Interpersonal conflicts are most likely to occur in the family. This is not surprising, because it is a family place more close contact between people. And each member of the family wants to live, in accordance with their ideas and opinions, and does not always work to correlate them with the habits and beliefs of other family members. On this basis, and family conflicts occur. From time to time on different sides of "barricades" are the spouses, parents and children, or people of middle and older generation.
Conflict can occur not only when family members have different views and beliefs. Sometimes confrontation occurs when people can not understand each other and because of this come to the wrong conclusion. This gives rise to claims and grievances, and not always it turns out to resolve the problem peacefully. What else can cause a tense situation, leading to a fight?
Common causes of family conflict
Leo Tolstoy wisely observed that "... every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." Examples of this might lead each of us. So much for the disaster. With the same conflict - causes them to different families can be quite different. Even the passage of marriage through different stages of its existence may create conflicts. What types of stages of development of the family can be called a crisis?
- The period of "lapping" when the couple learn to live as a married couple;
- The birth of the first child and the development of the role of mothers and fathers;
- The birth of subsequent children;
- When a child goes to school;
- The children enter adolescence;
- Growing children and leaving the parental home;
- The crisis of middle-aged couple;
- Out of spouses to retire
Each of these steps can create high stress, which in turn, can serve as a potential source causing marital conflict.
Changes in marital status and affairs of the family can also contribute to stress. It may be:
- Divorce or patrol spouses;
- Moving to a new place of residence;
- Business trips over long distances and for a long time;
- The need to work in another country;
- The change in the financial situation of the family
So it turns out that the family conflicts and their causes may be quite different. Relative to each other, the values and needs of each family member may change over time, and they may feel their incompatibility with the others.
The types of confrontations within the family
Psychologists distinguish different kinds of family conflicts:
- Actually conflicts. Even in the happy and healthy, well-functioning family from time to time there are quarrels. Confrontation can be caused by a mismatch of views and objectives for different family members. Conflicts can be resolved, and then they do not threaten the stability of family ties. Conflicts can arise within the family at all levels, that is to quarrel with each other can be brothers and sisters, spouses and parents and children.
- Tension. Psychologists stress is called a long, unresolved conflicts. They may be clear and open, but can be simply temporarily suppressed. In any case, they accumulate and cause negative emotions, leading to a constant irritability, aggressiveness and hostility, which ultimately causes a loss of contact between family members.
- Crisis. About him we can say when the conflict and tensions have reached a stage in which all the acting is still a model of negotiation begin to tolerate failure, and therefore the real needs of individuals or an entire group of households are chronically unmet. Crises often lead to disorganization of the family, it has certain obligations of spouses to each other or the duties of parents towards their children are no longer carried out properly. A disruption of the family, in turn, often leads to its disintegration.
These are the main types of conflicts. And what can they cause? What roughness between loved ones can lead to disaster?
Search for "fault" in the relations within the family
Family conflicts and their causes are always closely linked. We are ready to lead, though not complete, but a detailed list of the deficiencies in family relationships that can significantly affect both the quality of the relationship, and to further psychological well-being of the family. Here are some examples:
- The inability to express their feelings. In families with an unhealthy psychological climate, its members tend to hide their feelings and their manifestations reject others. They do this mainly to avoid emotional pain and psychological trauma.
- Lack of communication. In dysfunctional families rarely occurs open communication between family members. If there are family conflicts, family members begin to avoid each other, emotionally remote and confined to himself.
- The manifestations of anger. If you have any problems, unhealthy family tries to hide them, rather than to meet face to face and try to solve them. In such a family is often debate about who is responsible for the occurrence of a problem, and such disputes often lead to outbursts of anger, and even the use of force. These relationships cause chaos and forces involved in the conflict to become deaf to other people's feelings. Prevention and resolution of family conflicts at this stage of the relationship becomes very difficult.
