Love and relationship of love - very different energy
How to become emotionally mature man
Love ... Perhaps this word in any language is used almost more often than others. Sometimes it is used to refer to a number of very different emotions. We all agree that love - that's what makes the world shine with the brightest colors and that life without her would seem empty and useless. On the other hand, this is exactly the word we use is too easy to justify our emotional dependence on another person. If we can learn to distinguish love from emotional dependence and guided by this difference in practice, it will make happy not only their lives but also the lives of those people with whom we come into contact.
What is a love relationship and how it can be dangerous? Is it possible to survive without loss this condition and how to get rid of it? How can you determine what kind of relationship you have built, and are there any similarities from love and love addiction? Questions can be set infinitely; let's look for answers.
When a relationship is confusing
You can really get lost in their desires to express and receive love and even get stuck on them. You can lose a sense of freedom and happiness. You can suffer greatly suffer. To avoid this, we will offer you a few ways to fix things and teach you how to identify and untangle a complicated relationship.
Can you now answer than is characterized by a love relationship? Dependent people usually try to avoid any liability, endlessly complain, blame others, to lie. Dependent usually avoid the development of a necessary qualities and skills that help to maintain long-term happiness. They can manipulate the other person to get him to do for them what they would never do for ourselves.
You too emotionally dependent, if you think for your safety and peace of mind you need the presence of a certain person. All your thoughts are occupied only to them? Covers Do you have a sense of loss, if you can not see it? Do you think that it should be for the exclusive source of love and the only companion? Jealous of him? You are not able to make decisions or take any actions without this person? So, you are emotionally dependent on him. And if this man - your man, then your relationship is present in a love relationship.
How to distinguish love from emotional dependence
Praise and support is really important to you and your partner, because they inspire and raise your self-esteem. But if one of you has become too demanding to manifestations of love or constantly needs to calm him down, it's a dependent relationship. They are based not only on mutual love and respect, but on the need for continued monitoring and emotional nourishment. Such relationships bind his hands and feet and eventually become destructive. Are there any signs that identify the relationship reborn in associates? There is, for them, we now talk. Check if there is such in your relationship? Not to be missed is the "first bell", because you are worthy of true love!
Having a pair of arm
In your pair has been a manipulator? He knows how to subtly manipulate people. Pointing always wants to be the center of attention, and a number of uses for this emotional gimmicks. They can be overbearing, dominant, always cranky kritikanov. Manipulators use words and body language to drive somebody into a corner. Nagging, yelling, sarcasm or just a quiet but effective, a withering look of disapproval - all these weapons manipulator. The man who manipulated, trying to reassure the partner; He retreats to the dispute and even apologizes for the behavior of the other arm, trying to justify it. "Oh, he (she) had a completely different note, he did not want to hurt you, he just very angry today. Probably a hard day at work or in trouble ... "
But there are more subtle forms of manipulation. For example, passive-aggressive manipulator will silently sulk, or get drunk, or resort to another type of emotional blackmail to make you feel bad. "Come on, do not pay attention to me, I know you're too busy to deal with my problems. Do not worry, I can handle myself. I'm used to being alone, I can not survive this. " This behavior will cause the other person to give up everything to console arm and surround with care of the king (or queen) of the drama.
Suppression of emotions
You will increasingly have to suppress their emotions? In general, conflicts between loving people are normal and predictable. But in a healthy relationship you are free to say what you think and feel, because you know that you certainly respect and love. You also know that your relationship is bigger and stronger than all the possible problems that you may ever encounter. You can reach a compromise with your partner, but can something with him and disagree with the feeling that you did not love less for it.
And in a relationship characterized by dependency - love and emotional - emotions are used as weapons, and conflicts are perceived as a threat. If you disagree, then you see the betrayal that will make you angry and frustrated. Those who manipulate, will run from conflict, because it will be too scared reaction arm to mind. So you can spend a lifetime transfusion from a sieve, sorting out all kinds of resentment and frustration. The status of the victim is literally imprinted in the mentality of the manipulator: "He never listens to me. My opinion does not matter. He does not care what I feel! "- So says a manipulator, nothing, however, is not doing to do something about the situation.
An exaggerated sense of responsibility
Usually, no one agrees to be doomed to suffering, dealing with arms. Why there are also those partners who take on this role? What stops them is not his arm to indicate misconduct? Do not you let someone else handle themselves so badly? No one becomes a victim, if he did not allow it, do not you?
Typically, this happens to you because of an exaggerated sense of duty and responsibility. "He needs me! I - the only person who can understand it! "Sometimes the top takes a strong desire to" save "someone. You think, "If I hold on with him long enough, I'll be able to convince, or to change it." Or: "My love will help him become a better! "
I must say that this kind of thinking is typical for those women who suffer from the partners, not only the emotional pressure, and even physical assault. From them, you can hear: "No, actually he's a good guy. Just had a lot of problems, and he became very nervous. He said he was very sorry for what I did, and I know that it's true. " Such a woman would never argue with my husband, so as not to anger him. And if he falls into a rage again, the blame for this, it will itself.
Increased need for approval
Most women begin to feel a sense of peace of mind only when trying to encircle partner dense cloud of concern and care, trying to please her husband in all the details. For example, a woman returns home after a day spent working, and grabs her husband loved cooking meals for dinner, simultaneously wiping his socks, ironed shirts and expanding pockets betrothed clean handkerchiefs. And the husband at the time sitting on the couch and enjoy your vacation.
Why does a woman does it all, rather than to ask the wife to help her? Yes, because she likes to feel needed. She gets a ghostly feeling of power and their own indispensability. And do not even understand that the man not only did not appreciate it too much trouble, taking them for granted, but no longer see her as a woman - it is for him only a home broody. A woman is constantly eager to hear words of recognition for their efforts, and is extremely upset, without receiving compensation in the form of recognition of their services.
