the most beautiful and romantic love story in the world, after some time, can turn into a drama or a boring story. You thought you finally met the right man, but at some point in your relationship does not stand the test of strength. Either way, you broke up.
Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) break in relations is impossible to survive in a moment, as we would not like it at times. Everything in our lives has its place, including people, and when we lose them in the shower if a void. You've heard a variety of descriptions of how much time is experienced gap: someone argues that it is equal to half the length of the novel itself, someone says about one week each spent together last month, but for someone it is in any event takes the form of the semi-annual "spree". All passes all individually, but there are some common stages through which each "parted" the woman:
Denial
The severance of relations is on the right at the top of the hit parade of the most stressful events in a person's life. It is not surprising that the first time you did not want to believe in what is happening - it seems to you a little unreal and grotesque. Some women even celebrated psychosomatic reactions such as stunning, long (more than twelve hours), sleep and other physical phenomena. This is how the body tries to protect our fragile psyche of trauma.
Search for "guilty"
Sooner or later, you realize the reality of what is happening. And at this moment there is a desire to understand what happened to your beautiful couple. Most likely, you just try to find the culprits. It is natural that in the beginning you possessed anger, and in my head spins only one thought: "He's all my fault! ". And so really easy, because then you have to almost completely removed responsibility for what happens. But this anger could and should deal with.
Well, if instead natsarapyvaniya his car hurtful words you simply will carry all the trash that recalls nem.Neredko woman undergoing a rupture of relations with the favorite, then "throws" to the other extreme. Come to mind bitter thoughts about his own guilt. For example, "if I were softer, we would have all turned out," or "I should be more attentive to him," and many, many other small things that may very annoying your ex. But this soul-searching rather pointless and even harmful, because you do not get anything but complex. And we must not forget that each of us has its drawbacks, and usually they do not determine the outcome of the situation. Users are able to put up with the negative characteristics of another all my life - this is called a decision, and if in your case it was not, then, the relationship is likely to have been doomed.
Regret
One morning you just wake up under the weight of the sad fact that your life is no longer that person. Resentment, anger, guilt - all these feelings pass, yielding place to new - sadness, longing and regret. This period experiences the death of your history and her mourning, and he's very, very difficult. Sometimes it would seem that this condition will last forever, but it is not. The main thing - do not stop himself, let his feelings and tears. Because your life is really important for you to leave the man, and this loss is quite high. So do not expect a rapid completion of this stage - probably it will take no less than six months. But gradually you will become easier.
new life
Gradually, the tears flow subsides, you come to understand themselves and the world, it turns out, it did not collapse. People are also go to work, meet friends, enjoy and smile spring sunshine and autumn bliss. You have a power to come back to life, and that is why it is important to maintain contact with their loved ones. Visit friends or take a trip to her parents' in the pies. " And best of all get to know someone new - new characters will help you get rid of the past and let the future in his life.
Summarizing
Earlier we wrote about the fact that you will want to find the cause of your breakup with a man. But only now has come the time to think about what really happened between you. Yes, do not be surprised, but only now, when your head is free from resentment and anger, you will be able to soberly analyze the rupture of relations between you. Most likely, this man was really a good man, just like you. But something went wrong, and your task - to understand what it was to the future with peace of mind to build new relationships and not to drag their luggage in the past. It happens that people just accidentally hit the pages of each other's lives, and not worth the price of his own fortune trying to maintain this relationship.
Who will win?
You probably know that a lot depends on who initiated the breakup. This important point determines the balance of power in the gap, and also affects the degree and depth of your spiritual experiences.
If he gave you, do not make inadequate, inappropriate and ill-considered actions, for which then will be a shame. Yes, it hurt, hurt, because a man has just rejected you. That's why allow yourself to feel anger and sadness, grief and despair. Do not try to appear strong - it will take a lot of mental strength that you are now quite important for the other.
There is another very interesting point: when we throw, much deeper experience of guilt, because sometimes it seems that we have rejected because of our own individual weaknesses. However, women do not assume responsibility as the decision was made about the separation was a man. And in this case it is necessary to be careful not to slide into the position of the victim, and that attracts the after such a break.
