What is Neuro-Linguistic Programming (abbreviated - NLP)? Recently, just do what they say about him as an excellent tool that could significantly improve your quality of life. Truth or fiction? And why do you need this NLP? We will try to give you the answers to these questions.
NLP was the first time the term coined by Richard Bandler and John Grinder. They studied the most effective kinds of psychotherapy and came to the conclusion that they have a similar structure. Having opened this entity and to try to describe in the abstract, they have created the concept of NLP.
The basic principles of NLP
Neuro-linguistic programming - this direction in practical psychology, which is based on individual human experience: how we organize information from the senses, as we describe it in language and how we act in order to achieve their goal. NLP - this is not the ultimate truth, rather it is a model that can be used to try and get some results. There are a number of ideas on which to base the concept of neuro-linguistic programming
The lack of a single objective reality for all. Each of us perceives reality differently, based on their own attitudes, experiences, and other features. Therefore, NLP is considered effective to work with this subjective perception.
The principle of unity of speech, consciousness and activity. They are a system of elements that influence each other. Our picture of the world defines our personality, perception, behavior, speech (and vice versa). Accordingly, through well-constructed action and speech, we can influence the person and adjust his inner world - a picture of the world, perceptions and attitudes. The main conclusion from this principle that any behavior can be understood, to describe and change (even the most dangerous and negative).
Human behavior is always based on some of its positive intentions. When a person decides to do something, he's in his head picks the best from his point of view, option, and implement it. Because of some of its features, he can not see the other more winning options. Proponents of NLP believe that a person can help change negative behavior if we extend the range of available and attractive behaviors.
To communicate effectively you need a good contact between people ("rapport"). It is characterized by ease of communication, a sense of trust and self-disclosure, obtain satisfaction from intercourse. For example, for a successful therapy first thing you need to establish contact between the client and therapist. The establishment of an effective contact is the principle of "mirroring" - the therapist adapts to the customer, choosing similar intonation, rhythm, breathing, posture, gestures, facial expressions and other symptoms themselves.
The correct perception of failure. You, like any other person, probably to upset their failures? But proponents of NLP they rejoice! The fact is that any outcome is perceived as feedback, including failure. This signal is telling us that it is necessary to achieve the correct result.
There is always a choice. Effective application of NLP involves the ability to reclassify a situation deadlock in a situation of choice. For this, one must be able to understand where this choice and what alternatives he has. With the ability to choose and act, a person can remain flexible, and that is a pledge of quality and happy life.
Effective communication is determined by the reaction of the interlocutor. The most important thing - not the information you transmit, and how it learned the source and how he responded to it. You can even talk about the meaning of life, but if people do not understand, the sense from it - zero.
The idea of the existence of representative systems. In fact, it is through what channels people receive information from the outside world. All of you have probably heard about the three types of people: visuals (perceiving the world, mainly through sight), audialy (through hearing) and kinesthetic (through touch, taste and smell). Determine your representative system is simple: try to make a short story about something important to you and count how often you use words related to sight, hearing or kinesthetics. The largest number of them and will treat you the dominant representational system. Such knowledge may be useful, for example, when you're ready for the exam.
Applications of NLP
And why does it have to do is neurolinguistic programming? The question is very important because there is a stereotype that NLP - is something used to manipulate people and, therefore, it's something bad. Indeed, NLP is actively used as a tool of the unconscious influence on people in sales, management and personal relationships, and it can be frustrating for these people.
However, like any other phenomenon, it has advantages. NLP is able to improve the lives of people when it is used in psychotherapy, training of personal growth, training, resolving protracted conflicts, analysis of the causes of human behavior (in law, for example), improving communication skills, etc. ...
That is why it is impossible to say with certainty what the NLP - evil or good. It all depends on the person using it, and the intended use. Therefore, any person, including you, can take from NLP best to make positive changes in their lives.
The territory Me
How to start a conversation?
Psychology of communication
Regardless of what causes underlie moved to another town, the event usually itself becomes stress. I have absolutely everything you do not know the geography of the new seats installed there orders, and you absolutely do not have to know who is all. Life in the new town has to, literally, to study on their own. And it only reinforces piled on your head difficulties. Therefore, if you want to facilitate the process of relocation and adaptation, you have to make friends in a new city.
The territory Me
Naturally, the first thing that comes to mind in connection with this problem - how do people learn? As a child it was all so simple: an approach to please the man and offer his friendship, and then friends appear themselves. And when you are faced with the need to independently initiate this process, it is a very difficult task. However, there are places which are themselves a people to an easy and pleasant communication:
After all you have in the life of a business or activity that you like to devote time? It can be cooking, singing in the choir, photography - anything, as long as you really enjoy! But it is not necessarily doing things you love alone - more fun to find like-minded people. For example, if you love to read books - go to the library or book cafe. In any case, try to find a place where people can gather, in the same way as you get involved in this hobby. Visiting it, take the time to go home immediately after the occupation - it is better to chat with like-minded people, because it is the easiest way to make friends.
Have you ever engaged in charity? If the answer is no, then it's time to start! Volunteering - is not only a great way to make friends in a new city, but a wonderful soul ennobling thing that can bring a lot of positive emotions. However, at the same time, it takes a lot of time and mental energy - this should be ready. See where the city is located charities, get the coordinates of people involved in the expansion of the volunteer network. In addition, you can just show up at the next charity event, which always found a lot of people. And the friends find themselves, and perhaps the business of life.
