Since then, people have learned how to love, they met a loved one, dream about one thing - to sense a bright flame burning forever. But alas, alas ... It is sad, but the majority of couples in love to save them is not possible. Time passes, and the once so dearly loved each other man and woman often become almost enemies. Why is this happening? Why pass the love? What kills it - life, betrayal, resentment, boredom? Let's try to find answers to these questions.
The reasons for the disappearance of love. The desire to re-lover
Yes, we all really want to close has always been loved and loving person. And always in a relationship initially everything seems to be evidence that it will. But after a few months or years, the situation is changing. The once-glowing eyes of the senses appears cold. The tenderness in his voice turns to irritation. Understanding becomes alienation. Relationships fall apart. And this, unfortunately, occurs often.
In principle, why love goes, blame ourselves. More precisely, our inability to save her and ignorance of the ways of preservation. After all, we usually come to a relationship with someone you love? For the most part we seek to improve it, and begin to re already an adult partner. It is absolutely pointless. Before us is held personality, the most basic traits of which were laid in early childhood. And all of our attempts to change them is none other than the moral violence against this person. Quite naturally, it causes resistance and resistance to aggressive. About what the positive development of relations then can we talk?
Not if we are struggling with some bad habits of its halves, it is normal. But people often declare war quite acceptable quality of each other! They may be three sheets to the quarrel of the fact that someone is a more sluggish than the other, one has the feature to read at the table quickly or very carefully there, and so on. Frequent nitpicking because of such, in general, no special significance of things give rise to mutual irritation. And it may well be replaced by hatred. And yet. And leaves desire to be close. Here it is, the real embodiment of the expression: "From love to hate one step."
But things could be different if men and women into your minds - to adapt to each other is to kill love. Because the very desire to rehabilitate his partner implies that it is not perceived as a single, unique and worthy person. And, therefore, it is not particularly fond of. Since love - is entirely a decision of the person loved, with all its flaws and irregularities. If he reciprocates, then something will change in himself. And if not ... Nothing can be done. On the "no" and no court.
Of course, the desire to re-educate your soul mate - not the only reason why love passes. There are many couples in which no one is obsessed with cleaning up in the personal area of another. But despite this, and they often have feelings eventually fade away, giving way to indifference or hostility. What's the matter?
The reasons for the disappearance of love. Lying at acquaintance
I must say that the seeds of the future collapse of relations we normally sow hard in the first few hours exploring the favorite, telling him something about himself. At the initial stage of relations really want to like a person, so his own portrait of a little, but the embellished. We could not help starting to play some role, without disclosing to the end or even hiding their true face. And finally falls in love in the created image of man, not himself. Even the fall in love in exactly the same way.
What happens then? And then, when the relationship becomes serious and marriages, all of our original roles create serious problems. Family is perhaps the only place where people can be themselves. We get tired of the endless change of image at work and in society and come home with a single desire - to remove, finally, to the order of boring disguise themselves. And half an opportunity to see us without embellishment. Such a change could shock in love with the image of man. He begins to realize that next to him - not the one to whom it was such an irresistible attraction before. And, of course, feels cheated. What kind of sincere feelings can speak in such a case?
No, certainly not necessarily wholly spouses get free in the home and to show themselves to each other in all its glory. Please continue to play the role of the old, who does not give something ?! A wonderful way to save the love! Yeah. Not a bit of it. Sooner or later we will get tired of this endless theater and we want him to rest. Mutual tired of each other is very dangerous for a relationship. At best, it will contribute to the desire to be apart. At worst - to leave at all. And so tired, unfortunately, it appears in many couples.
However, it is not a mandatory event in the marriage. Constant communication really close friends does not mean that they necessarily bored with each other. It does not bother us as mother or father, if we are spiritually close to them! So why it should appear in the relations of the spouses? In fact, all have to be the opposite, since the husband and wife as if one of Satan. That is, one unit. A whole does not want to tear myself even for a short time, some part.
That's the way it is. Here are just "one piece" become impossible, when people are afraid of one another to open up to the end. In love with the image of and love for the true essence of man - it is not the same thing. The first involves a superficial enthusiasm, the second - real intimacy conducive to unity. Therefore, prior to those you love, you must gradually unfold, giving him the opportunity to know us really. We are afraid that the man would not like it? Well, what, then, is a stranger to us people. And the immortal feelings to him and say no. Sooner or later they will disappear like smoke.
What else is the reason why life goes love?
The reasons for the disappearance of love. Boredom and monotony
Boredom in the relationship, perhaps one of the most formidable enemies of love. They were originally fueled a sense of novelty and interest to his partner as to something unknown and very interesting. We enthusiastically look forward to each meeting with a loved one, and each moment of communication it is very valuable and incredibly significant. And then everything becomes habitual and begins to develop in accordance with the traditional rules. We get bored. After the novel was going to be very unusual, and it is similar to hundreds of other such novels! Relationships develop in the same scenario. Predictability begins to pall. Feelings fade.
