That otshumela magnificent wedding, flying honeymoon filled with joy, and the days of family life
. Couples who have lived together for a long time, usually remember about this period with an ironic warmth
. After all, the first months of the marriage were the most interesting: for young people opened a new world to know that with so exciting! And it seems that you can do it forever
. However, it is still very fragile family boat could break the pitfalls of surprises or run aground life
. And a new world will disappear, and has not shown
. The first year of married life - a difficult period, full of contradictions
. According to statistics, a third of the newlyweds after some time expressed complete dissatisfaction with their marriage and seriously thinking about divorce
. As a result, half of them after the first year of life yet divorced
. And it happens more often because of the reasons that they could have easily eliminated
. Try to understand that it is for reasons
Life after marriage. Metamorphosis romance
No matter how much the two were acquainted before the wedding, as if they were not convinced that they know each other well enough, still life together will present many surprises. Some of them are quite pleasant - married there a feeling of security and permanence, the desire to build their own home and the joy of that construction is going on together with your loved one ... Some also accepted with great difficulty, or even not taken at all. As a rule, one of the most difficult moments of the early stages of family life is the psychological transition of both spouses on the separate "I" to the general "we." It is this change in the minds of the young husband and wife gives rise to many problems, creating a crisis of the first year of married life.
The first step to this crisis is often a decrease in visual sense and some emotional decline comes after the wedding and honeymoon. Such a state may create doubts about the choice of a life partner. After all, before the marriage with him has always been extremely good, and now suddenly became boring ... young, not knowing what had happened to them, are beginning more and more panic, telling himself in the wrong choice and is gradually moving away from each other. And it happens even file for divorce a month after the wedding.
In fact, the relative inertia of the inner husband and wife at the beginning of family life is perfectly normal. For any exciting event will inevitably be a state of prostration and expectations of new exciting events. To this must be treated calmly, without attaching much importance to the absence of the former delight of communicating with your partner. The relationship between the newlyweds moving into a new stage, gaining a shade stability and affinity. In order to avoid negative consequences, this period can brighten up some acquisition or celebrations. Shared joy of buying or preparing for the holiday will help reduce anxiety that accompanies addiction and stage adaptations. And then the first year of a significant crisis of family life will not arise. Addictive and the device must also be in accordance with certain rules.
Newlyweds. Coping and adaptation
Each person always has its own, individual habits, and even oddities come to terms with that at times it is not so simple. In family life, the husband and wife will certainly have to deal with the distinctive features of each other. If these features create significant problems in a young family, we must try to get rid of them. Position: "Love me with all of my outs," perhaps, is good, but it does not promote family happiness. If neither the husband nor the wife is not willing to concede in anything to each other - a divorce after marriage is inevitable. Therefore, to create a strong marriage, both of you must not only learn to compromise, but to reconsider their habits. After all, in fact, no one is obliged to love us for who we are.
This applies not only to personal relationships but also social behavior. Each of the young before the wedding were friends and friend who lives in the family should make a common circle of friends. And well, if all the friends of the young man would like his wife and vice versa. If not - will have to meet with them as little as possible. In other scandals in the family will become regular.
Often divorce in the first year of marriage is due to the inability of spouses to distribute responsibilities and delineation of spheres of activity.
The most common mistake of young in this case - to blindly follow the pattern of behavior of their parents. From such stereotypes should be disposed of and to raise a family based on your own preferences and understanding. For example, mother, do all the housework, gives advice to the young husband does not help his wife under any circumstances. From her perspective, it humiliates him as a man. However, modern women think differently, and if a man is washing the floor or the dishes, it did in their eyes is not falling. In addition, the joint maid really pulls together and brings a lot of joy in doing it by mutual agreement.
It also happens that a mother, a family that fully respect the father gives advice to his young wife to demand from his half complete financial security. And it is quite possible that this "half" is not against this postulate, but so far his favorite bestow precious things can not. In this case, the favorite could easily help him get on his feet, despite a categorical "no" to his mother. After all, what has been created jointly valued several times more expensive.
