How do you know whether the understated self-esteem?
What to do in any case it is impossible?
How can you help your child?
Being a parent - not only honorable, but also troublesome and responsibly. And to be the parents of a teenager and did - ordeal. Still, it is no wonder folk wisdom says that the little kids, little bedki and kids - big bedki. In adolescents, the peer problems, first unhappy love, then even what evil befalls. And that parents should be there to help and support their grown-up child.
But all the problems of adolescence in one article will not tell, so today we will focus on a specific problem, namely, how to improve self-esteem of a teenager. Surely the issue of interest to many parents, as the adolescent self-esteem - the most vulnerable spot. For an in-depth introspection typical teenager, and always subjective - he manages to find a shortage of 333, and in most cases completely fictional.
And in the event that there are real shortcomings - for example, overweight, glasses or poor school performance - all lights extinguish. Where low self-esteem, always different complexes. What could be worse for the developing individual than an inferiority complex? Therefore, the main task of parents - to raise this same evaluation, thereby having protected his fragile psyche of unnecessary shocks.
How do you know whether the understated self-esteem?
Unfortunately, parents do not always understand what self-esteem of their son or daughter is understated - often teens are carefully hide their feelings. But in order to help your child, you must first understand whether the problem itself. Attentive parents and do not need to say anything - they all guess. To make things easier, we offer you a series of questions that will help clarify the situation. The more questions you will give a positive response, the greater the problem.
Your child is reluctant to go to the contact with peers, for fear of being ridiculed?
Teenager quite disturbing and often panicked?
The child refuses to try something new for themselves, because beforehand sure failure?
If he happened to do something good, the child thinks that luck is random?
Your baby depends on the opinions of others?
Have your child's role models among their peers?
Child avoids attention on a family holiday?
The teenager refuses to participate in school activities?
Walk with your friends child will prefer an evening in his room?
The child never or rarely and reluctantly share with you my success, thoughts, anxieties and worries?
Of course, one - two positive response may be a coincidence, therefore, to raise the alarm early - just watch the child. But if the positive responses of three or more - teenagers need adult help. And if the parents do not react in time or will correct the situation, you will need professional help of a child psychologist.
What to do in any case it is impossible?
Very often adults find low self-esteem, trying to find the answer to two well-known question - who is to blame and what to do? And very few people comes to mind, which is primarily in the low self-esteem of the child are to blame in the first place parents. Thoughtless word, unjustified punishment, do you think an innocent joke - all this can be the beginning of serious problems.
Therefore, carefully examine what to do in any case one can not well remember. It is likely that these undesirable elements "education" to some extent inherent in you. So:
Do not criticize a child
Criticism, of course, necessary. But only constructive criticism! In no case did not go to the child's personality, even if you are very angry. For example, the teenager once again you disobeyed. Most everything he hears saying "you are unbearable! ". Replace it with a statement on the other - "your behavior has become intolerable." That is the criticism should be directed to undesirable actions of a teenager, but not on his personality!
Do not skimp on praise
Unfortunately, we are all quick to violence, especially when it comes to children. But praise from parents wait it is not so simple. And a very good reason - if you do not regularly praise their child's self-esteem is unlikely to be high enough. Of course, for a bowl of washed for praise every time - it's overkill. But if you at least once a week will notice what you have an assistant, a child is sure to appreciate.
Do not focus on the shortcomings of the exterior
In adolescence attitude to his appearance the most critical. Parents should be very tactful when it comes to the appearance of a teenager. No criticism and even jokingly remarks - even if there is a reason. Maximum - very tactful remark, and even better advice.
Do not compare your child
It is a big mistake that parents often make - is to compare your child with his peers. Especially if this comparison is not in favor of the child. For example, the wrong baby, who brought yet another three, citing his classmate, who gets some excellent marks.
How can you help your child?
