Divorce ... the word terrible, relentless. Word penetrate into consciousness and tormented soul of a question: "Why? ". Why not long ago - only some few years ago - this man was the most beloved and dearest, and today has become alien and hostile? How could this happen? After all, originally they were both so happy marriage and saw the cloudless safely, reliably. Thus, when living together happily and even die in one day.
But it took some time - sometimes several years, and sometimes only a few months - and by that hope was gone. Where did it disappear? How to keep the family together?
Let's try to look into the matter and find out why people get divorced, and who is to blame.
A bad marriage. What is the reason of his failure?
Divorces have now become quite commonplace thing, and it's scary. Statistics show that divorce ends up about 40% of first marriages and nearly 60% of second marriages and more than 70% of third marriages. Less and less possible to meet the family in which the husband and wife live in perfect harmony, for many years. Often, such a life together is more like a painful coexistence based on habit or position, "keep the family together for the sake of the children."
In short, the institution of the family collapses uncontrollably, burying under its ruins a huge number of poor women and men. Because divorce, no matter how he did not seem necessary, always, and especially if there are children in the family, is a misfortune.
But living together and, most of all, has become unbearable! Daily scandals, mutual hostility develops into hatred, and - a full ad in the house. To get rid of all this, we usually resolves on an extreme step - divorce. But as soon we realize that it is inevitable, hostility and hatred suddenly replaced by the pain of the inevitability of losses. It does not matter, it's the first marriage or the fourth - the pain is always present.
No, sooner or later it will survive, of course. And in the end, losing hope for happiness, begin smiling condescendingly in response to someone else cited aphorisms about a happy marriage. Because our experience suggests that marriage - is continuous family quarrels and marital conflicts over every detail.
Are we right in this case? Yes and no. Because if several marriages were unsuccessful, then the reasons must be sought for their own actions and aspirations. After all, when a man marries or gets married over and over again, which means it tends to create a family, but - do not know how! And, not wanting to admit this inability, eventually convinces himself that the answer to the question: "Are there any happy marriage? "- Only" no ". In fact, the family - is a lot of work to which many of us are simply not ready. And well, if we are aware of it after the first divorce. Then we almost ensured a happy second marriage. And if not? Then go ahead, - a loss of faith in personal happiness and loneliness. And it's scary.
In other words, many of the seemingly unsuccessful marriages is quite possible to make a successful, if you put some effort into it. What kind? To find the answer to this question, let us consider the most important aspects of the existence of happy families. This will give us an opportunity to understand how to keep love in marriage.
Secrets of a happy marriage
Happy marriages are not in heaven, as they assert themselves as spouses. You do not need to have some supernatural abilities. You just have to really want to keep your family, taking some of the rules.
First of all, remember the main thing: almost every family and husband and wife sometimes begin to doubt the correctness of our choice. This is normal. Because, firstly, over time, even very hot initially blunted feelings, and his companion begin to perceive a little differently. This means that some part of its open nature, which we previously did not notice, or, or refused to notice. These parties are not always pleasing, of course. But he, in all likelihood, is also beginning to find us something not too pleasant for yourself. Therefore, the conditions - a person's character is multifaceted, and know these faces in any aspect very interesting, if you treat the lack of humor. And leave their doubts about the correctness of the choice in the side - who knows what traits suddenly manifest in another woman or another man. This is one of the answers to the question of how to make a marriage happy.
If a closer look at examples of happy marriages, you will notice a number of similar features of their construction. Each of the spouses in such marriages is a kind of autonomous republic in the same state. That is, they can be put together without interfering, at the same time, independent of each other. This is a very important point. One of the leading reasons why marriages break up, and supports the desire to completely control the actions of his wife of her husband, or vice versa.
In addition, these "autonomous republics" together are responsible for each other and for their whole family. At the same failed marriages often this responsibility to shoulder the one person, and it is - not an easy burden. Dragging a similar strap of one spouse may think, "Should I keep the family if I do not already afford? "And he decides that it is not necessary. Incidentally, it is also one of the most common causes of male adultery. Husbands, tired of eternal responsibility for everything in a different kind of woman looking for a means to psychological relaxation. So thoughtful, ladies, it is too late, and we do not demand from its second half is too much? Because there may come a day that would have been painful to think about how to avoid divorce from her husband.
Of course, the "autonomous republic" should always be prepared for the fact that some of them will be less hardy than the other, and weaker in the struggle with life's circumstances. This, too, is perfectly normal - we each have a life of vitality. When he exhausted man needs rest. Otherwise isolation can be fatal. All happy marriages are based on joint care and readiness, if necessary, to perform the duties of their halves. This is - the key to reliability and safety of the family in it inevitable conflicts and quarrels.
