- What does the term "civil marriage"?
- Men are afraid of marriage with a strong women
- The desire to preserve the illusion of freedom
- Fear of responsibility and bitter experience
- Why the need for a civil marriage?
- How to live in a civil marriage?
If properly approach the issue of what is a civil marriage, then you can define it as the official registration of married men and women by authorized state bodies. It turns out that all people who have a marriage certificate on hand and do not pass wedding ceremony, it is composed in such a marriage. Then it is not clear why in our country is now the term always refers to the ratio of a different kind, in which the couple did not officially register their relationship and cohabitation is just as spouses, so-called co-existence? This confusing situation is connected with the formation of the Soviet state, and has a fairly simple explanation.
What does the term "civil marriage"?
The term "civil marriage" appeared in Russia in 1918, when the authorities in the country from the hands of the king went to the Bolsheviks. Remember the school course of Russian history: before the revolution church and state are inseparable, so the relationship between the people governed by the law of God, the fulfillment of which assumed the clergy. Since the arrival of the new government in society promoted a completely different vital foundations, which was based on atheism, then the question to enter into marriages became entirely the prerogative of secular laws. Wedding null and void, were outside the law and carried out in secret.
Later, when the church marriage was practically supplanted by new orders, it disappeared from use and the term "civil marriage", as it became the only possible way to formalize relations in the new state. And the official conclusion of marital unions has been cited as legitimate. With the passage of time and changing realities of life the original meaning of civil marriage was lost, and now it became a open relationship couples living together without official registration of marriage. Although in terms of any Church union between a man and a woman without a wedding ceremony and now it is sinful.
However, we are primarily interested in the public opinion on civil marriages and the fact why the relationship of this kind are becoming more popular every year. This is due to the fact that before the marriage, each couple goes through various stages of relationships. Often, having no experience of living together, after the wedding, the newlyweds can survive disappointment. The result of this frustration becomes either divorce or long-term painful existence under the same roof is not with the person with whom I have lived all my life.
That is why many couples prefer to first to live in a civil marriage, and then to enter into law. In this case, they have the opportunity to know each other better. If cohabitation lovers will not lead to disappointment, they decide to enter into a legal marriage.
However, there are cases when one person (or both) of the pair constantly postpones the wedding (the procedure of registration of marriage). Our society has long since changed, and today every couple has the right to choose the form of relationship that suits them the most. There is nothing wrong if a civil marriage is a mutual desire. But what if one of you says the official registration of relations is an important step that confirms the seriousness of purpose, and the other does not share this view?
From the point of view of men living in the so-called "civil marriage," stamp in the passport does not solve anything, but gives them an illusory sense of freedom. Women, however, quite a different opinion: "It does not make me a proposal. And I think that if he liked, something would have married me. " Because it is from the stronger sex comes a proposal to legalize the marriage relationship, let's try to understand what causes often keep them from doing so.
Men are afraid of marriage with a strong women
It is no secret that a woman official marriage - is a sign of a certain status and success in society. The term "spinster" though lost the original meaning, but is often applied to the ladies who turned 30-35 years old, but they do not have a family and children. And even if a woman is divorced, it's better than not married. The Company operates stereotypes, and break them - a difficult and meaningless. That's the fair sex trying to get a coveted stamp in the passport, although often not sure whether in the future to live with the person selected for a husband.
But it also happens that a woman is in itself a certain lifetime achievement and is regarded by society as a self-sufficient and successful. For example, it is with a man in such a relationship as a civil marriage. And this woman has a high position in society, and a solid salary, and in general has a strong temperament. Thus it seems to be competing with a man and, consequently, there is little respect for him.
Marriage certificate for these women is often seen as the next mandatory trophy, not as proof of a sincere desire to connect my life with this man. Men feel this approach to marriage ties, even if it is veiled and is filed under "other sauce", and therefore avoiding a formal alliance with the looks of the resistance to pressure and the desire to maintain at least a semblance of freedom.
What to do if you are in a similar situation? First of all an honest answer to a question about whether you need a marriage certificate as the love and strong family relationships. If the answer is yes, then think about the fact that there is enough man gets to you purely female characters, such as caring and affectionate attitude, the expression of sincere interest in his affairs, and respect for the needs.
Perhaps your part of all this is not enough, and that's in no hurry to elect to make a formal proposal of marriage. The solution may be rethinking their attitude towards your man and the cultivation of a femininity. Show that is not only able to succeed as a professional, but also ready for the role of wife, mother and really respected his chosen masculine.
The desire to preserve the illusion of freedom
Often, one of the participants of the relations called "civil marriage" simply good way to maintain the sharpness of relations. Indeed, many women fear that a man not related to official Union may at any time to leave, slamming the door. So try every possible way to please, to adapt and often sacrifice their principles and beliefs.
This applies not only to men - many modern women often take the opportunity to elect to keep on their toes. But over time, they held it and have a desire to stability and confidence in the future. Representatives of the stronger sex does not mind as long as possible to remain free, because for a lot of free cohabitation - is the ability to save precious freedom, no matter how illusory it may be.
