The role of the father in the upbringing of the boy is very difficult to overestimate. But if parents are themselves exactly what is it, this role? After the boy's upbringing - it is not easy, so it is necessary to take into account a lot of nuances, including such important as part of his father. Let's you and I try to understand the issue of "A" and to the "I".
The role of the mother is simply impossible to overestimate. She wears a baby under the heart, nourishes it with milk, is on their hands - in one word, it gives life and takes care of his welfare. But Dad's purpose can not be underestimated. The man is also making a considerable contribution to the education of the child, the development of his thinking, skills and attitude. Especially if the child - a boy!
It is often grown sons mothers complain that their husbands did not deal with raising a child. But, dear mother, I remember the first years of your child's life. And do not you blame for this? Very often young mothers jealous of his new position, and do not let dad to a child on a gun shot. A man not particularly upset. And not because he is a bad father and husband. Everything is much easier - instinctive motherly love and fatherly - social. Simply put, the father learns to love his child.
Child psychologists say that for a closer emotional connection with the boy's father is their first contact should take place as soon as possible. Ideally, this should be the first hours after birth, when the newborn child in the subconscious are the first impressions of the world around him. But, unfortunately, that's not all births in our country partnerships, so often dad takes his son into his arms only after discharge from the hospital.
But that's OK - in case the father is actively involved in child care, you can still catch up. It is believed that fathers know nothing about feeding, bathing, swaddling clothes and diapers. However, this is not the case - many studies reliably confirm that the pope is not worse than my mother is able to care for the child. And such a concern for the baby is the only benefit - emotional contact in such a tandem "father - son" is much stronger.
In addition, the same study suggests that children who are in close contact with his father, show much better results in all tests: physical, psychological, motor. Thus, a man committed to the education of his son, has a very high chance of becoming the father of a little genius. Well, in any case, to blush for her son just do not have!
We can not lose sight of the fact that the boy's father is the embodiment of the standard of masculinity. The moral principles of his father, his model of social behavior, habits, manners - all this is an example to follow. Son from childhood trying to copy his father around. At first my father's toddler wears a tie and wrinkled forehead, Dad. Then he spreads tools throughout the apartment. But there comes a time - and father's son demeanor completely copies.
But it then. And while the baby grows and becomes aware of itself ... it is a male representative. And it comes fully under the influence of his father. Baby monitors, compares, makes conclusions for themselves. By the way - remember this always! A child watches constantly, continuously. You would think that a boy fascinated by the game and do not pay any attention to the quarrel mom and dad? You are very wrong - he sees everything and, moreover, remembers. And be sure to ever put into practice - the subconscious mind extract a particular pattern of behavior, which the boy as a child saw his father.
Very often you can hear the opinion that the father should have the effect of disciplining a child. The standard model of the majority of families - "good mom and dad angry." Proponents of this model of education believe that such a course of conduct instills courage boy. However, child psychologists say that a child living in constant fear of his father's punishment is unlikely to grow by more courageous than the boy, whose father was a caring and gentle. Quite the contrary - because of fear of punishment and suppression of excessive strictness of his father, the child can grow diffident timid man.
While it may still be the worst option - the child will grow aggressive, and at times antisocial personality. Agree, do not want no parent. And it is not mere speculation. The first premise can be seen in early childhood. And the model behavior of a boy depends on my father's relationship to the child. In that case, if the man in relation to his son chooses a strict and cold tack, very high probability that the child will be the Pope, bringing all contacts to a possible minimum.
Remember, we have said that the boy spontaneously, but very precisely replicates the model of his father's behavior? For example, if the father is using aggression expressed their negative emotions, the son will come exactly tak.Esli, angry at his son, the father ignores him, announcing a boycott of a kind, and very soon the child will respond in kind.
Therefore, in order to instill in the child the behavior of the male line, the father should carefully monitor their actions, words, gestures and intonations. A correct children's behavior can be a little different - by example or through games. Just simulate the desired situation and beat her. Be sure - the child will absorb information like a sponge.
