Why are there negative thoughts: Learning to think correctly
What I do not think
When emotions need to contain
Whether happened to you that under the influence of emotions something to do or say is, what then bitterly regretted? Have you ever wondered why you can not control yourself? You've probably already noticed that this kind of situation occur with certain types of feelings, such as anger or jealousy.
Depression, fear, anxiety and obsessive thoughts about the problems often play too large a role in human life. People used to react negatively to many stimuli. But to be fair, we often make hasty conclusions. However, many of us lose the ability to control himself and his emotions splash out on others.
You have already started to worry about the fact that in recent times, such failures occur with you more often? If so, you are not alone. Too many people allow emotions to take over a top. In general, there is nothing wrong with a strong emotional experience. They are a valuable part of human existence, enriching our boring life. The main thing that it did not harm us.
None of the emotions we would be indifferent robots. But when completely absent self-discipline and a sense, on the contrary, begin to control the action - can cause serious problems. You must learn how to keep emotions and fears in check. And do not forget to maintain a balance between the mind and the desire to be offended by the whole world. This will allow your thoughts to always remain clear, and acts - deliberate.
How can I control emotions
Managing feelings - not to ignore them. Control emotions implies a fact that you acknowledge their shortcomings, but working on them when it considers it appropriate. You will not react impulsively and uncontrollably. But first, you should understand how you can do to manipulate their emotions. What you need to learn first?
Awareness and a statement of emotions
It's pretty simple, and at the same time very entertaining. Having mastered this technique, you will react to external stimuli more consciously, knowing what kind of reaction you can have. How to do it? For example, you are in a hurry for the bus. You urgently need to cross the road to get to a stop. But as soon as you come to the crossing, pedestrian red light. Naturally, you are a bit angry, especially if you see that the trucks drove to a halt. Then you go on the road and leave the next bus, and this small incident completely forget. But after some time will wonder - where did this irritation?
Did you write off all the fatigue and you will feel that it is your family behave properly. But somehow all started with a traffic light! It is fleeting, little meaningful event (of course, if you're not on a plane late) gave rise to a chain reaction: red - light Angry - irritation - an insult to the whole world.
It is important to grasp and understand when there was a negative emotion, was the beginning of the chain. As soon learn to ignore it, you will become more attentive to everything that happens almost without your conscious participation.
Seclusion of emotions
Once you are able to recognize your emotions, you will need to learn to look at them as if from the outside. Watching him, inadvertently pulls back, separating it from itself. Feelings in this case can no longer take the upper hand over you and quickly disappear. Here's an example: everyone knows how annoying noise of car alarms outside. Especially if the owner of the car can not hear the sound of the alarm and disables the alarm. Long monotonous howl just maddening!
And the more you focus on extraneous stimuli, the louder and more repulsive it seems to you. And the stronger the disturbance that goes into rage and anger. Can you imagine how taking a brick and run it right into the windshield! Or better host!
Now try to look inward, instead of listening to the sounds of the street. Just watch your anger as if he were somehow independent being, rather than your own emotions. What happens after a few minutes, much will surprise you! Anger will disappear without a trace, and the alarm you just stop paying attention. Or become perceive it quite differently. It is possible that you will even funny. This will happen if you want it.
Simple steps to control their emotions
Certainly, it is difficult to drastically change its attitude to the world, people and situations. Control the senses should be gradually, making small steps every day. You do not just learn to walk, talk, read. Similarly, the need to act in this situation.
Explore your emotions
There are many different shades of emotional feelings that everyone can experience. But psychologists have identified a number of basic emotions from which all feelings: interest, joy, fear, surprise, sadness, anger and disgust. All other sensations - derivatives. For example, jealousy - is a manifestation of fear. Or fear that you are not as good as someone else. Or do not want to feel abandoned, because you - not "perfect", not "the best".
Recognize that emotions do not appear out of nowhere, and arise gradually
Many times on a subconscious level, you should be at the mercy of their emotions. Acknowledging your feelings, you will be able to better control them. You just need to recognize them since the beginning, because it's so you do not give anger and resentment build up and the possibility to grow (remember the example with traffic lights).
