Love ... Feeling holy, comprehensive, exciting and maddening. It would seem that love - this is the most important thing for a family. After all, with your loved one wants to build his own world, raise children together and live a long time, and, of course, happily. However, in reality, often it turns out to create a love marriage strong enough. Romantic and sublime feelings eventually mutate and do not cause former enthusiasm. But life makes husband and wife come down to earth and creates a lot of problems, which often pull down a seemingly lasting marriage. But the marriage of the soul is far from each one of us! Really when choosing a life partner need to focus only on the physical components? Let's try to figure out how to make a marriage happy, taking into account the factor of starting a family and feelings, and home factor.
What are the reasons for marriage
Family is one of the most important components of our psychological and social well-being. Ideally, it should be strong and reliable. One that will support in all matters and protection from all of life's storms. But, unfortunately, it is the family, often the subject of great concern, disturbing and scaring us with their heart-pounding atmosphere.
The motives of the marriage are different. Someone is sent to the registrar, because I do not imagine his life without a loved one, someone - on the basis of material considerations, someone - from the desire to take revenge on her ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. There are women who marry the first counter for fear of being alone or wanting to have children from a healthy man, and there are marriages by due obedience to the will of the parents.
Each of these reasons could be the basis for the creation of a strong family, and each of them can make a husband and a wife miserable. After living together is not based on some kind of once and for all made up, schemes. A favorable resolution of problems arising in the family individually and depends on both spouses. In general, the strongest marriages based on mutual even solve some problems, but on the willingness of the spouses to the appearance of certain difficulties in the relationship. What is usually the difficulty?
The most common problems of family stability
There are several common issues that can destroy even the most initially happy family. They are, if we are seriously going to go to the registrar, it is necessary to take into account and consider well.
The first of these aspects - the age of the intending spouses. If they are less than twenty years, conflict in marriage is almost inevitable. As a rule, the young husband and wife, because of the youthful extremism, yet are not able to compromise. Irreconcilable positions does not allow them to find a consensus in dealing with even minor problems, and the inability to maneuver sharp turns leads to extremes. The result - constant quarrels and throwing from love to hatred, which may end in failure.
The second aspect that negatively affect the stability of the family - a smattering of each other before marriage. In the first few months of dating people are blinded by infatuation and fail to notice some even significant, deficiencies of their choices. A look at the man through the prism of love is always deceptive. Prism captures and often dorisovyvaet, dignity, carefully concealing the negative character traits. They will be shown later, and can not only cause some frustration in the life of the satellite, but its rejection. This factor and becomes the first stumbling block, and then the rock on which the ship breaks up the fragile young family.
The third aspect, often destroying the foundations of a happy marriage - incomplete or dysfunctional families in which the wife grew. In this case, the husband or wife can build your own marriage at baseline scenario of their parents, unconsciously or even consciously being ready to divorce. The position of such a marriage, "I'll manage without you." This approach to marriage, of course, is wrong initially. After all, the family must be created on the principles of need each other. Otherwise, the meaning of marriage is lost every kind.
To get acquainted with the parents of the elect or chosen one at all should be well before going to the registry office. We need to learn more about their family life and home manners - it will help to understand the causes of certain nuances of behavior of their future husband or wife. And then, guided by these reasons, to pass a lot of pitfalls.
There is one more nuance early acquaintance with relatives. Married, we get not only a soul mate, but her entire family. And to improve relations with this family is desirable before the wedding. Otherwise, the first months of married life can be significantly overshadowed by disagreements in this matter. After all, the couple is still very strong habits of way of prevailing in the home of their parents. And the way this is different.
The fourth aspect is not conducive to family stability, a low level of security of both spouses and the lack of good jobs and a steady income. Because of this problem within the family is often a lot of differences, which is not easy to avoid. Often young parents complain of such marriages, which, of course, significantly darkens the serene existence of husband and wife. Besides, the couple themselves are unlikely long happy if the refrigerator is empty, and the same items have to wear over the years. Therefore, daring to start a family, you need to think about how to ensure it at least the most necessary.
A fifth aspect, which can destroy the seemingly most strong marriages - the difference in age, religion and education of spouses
. Religion, in this case - the question is not as current as the difference in age and education
. In developed European countries it is practically settled, unless someone from the newlyweds is not a fanatical believer
. As for the significant difference in age, here things are much more serious
. Between such spouses often have psychological barriers, based on the opinion: "I'm older, and therefore more experienced and smarter"
. However, this opinion can be wrong
. Longevity - not an indicator of wisdom and high intelligence
. However, the one who is older, often seeks to subjugate his mate, constantly insisting on his
. And well
. if it will favor
. And if not? Then the result will be the constant scandals and the continuing dissatisfaction with each other
Different levels of education can also contribute to similar conflicts. The problems of stability of the family there may be a different amount of knowledge, radically different social circle, not similar to each other memories of the past and so on. In this case, the couple very sharply there is a question of self-esteem. One of them begins to suffer from an inferiority complex, another well and then there is the temptation to take a dominant position.
And finally, the sixth aspect that can cause substantial damage to family relationships - premarital pregnancy. Of course, in some cases it is desirable, and is a kind of transition to a new level of relations. But often it happens that unexpected pregnancy and marriage, which is only a consequence of it, is based only on need. Such marriages can hardly be called favorable - initially, they do not imply a joint commitment to build two own world. Therefore, the family created in this way, most in need of mutual tolerance spouses, because now they are facing the daunting task of general - to grow the new man.
So, from the above it can be concluded that the strongest marriages are built on the principles and material, and social and psychological equality. The principles are these much easier to implement, taking into account all the destructive to marriage, factors.
In general, the rules for a happy marriage can be formulated as follows:
- Marry after 22-25 years;
- Prior familiarity with the family or a chosen darling;
- Reasonably good knowledge of each other;
- Solid understanding of how the needs of the family will be provided;
- Moderate the age difference between the spouses;
- The same level of education;
- The ability of the husband and wife to the indulgence and patience.
And what about love, we ask? Really it is not any meaningful way for a family? Sure it is. At first, love will help solve many problems. But only at first ... But the human mind can not always be in a state of arousal. Therefore, sooner or later the enthusiastic infatuation will pass, and the family left. And it can be strong only if, in addition to love, the couple unites friendship, shared values and interests. It promotes mutual understanding and solidarity in the performance of duties and common tasks. To suddenly falling from heaven, not shatter, it is necessary, knowing the secrets of a happy marriage, first carefully weigh the "pros" and "cons". And then, armed with patience and understanding, to go to the registrar and to apply.
In short, a marriage of love or calculation must be carefully considered. Only then can he become a reliable, thus, of which we can say: "This is a happy and long-lasting marriage."