In fact, it is not a natural way of development of relations. To first infatuation emerged strengthened and turned into virtually immortal love, you need to write your own script to try to communicate with your loved one. Only an independent work for the advancement of relations and fuels the interest of lovers for each other. And if there is interest, then there is no place for boredom. Suffice it to move away from the stereotypes and create your individual project to build a family. In such marriages formed soil is very favorable for the growth and flowering of a long and lasting love.
What else there are common reasons why love dies?
The reasons for the disappearance of love. Inability to quarrel and sort things out
Many of us believe that love each other civilized people must not quarrel, nor to sort things out at all. Only coo and live in perfect harmony. Oh, how we have gone astray! Negative emotions are inseparable from human nature. And most of them caused by the closest people. Because that's what we live with them side by side and constantly communicate. You can not ever feel only excitement even to a loved one. After all, we are not angels.
Did favorite that something is wrong, something casual hurt once or twice, and begins to accumulate irritation. It accumulates, accumulates, and then poured into a conflict that at times almost similar to the devastating earthquake. The quarrel quarrel, and - basta ... No love. In its place came the hostility and hatred.
How to be in this case? Do not hoard discontent, but not always focused it directly on the head of his half, while not hesitating in expressions. Best to calm down and seize seeking to escape from the wrath of a bottle of gin. And then soberly to determine what was the reason for resentment and how to resolve this occasion. And then calmly discuss the matter with someone you love and try to come with him to some kind of agreement.
Yes, love is not easy to maintain. It requires great effort and constant work on the bugs. But happiness is worth it! And what we still aim in life, if not to him?
We recommend to check out: quarrel with a loved
Causes of male infidelity
Forgive or go?
Oh, those treason! How many of them going on divorce as shed tears, how many cases of tragedies! However, the change does not become smaller. And, alas, most often occurs cheating husband, however sad it may sound. But the statistics - are stubborn things. And she says that husbands to their wives change 64% more likely than wives to their husbands.
Most often men shrug and laugh off the guise of polygamy. And what about in reality? Left go not only hardened libertines and womanizer, but also quite a good men. Why is that? After all, it is not always in these cases, the relationship with one partner fails. On the contrary, people often change, it is not the intention to break the previous union. And when after all this comes up, it starts to tear his hair, regretting do. What reasons lie betrayal of this kind? And what are all reasons for going to the party?
Causes of male infidelity
In order to prevent the revolt, it is necessary to understand why this is going on. Psychologists say that the husband may change for a whole lot of reasons. The main ones are the following:
This reason occurs most often when the Union is not based on feelings, but on reason. Calculation of the calculation, but in the love, warmth and affection needed by all, including men. Besides marriage of this can happen and if the erstwhile love has disappeared without a trace. Unfortunately, this happens all the time. As the popular joke gone love wilted tomatoes.
In this case, change, wanting revenge for his partner infidelity. As a rule, such a betrayal from a man does not get absolutely no pleasure - only more spiritual discomfort. For a man, a betrayal of the woman he loves is a very strong psychological blow from which to recover by force only a few men and very rare.
The search for new sensations
Such cheating is usually in marriages that are already quite big experience. How I would hate to admit it was a woman, cheating husband in this case, and its wines. For any relationship must constantly nurture, care for them, like a rare flower, so they do not withered. If your husband will be comfortable and interesting to you, it would not be looking for thrills on the side. Or in union, where the practice of an open relationship - although, strictly speaking, it is silly in this case to talk about change.
Such inadvertent betrayal and almost do not lead to further relations between people. Just happened to favorable circumstances for sex and all. Unfortunately, such infidelity occur most often because of the huge number of them are falling apart families. But in fairness it should be noted that most casual betrayal occur in cases where the family is not all right. Otherwise happy man did not even notice that creates a favorable situation for treason - a nice fellow traveler, corporate parties and so on.
Fear of extinction of sexuality
In this case a betrayal happens because the person seeks to prove to himself that he is still very sexy is consistent. This occurs most often after 45 years. And a man can truly love his wife and consider it the best, but do not miss a chance to once again ensure their male abilities, charm and irresistibility.
The crisis of marriage
There treason similar attempts to create a new family. The man is not looking for sex, quite the contrary. Someone is trying to prove that in all the problems blame the wife: for that, he compares it to other women, to make sure its insolvency. And someone did, and out of desperation starts looking for a new family, not a lover. Typically, this is an extreme measure, to which the man of last resort.
The lack of love of a spouse
Did you know that sometimes it can change and madly in love with a man? If a person is hopelessly in love with his mate and unable to part with it, he can try to compensate for the absence of reciprocity on the bond side. For a little while to feel loved. And then back again to the object of his unrequited love.
