No need to be an expert to say with certainty - Communication between spouses is an essential component of marriage. Mutual communication can greatly ease tensions arise because communication is a kind of safety valve, allowing to release the accumulated steam. But it can happen and vice versa. Agree - if someone is too angry and turns to his half irritated, it is not surprising that he would receive the full wrath of the answer.
This behavior of the spouses can lead to permanent confrontation and bring on unwanted clutter. In order for the marriage was strong, husbands and wives need to master the art of communication with each other. It is the knowledge and observance of the rules of communication is the key to any healthy relationship. These rules of communication are quite natural, and ways to resolve family conflicts.
Conflicts are inevitable. Any family sometimes encounters problems. But many people do not realize that the odds are not in themselves harmful to a healthy relationship. Since no one in this world is not perfect, then there is no way to live permanently in complete agreement. The more so because each person is different own personality, and there is on the planet two absolutely identical people.
What's good for one is not suitable for another. Arising in this controversy and provoking conflict. Given this undeniable fact, you should not focus your energy on how to avoid conflict in the family, and to understand the methods of resolving these conflicts. After all, completely avoid controversy is unlikely to succeed.
Why do people fight?
Unfortunately, few couples are thinking about the cause of this or that argument. But the causes of traditional and commonplace, they are repeated in all families. The most common causes of conflicts in the family are as follows:
Contempt, insults, insults dignity marriage partners. Distrust, pathological jealousy;
The conflicts that arise due to the fact that the reality does not meet expectations. Here you can talk about sexual dissatisfaction. The emergence of conflict contribute to the lack of positive emotion, tenderness and participation between the spouses;
The absence of romance in the relationship between husband and wife. The husband ceases to care, the wife loses the desire to please her husband;
Differences due to the unfair division of household tasks, inflated claims to each other. Different understanding of the rights and responsibilities lead to constant conflicts at home and aggression;
The inability of spouses interesting and rich to spend free time. Monotone pm, monotonous, empty weekend. To strengthen the family is very important to create a family tradition, and their absence creates the basis for the emergence of more and more fights.
When two people are united in one family, they are already generate a conflict situation. Before marriage, each had their own experience, their views, their own habits. When the last period of courtship, love for a while forget about everything, including about their own habits and preferences. But when you start living together, the feast of love gives way to gray weekdays. And here is an attempt to combine their different attitudes in a whole leads to the first clashes. It is only reasonable understanding of what is happening allows spouses to find rational ways of resolving conflicts in the family.
The quarrel or dispute?
All problems can be solved, if the spouses consider the difficulties of objective reality, not a result of lack of a partner or their own insolvency. And there is friction in this case become a cause of dispute, rather than quarrel.
It is necessary to clarify the difference between a quarrel and dispute. In a dispute, we treat each other sincerely and without animosity. But when, during a dispute we turn to the person - starts a quarrel, where the main goal of becoming the suppression of the opponent, sometimes even humiliated him as a person. Victory at odds can not be - it would be a Pyrrhic victory in which all are at a loss.
The dispute is a statement of the arguments in favor of one of the possible positions. Although emotions are too often prevail, the goal is still persecuted quite different than in a quarrel. The main objective of the dispute - to find a compromise. Of course, if the couple want to coordinate their positions, they will have to make an effort to help curb discontent and irritation.
Yet, disputes in contrast to the strife - this is not "spending" and "investment" in the future that will pay for themselves handsomely. But quarrels, born of a desire to suppress the partner will inevitably leave a negative mark on the emotional memory of the family. This dynamite that can undermine your relationship in the future.
Marriages in which both partners talk about their experiences openly, clearly express their wishes and requests, telling each other about their ups and downs - as a rule, be happy. But often we are exposed to stereotypes and correctly interpret the words or the behavior of others. What do we do when the husband stayed home from work? Rather than tell him about their experiences, we go to the kitchen, slamming the door, and there rattling dishes and pans, unhappy muttering under his breath.