There are two great quotes about a happy marriage
. The famous French writer Andre Maurois defined it this way: "A good marriage - a structure that every time you need to reconstruct"
. The other French writer, Jean Rostand said: "A good family - one in which the husband and wife during the day tend to forget that they are lovers, and at night - they are the spouses"
. Create a full sexual relationship - one more rule of happy marriages and a key point
. And yet, many of us do not know how to keep the marriage relationship so that they are always welcome
. And tries to recover the sharpness and fullness sensations using random links
. It is fundamentally wrong, because it is a family bedroom - a place where you can completely relax and allow yourself to surrender to passion
. This applies to both men and women
. Only the closest people sex becomes more rich emotional, because it is based on complete trust
. Erotic Games spouses should not be fettered by any restrictions
. After all, a full sex life allows us to remove the countless stresses and free from subconscious fears
. In those families where it is constantly procrastinate, sooner or later there is a crisis
So, to sum up. Basics of a happy marriage are:
- The ability to graciously accept each other's shortcomings;
- Simultaneous and independent community action;
- Mutual responsibility;
- Care for each other and understanding;
- Regular and unfettered sex life.
Well, of course, shall we say, the rules are easy to follow for a happy marriage, when there is mutual love! And here, for example, what if the husband no longer loves and changed? Or his wife decided to leave for another man? Is it possible in this case to avoid divorce? Try to understand, and in this situation.
How to keep the family together after infidelity
Adultery - the main cause of all divorces. It could not be, because it is regarded not only as a betrayal. Before the coming of Christ's marriage after infidelity, even if one of the spouses was ready to forgive her, still were terminated. But the times were, like to change and to change the attitude has become more loyal. Today, each of us can decide for himself, in a divorce case or not. However, many still remain categorical: certainly divorce.
In fact, this categorization is justified when one of the spouses continues to change, and after the other, to learn about the change, forgave him. In this situation, the answer to the question of how to keep the love in the family, is not there. Often, however, adultery - this is a mistake, the result of a temporary weakness or incorrect behavior of the second half. And the one who changed, sincerely repent of their deeds. What should I do in this case? After all, the other spouse, having learned about the betrayal, suffering, experiencing shame, rage, humiliation and generally believes that "once lied" ... But, at the same time, understands that losing your soul mate, he can not. A traitor wished with all my heart for forgiveness, and day and night thinking about how to save a marriage. Because the family for him means a lot.
Or, try to forgive? It is difficult, very difficult. But probably. Burn bridges easily build them difficult. Therefore, we take ourselves in hand and think about - perhaps we ourselves and pushed him to this? For example, paid her half a little time and attention, refused to intimacy or the scandals without any reason. And it refused to notice the signs of impending trouble.
A trivial situation - the husband became irritable, silent, sullen. "Fallen out of love! "- His wife panics and rushes to her friends for advice. They, of course, vying advise how to learn that her husband no longer loves. And she begins to check his business correspondence, eavesdrop on phone conversations, arrange interviews, track its progress and so on. In vain, because anyone possessed by some suspicions, suspicions that a person finds confirmation in the most innocent little things. And persistently following tips girlfriends wife around sees signs that her husband no longer loves her. And, in desperation, will begin to arrange ugly scandals. The result - his betrayal, which he had never dreamed. And still loving husband is now suffering, not sleeping at night and did not know how to avoid divorce from his wife.
The same thing happens with men, if they notice the coldness of his wife. And they are rushing around without knowing what to do, if the wife has stopped loving. And they start doing stupid things, as a result, can lead to change it. And the culprit was a psychological and physical fatigue, the desire to relax, spend some alone with himself.
In short, in many infidelities to blame for both spouses. They did not fulfill one of the rules for a happy marriage: care and understanding. It simply did not take into account the wife is constantly tormented by the idea, how to understand that her husband has changed. About him and forgot her husband, who took the same position. That's too bad, but if you do not try to forgive betrayal, will be even worse. Do we need such agony? After all, we do not want to rush and then, not knowing how to stop loving her ex-husband or how to forget his only?
Conclusion: if both are guilty, just try, if we do not want to ever lose a loved one or pet. It will take time, the pain will recede. It is unlikely that people realized what a blow struck his infidelity, she decides to again. And it is likely that the marriage then become much stronger and happier. Just do not rush things and give her half time gaining credibility. And in the future, even quarrels, not to mention the conversations never touch this topic.
In short, a marriage - it is work, sometimes not an easy really. For divorce need only a step, and to achieve happiness in the family needs some work. But lazy in this case should not be, because it is the work of creation, building a beautiful palace in which everyone will be warm, cozy and safe. Work on the family requires special tasks which, to a greater extent depends on the woman. Because that's what it took nature more wisdom, patience and the ability to compassion. And each of us intuitively understand how to be happy in marriage. But not everyone wants to listen to your intuition. In men, these qualities are less pronounced and noticeable. And so, even being very strong, they are often lost to family problems. So let's help them to solve them - it is a wonderful remedy for divorce.