Even the article you are sitting there reading the Internet. It is remarkable that now people do not have problems with searching for information, because there is always a source which can be accessed at any time. Features World Wide Web is truly endless: through social networks and communities you can keep in touch with old friends and make new attempt, and all sorts of forums and communities of interest are opening huge scope for your imagination. You can simply go to the largest forum of your new city and see what kind of people live here.
Cafes and restaurants
It would seem, in a new city is much easier to order food to take away or just eat lunch at home. But do not become a hermit! Start a tradition at least once a week, lunch or dinner to go "in people". Of course, at first it may seem awkward, but actually, when you are one, you are much easier to come up and meet you. Evening get a nice and easy if you grab a good book from the house - it is better on paper, because in this case it could be a worthy topic of conversation. The same, but with some changes relating to bars, clubs and parks - a lonely man wants to immediately engage in your social circle.
It's not so much a place as an occupation that is very conducive to the expansion of the network of contacts. Agree, almost everyone likes to be photographed, and then consider your own photos. For this reason, learning to make good shots, you can always walk up to any stranger and ask him to be the object of your creativity. Thus, photographing people - is a great way to entertain yourself, learn a new city, and at the same time to make friends.
How to start a conversation?
With places we understand, and that's your view falls on the person with whom you would like to make the acquaintance. But then you encounter difficulties: how do strike up a conversation with someone you absolutely do not know? Do not be surprised, but quite easy if you know how to do it.
The most important thing - is to select and open-minded people to talk. With them you will not have the problems associated with an acquaintance, because they are just like you, are interested in communicating. Usually talking about it smile and look aimed in your direction, and relaxed posture. You can answer these nonverbal signs - and all contact is made. But what verbalikoy? There are several options for topics of conversation, and, by and large, they can be divided into three groups:
Regardless of the theme, the main aim is for you to be the desire to be of interest to the interlocutor. Therefore, you can start a conversation, statement of fact, opinions or ask questions. It is better to start with the last, because the issue is always more power than in anything else. While voicing opinions too bad stimulating conversation - there is involvement of a partner in the contact and it is much more difficult to remain passive.
Of course, the easiest and most convenient way to start a conversation - is to discuss the situation or the circumstances in which you are together with your partner. It requires little or no specialized knowledge of the person in front, so you can use it to contact with a stranger. In addition, this topic is hardly provokes anxiety in companion and much more involves a conversation, rather than a story about yourself.
In order to start a conversation about the situation carefully look around. It is best to find something interesting and surprising. This can be a subject that happy talk companion, or a phenomenon, an important and challenging emotions in most people. Listen carefully to the partner in charge of your reply. Oddly enough, you can talk about anything, for example, in a shop, you can ask the customer buying an unusual product that can be prepared from it.
Even Dale Carnegie said that the people most of all like to talk about himself. That is why, if you ask him a question about the other party favorite, he will most likely be happy to answer it. However, before you start a conversation, we encourage you to watch the little man you are interested in - perhaps his appearance, habits and tastes will tell you a little bit about himself, and it will be easier to start a conversation.
The story about themselves, especially in the presence of a closed person has little chance to continue. This is usually a much more relevant for those cases when you have something interested interlocutor and he wants to get to know you better. However, if you are a proud owner of a unique and striking facts in his biography, it may be your case will be no exception. Otherwise, it does not cost much and insistently talk about yourself, if you have no one asks.
Psychology of communication
Find interesting people and get to know them you are quite capable. It requires no special effort, and after a while even become something of an automatic skill, and your circle of contacts will expand significantly. You can speed up this process, embodying the psychological recommendations below:
Be prepared for new meetings. According to the laws of positive thinking, the universe always gives us something that we set. Therefore, smile more often, stay open and responsive, and friendly. And then there are people who walk with a face that is not something that does not involve acquaintances - on the contrary, there is fear for their lives and the desire to get away from such a man.
Do not hesitate to advertise that you are a beginner in this city. Too many people, moving to a new city, for some reason begin to be ashamed of the situation, although in fact there is nothing wrong or shameful. This is very inconvenient for them as themselves, especially silly when you want to ask her to stop, or the scheme of passage to the subway. So you should ask for help someone credible, and tell him that you are in a new city, and one will be glad to acquaintance. You can "open up" to colleagues or partners in fitness club - people like to help others and maybe they will gladly tell you where to spend the weekend and how to pay the bills.
Be active. Of course, we should not overwhelm new friends calls and emails - usually scares. However, it would be appropriate to ask them to arrange you a tour of the city, invite to make the company a cafe or even offer them its assistance in the matter, in which you consider yourself to be competent.
Try to articulate for themselves what type of people you are interested in and what you want them to do. My companion for shopping, walking on a partner for clubs, buddy, share your hobby, man, vest - this is very much dependent on the tactics and the way to find new friends. Then you will not be wasting any of their own, or other people's time, and it will be easier to weed out the "wrong" people.
Remember that there is no single scheme to make friends in a new city. Despite the long existence of the science of psychology, human relations still does not give a complete conclusion in the strict framework. That is why you should relax and just enjoy the process of communication.
We strongly recommend to read: How to make friends