- Fuzzy border "personal territory". In dysfunctional families, relationships are unstable, chaotic. Some family members suppress others, without respecting their individuality. Such a violation of personal boundaries may not only lead to conflict, but also to action that can be brought under the definition of "family violence."
- Manipulation. Manipulators express their anger and frustration only method available to them: they are trying to put pressure on others to bring them a sense of guilt and shame. So they are trying to get others to do what they want themselves manipulators.
- The negative attitude to life and to each other. In some families, each relates to the others with suspicion and distrust. They do not know that such optimism, and they tend to be absolutely no sense of humor. Relatives have few common interests and rarely find common topic of conversation.
- Hidebound attitude. It also happens that the family members realize that something is wrong, but they did not have the courage to try to change something and start acting like something in a new way. This creates great difficulties in the relationship, the household may not feel free to develop as a person. They prefer to live in the past, because this can not cope with negative changes.
- Social isolation. Most of the family members of mentally unhealthy alone. They are isolated from each other and all their relations are developing (if they have not lost the ability to develop interpersonal relationships) outside the family. Most often, such isolation suffered by children growing up in a family with an unhealthy relationship. Sometimes they become characteristic of anti-social behavior, which ultimately leads to greater personal isolation - in such a situation is not even friends.
- Stress and psychosomatic illnesses. The unspoken emotions can affect health and cause psychosomatic diseases. Such a person gradually loses energy and can no longer care for the family, as before. As a rule, he did not even realize that unhealthy; it is not surprising that it did not understand, and his family. They see it as an apathetic indifference to the problems of the family, and it serves as an impetus to the emergence of conflicts. But now the definition of these conflicts - a simple misunderstanding!
If you find in their relationship at least one of these signs of trouble brewing, the panic is not necessary to rush; but to make serious conclusions and try to mend relations very worth it! Prevention and resolution of family conflict largely depends on your desire to find a common language with friends.
Although in fairness I must say that one desire is still not enough. We still have to know how you can resolve the conflict and establish a healthy relationship. That's what we now discuss, given the different types of conflicts.
Conflict of generations
Human relations in general are one of the most complex mysteries in life. Communication between the generations are no exception. The main difficulty that arises in communication between households of different ages, it is that every one of them - "product" completely different time. Each generation was formed in a different environment, and it creates a huge gap between them. That is why the attitude of even the simplest things in life are quite different, and this is the peculiarities of family conflicts between generations.
Want an example? Please! Most of our grandmothers and grandfathers, as a rule, keep quite useless (in our opinion) things because in their time, these things were very difficult to buy. And we, their grandchildren, on the contrary, it is very easy to relate to things and part of me is still quite useful to eat things on the newer and more modern - and it's because we were brought up at a time that fits the definition of "the era of consumers."
The rapid development of technology makes the gap between the generations even more. New technical devices appear so quickly that older people just do not have time to adapt to them. Although in fairness I must say that some grandparents are showing an unexpected flexibility and begin to be happy to use these devices. But for many concepts such as the Internet, mobile phones or MP3-player is quite abstract. And then they begin to grumble: "Well as you can sit in front of this computer? "- Even if the man is making money because the Internet gave him the opportunity to work remotely.
We can hardly influence the factors that contribute to the gap between the generations. But there is the main reason because of which this gap, it is possible - it is our unwillingness to understand each other and communicate with each other. Let's say we have no time, every day of our strained to the limit. We are busy and have to spin like squirrels in a cage - not so we usually try to find an excuse? But it's all - just an excuse! Yes, today, life is not easy, but we need to earn money - all this is true; but the one who really loves his neighbor and taking care of him, and he finds time to chat.
How can develop relationships
As we have said, family conflicts between generations are possible when there is a lack of understanding between the different age groups and / or a lack of respect, as a rule, the younger with respect to their elders. The younger generation is difficult to understand that the older too, were so young that they have contributed to society and that even though they have become less active because of their age, they are still smart and have a wealth of experience that can be useful to others.