So, we figured out how to understand what the adolescent low self-esteem and how not to aggravate the situation. Let's understand how this very teen self-esteem increase. In fact, this is not such a difficult task - at least for the parents. Very often, mum and dad complain that their child is very grown estranged and imprisoned in itself. Adults think that they are losing for a teenager former authority. However, in reality it is not so! The child is still very much dependent on your mind, so everything is in your hands.
Watch for the appearance of the child
Flawless appearance of a teenager - this is a very important issue that parents need to keep under control. Timely haircut for girls - manicure, fashionable clothes - yes, all of this requires a lot of costs, but it does not skimp on costs. Children - being cruel, especially in adolescence. Therefore, the savings on jeans or jacket money can be a price to pay for peace of mind son and daughter. Although, of course, this does not mean that you have absolutely everything to indulge the whims and buy things from the latest collection of world fashion names - everything must be reasonably and in moderation.
By the way, about the style of clothes - always listen to your child. Your ideas about teen fashion can be very different from reality. Let the teen to make choices on their own things. In extreme cases, slightly Adjust this option - neatly and unobtrusively. Believe me - if you do it right, increase self-esteem of the child will not take long.
Help the young person to achieve something
Do you want to increase the self-esteem of their child? Help him find a reason to be proud, because it certainly is, just a teenager does not see it. Maybe your son is interested in playing the guitar? Buy him a good tool and give money to individual teachers. My daughter is interested in photography? Give her a good camera and support its initiatives. Many teenagers write poetry - a collection of print! Let it be only 10 copies, but it will be! My daughter loves to cook? Well, ask her to invite friends and have a party. Either the child is a spark, the main thing - to see it.
If you succeed, the child will soon earn recognition among peers. And it is unlikely that it will be able to increase self-esteem better than this. And who knows how to turn your life? Perhaps this is teenage infatuation becomes a matter of life of your child?
Teach your child to say "no"
Too many people do not even realize that self-esteem can be increased to several items, if you learn to say "no." This is true for a teenager - unless he can anyone deny anything, he will feel driven, which does not contribute to high opinion of himself.
By the way, almost none of the people who have low self-esteem, can not refuse. He believes that by helping others, it becomes more important for them. In fact, barely, alas, is not it - people just shamelessly use of such "friend-friend." But the respect they accrue. Moreover - soon people start to perceive this assistance granted and simply pluck. As a result, self-esteem of a teenager falls even lower. Therefore, dear parents, teach your children to respect themselves and to refuse, if they try to exploit.
The material side of the issue
He does not live by bread alone. All of us in childhood were taught that wealth - is not the most important thing in life. However, the current reality dictates the rules. We have already mentioned that you can not skimp on baby's wardrobe. However, apart from the clothes the modern child has other needs.
For example, a mobile phone, the player, computer, eventually. Firstly, all of these things are really necessary for the normal life of a teenager. And secondly, it is also a question of prestige - a child who does not have it all, probably very rapidly peers tease. Believe me, about any self-assessment in this case can not be considered.
Sami child's respect
All of the above ways to increase self-esteem of a teenager is definitely effective. But they will be completely useless if you are your child will not be respected. Dear Mom and Dad! To begin understand one very important thing - your baby yesterday today already quite adult. An adult person with their wishes, ideas and potential, though still not fully realized.
And this person you should be respected, taken seriously and reckon with its opinion. The fact that you must not under any circumstances allow ourselves to humiliate a child, we said. But beyond that, it is important to make it clear to your child that you think it equal. The family council always consider the child's views, occasionally the interests of its opinion on a particular issue. And, most importantly, from time to time do as advises the child - even if it is not always correct. The main thing that a child sees a confirmation of its importance.
If you follow all the recommendations, you will be sure to raise the self-esteem of the child. Of course, it will not happen one day, but patience and a little effort. If after two or three months you do not notice an improvement in the situation is to appeal to a child psychologist. And it does not mean that you have to take the child to receive under escort - very often sufficient to call parents with a psychologist, who knows exactly how to improve the self-esteem of a teenager.