Relationships with parents, in general, are a big test for a young family. Often, mum and dad, sincerely wishing her good, as an adult, fumes, control the newlyweds, trying to adjust their every move. Such interference in the lives of the young, even the most benevolent of his motives, it is necessary to minimize. New family must defend his and financial and psychological independence. Otherwise, the marital union is unlikely to be viable, and divorce after the wedding will be only a matter of time. The relatives also realized that a young family is independent, it will be supportive and friendly.
And finally, another major pitfall often promotes rapid divorce after marriage - young inability to sort things out and successfully resolve conflicts even irrelevant. Do not start any serious conversation, being tired or in a state of irritation and anger. This will only exacerbate the situation. For any clarification of the relationship better start, soothe and well thought over every word. Nurture and save their grievances, of course, should not be. Unspoken, they will begin to pile up on each other and, eventually, acquire terrifying proportions. Nevertheless, and you can not take the time to express them in any case - in the heat, you can tell a lot of things about what will have to regret later. Therefore, if the rage and anger overshadow reason, it is better to pull yourself together, do some business or just take a walk, and then start talking.
There is a curious way, perfectly helps not only to survive the crisis of the first year of family life, but also negate the conflict situations in the future.
It consists in the following: on one side of a sheet of paper written in detail the shortcomings of the husband or wife, on the other - esteem. Then half sheet with disabilities off and burned. The second half becomes important memo to his wife - about the merits of her husband, for her husband - on the virtues of his wife. If you re-read it every day, many emerging conflicts, becoming ridiculous and insignificant, burst like a soap bubble.
In short, family life needs to grow together. And refer to this process should be carefully and patiently and tenderly. Family boat at the beginning of married life is still very vulnerable, and go to the bottom of it may even minor storms. The boat should be turned into a powerful icebreaker, which is not afraid of any storm. And then the family will be what it be necessary, - protection, shelter and a wall to protect them from all of life's storms.
We recommend to check the crisis of relations 1 year
The results of opinion polls among men
The transformation of the male idea of perfection
The commandments of the perfect life partner
"I - a perfect wife! "I wonder how many men can boast of such heritage in a narrow circle of friends? And whether it is made from representatives of strong half of humanity to talk about his lawful wife with admiration and undisguised delight? After such sincerity often considered a sign of weakness, and men called henpecked husbands. But the majority of women who are truly happy marriage, consider themselves just such - perfect life partner.
Popular and pretty cliché that gives definition to what should be the perfect wife, according to men, goes something like this: "In bed - slag, in the kitchen - a goddess! "Well, not only that it is narrowly landed and primitive, but also as something humiliating for a strong half of mankind, and for us, beautiful ladies. After all, according to this slogan, our real and potential husbands are not interested in anything other than the two animal passions - sex and food.
Really over the millennia that have passed since the transformation of man into a rational being, in the minds of men absolutely nothing has changed? Is lust and desire to eat still define the whole meaning of their existence? And what then are we to do? From school to master the subtleties of economics, and in the future to seek ways of emancipation in bed, that correspond to the title of super-wife in the understanding of the future spouse?
The results of opinion polls among men
To find out what should be the ideal companion of life through the eyes of the men and that it is the key to a happy marriage and strong family relations, the German sociologist, together with psychologists conducted a survey among the stronger sex between the ages of 25 to 50 years. During the processing of the results of its experts have found that the average man in the future beloved, as a rule, are important three main qualities:
The ability to cook, it is no wonder there is a proverb that the chosen way to the heart is through his stomach. These representatives of the stronger sex only once again confirmed the truism. So, ladies, do not rely on a wide range of semi-finished products and an abundance of fast food restaurants. Cook at home!
Sexuality as good looks and perfect figure combined with a certain kind of emancipation and willingness to experiment in bed deprive the strong sex desire to seek something new on the side. So, the girls and women who are breast spouse various goodies, and themselves running on fitness and training stripplastiki!