The worst thing you can do for yourself - to ignore or suppress their emotions. Once you are interested in answer to the question as to how you can control yourself, then you probably know what it can turn - deafening "explosion" in a vacuum, it would seem, location.
Pay attention to what is going on in your head when there is an evil emotion
Just stop and analyze all of what you just thought until you find the idea that caused your anger, apathy, aggression, resentment. Sometimes even a fleeting, almost unconscious thoughts can lead us to depression or a bad mood. For example, at work you suddenly felt anxious and worried, but can not figure out what causes it.
If you think you will find that at a meeting with the chief you said hello, and he did not answer. The subconscious mind flashed the thought: "I want to lay off! ". Hence the anxiety. You have not noticed, they did such a conclusion (it happened unconsciously). But the whole day was tormented, wondering why you are obsessed with foreboding.
Think about how much can be justified by your thought, triggered alarm
Come to think of deliberately flashed guess dismissal, it can be quite reasonable conclusion - Head just did not hear you because, for example, was too busy with thoughts about the upcoming conference. If you catch the thought that caused the negative emotion, then on closer inspection you the most it can seem absurd. And would not have to guess where the feelings of anxiety, "What if the house that something happened? Suddenly I forgot to turn off the iron? ".
Ask yourself, "Is there another way to respond to this situation? Perhaps it is more rational, unlike my previous reaction? "If we take the example of the chief - the best way would be to behave in a situation where he did not say hello to you? Value for the whole day to get nervous because of unfounded speculation? A better way to say to yourself as Scarlett O'Hara, the heroine of the novel "Gone with the Wind" - "I'll think about it tomorrow! "If you decide to have calmed down, and - all right, you deal with negative emotions. And if does not work? What to do next? Go to the next step.
At least now you know where there were unpleasant sensations. Emotions take over you the upper hand when you assume that there is only one way to respond to the situation. But there is always a choice. For example, if someone offends you, and you feel anger at this, that your response can be a response insult. But you have two alternatives (of course, if you think you can find more).
You can not react and do nothing. Or do the opposite of what is usually in such a situation would not agree. When you make a decision, it is important to make sure that it is - a conscious choice, and not a reaction to the accompanying emotions. For example, if someone offends you, and you do not do anything - it's your position. Perhaps it is - the answer to your fear of confrontation? There are very good reasons to act in accordance with the internal Ya
What you want to be? What are your morals? What the outcome of this situation do you prefer? In the end, what should be your decision, so that later you will not regret about it? By answering these questions, you will understand themselves and their emotions.
What reaction do you think, will lead to the desired result? For example, if you pushed on the street, and you do not want trouble, you can just pass by in silence. But if you shoved a drunk, and even began to insult you, confident that you have it pushed it - silently pass by, unfortunately, it will not turn. Scandal still flare up, he will link up to you and will continue to scream. In such a situation it is better to apologize itself to calm rowdy.
The above examples explain how not to let panic, fear, anger control your behavior. If you want to experience the least possible negative feelings, to start to change your vision of the world. It will become more upbeat and cheerful. But the first time you need to learn how to neutralize negative emotions.
Why are there negative thoughts: Learning to think correctly
You need to overcome the imposed social norms of behavior. After all, they eventually lead to disturbing thoughts and negative emotions. There are many of our irrational ideas that we spend too much time and attention. You can get rid of these standards, realizing their falseness. Check whether you have similar beliefs.
You have to be perfect in all respects
Remember once and for all, to be perfect in everything impossible. If you think that you will be unhappy if you can not reach perfection, then the rest of life you really doom themselves to failure. By the way, no matter how you try, you can not be loved by the whole world. It is simply impossible to be always good and like absolutely everyone. You - not the sun, not the dollar, to adore you. Moreover, there are people who do not need anyone. It does not make your own life miserable by trying to please them?
