Approximately 6 - 7 years, children become fully socialized person ready to live in the community and the team. At this age a child enters into one of the most difficult periods of his life - begins to look for a place under the sun. And to be more precise - the search for his place in the team. Child psychologists draw attention of parents to the fact that at this age the child begins to "sharpen" the various models of social behavior, it reveals its basic character traits and behavior in society.
That is why at this time parents should be especially attentive to the child, to help him to join the team, and the right to choose the most successful line of conduct with their peers. But otherwise, the question of what to do if the school your child being bullied, you will become relevant. Yes - yes, do not be surprised - children are very cruel beings capable of much.
One of the most unpleasant factors of becoming a child in a group, but, unfortunately, it is a frequent harassment of a child in school or classmates or older boys. And equally often bullied both boys and girls. Yes, and also bullying equally often engaged the children of both sexes.
The reasons for bullying child
Of course, the persecution of the child does not arise out of nowhere - there must be some - that reason. However, children - people are very kind, and sometimes not at all predictable, so it is very difficult, almost impossible, to predict that it would lead to such developments.
But still the main line track is quite simple - a children's team can begin to veer to the child who stands out from the crowd peers. Children, unlike adults, do not know yet what is tolerance, and the manifestation of personality is often perceived as weakness.
As a rule, the child can begin to slack off because of:
- Physical features of appearance of the child. The reason for ridicule the child may become red hair and freckles, too light or too dark skin, too high or too low growth, completeness or thinness, the presence of glasses and more. And, unfortunately, explain to the children that a person does not choose the appearance - practically impossible. They will stop when adults do it, but they will not poison the child permanently.
- Child's success in school. Progress child can also greatly affect the relation to it peers. And, no matter how paradoxical it may seem, but equally often bullied as the standouts and Losers - in short all those who are different from the bulk. Sometimes difficult to account for those guys who are not very physical education and success in physical education classes, as well as outdoor games.
- Unusual child's speech. It is also often ridiculed and persecuted by their peers exposed to those children whose speech is different - the child stutters or speaks with a strong accent. Children in any case will not miss such an occasion to tease an unusual child.
- Clothing and baby stuff. Not less frequently subjected to harassment and those kids who dress better than their classmates do not have the attributes of modern accessories at least to the middle social class - mobile phones, game consoles, pocket money and other joys of childhood. And for that child being bullied is much stronger than all of the above factors.
Too many parents are well aware of this and are trying to ensure that the child everything that will allow him not to stand out among their peers and not to feel worse than others. Believe me, the inner peace and self-confidence a lot of meaning for a child - confident tease the baby will be very difficult, because he will be able to stand up for themselves and fight back offenders.
How to understand that the child being bullied?
In order to provide child support and stop this senseless and brutal persecution, parents should timely notice signals trouble. Of course, most of the children complain of their abusers parents, but, unfortunately, not in all cases. Sometimes a child is simple - simply intimidated by their abusers. And sometimes pride does not allow someone to complain about - or, including parents.
That is why parents just need to know the basic signs that their child suffered harassment from other children. There are several features:
- Change the behavior of the child
Pay attention to your child's mood. In that case, if he became withdrawn, refused to go to any - any contact with their parents, constantly depressed and sullen, he is in a depressed state - certainly in his life something goes wrong. Make sure the child - in any case, sooner or later the child will break normal sleep, it can start to feel bad, naughty, for no apparent reason for you to show signs of nervousness.
- A pronounced reluctance to go to school
In that case, if the child is looking for any specious and sometimes overtly contrived excuse not to go to school, resorting to the most conceivable excuses, parents must necessarily try to find out where "the wind blows", and not just I sent him to school.
As a rule, ordinary laziness of the child and his lack of desire to learn almost never expressed in constant excuses and trying not to go to school at all costs. And in the event that the last time the child for no reason, no reason, changed his usual route to school to another, often much longer, or even breaks to change it all the time - the parents should immediately begin to worry, because sometimes it is very serious alarm. Perhaps in this way the child is trying to avoid meeting with their offenders at least on the way to school.
- The appearance of the child's signs of physical abuse
Of course, parents should immediately sound the alarm in the event that they found the child's signs of physical violence. And do not forget that these include not only bruises - they are extreme cases requiring immediate action from the parents until the appeal to the law enforcement authorities with a statement about the need to deal with the situation.
Equally clearly indicate physical violence torn pockets, buttons torn, dirty clothes, torn books, book, briefcase, broken personal belongings. Of course, sometimes such an occasion occur with the conventional affluent children. However, there is quite a striking difference - an innocent question about what happened to his clothes or things the child who is exposed to harassment, but is not recognized in the parent, it is a question you can answer hardly audibly. Otherwise, he happily announce to you that a fight with someone - that at recess, climbed over the fence and fell, and the like.