Admiration for her man. Yes, there is a strong gender has shown himself not with the best hand: they are selfish children need constant admiration of their persona. In addition, any man, regardless of age, I want to compliment the spouse did it, to show motherly love and care for him. And if you do not know how, then immediately go to elocution lessons, which certainly will teach the art of flattery.
And there is nothing to do "terrible eyes" at the sight of stale socks scattered everywhere or hear in the morning naive questions on the eternal theme of the lost pants, shirts and so on. Of course, as an ideal wife always knows where that is, even if it means she needs to understand the details of Mr. Holmes's deductive method.
Most of the respondents of boys claim that if the chosen one has all these qualities, then no man will never part with it. Interestingly, the qualities of the ideal wife of German frau not afraid? However, thence a man is much more pedantic. They may not throw dirty socks, and your things neatly stacked in a cabinet. Therefore, to be a woman's dream to Germans somewhat simpler than us. Based on the findings, they even have a mind is not necessary. But let's not make such conclusions at face value and better turn to the image of the ideal women of the past, described in detail in the literature.
The transformation of the male idea of perfection
In Margaret Mitchell's best-selling companion of life such outlined quite clearly. Dame-yuzhanka that time had to eat like a bird, any stupid man seen as the ultimate truth, always look at him with admiration and reverence in every way to show our helplessness and carefully hide the existing mind. Only in this case, she could count on a happy marriage.
But on her fragile shoulders lay care about the content of the vast estates and a large number of slaves, and to do everything right, required ingenuity, intelligence, the ability to instantly navigate to any circumstances and strength of character. After all, these "unmanly" of the case involve a spouse considered impermissible. Indeed, why bore his women's issues? By the way, even giving birth to a child Yuzhanka ought to do it as quietly as possible, so as not to disturb the peace of her husband.
And remember our literary compatriot, Natasha Rostova. Live, direct and charming young girl at the end of the novel the author turned into gruznovatuyu lady health concerns numerous offspring, completely soluble in household chores and the interests of her husband. Yes, it is so, according to Leo Tolstoy, and had to be the perfect wife. But he expressed the views of their contemporaries-men!
But do not be dejected sigh, lovely girl, and quickly hide the clever books away in the cupboard, preparing for the arrival of a young man who was to be your husband. However, to meet him and profound judgment about the meaning of life, instead of a delicious meal is not worth it. The good old truth about the golden mean is relevant in the case of the concept of "perfect wife". In addition, there is a clear transformation of the image in the minds of today's men.
So what has changed since that distant time? Firstly, the fair sex have won the right not to hide one's intellect, reached great heights in all spheres of social life and an opportunity to develop. Second, most of us have learned how to balance between career and family. So how do you adapt reality to the fact that modern man is called the concept of "ideal wife"?
Let's still move away from stereotypes and will not take seriously the assertion slag and divine cook all rolled into one. The representatives of the strong half of humanity, fortunately, is not as easy as it may seem, on the basis of such an interpretation of the image of the ideal life partner. If we take into account the results of numerous polls, the wife of a dream through the eyes of a man should be:
be beautiful, possess mind and intelligence, not pop like a magpie, do not have problems with migraine nightly and critical days, advancing quite inappropriately;
able to inspire and serve as an inspiration to support her husband in the belief that he is the most intelligent, most beautiful and most successful;
embody the true feminine in the form of purity, kindness and infinite patience.
Here they are, the basic rules of the ideal wife. As you can see, some things have changed in the minds of men since the days of Scarlett and Natasha. I am glad the recognition of the presence of the opposite sex in our mind, but the cooking skills in the above list are absent (unless, of course, they do not hide under the common phrase "true femininity"). Flatters vanity and the need to serve as a nice inspiration for the beloved in all his endeavors. But in fact, these three rules of many generalizations, and if each of them to understand specific, you get a set of unwritten laws of behavior, comprising at least ten main articles.
The commandments of the perfect life partner
But nobody said that to be a woman elect of his life would be so easy! The path to perfection is thorny and difficult, but to overcome it is still possible, if you have a great desire for this, supported by a sincere love. Remember this simple truth: only a wise woman can find true marital happiness. So maybe it's time to do the very first steps, and not expect them from the satellite? And that's about to begin, tell the 10 commandments ideal wife.