Unfair treatment suggests malice
Most people who come to you not as you would like - it's your loved ones (because it is you are dealing with them most). They are something you appreciate. The trouble is that people are a "mixture" of both good and bad. In addition, everyone has their own idea of justice.
In any situation, you should cry
Some people have such a weak "fuse" that they can not tolerate the problem or to cope with the slightest disappointment. As a result, they constantly threaten the friendship, relationships, sometimes even lose their jobs. Eternal tantrums and insults - what could be worse?
If your path is still in trouble, do not worry and do not despair. Many believe that if you worry, it will help to solve all the problems. "As well, it's over! So what's next on the list, what should I care? "If there is a problem, it is necessary to deal with.
If there were circumstances, nothing can be changed
You are nothing like? You must have seen documentaries about prisons. And almost every prisoner, speaking of his way to jail, colorfully describing his life. As if he - cork, bouncing on the waves of circumstances. You can not be weak-willed toy in the hands of fate and coincidence of coincidences. You always have a choice.
It is easier to ignore the problem than to turn to face them
Even painful experiences that we could get in the past, serve as a basis for learning and growth. Anything that does not kill us makes us stronger. So do not forget about the scandal with his sister, unpaid bills, or quarrel with her husband. Otherwise, all in one moment fall on you snowball. If we do not learn something new, it will always be hostage to our past.
I get depressed if did not turn out as hoped
We planned to buy a new dress, and here it is necessary to repair the car, which accidentally drove on the curb? We are going to take the post of chief, but he appointed your colleague? You can not predict the course of your life? So why do you think that everything will be done exactly as you do? You just have to be ready to ensure that the correct actions.
To think that you can be happy without paving effort
Do you think that you can enjoy life, accepting it for what it is? If this were true, any wealthy person trying to do nothing - because he already has everything. But for some reason he continues to work. It is necessary to retain and even increase their wealth. So it is with our lives - it is impossible for life to enjoy some one of his achievement. Above is a need to constantly work.
What I do not think
In the initial stages of work on oneself, even when it is impossible to fully keep the control of the emotions, it is very important to learn to avoid cognitive distortions. Because of their situation seem worse than it actually is. Each of us have heard the phrase "see the world through rose-colored glasses." But when you allow such a distortion of reality, you see the world through a glass dirty gray color! There are several major types of thinking, which is necessary to get rid of as soon as you "discover" them in his head.
All or nothing!
You go to extremes. You think that everything can be or just good or just bad. You do not recognize or do not notice what is often in the middle. If you're not perfect, you will not feel self-sufficient. If you can not do something perfectly, then you do not become the work in this direction. This is perfectionism - rather unpleasant condition that often leads to a confrontation with others and leads to a deep depression. Throw away those thoughts!
One negative event turns in an endless "pattern" of defeat. "Today, my boyfriend called me. He did not call me ever. He does not love me. I'm terrible. I never take anyone for what I am. Life is not a failure "
This - the replacement of a positive negative. If someone says you have something good, you do not take into account. But if your friend told you that is not very nice, you think that you think so much about everything and always. Do not jump to conclusions! Never interpret events, especially when you have no facts that can convincingly support your conclusion.
Trying to decide for others
We can not always think that the boss, neighbors and colleagues treat you badly. Not even bothering to verify this, some girls just stop to chat with the "evil" individuals. In this case, there is a replacement of reality emotions - "I feel so, so, so it is! ". But you just assume, raising their assumptions in the belief. Do not guess. Pre believing that everything will turn out badly, telling myself that this is a fact you initially program yourself for failure.
Name calling is also not acceptable. This is - an extreme degree of overgeneralization. If she made some mistake, she just hangs on the label "I - a loser." If someone behaved not as it seems right, you immediately put the stamp on it - "dishonest."
Exaggeration or understatement
Imagine that you are looking at yourself or at someone through binoculars. You think you have done too much wrong? Do you think that someone is behaving unworthily towards you. And try to imagine that you turned the other side of the binoculars.