It is not difficult to imagine how in such a situation a man will behave. After all, he honestly worked all day and even beyond working hours, thinking primarily about the welfare of the family. And it is difficult to understand that anxiety is associated with his wife's feelings for him. He clearly sees only her resentment and believes that it refers specifically to him and not to the situation. He worked stereotype of wife unhappy - so unhappy with me. "I'm trying for them, I do not regret itself, and they all bad! "- My husband thinks irritably. We women, too, triggered stereotype lingered - it means somewhere and with someone ...
Such situations encouraged by the partners to think out what is the cause of conflict in the family. Each of the partners, having its own logic, make your own conclusion. So begins a misunderstanding. Maybe it is better to speak frankly? Admit their mistakes or explain his wife what his mistakes. Only this should be done gently and quietly, so as not to provoke a new conflict. Then everyone will understand the essence of the argument, and there will be the way to reconciliation. It is much more effective deter further conflict than the default problem. After all, once the explosion is still clap!
As the quarrel right?
Basic methods of conflict resolution is not so difficult - and this in spite of their very high efficiency! And most importantly (because that's the paradox!) - Most of them should be used when all is calm and no quarrel did not even smell. Simply put, these techniques have become the norm of behavior. And then many conflicts in the family simply does not arise! So, let's order: that it is necessary to do and how to behave in order not to disturb the family storm your house? And if you happen to quarrel, and how to make sure that it does not hurt your relationship?
Show interest to the spouse
Try often to find time for each other. It should even put aside some of the daily activities. For your understanding it is very important for you to keep in touch with each other. After all, we are constantly busy: both at work and at home. This time leads to the fact that we are beginning to neglect his personal life and did not even notice how moving away from each other.
Ask your husband how his day, praise for success, sympathize and support if something goes wrong. But! - Spouses should feel that it not only listen, but also to understand and follow the train of thought. Therefore, you must listen with interest, really delving into the essence of the conversation.
Conflicts in a young family often arise because of the lack of attention of one spouse to another. If your family is still very young, from the very beginning, try to find her husband's best: his interests, opinions and hobbies. Try to find out not only his positive qualities, but also to understand his weaknesses. Remember - to someone only interested in their own problems, it will be very difficult to communicate with people, and with your spouse first. Understanding the other person significantly reduces the possibility of aggression on his part.
Learn to listen
The ability to listen carefully to ensure good contact with the people and it is often more valuable than the ability to speak beautifully. Family in this regard is no exception. First of all, listen to her husband when he comes home from work and want to share with you their problems and concerns. Do not raining down on him from the doorway flow of domestic problems.
If you've come across a tired husband, it will only remain silent, concentrating on his mind, which, by the way, hoping to share with you. In such a family is difficult to expect the creation of a favorable psychological climate. Clever wife will listen to her husband first and then talk about their problems. And, really clever wife husband first feed. Fed man less prone to conflict!
If a quarrel yet to start, the most difficult is it to listen to your opponent. But it is very important to resolve the conflict. Focus your attention on the fact that the husband says - you are not only better understand what he feels and that, in fact, brought him out of himself, and thus show that you are interested in solving the problem and in stopping the quarrel.
Before you start to scream and beat the dishes, listen, what is your spouse unhappy. Or give him the opportunity to justify himself - if you're angry at him. Do not be in such a situation to assume that your husband is definitely guilty and has the right to speak and make excuses, preventing you pour out your righteous anger. Let him favors - it may be that it is not so guilty, as it seemed to you at the beginning.
Listen to each other, and then you will understand each other better. Then you many conflicts can be avoided, because the understanding - one of the most reliable ways to resolve conflicts.
Put yourself in your partner
Each of us sees one or another controversial issue from their point of view. And very often conflict occurs because of the fact that we attribute to our vision of the problem and your partner. Not taking into account that he can perceive what is happening in a different way. For example, the husband was late for dinner, and eat without appetite. He was tired, annoyed, focused on his thoughts. Offended by his wife goes into the other room, wiping his tears and thinking about what her husband does not love her.
Both of them do not understand each other. And if the wife has put himself in the place of her husband, and he put himself in the place of his wife? The wife could understand that her husband was a hard day today, and he is most in need of rest. A man would have realized that his wife was half protorchala the kitchen, because she wanted to surprise him a delicious meal in a cozy atmosphere. If everyone would try to put yourself in another's shoes, to understand the situation and feelings of the partner, it will be more tolerant of each other. And tolerance, in turn, will help you find the right way out and avoid conflicts.