The older generation may find it difficult to put up with the behavior of some young people. They see that young people today have more options than they had at the time, and that the younger generation does not have the difficulties that once they are transferred. Older people may not realize that young people today are faced with various problems related to the peculiarities of modern society, and can not accept that these problems in its own way is also very easy.
But there are examples of conflict of generations that occur on other grounds. Some may irritate the need to care for sick elderly relatives. They can very much love this person, but you have to constantly go to some sacrifices in your life to make this care. Besides, the older relative may feel guilty and will be regarded as a burden to their family. This can lead to depression and serve as an additional source of complication in the relationship.
Aging often brings discrimination or prejudice against people of a certain age, and this is a major cause of conflict between generations.
And here's another example: even parents of young children grow up, create their own family, the grandchildren are born. The birth of first grandchild usually finds many middle-aged people by surprise. They are not ready for the new role because of its live, a full and active life, and still full of ambition. And the sons or daughters, creating a family and giving birth to a child, suddenly realize that it is not time to be shackled by the hands and feet. They still need to learn, to work, and takes its youth - we want to continue to communicate with your friends, go to the movies, to run to the dance, to go on a trip ...
And start conflicts. Young people do not understand that the responsibility for the upbringing of the child lies only in them, they seriously trapped within four walls. Do not they understand, and that the grandparents too, full of energy, they have some of his plans, and work in this age has almost all the "ancestors".
Another example - the complete opposite of the first. Grandmother reaching for his grandchildren, but the daughter does not give it to them to bother. All tips in-law rejected because the daughter did not agree with them. And it's not just children. Habits and rules in different families may differ even in small things, not to mention the more important issues. But conflicts often begin with small things ... Here's another example: in-law always served breakfast to his son bun, buttered. A young sister in law is likely to advocate for a healthy diet, and therefore transferred her husband's yogurt. Mother in law will experience that his son is hungry, and the daughter will be nervous that the spoils in-law to her husband's health. The discontent will accumulate, and one day it will grow into a conflict.
How to solve these problems?
The coexistence of generations does not have any fixed rules, but to find a solution is still possible. Most importantly, what is the basis of family prevention and resolution of conflicts between people of different ages - is the ability and desire to clarify the various points of view, the experience of the situation taking into account the interests of both parties. How can we understand each other better if we are so different? How can we make others more sensitive with respect to the situation? And how can we help people to expand their ideas about youth and old age?
Everything depends on the particular situation and the particular family. Here are the basic "tools" that can be used to correct a difficult situation:
- Identifying the problem;
- Explaining the reasons for their positions and the expression of empathy (empathy);
- Taking action to eliminate the conflict;
- Changing attitudes to this situation: an understanding of the position of the opposing side eliminates potential conflicts in the future. Understanding - the best prevention of conflicts.
Children and the conflict
These examples certainly do not exhaust all possible conflicts between the generations. Younger children too often become a source of conflict. Only one transition age - even in quite safe families - many problems with bears! However, prevention of conflicts of parents with teenagers us now will not be considered a separate issue. But that is not to say that any quarrel parents have a strong adverse impact on the child, we can not.
Even if the child is very young and does not understand anything of what adults say, it begins to cry almost immediately after the parents begin to quarrel. Children perceive the elevated tone of the parent conversation as a threat to their well-being. Those kids who are older, is also very sensitive to parents' conflicts. And if the perpetrators of the conflict are the children themselves? If they were guilty, and blame and punish themselves have to have?
Of course, life is life, conflict can arise at any time, and to protect our children from the negative impact of stress does not always work. Then on the first place it has nerve disease prevention in children. How, you ask? It is necessary to learn to quarrel. And children must also criticize competently.
This means that parents should not resort to humiliation and ridicule, in any case should not use profanity or permit physical violence, even if it's just a slap or cuff.