That is, if the relationship between the son of a warm, education process will flow much easier. Dad can easily manage the behavior and actions of his son. And it's easy to explain - the child would not want to lose the warm feelings of his father, and any disapproval will be a tragedy for his son. And courageous child will not suffer. Studies have shown that good fathers, sons and soft prefer "masculine" toys - cars, tools, soldier - much earlier than the harsh dad.
But in some cases, the families observed radically opposite situation, in which the father has no right to vote. Overbearing mother, grandmother - a child every day watching what his father does not take any decisions and to participate in family life. And often in these families the father on a gun shot are not allowed to the educational process the women of the family. And, of course, in such an atmosphere would be foolish to hope that the child will grow a real man.
With a very high probability of such boy will grow quite characterless person, that my whole life will depend on the mother's opinion, and in consequence - his wife. Of course, if he would still be able to get married. And then the boy's mother will only shake his head ruefully, wondering to whom her son had been grown.
From what made our boys?
And what about those women who for one reason or another are forced to bring up her son alone? In all cases, these reasons are their own, so we will not consider them. Just take as a starting point the fact that the father is not, or he spends a lot of time at work. How to be? What should be the education of boys, he grew to a full-fledged man? Is this unrealistic?
Child psychologists say that all is not hopeless. Of course, the difference in the education of boys and girls there, and it is radical. But to cope with this task under the force of any mother - the main thing that had the desire and the necessary knowledge. A bit of pedagogy, a little child psychology - and you have every chance to grow a real man.
The first thing you should remember the woman - mother and father's love have a different nature. The mother loves her child unconditionally and unreservedly. But the love of the Father must also earn - their behavior, successes and achievements. Simply put - the father's love in detail. And so in that case, if you really a woman raises her son alone or dad very often on the road, you need to remember my mother about the peculiarities of the psyche of boys, which largely differs from the girly.
Unlike girls, the boys have a little patience and perseverance, more mobile and aggressive. And with the boys much more difficult for about the age of three, let alone a teenager. The child tries to assert itself in all possible ways - different pranks, antics, vagaries and shouts. As the boy's problems may deepen further - smoking, stealing, disobedience, rudeness. And this is not a complete list of ways to protest the boy - a teenager.
Therefore, to avoid such a deplorable situation, the woman should from the outset to choose the right course of conduct in relation to his son. Very often the mother can hear the advice to keep his son "a rod of iron." However, this is also not the best solution. After all, the boy needs love and affection, no less than the girl. You do not want to grow downtrodden child, afraid to look away from the earth? So remember the rule "golden" middle.
There are a few simple rules and principles to be followed in matters of education of the boy. Very often problems in a child's behavior is directly related to the internal personal conflicts of parents, in this case - the mother.
Very often, the boy in single-parent families hear that he - the only boss. Even in two-parent families like there often - for example, when Dad leaves for work. But to do that in any case it is impossible! Remember that the child should remain a child is always and under all circumstances. Excessive responsibility very negative impact on the child's psyche, which is simply not ready for such responsibility.
Remember that the child is taken literally, and much more seriously than adults. And the child will be in constant tension, fear to do something wrong and lose your confidence and love. And such psychological stress does not lead to anything good.
- A look at this or that thing
In no case do not forget that your son - the first man. Even if it is still quite small, but still a man. A man's perception of the world and different emotions. And if thinking girl thinking like my mother, then my son, it is radically different. And this feature is necessary to take into account - treat the child with respect.
In that case, if the boy is unable to communicate with his father, try to organize its regular communication with any other man, whom you trust. This may be an uncle, grandfather or a friend of the family. In any case, the child should at least occasionally to chat with a man who can support and advice to help in a difficult situation. After all, if they wanted to mother, she could not look at a particular problem with the male point of view.