The desire to revive relations
Such betrayal usually try to make explicit in the hope that it will make sense mate again erupt into flames. We women know that this is complete nonsense. However, desperate men do not understand and that's solved on such an extreme step. And note - despite all the obvious signs of infidelity, in fact it could not be. So, theatrical performance for one spectator - his wife.
The desire to raise their social status or financial situation
Such changes mercantile reasons are quite common and, in principle, as old as the world. And do not be surprised - the last time, alas, is typical for the male audience. And his wife may not always be beneficial for the impediment to Roma men.
The desire to break off relations with a bored partner
In this case, a person changes openly hoping that cheating would end already hidebound relations. The wife is in a frankly humiliating position. Unfortunately, in this case, the relationship is not even worth trying to save. Man, do so, do not just love his wife, and did not respect him.
With the betrayal of people are trying to understand what they feel during intimacy with a stranger, and whether it will be the same as with a spouse, or better. Most often this occurs, if a man is married too early and he had only one sexual partner. In people, this is called "not developed".
The desire to escape from life's problems
Here unfaithful to his partner due to the desire to create a loving oasis where you can rest from the vicissitudes of the outside world. The naive man ... These are big, and believe in fairy tales.
The desire to raise the self-esteem
Relationship on the side for people with low self-esteem - a great opportunity to feel quite self-sufficient person. Not to be confused with an attempt to prove their masculine worth. Raising self-esteem may very young man, if he does not see the respect in the family.
Unrealized sexual needs
In this case, search for a partner on the side caused by the desire to realize the sexual fantasies that married implement is not possible.
In general, these are the most common reasons that men can afford trips to the left. Oddly enough, a lot of fans of such trips are convinced that their connection on the side help to strengthen the marriage. Actually, this makes sense - infidelity sometimes allow us to understand how much better your half, and tie it with a bang. But how will concern itself half to adultery if she finds out about it, it is not known. Women can still, sinking pillow in tears and drove with a rolling pin for the pious, eventually calm down. Why is that? But let's see.
Forgive or go?
It would seem that adultery is always the betrayal, and it is quite possible to put on a par with treason. However, this is not true. The fact is that the motivation of female and male change different. Consequently, the attitude towards them must be different.
Men mostly change because of their sexual needs. In such infidelity rarely involved spirituality. They involve a body which, granted, may never reach for the Lady time for bed. And sex occurs often due to the long absence of a number of wives, under the influence of alcohol or because of the availability of partner. Many men, fornicate, driven by ordinary curiosity. Decide on change husbands may quarrel with his wife, fearing the loss of men's solvency, because his wife is pregnant, and so on. In short, infidelity to our dear pious pushes, usually is not the soul. No, it happens that the soul, of course. But it will be, perhaps, the end of the marriage.
As for the women, with their infidelity things a little differently. In this case, the foreground dissatisfaction with her husband. That is, the fairer sex more often enter into extramarital affairs due to a lack of love and care in the family. They are trying to either find this love, or to prove to myself that the more demand and attractive. Thus, the main reason for female adultery is fundamentally different from the causes of cheating men. Men pushing for adultery mainly libido, women - emotional emptiness.
And what does this tell us? This suggests that female infidelity is involved in the soul and body. Men - mainly body. That is why men's infidelity does not look as much as women. Our precious husbands may even with a successful marriage without giving much thought, to sleep with another woman. Just think, a problem! After internally something he and his wife!
But a woman with a good marriage is unlikely to be solved. Because for a man to have sex with a stranger she would have to break the emotional bond with her husband. Another thing, if there is such a connection, and the soul can let somebody else. Conclusion: Women's harder to forgive betrayal, because they are like the transfer of feelings to another partner. Bega left his wife a man almost loses. The woman traveling on someone else her husband's bed - not always.
In general emotional causes family changes occur when one of the spouses can not meet in the marriage of their spiritual need. This happens, for example, with a deficit of communication, finding that could drive a man into the trap of adultery. Because of this love triangle get very difficult if you do not try to establish a family microclimate. Because of the needs will be met spouse, and some - a new partner. And get a vicious circle.
In general, any infidelity are almost never random event. They ripen gradually when people do not meet the expectations of each other, become less attentive, callous, selfish. Infidelity - rather, it is the desire for positive change than sexual desire. Just men this desire is manifested in searching for new sexual partner.
Unfortunately, very often a woman and can not forgive her betrayal as trying on the situation. They believe that cheating has occurred the soul, not the body. If you find it difficult to understand their own situation, consult a psychologist. The betrayal of her husband - a heavy psychological trauma, and it is very difficult to survive.
We advise to check: No sex in marriage, what to do?