In principle, such a position of a free union between a man and a woman is acceptable as long as it does not become a burden to one person of the couple. If your relationship is the test of time, and you feel that it's time to go to the registrar, it is necessary to speak frankly about it with the elect, taking the initiative in their own hands. Often men do not mind, but there are those rare occasions when instead of marriage proposals is: "You know, dear, we had better leave." In any case, you will learn what is really choice considers your relationship - temporary or permanent. After all, you too can not wait indefinitely, because the course is not possible to slow the biological clock.
Fear of responsibility and bitter experience
Another deterrent, often prevents the stronger sex to formalize the relationship, is the fear of liability associated with such a decision. Indeed, the lion's share of all kinds of problems to be solved official young family lies on the shoulders of men. But often such a load men exaggerated, so they are afraid to fail, do not fit the image of breadwinner and head of the family. So try to maintain independence longer, to the measure of responsibility for a happy life is not located next to a woman turned into an obligation.
And what do you do? It should show you all the inherent softness and miracles of patience. Try in every way to show her chosen as the most in its power and mind how wonderful it will be her husband how happy your life is. Is this really in every sense of the man be afraid to make the relationship official?
The most difficult, often simply insurmountable obstacle to marriage for some men is a negative experience, which was their last. Subconsciously previous unsuccessful union and the subsequent heavy divorce form in both sexes the fear of the so-called transfer successful cohabitation in an official status. They think it will make relations worse and lead to sad consequences. However, women easier to decide on a second attempt because of certain psychological and biological features. But men often avoid repeated legal marriages and violent relationships, but only feeling broad hints from your partner.
If you are in a civil union with such a person, then do not despair. It is possible that over time the situation will change for the better, and you show patience and forbearance, will be able to change your vote on the submission of a lawful marriage, proved himself perfect in all respects a woman. But do not rule out the other option of development of relations in which the man and will not be solved in the second or third time to issue their relationship official. And here only for you retain the right to continue such co-existence, or go in search of another life partner. It is impossible to change any mature man to decide for him or internal problems and contradictions.
Why the need for a civil marriage?
To answer this question we need to properly understand the pros and cons of living together. And first of all I would like to talk about the indisputable advantages of this form of relations between people, because they are very important. This is especially true when it comes to trying just young guys and girls to build a life together, because they do not have such experience.
Civil marriage is necessary first of all to check your compatibility. Due to differences in habits and character, even vacation together can be a real hell, not to mention a life together. You must agree, met for several hours a day, it is easy to move away from problems. However, not every pair can withstand exist alongside 24 hours. So many unpromising alliances disintegrate, barely came into existence.
Civil marriages have other psychological advantages. They leveled the conventional stereotypes in family life when a man plays the role of breadwinner and the woman is assigned the role of a housewife. The absence of an official seal in the passport, so to speak, gives freedom of thought and encourages people to try new options for sharing of responsibilities. The same applies to the need for a common family budget: in free unions often there is a rule that every man owns his income, highlighting just some of them on common needs. There is no civil marriage and proprietary attitude towards their half. Most men and women are to each other more respect, capable of sincerity and frankness in identifying their desires. Undoubtedly, all this allows the harmonious development of relations and retains its freshness for a long time.
But do not forget about the negative aspects, which hides an informal cohabitation of men and women. First and foremost, it is the uncertainty of civil unions from the legal point of view. This applies to the moments of division of property accumulated over a couple of years of the undocumented in official relations in the event of separation, because the marriage contract in this case is impossible. A number of unpleasant nuances refers to the possibility of residence of one of the spouses to civilian housing another after the break.
Also, problems arise if such a union born children, and it breaks. The question of alimony is often necessary to deal with the court, and even the procedure of establishing paternity. Difficulties await those people who are in the unfortunate circumstances of the death of a civilian spouses claim to be the heir or heiress. The existence of the marital relationship would also have to prove in court with the assistance of witnesses that may be a matter of time-consuming and very expensive.
Summarizing all the above, then in terms of feelings and emotions in a civil marriage positives abound, but the legal aspect of the relationship is controversial and contradictory. Therefore, choosing the option that involves cohabitation without legal registration of the union, should take into account all its aspects.
How to live in a civil marriage?
You can elect to live in if you both want to marry. A woman should not be considered such a relationship as an opportunity to enter into a formal alliance in the future, if it is uncertain whether that choice at all ready for marriage. Maybe he just gives her a certain pressure in an attempt to maintain a sexual relationship.
Having made the decision to live together, be sure to talk with your loved one and make sure that it is completely the same opinion. Thus you can continue to avoid misunderstandings related to the fact that one of you hanging out and one hopes that soon you get married. Agree with the elect, that after a certain period of time, say six months or a year, you analyze their relationship and decide together, you are ready for marriage or not. Do not agree to live with a guy you do not want to marry him. And give up the decision to live together, if he does not think about family life, but rather looking for the opportunity to have a temporary roof over their head and a hot dinner.
The relationship is now called civil marriage should be seen primarily as an opportunity to kind of training before entering the formal legal relationship. How to calculate the most appropriate time for this? Many couples feel the need to register their union, when they feel that the continued existence of a happy family comes time to have children.
No matter how developed your relationship in the future, there will be a continuation of the civil union legally married or not, is always mindful of the extent of liability, which take on people engaging in formal and informal cohabitation. After all, life with a loving and loved one should be a joy, not to instill uncertainty and fear.