Girls - a mother's helper. It is an axiom, and this one does not argue. But the boys, the situation is a little different. Of course, a child must have household responsibilities. But excessive overloading of the child should not be - a boy to be a little more freedom. And it makes more sense not to force the child to help you, and gently bring it to the fact that he himself had appeared such a desire.
- Be interested in a man's world
Kohl you fell lucky ticket to become a mother boy good enough to be interested in those things, which can be interesting for your son. Designers, pistols, riders, caps, firecrackers, the players, the last car brands - in all of this you need to be guided, like a fish in water. Otherwise, you will have less and less in common with his son, especially as it is growing. You do not want to to 12-13 years in your conversation boiled down to the banal: "How was school? ".
Child psychologists are often faced with a situation where a family, for fear of the boy grow up "girl" completely repressed any, in the opinion of parents, "women's manifestations." And parents piously believe that they are acting for the good of his son. But in reality the situation is opposite. The weight of such tactics of serious shortcomings:
A child, for fear of negative reactions of parents, is forced to hide emotions. Often there are cases of nervous disorders and even failures. As a result, sooner or later, the child becomes a very closed and callous.
Unfortunately, very often the boy suppressed creativity. For instance, parents give the child to the football, not looking at the fact that the boy is very good at dancing. Or, in a circle of burning wood instead of a circle, making soft toys.
Carrot and stick
Of course, to raise a child, it never scolded him, it is simply impossible. However, the goal of any educational process is the realization of a child of his misconduct, but not his humiliation. Therefore, it is important to know some features of the mentality of boys - in fact it is quite different from women's.
Any action of the child should be assessed - the positive or negative side. But if the most important thing for girls - assessment of their personality, the boys - evaluation actions. Simply put, if a girl is important is the emotional impression she makes on others as a whole, for the boys - the essence of the act.
During the evaluation of actions boy again he "loses" his conscious. And that is why the expression "you're not done," or "I am unhappy with you," does not have much influence any proper action. The child simply does not understand, that did not like an adult. Therefore, you must thoroughly explain to the child what exactly you are unhappy. Only in this case, the boy will be able to analyze his actions and figure out where he was wrong.
By the way, precisely because of these psychological characteristics, and there is a lack of understanding between the boys and their mothers. Through the eyes of women the situation is this: it is a long and emotionally abusing his son, and even more angry because of the fact that a child, in her opinion, is totally indifferent to her. As a result, the atmosphere is heating up even more, and even more child withdraws into himself.
Did he really not care about this situation? Not at all! Just a boy reacted to criticism in the first few minutes. However, the peculiarity of the male psyche is such that the boy can not hold emotional stress more than two - three minutes. Therefore, at the expiration of this time included a kind of psychological protection and the child ceases to take criticism.
That is why all the "educational" conversation with the boy should be as concise. At the beginning of the conversation clearly explain to your child what you do not like in some of his actions. Then specify your requirements and vision of the situation. And at the end of the conversation, make sure that the child understands you. Only in this case your conversation take on a momentum proper effect.
Sometimes the child's offenses are serious enough, so parents have to resort to punishment. Of course, we shall not consider physical punishment of children - it is generally inadmissible, as degrading the child. But how to punish the boys?
Child psychologists say that the worst thing for a child - is the loss of confidence of parents. Therefore, if a child has committed any offense deserving of punishment, it is best to let him know that you can trust him to stop. For example, the child got into a fight at school. Reduce the time it walks.
And explain to him why you do it - "You do not know how to control their behavior. Hence, in the street you can anything happen. " But do not go too far and be sure to give your child the opportunity to be rehabilitated. Otherwise, the relationship is very quickly reach a deadlock, from which without the help of a psychologist, will be very difficult to get out.
Furthermore, as a sentence can use denial of any child entertainment. For example, you can cancel the child walk, watch a movie or activities on the computer. But do not overdo - the child's life should not be composed of one "no". Therefore, resorting to punishment only in the most extreme cases.