Do not abuse the criticism, do not remember the past
Never start a conversation with the charges. Criticism, like a boomerang, always returns. If we begin to criticize, there is no doubt that the response we get the same coin. When a wife tells her husband that he was unshaven and generally looks horrible, the answer she can hear something unpleasant in his address. Criticism must also include positive elements. It should not offend the dignity of a partner, but rather a "push" him to self-criticism.
Do not make critical comments in the form of attacks, criticism should not be straight. Criticizing a spouse, you must at the same time praising something positive in it. Even if the spouse did something wrong, the conversation should begin with praise. Praise him for what he had done, and then talk about what you upset this time.
And with the habits of the husband or with some of his mannerisms, traits. Rather than criticize what we do not like, it is better to praise for the fact that we really like. Generally, it would be good to talk a little idealized partner: to talk about him as if he had become what we want it to be.
A reminder of past mistakes - something you should never do. Some people think that if during an argument to remind her husband about past wrongs, it would prove him wrong and make him feel a sense of guilt and shame. Truth be told, this "device" has the opposite effect. This may cause your opponent only further anger. Family conflicts and ways of solving them may be different, always only one thing during an argument should be discussed only those things that are directly related to this problem. This will help you avoid more problems.
Cool! A few minutes of deep breathing works wonders
If during an argument you reach the emotional stress - do not rush to give up either, nor to achieve victory at any cost. It is unlikely that both of you are now able to talk sensibly. Stop, take a step towards each other. Wait a while until the emotions subside. You can even go into another room and be alone. This will give you the opportunity to calm down and look at the problem differently.
Sometimes it is necessary to postpone a solution until the next day with a fresh mind. No wonder they say that "sleep on it." It often happens that yesterday's problem now seems not so serious and intractable. So you can pay off minor differences, not allowing them to flare up into full-scale war.
If you still want to find out the relationship, but fear that emotions overwhelm you and will not talk sensibly - a good way out. Write whatever you want to say. "Spoken" emotions can be overly dramatic, while the emotions expressed on paper, more appropriate for certain situations. As long as you write, you can think carefully about every word. So your position is very clear. Besides reading your message, the spouse will be unable to interrupt you, so and "listen" to the end of you.
In general, never say or do anything under the impulse. Otherwise you can make some mistakes, which then will bitterly regret.
Learn to admit mistakes and to forgive
Never press charges. Listen to what the husband says and be prepared to take for himself, that his words may well be true. Have the courage to admit their mistakes. Even the most serious confrontation will go "out" if you admit guilt, but will continue to try to find an excuse. Everyone can make a mistake, and your spouse will appreciate your honesty and stop the dispute, even if there will be angry for some time.
Very important skill - the ability to forgive. In no way it is impossible to settle the conflict, if both parties are not willing to forgive. Many people somehow believe that the only way to punish the guilty - is to deprive him of forgiveness. In fact, it does not solve the problem, only it leads both to a strong emotional stress. In addition, it is able to have a relationship of spouses to a standstill. Therefore, do not drive themselves into a trap, and forgiving one another. Good-bye - and move on.
Compromise
It is impossible to find in a dispute crushing argument to pay attention to more than the desire not to hurt your relationship. Each of these "good" argument is a blow to the stability of your marriage. Do not try to win at any cost to the dispute, it is better to find a solution that would satisfy both.
Very sensible of you will take the first step to finding a compromise. It does not humiliate you in front of her husband. On the contrary, such a move on your part may even induce him to take the next step towards a compromise.
Smile!
A friendly smile can really dramatically affect the potential conflict. Often tense atmosphere can be eliminated by a positive attitude on your part. It is important to show that you are not indifferent to the subject under discussion, but do not want to spoil your relationship. Make your spouse feel that you are "in the same boat." You - the team, and all problems will be solved together.
A friendly smile is diametrically opposed to the conflict. In the presence of a man who is smiling genially, we lose the desire to get angry and argue. The mood is easily transmitted. If you'll smile a partner, you can be sure that he will answer you the same. Friendliness and kindness of one person causes a similar reaction from the other, relieving tension.