When this goes on year after year - which is not surprising when a woman produced a love relationship from her husband - the dynamics of such events is only getting worse. The husband is no longer really respect her husband, trying to please him in every trifle, and his wife is increasingly immersed in the role of inattention hurt his deity sacrifice of love.
Fear of loneliness
When you are immersed in a dependent relationship, you stay with the person, not because I enjoy it, but because they're just afraid to leave. One way or another, but on a subconscious level you prefer better to be in a bad relationship than to have no relationship at all. You begin to look to themselves and to justify all sorts of men, thus escaping from having to make decisions and act in order to become independent.
15 signs that you are codependent love
The term "codependency" previously applied to those who were in a romantic (or other) relationship with a person who is addicted to alcohol or drugs. In recent years, the definition of "co-dependency" has expanded and now includes the definition of man, which is unhealthy, not bringing mutual satisfaction with romantic relationships.
Sometimes it's a pretty serious condition, and I must say that it is a mental illness. People who are addicted to the relationship (as a rule, those who have received any psychological trauma in childhood), often due to low self-esteem are looking for exactly such a relationship - one-sided, emotionally destructive. Sounds pretty tough, is not it? Fortunately, it is enough to have at least some knowledge about this kind of relationship and later to notice and correct these unhealthy behaviors. What there are signs of love addiction? Here they are:
Because of the relatively low self-esteem, you do not consider yourself attractive and worthy of true love.
You feel you have to always do the right thing, and then do what pleases your partner. You are afraid to do something that may cause the anger of a man or force him to give up on you.
Rather than show his pain, anger or resentment, you will be in every way to hide their feelings. And even will try to joke, pretending nothing had happened.
Do you think that your partner is completely unable to take care of themselves, and so it is in need of you and your care about him.
At the same time you are able to put aside all their own needs and desires, completely sacrificing oneself to the man, trying to provide him with all that he expects from you.
Are you afraid to show your partner that you need something, afraid to seem him too weak and unattractive.
In addition to her husband or boyfriend, you are dealing only with men who are obviously not concerned with the search for a mistress. Thus strongly emphasizes that for you there is no other men other than your partner.
You thank her man hot even the smallest signs of attention, taking them as expressions of love.
You understand that tolerate his antics too long ... But it is better "to be an accomplice of the devil than to go against him." You would think that a bad peace is better than a good war; but how to do to end the relationship, you do not even think. As we have said, these women are afraid of being alone.
You avoid intimacy on any level (sexual, physical or emotional) to someone else, to keep a distance between themselves and others - in an attempt to preserve their "security".
You allow yourself to believe in ghostly justify misdeeds of your men who do the same for themselves and come up with. And that instead of face the truth and realize that it actually encourages such behavior by their attitude.
Instead of building a healthy relationship, you use indirect or passive-aggressive types of communication mentioned above - all in order to try to avoid another conflict or quarrel.
You can use the sexual attention from their partner as a sign of your acceptance and approval.
You confuse sex and love.
Are you afraid to show any outward signs of their emotions, not to discover their weaknesses.
Now try to soberly assess what you can give such a dependent relationship. Do they make you feel better? Let whether they disclose all your potential? Do they increase your self-confidence? Do they help in some way to your partner? No no and one more time no! On the contrary, when you are reconciled with the negative behavior of the other person and let him insult you and emotionally enslave, in fact you are saying to him: "Do not worry, dear, it could hurt anyone else, but not me. I can tolerate and more »It only undermines your self-respect and respect for others.
Love and relationship of love - very different energy
Love can come from two different internal states. When you fall in love, you are sharing your feelings with someone who loves you. You like each other hand in the responsibility for self-esteem and emotional well-being of both; you are willing to not only take but give. If relationships are built in a similar way, we can confidently say that you love. But if you are not so much important is the people like you, it is important how much he loves you, if you feel that you can not live without his expressions of love, if you feel at ease only when he is close to you - you can definitely talk about that you are sucked into their morass of a love relationship.
If you are emotionally dependent on love, that part of your personality, which is immersed in the "love" really is like a small child who needs love and protection. Therefore, you do not give love and crave to get it. Within you there is a certain emptiness, because you do not take responsibility for their own dignity, and you are expecting that someone else will fill that void. Another person feeds your self-image positive expression of his love for you, so you and a day can not live without it. Thus, you unconsciously substituting values: the desire to give a response of love and concern for displaced desire to constantly be with this person. Do you think you can not live without it.
When you fall in love, being completely emotionally mature, your needs in a relationship are completely different. You understand how to fill yourself with love and you do not need an estimate from your qualities, to determine their own personal cost. You do not have to someone "filling" you and makes thereby feel attractive and worthy of positive feelings; and so you see yourself worthy and full of love. You experience this inner fullness because it learned to take responsibility for their feelings and needs. You are so full that they are ready to share love with another man, who, in turn, shares it with you. For true feelings characteristic of the desire to share the love, instead of receiving it.
Normally, each person attracts people of similar spiritual maturity and the level of emotional health. Obviously, the more you once held internal work on yourself, the more you are emotionally mature person and you are attracted to the more self-sufficient people, the more likely that you will meet and the love of the same, as you mature man. Falling in love with you complement each other.
Failures in relationships arise when one person, "filling" of his partner, waiting that he would do the same in relation to it, and this is not happening. And then comes the disappointment. Each of them will blame the other is that he does not like the way they want to be loved. Relationships break up, and often it is because one or both partners do not want to take responsibility for their own feelings and self-esteem and blame each other for the collapse of their love.