How do you help your child?
Naturally, in such a situation, the parents worried about only one question - how to help your child if he bullied in school? And is it possible at all? Very often, parents prefer to follow the path of least resistance, and easy - simply transferred the child to a different school. However, this is not always the best solution to the problem - in fact there is no guarantee that the baby will not hurt, and the new school, too.
And what does this account psychologists say? Can you really effective to help your child in this difficult situation? Yes, you can help, but that parents will have to make some effort. There are some basic rules for parents whose children were in a similar situation:
- Do not ignore the problem
The biggest mistake you can make parents - is to ignore the very existence of the problem, or it withdrew from its decision. Typically, these parents motivate its decision not to intervene in the events that completely unnecessary - climb in the case of children, because sooner or later is required to stop by itself, you just need to wait and give the children time to grow up.
However, such an approach to the problem is fundamentally not true. And this, there are several reasons - firstly, if the grass very small child - first-graders by his classmates quickly alone they did not leave, and the feeling that they are doing badly, because of their young age, they still will not have . Secondly, in the event that the child being bullied teenager could end much sadder than in elementary school. And finally, in the - third - try to imagine yourself in the place of their child. Are you regularly, every day, to visit the place where you hate and what not try to hide this, and openly mock you? It is unlikely, does not it?
Remember also that regular psychological violence affects your child very negative negative. The child regularly experience rejection by peers, humiliation, often suffer from chronic depression and neurosis. Of course, this in no way improves the quality of his life, but lead to an attempt to commit suicide may be a child with a very high probability. Are parents live after that with the knowledge of their own guilt and understanding. What could they prevent the tragedy, but nothing it does not do?
- Be sure to talk with the teacher
In the event that your child began to harass and persecute his classmates, in the first place, talk about it with the school teachers. In the event that a child learns in elementary or secondary school, a teacher has a very strong reputation among children and influence the team he could without much difficulty. As a rule, the teacher is able to make the abuse of your child stopped immediately.
- Refer as needed to the law enforcement authorities
In the same case, if such a persecution of the child takes place in high school, the problem of "hazing" on the level of teachers is much more difficult to solve. Of course, parents should be sure to notify teachers. However, teachers are unlikely to affect the teenagers - they are smart enough to have a good mask their persecution, and cruel enough to intimidate their victim.
Therefore parents where reasonable and practicable to ask for help to the police. Of course, it is not necessary to run the prosecutor's office and demanding OBOP send riot police to the school, but talk to your supervisor for minors is not even be superfluous. And teens need to be sure to put it in popularity, warning that this will not stop you if the bullying does not stop immediately.
- Pay more attention to your child
Of course, it is only natural that parents most of their time at work to ensure that your child normal decent standard of living. However, in such a situation, if you suspect that a child has become a victim of bullying their peers, and you do not want to talk, it is necessary to reflect on why this is happening - no more than a child really does not trust you?
Talk to your child from the heart, let him know that you are always ready to listen, support and understanding, no matter what happened to him. Constantly remind the child that he is the best, strong, and he will be sure to all the things he wants. High self-esteem is the key to the success of the child. But the formation of this self-assessment is primarily the task of parents' names.
- Talk with parents wound up
Do not be amiss to also talk with parents their child's principal offenders. Of course, if a child hurts the whole class, to talk to all the parents are not so simple. However, this does not need to - in any group there are always some factories, which are pulled by a whole team.
It is to their parents and go with a serious conversation. Almost everything is always unjust and bullies as children are divided into two main groups: the evil children. And just harmful. Harmful child much easier - as a rule, they are the same due to the fact that they are very much loved and pampered at home.
Moreover, most parents do not realize that their child doing in school, because at home they are just the epitome of gentleness, humility and courtesy. As a rule, only one visit to the parents of these bullies enough to think he forgot how to tease your child.
But in that case, if the child became a bully because of internal anger, most likely the problem originates it is in his family. And so, most likely, and your visit to his parents will not bring any desired result. However, consider that the family may be completely dysfunctional, and the same bully desperately needs the immediate help of adults.
And this behavior is nothing but a kind of cry for help. It is not necessary to refuse this help even a stranger, but still a child. And who knows, it may well be exactly what you save that child from drugs, prison, or even suicide. I agree that this is enough.
If you want to have a child in school does not hurt, but they failed to take the situation under control, you need to consult a child psychologist. Specialist certainly will help you deal with the problem - the child will explain how to deal with peers and parents about what else they can do to protect your child from the negative influence of peers. And together you will be sure that's for sure!