In case, if you decide to break the relationship, it is likely that you will cover the hurt and anger. It is you who have decided to break-up and, most likely, it is due to your deep dissatisfaction with the relationship. But there are not very easy to rid himself of the thought: "Why did not he do anything to save me? ". This position is less damaging to your personality, but it also has its dangers. Do not hesitate and did not regret his actions, blaming herself that though palest hue, but it was. Who is for you the main thing - time to get over it, it is no wonder they say that time - the best healer.
Most current methods for filling cavities
Psychologists with one voice declare that to start a new life is best in harmony with itself.
Now the most important thing - do not make mistakes and save your own mental resources. It is therefore not in a hurry to beat fire with fire and start a new relationship (although there are happy exceptions). It is best as often as possible to mentally repeat the words: "All that is done - all the better! ". And follow our psychological recommendations on how to survive the rupture of relations with the beloved:
Avoid the position of the victim
Undoubtedly, it has a mass of bonuses and benefits: all of you feel sorry and help you, and my heart is somehow morally better - it's because you good and it's bad! Oh yes, of course, you have the moral permission to run itself, have a mess in the apartment, in a slipshod manner - just throw those areas of life that somehow require your effort and attention. Only here will not be there then bitterly about what you have become? So now, once I want to feel sorry for yourself and posokrushatsya, stop the flow of thoughts, saying: "So, that's enough! I'm not a victim, and adult self-confident woman, who is now just hard. But I have to deal with it! ".
Do not go back to the past
That's how we women, in moments of extreme mental vulnerability and pulls us to the ex-boyfriend or husbands. This is especially true on a drunken head, so if you know of such a feature, make sure in advance that the phones were out of your reach. But seriously, every time will be tempted to return to their seats, stop and remember, because of what you are, in fact, separated. You can even write yourself a letter that paints describe all the shortcomings of relations with the once beloved - it will be great, "antidote" against sentimentality.
Try to use dancing and music as a ritual cleansing
It is not necessary to know how to dance - just close your eyes and move to the music as requests of your body. Very soon you will be sure to be one, and thus to live happily - not so difficult. But it will be in the near future, but for now you have to adjust to new life circumstances.
Reading books - the perfect way to cry together with the hero of the novel, which, as you are going through separation, and can be, with him to come to any decision
The same goes for films - a parallel reality all the options that help you to distract from what is happening and become a source of spiritual strength. Just do not overdo it - still can not forget about the real world.
How can often communicate with people who by their presence could set you in a positive way
It can be fun chirping flock of girlfriends to help you leave the soul-searching, and will give a lot of joy even in such a difficult time for you. Or it could be a friend who knows all about you and understands and has one of its kind expresses its support and participation. However, if you need to talk to, please consult a professional psychologist, who, unlike her friends, will not give unwanted advice, and will listen and help you search in the right direction in life.
It is not necessary to spend all his free time at work, becoming a workaholic
But to take on complex and interesting project - is another matter. First, you will gain confidence in themselves and their abilities, as these things contribute to the disclosure of all your opportunities and resources. And, secondly, you just distracted by such useful and interesting things.
Do not rush to start a new novel, "in spite of him," and to prove that you are somebody needs
Instead of the expected triumph, such a relationship will bring you the emptiness and frustration, because, most likely, it turns out that no one, and do not care about your love victories. And it gets in vanity. Get a better pet. No kidding - the need to care for your favorite little animals distract you from their experiences, and will not "get stuck" on them. Just do not "replace" cats with men - after all it's not the same thing.
Find a suitable hobby
The point "for the soul" will help you not only to calm the nerves, but also make new acquaintances. Perhaps what you need - a change of image, which will make you feel rejuvenated and happier. Another good tactic - to do something that has long wanted, but still either do not have time or determination. In any case, you can express yourself and to realize the secret dream - who knows, maybe now in your life it is time for a radical change?
Parting - it is very difficult and the crisis period. But it gives us a great deal: the vitality and resilience, confidence in themselves and their abilities, as well as the experience of autonomy and independence. Only after going through it, you will realize that nothing is impossible for you. And now, after the tears, snot, and sleepless nights, you will finally smile and rejoice life. This means that you are one step closer to finding true and sincere love!