Learn to be different, because to be able to surprise the man even after ten or fifteen years after the marriage - is "aerobatics" marriage. Do not be afraid to change both externally and internally. Style, hair color, make-up, style - all this should not remain in a static state, even if the selected image once you really are.
Also you need to change the appearance and internally. Not long freezes only as a super-housewife or mother of their children, do not put your family happiness at the altar of work, even if it brings good income, just do not get inventive lover, languidly waiting for her husband in bed and dinner offering sex. Mummery, play and reincarnate, be unpredictable, female mystery, if you want.
Think of your man exactly what he is actually, because to be able to properly evaluate the real opportunities is more important than love ephemeral perspective. So do not expect that the stamp in the passport opens up unlimited possibilities for making adjustments to the image of her husband. Instead of trying to fix its shortcomings, focus on strengths and cultivate them.
Become a man for the most reliable refuge and safe haven, which he dreams. In time a shoulder and persistent failure to meet the business, health problems or even a moment of crisis - that is the notorious "and in sorrow and in joy." Endured incredible hardships together unite family and make a man in a special way to look at his wife, was next in a difficult moment.
Learn to love yourself. Take time to practice their own appearance and shape, grow spiritually, comprehend new horizons. After the wife of a cook-housekeeper or wife - it's very convenient, but unbearably bland. And men love the feeling of flying, so it is able to go on his quest for another woman.
Do not try to avoid quarrels and conflicts family. After all, your flexibility in the desire to preserve a semblance of peace is able to nurture in the tyrant's wife. It is therefore necessary to be able to sort things out, but do it in a civilized manner and not with the children. Remember, in any litter should be avoided categorical and excursions into the history of past transgressions spouse.
Do not pull the optional sex role. Of course, over time the old passion poutihnut, but if you approach the process is non-trivial, and several varieties of it, to rekindle the flame of love is still possible. Do not forget that for a man to sexual satisfaction is a vital necessity, and does not depend on how many children you have, and related concerns.
Do not try to replace your husband's best friend. Of course, over time the couple, so to speak, "grow" into each other and become family people. But do not dissolve in the interests of men as a whole. Do not forget about your own personality and always emphasizes your femininity and sexuality. And if a man offers to arrange gatherings tete-a-tete in the kitchen, then ask him not to buy a beer, and champagne. After a glass of sparkling drink in the small hand of his beloved wife can excite the imagination of the prospects of a passionate night.
Do not neglect the role of homemaker. Always met the wife neatly dressed, smiling and in good spirits. Do not leave the apartment cluttered with children's toys and mountains of dirty dishes in the sink. Feed your husband a delicious dinner, and this should be done every evening, because he has the right to back up power after a busy day. Remember that the house smelling pies and filled with a sense of peace, you always want to come back.
It is necessary to be able to listen to her husband, to be attentive to what he tells you. And do not hesitate to talk on topics of concern to you. Dialogue, especially flavored with a cup of flavored tea in the evening, helps get rid of the accumulated stress of the day and gives you the opportunity to better understand each other. Proximity promotes spiritual harmony in sexual relationships.
It is not necessary to constantly cultivate a sense of the man's wife sacrifices himself to the family. In the end, he wants to set you free himself from this yoke. But do not just take the most from the man what he can offer you, without giving anything in return, and demanding another star from the sky. This approach will soon tire and embitter your husband, which will lead to scandal and divorce. Therefore, try to give yourself easy, but do not forget to take on the beloved due, in other words, look for balance.
Here they are, 10 commandments ideal wife. As you can see, it's not just a guide to achieve harmony in the family, but also a tremendous amount of work on the way to improve the internal "I" and a kind of self-restructuring. The emotional side of the relationship - a purely female prerogative, so it depends on you that what will be "Weather in the house." But we all know that you need for a good harvest the sun and rain. And in the family - a little vagaries, a few tears and the sea combine to heat and correct dosage give excellent germination as a strong and reliable relations, generously sprinkled with sincere love.